Luke and Leia Had Sex

And I can prove it.

A couple years back, I was watching Star Wars and several things became apparent to me. I’ve since explicated these revelations to a number of other people, and all of them have been persuaded. Now, to help ruin the childhoods of that many more people, I offer for posterity my proof that Princess Leia had sex with both Luke Skywalker and Han Solo after the battle of Yavin.

I realize that this is a controversial position, but I believe the evidence supports it. To prove it, I’ve provided screencaps (cropped down for size) of the relevant moments. They don’t really capture the subtle interplay of body language going on, but they give some idea. For the full effect, watch the movie again. There, now you have an excuse.

So I’m watching the movie for the first time in years, and I realize something about Luke Skywalker. He’s obviously a virgin. It’s really not subtle at all. Even putting aside the fact that he’s always dressed in white, he’s got a virgin vibe that has people two star systems away going “I feel a great virgin in the Force…” Watch the movie, note his body language; you can’t miss it.


So okay, that’s fine, he’s a virgin. Nothing wrong with that. He hasn’t been in circulation a whole lot, really

So the movie happens, Luke moves into the wider world, blows up the Death Star, comes back triumphant and goes off with Leia, who’s got her arms around him and Han.


Now, presumably they’re heading off to a victory party with the other Rebels. Their air is celebratory, and c’mon, they just blew up the Death Star. That calls for a party. If you look close in that shot, you can see that Luke’s virgin vibe is quite intact.

Then we cut (well, wipe) to the medal ceremony, and my jaw drops in astonishment.

Luke’s virgin vibe is gone. His whole walk, his body language, have changed. Just to underline the point, look at them. Han… same outfit. Chewie… same outfit. Luke… suddenly no longer wearing white. That is not a coincidence.

So, fine, Luke got some at the victory party. Good for him. I’m sure lots of people got lucky at that party. But then he gets up to the front and he gives Leia this simpering puppy-dog smirk…


OH MY GOD. That is the face of a guy who just cashed in his V-card, looking at the girl he has now imprinted on like a baby duckling. Skywalker, you dog. Wait, no, maybe this is just Luke being dorky, maybe he’s smirking for no reason…

…nope. That’s what we call a confirmatory smirk.

So, okay, Luke and Leia got it on. Only creepy if you know they’re siblings, which they don’t. (Indeed, I think their siblinghood is a total retcon, so in a certain sense they’re not siblings at this point.) So that’s kind of weird, but we can live with it, let’s all take a deep breath and look at Han, who…


…is also smirking. Good lord. Surely that’s just a friendly smile, right? Sure, they’re friends.


Nope, that’s kind of underlining it.


Leia’s clearly more ambivalent about having slept with Han, but that is also a confirmation.

Now at this point, I’m reeling, I can’t figure out what the hell happened. Then, after the shot of R2 being all shiny and repaired and everything, there’s this inexplicable shot.


An entire shot of Princess Leia looking worried and embarrassed, stuck in there for no apparent reason. If she didn’t sleep with Han and Luke, there’s no explanation for this shot. Since we know she did, though, that embarrassed look tells me they don’t know about each other. That look is her thinking “I’m a professional diplomat, my whole job is not to get into situations like this…”

Now, we can make any number of guesses as to what exactly happened. I suspect that Luke was caught up in the party, everyone congratulating the hero of Yavin, and Han talked Leia into coming back to the Millennium Falcon with him. (You know in your heart that Han Solo prefers to screw in the Falcon whenever possible. Nobody needs to be told that; it’s just so.) Afterward, Han fell asleep and Leia wandered back to the party, where Luke no doubt glomped onto her enthusiastically, going on about how beautiful she is and how he’s wanted to meet a girl like her his whole life. Flattered and caught up in the excitement of the evening, Leia decided “what the hell” and deflowered the farmboy. The next day, she realized that neither of these was really a good idea, and neither event was repeated. This explains why, at the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back, both Han and Luke believe that Leia secretly favors him over the other guy. No overt textual reason for this belief is given.

I am aware that this reading will be unwelcome to some people, but I maintain that it fits the facts better than the alternatives. I offer it to you in the spirit of fandom, and the belief that if I have to live with this crap in my head, everyone else should suffer with me.

About Noah Brand

Noah Brand is a writer and editor, and quite possibly also a cartoon character from the 1930s. His life, when it is written, will read better than it lived. He is usually found in Portland, Oregon, directly underneath a very nice hat.

