Confronting Life

Confronting Life photo by Anna Levinzon

Aaron Gouveia and his wife were already having the worst day of their lives. Then they encountered the abortion protesters.

“You’re killing your unborn baby!”

That’s what they yelled at me and my wife on the worst day of our lives. As we entered the women’s health center on an otherwise perfect summer morning in Brookline, two women we had never met decided to pile onto the nightmare we had been living for three weeks. These “Christians” verbally accosted us—judged us—as we steeled ourselves for the horror of making the unimaginable, but necessary, decision to end our pregnancy at 16 weeks.

After extensive testing at a renowned Boston hospital three weeks earlier, we were told our baby had Sirenomelia. Otherwise known as Mermaid Syndrome, it’s a rare (one in every 100,000 pregnancies) congenital deformity in which the legs are fused together. Worse than that, our baby had no bladder or kidneys. Our doctors told us there was zero chance for survival.

♦♦♦

I’m not a religious person and I’ve never believed in heaven or hell. But there is a hell on Earth. Hell is sitting next to the person you love most and listening to her wail hysterically because her heart just broke into a million pieces. Hell is watching her entire body convulse with sobs because she’s being tortured with grief. For as long as I live and no matter how many children we have, I will never forget that sound. And I vowed to do everything in my power to make sure she’d never make it again.

Across a crowded street, two people with “God Is Pro-Life!” signs and pictures of torn-up fetuses managed to drive the blade in even deeper. Again, I was left trying to console the inconsolable, feeling even more helpless this time, because I wasn’t allowed into surgery with her.

Running on pure adrenaline, and without even a hint of a plan, I grabbed my cell phone and crossed the street. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, I just knew I wanted to make public the cowardice of these protesters.

♦♦♦

♦♦♦

I learned a few important things from this encounter. First, these people aren’t used to being confronted. They prey on the weak and they pounce on the wounded. It’s easy to berate people and shame them when they’re too beaten down to fight back. But I chose to do just that, and you can see what happened.

They spout the same tired rhetoric passed out at rallies and subway stations. They don’t have one salient response to any of my questions.

The most telling thing about their cowardice is when the woman on the right gets upset that I’m recording the conversation (which is perfectly legal) and then threatens to call the police. The irony is rich. She wanted to call the police because I was peacefully expressing my opinion on a public sidewalk and exercising my First Amendment rights, which is exactly what she was doing. But I’m not on “God’s side,” am I.

She also claims the women at the clinic are suicide risks. Even if she believed that were true, does she really think yelling at them and shaming them in public is going to encourage these women not to kill themselves?

♦♦♦

After I took a walk and calmed down, it was time to pick up my wife and go home. When we pulled out of the clinic, the protesters were gone, and a police cruiser was parked nearby with the lights flashing. My wife, still groggy from the surgery, managed to crack a little smile, and asked, “What did you do?”

I have no idea if it was my interaction with the protesters that got them to leave. I doubt it was, but my wife was convinced that was the case. At first, I didn’t think of it as a big deal, and I actually felt a little foolish for getting so heated.

My wife, suddenly serious, pointed out a women entering the clinic. Within minutes, she said, that woman would be making a serious choice. Whether she kept her baby or not, it didn’t matter—what matters is that she can make the decision that’s right for her. And she can make it without people screaming at her.

My wife and I wanted our second child. We loved her. We even had a name for her, Alexandra.

You never know the circumstances surrounding this kind of decision. Consider this my plea: stop terrorizing women. Stop adding trauma to their trauma. If you’re able, stand up to these bullies in nonviolent ways. Speak out. And if you have a camera, use it.

 

Read Aaron Gouveia’s follow-up piece to Confronting LIfe, “I Will Lie To Patients (Well, Only If They’re Having An Abortion)”.

—Aaron Gouveia is a regular contributor to The Good Men Project Magazine. Stereotypes for lunch Sign up for daily or weekly email

About Aaron Gouveia

Aaron is husband to a woman far too beautiful to have married him, and father of two sons far too perfect to be his. After nearly a decade as a Boston-area journalist, he decided to actually get paid and became a content manager. When he's not griping about his beloved Boston sports teams, he's detailing life as a dad at The Daddy Files. You can follow him on Twitter (@DaddyFiles) and Facebook.

Comments

  1. Wow. Just wow. You are a good father and good husband. I could only hope to be the kind of example you are right now at this moment. I am sorry for your loss and for the pain and anguish you and your wife have suffered. Thank you for taking this horrible experience and turning it around into something to share to teach and make an example. For the record, just because you call yourself a Christian doesn’t make yourself one any more than sticking a feather in my ass makes me a chicken. All my best to you and your family bro. Thanks for having the strength to write this and post your vid.

    • Claudeia McCartney says:

      So Sorry for your loss!

      • Claudeia McCartney says:

        made me cry like a baby…but glad that I’m an American!

        • Don Young says:

          .

          • I am supposed to believe what these people believe.

            You know why I would stand outside a clinic?
            To hug someone if they needed it.

            If you come there for whatever reason, with the suicide rate being so high, it makes you hope that a hug would atleast HELP.