Comments

  1. zooeyhall says:

    “People two star systems away saying ‘I feel a great virgin in the Force'”

    That never fails to crack me up!

  2. His white outfit was a farm boy outfit..just like when he dad wore a slave outfit on his planet. Rags.

  3. “I feel a great virgin in the force”

    When I read that I had to laugh for 5 min. straight!

  4. Yes. It was how Chewbacca born.

  5. Even after the ret-conning of the next two films there is a certain discomfort about their siblinghood – Luke averts his eyes each time he refers to the family tree when telling her, “it won’t be easy for you to hear but you must” (well, it certainly won’t be easy to hear when the implication is they’ve commited incest) and she looks a bit bewildered by the news. And then in the flashback to the kiss, Chewie (who is the only one there who remembers the events of Revenge of the Sith of course – yeah, I need to get a life too) is distinctly uncomfortable – who knows what he’s muttering in wookie! “Oh crap! We’re all going to Hell in a handbasket now!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9JiGljx3Ec

  6. A life, one needs to get.

  7. thtats not enough evidence to support the idea!

  8. I remember seeing the movie in its first run and I knew (and had an endlessly long discussion with several classmates) that L and L were brother and sister at the end of the first movie. The later movies only confirmed it.

  9. Why not both… at the same time? It’s much more logical.

  10. Jose Anonymous says:

    This is awesome.

  11. That’s Impossible! It was just a game of Twister. And of course we let the Wookie win!

  12. wellokaythen says:

    What happens a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away stays in a galaxy far, far away.

    Besides, it’s just Terran provincialism to assume that humanoids in other parts of the universe have to follow the same taboos that we do. Just because they speak modern English doesn’t mean they have our same moral structures….

  13. I could be wrong, but I think this was one of the first scenes that was filmed and they didn’t know their characters yet. Of course, the editor and Lucas made their choices…that being said…with both of them having “the force”, that was some crazy Taboo Tattooine Sex

  14. Mike Daze says:

    An interesting theory, but inconclusive.
    After you’ve shot your X-Wing’s load into a 2 meter exhaust vent at 800 miles per hour, blowing up the death star, you are bound to have a little swagger that might resemble post coital satisfaction.

  15. St.Tracy says:

    I’m convinced. They totally did. It also adds to the tension in Empire when Han started acting like he owned Leia at Luke’s recovery bedside. I love it. Totally makes sense.

  16. None of the actors knew the real story about Luke and Leia being siblings when they shot the first film. Therefore it’s feasible their performances could have portrayed that, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not part of the canon in any way that Leia banged her brother.

  17. Velvet Cyberpunk says:

    Yeah, no they didn’t. Your “argument” is ridiculous.

  18. Ravenhiss says:

    I saw this thing on tv about genetic sexual attraction.

    From wiki: Genetic sexual attraction (GSA) is a term that describes the phenomenon of sexual attraction between close relatives, such as siblings or half-siblings, a parent and offspring, or first and second cousins, who first meet as adults.

    Who first meet as adults. Like twins seperated at birth… OMG! That would make this theory very viable.

    But in the end, it’s the trolls that win. Even though two people CAN have different ideas, the Internet is for MAKING people agree with you.

  19. “I have been programmed to be fully proficient in sexual activities. Do you want to go steady?”

  20. Wait, are you saying she did R2D2, too? I always wondered what he had hidden in those compartments.

  21. Kevin Carter says:

    Twincest? Oh my

  22. Oh no, what did you just do to me. Can’t unsee it….

  23. Chris in NC says:

    Luke had Leia in a controversial position. Giggidy.

  24. I think I heard George Lucas originally wanted the romantic pairing of Luke & Leia, but when he saw how hot Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher were for each other in their trailers (apparently they were banging each other constantly and they couldn’t find Harrison Ford unless they looked in Carrie’s trailer), he changed the romantic triangle and put Han Solo in the lead….

    Very nerdy…I know…

  25. Nick, mostly says:

    Yeah, Leia and Luke got jiggy with it. Big deal.

    What I’d like to see you defend is your assertion that their being siblings is a retcon.

    • I agree. Being the nerd I am, Lucas’ early notes were all over the place with siblings and Luke originally being a woman. Finally, if I recall, he settled into the characters as we saw them.

      And, you kind of have to figure that he had to make a stand-alone movie, because he did not know how it would do. it is only in Empire that he got to leave some cliffhangers.

      But, I will disagree with this: the fact that Luke changed clothes before the ceremony and Han didn’t proves nothing.

      Luke’s outfit up until then was pretty casual and not appropriate attire for a celebration, but Han could make that vest work in ANY situation. Maybe Noah’s predilection for hats has blinded him to this.

      -Jut

  26. I can’t believe everyone is taking this so seriously. I thought it was hysterical, and the photos do a great job of emphasizing Noah’s points. A fun read!

  27. Mr Supertypo says:

    I dont remember if they supposely had the one night stand BEFORE they knew about it or after…..

  28. This article was looney. It says more about you, editor, who does not understand at what he is looking. There was never any hint at sex. You are misreading whimsy or witnessing poor acting. Neither Fischer nor Hamill were any good at that time. Do you have a hard time understanding sexual or romantic nuance? Or more to the point, do you understand when it is not there at all?

  29. Jean Brandt says:

    What about the voice of Obi-Wan screaming in Luke’s mind “No Luke, do not screw this woman, for she is your sister.”? I’m sure he would have unless he’s some kind of voyeuristic pervert. Or maybe incest is acceptable in that galaxy?

    • Nah, George Lucas claiming he had the entire series planned from the start is BS, Han Solo gets frozen in Empire because Harrison Ford didn’t know if he wanted to come back. Obi Wan wouldn’t know either until ROTJ. Now I will have to watch that again… My brother’s world is about to be destroyed.

    • I fully assert that, if we’re entertaining the assumption that Luke and Leia slept together, Leia was the one who screwed Luke. I can’t see the whiny little baby he used to be screwing anything.

  30. thank you very much i just lost both lunch and dinner yeacchhhhh

  31. Possible, I’ll give you that. Although I think there are other possibilities.

    Namely Luke, went from homely little farmboy to intergalactic hero in a week. I wonder if his smirk wasn’t just the farmboy still rearing it’s head one last time before the dark times of Empire Strikes Back (or Episode 5: When Shit Gets Real).

    With Leia with as tough as and strong as she was throughout the rest of the movie and series (and yes I’m ready to defend that assertion against any challenge), I don’t see her reducing to giggling like a school girl, even if she was barely outside the range of a high school student. Also along with that she would have had years of diplomatic training by then so I think she would have been able to keep from giggling like that.

    Han’s grin was anticipation. Plain and simple. He still had plans to hit it.

    Also if you look at their kiss in Empire Strikes Back it seems to me that Luke was shocked by it. Maybe it’s me but I wouldn’t expect Luke to be shocked that Leia would kiss him if he’s already “fired into the Main Port” (he managed to avoid the Exhaust Port, much to Leia’s appreciation).

  32. The evidence of a Luke/Leia hookup is disturbingly strong. But Han’s smirk may only mean that he knows about the Luke/Leia hookup; I don’t know that Han’s shown sufficient signs of being hung up on Leia yet for it to be implausible that he’d be cheering for his buddy finally losing the V-card rather than being jealous. Admittedly, I haven’t rewatched the movie recently myself.

    • I would like to support this idea with a look into the last film where Leia is distraught with finding out that luke is her sibling and Han has a very disturbed look on his face and then gets that same smirk from the first movie… realizing that she had done the deed with her brother.

  33. wellokaythen says:

    I think the hint of incest goes further than that. Her brief exchange with Vader at the beginning of _A New Hope_ can be read as playful, sexy banter. I’ve often found it erotic to be called part of a rebel alliance and a traitor. (Especially with earmuffs on my head.)[I’ve shared too much, haven’t I?]

    “Dantooine” is a good safe word. It doesn’t come up in conversation very much.

    Clearly something transformative happened to her on the Death Star, because before being locked up she has an atrocious pseudo-English accent, but in the next scene she speaks like a Southern Californian. I suspect that sex with Grand Moff Tarkin would turn anyone off of English accents forever.

  34. Yeah cuz what other reason do people have for smirking at each other besides acknowledging they had sex?

    And of course, for all men, having sex leads to a confident posture…not winning the day and getting a medal. No…sex is the real victory. Now he’s a real man.

    • I see what you’re getting at, but I’m not sure this post was meant to be taken seriously.

      After some of the heavier topics over the past few days, let’s enjoy something a little lighter for a change 🙂

      • I totally get that…but lighter doesn’t mean you get a pass on playing into the social issues you critique elsewhere.

        • John Smith says:

          Yes… It is a very odd artical for GMP. “Ye, he must have had sex, cos you know, if your a virgin your not a real man and everyone can tell it. As soon as you bang some chick, then you totaly change and become a true player”… Very… Odd…

    • First off Heather let me say THANK YOU for being critical of this. However despite you being correct that it shouldn’t mean what you are pointing out, that actually is how it is often used. Please allow me to disagree.

      And of course, for all men, having sex leads to a confident posture…not winning the day and getting a medal. No…sex is the real victory. Now he’s a real man.
      Well actually.

      If you look at the male gender role it’s pretty clear that having sex is supposed to be a defining part of being a man. And bear in mind that this movie was done in 77, before people even really thought about taking a close look at such things.

      Noah’s joking aside, I do believe that with the way the male gender role was “understood” to be it is entirely possible for a movie done in 1977 to have an exchange of looks to mean, “You got laid? You’re the man.”

      Hell let’s fast forward to 1997 season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, episode Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered. Xander casts a magical spell to get Cordellia to like and what happens? He comes to school the next day thinking he is the hotness, even though the spell actually failed HORRIBLY.

      • Well of course, Danny. But that begs the question…is Noah drawing his conclusions based on the assumptions and symbolism seen in flim? Well fine, no probs. Fun with movie stereotypes; I’m all for it.

        Or is he reading subtext into the movie by blindly perpetuating and adhering to the stereotypes our society has? Well then that is a problem, because then that gives credence to the crappy assumptions made in movies about who men and women are and what sex is.

        • Honestly?

          I think this is Noah goofing off and using what he can for ammo.

        • I thought it was a playful romp through Star Wars canon, but now that you mention it…yes, it’s probably more likely that the Editor-in-Chief of GMP was just blindly perpetuating and adhering to society’s stereotypes, lending credence to crappy movie assumptions circa 1977 about men, women, and sex. Bad Noah. And also, could you please do Jaws next? Did you see the way Roy Scheider looked at that shark?

        • To be clear. Yes I think he was taking into account assumptions about gender that would have been very strong in not only movie culture but standard culture (as in in the real world, not just on tv). I don’t think that he believes them himself or that he would blindly perpetuate them.

          • wow — you guys need to relax. this “article” was just funny, why is everyone getting all bent out of shape about gender roles?

    • Oh, good, I wasn’t the only one who got a little irritated at the implication that virgin male = inept loser.

      Thanks for pointing that out Heather.

  35. Drunken celebratory post Battle of Yavin MMF action is the only correct answer.

  36. Maybe it was a three way?

  37. Sorry Noah, but I humbly disagree. To me it is clear that Han and Luke had sex with each other and Leia accidentally walked in on them while they were mid-boink. Her look is all, “You guyyyysss. I know what you did,” while Han and Luke’s are all sheepish, yet not ashamed, “Yeah, we totally boned.”

  38. Hey, it’s the seventies–anything goes. And what happens in a galaxy far far away, stay in a galaxy far far away.

    • Yeah I think Princess Leia got it on with them both. I think she banged Luke 1st then found out they were brother and sister so they cut it off. Then Han Solo stepped in for slope seconds. She may have even let the over 7 foot tall Chewbacca get in on the Action. Her name does sound like it Leia? They again Chewbacca may be the offspring of someone like Luke Skywalker & Princess Leia? I have always heard that inbred babies alot of times are born with birth defects. I think Bigfoot could fall under inbred baby? Of even worse Jar Jar Binks or whatever the idiot name was from the 1,2, or 3rd episode could be from inbred issues. I wonder if Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia used the term “The Closer The Kin The Deeper In?”

    • Noah brand, you fucking imbecile ·_·. I’m now ashamed to be a part of a race that has someone so stupid. ALL YOUR EVIDENCE IS FLAWED! I’m just sad people like you exist. I know I’m being a bitch but someone had to say it.

Trackbacks

  1. […] fan has come up with a funny theory that Leia and Luke got busy after the Death Star was destroyed in the first Star Wars movie. Yes! Worth a read, eh? (short, […]

  2. […] We also discuss an amusing and terrifying theory about what the main characters got up to off-screen after the final battle in the original Star Wars. […]

  3. […] Brand of the Good Men Project believes he has proof that Luke and Leia had sex in A New Hope, and he has some convincing […]

Speak Your Mind

*