            My heart breaks for you. The whole stigma of a man crying be damned, I hate loss, and feel it now for you, regardless of whatever you might think of me.

            And for the record, I know they do it in love. But instead, how bout they offer help, like an offer to talk if someone is greaving, person to person.

          • I am a Christian and my heart aches for what these people are doing to these poor women. Exactly what you said- it’s making the worst day of someone’s life even worse.

            I love the idea of standing outside a clinic and offering a hug. I think I may try to organize something like this now.

    • you’re angry, but there are people who understand your pain. let them stand up for what the believe just like you want to. you’re the one yelling in the video. you still took a life.

      • Erin, did you actually read the artical even slightly? It’s hardly taking a life if your child is going to be born dead. Those monsters outside the clinic had NO understanding whatsoever about what that couple was going though, and they didn’t want to understand either. Sir, I commend you for what you did both for your wife and for the women everywhere who are put into this unfortunate situation.

        These “pro-active” pro-lifers need to realise that when they’re screaming at the one “stupid whore” who did it because she wanted to take “the easy way out” they’re also screaming at the other five women who are rape victims, who can’t afford it, who will die if they give birth or whose babies wouldn’t stand a chance outside the womb. What do you achieve by telling women that they’re killing their children? What’s pro-active about that? What makes you think that abortions are so black and white that what applies to one woman will apply to all of them? This story has proves that it’s certainly not the case.

        • Erin – why the double standards?

          So children conceived by mothers who aren’t “whores,” your word, are not children?

          Also, while I disagree with your standard of determining justification for abortion–for which there isn’t any–your hypothetical situation is incredibly unlikely.

          99% of abortions are sought with a healthy mother and child who was not conceived by rape or incest. Nonetheless, every child deserves to be defended, and so street protesters can not go wrong by informing any mother of what they’re doing.

          Organizations like Planned Parenthood would be more than happy to keep them in the dark, amidst the emotional and hormonal turmoil of early pregnancy, until it’s too late, and they’ve cashed in at the mother’s expense.

          • Parasite “an animal or plant that lives in or on another (the host) from which it obtains nourishment. The host does not benefit from the association and is often harmed by it”

            An aborted fetus is not yet a child, so although i would agree that every child needs to be defended, until they are born and become a child the mother still has the right to her choice.

          • John B.

            99%? really? Where do you get those figures? Planned Parenthood doesn’t keep anyone in the dark. When someone goes for an abortion they know what they are getting.
            Standing on a street corner, calling a women a whore accomplishes nothing.

            A lot of the same people who are ‘pro-life’ are the same people who want to get rid of social programs. Force someone to have a baby they can’t afford, and then when they need public assistance they are a ‘bad person’ for having too many kids.

            Instead of standing on street corners why aren’t these women doing more for the mothers that already have children. Maybe if it were easier to keep them, more people would. Why aren’t they at their local church donating their time?

            I am by no means pro-abortion. I am currently 9 months pregnant, and it is the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I am so glad that my baby is healthy and I will do everything in my power to take care of her when she gets here in 2 weeks.

            I don’t know what I would do in the situation that Mrs. Gouvia was in. I won’t sit here and judge a women who ended the life of her dying child. Some pro-lifers ask ‘Well what about the pain of the fetus?’. Well what about the potential pain of the child who dies in the third trimester when they are far more developed, then in the first?

            What if this child was in pain because of his or her condition every day in the womb? Long lasting pain and then death. This couldn’t have been an easy choice for the mother. I ranted a little. This is just a subject i become very fired up about.

      • Of course you would skip the actual article and be quick to judge. As all you pro-lifers do.

        • Woah woah. Be careful with those “all”s, “none”s, and “never”s. I personally am pro life but understand that in situations like this, terminating the pregnancy is the best option. And I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to have to make that choice. So no, unlike some ‘prolifers’, I did not skip the article and be quick to judge.
          Aaron, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. My best friend’s son was born stillborn, so I know how difficult it can be to see that your sweet baby did not have the chance to experience life. I’m not a fan of standing on street corners or of yelling at people who do, but honestly, if I were in your wife’s situation, I would hope my husband would do the same.

      • joe lannen says:

        You say that there are people who understand this man’s pain.

        What people?

      • Do you know what happens to a woman when her baby dies inside her and she keeps carrying it? Not good things. Back before abortions were illegal, this happened to my grandma’s best friend. Her baby died a couple months before the birth…and she was so messed up internally from it (almost died) that she couldn’t have kids, after that. Imagine all the potential lives that were lost because her body was ruined from carrying a dead baby. Then, try and sleep at night telling this man what you just said…and if you sleep untroubled at night, I’ll know you know nothing of the Lord.

      • Good knee-jerk reaction Erin.

    • Joe Mackey says:

      are you serious… He is a good father..wow! Just Wow. Even though your baby was most likely going to die you should not kill it..let life run its natural causre. And maybe with some faith and prayer your child might survive. And you wouldn’t regret later killing your child. And what those women were doing was just telling the truth..its not their fault that your baby has that disease dont yell at them.

      • Or his wife could be so messed up from carrying a dead child that they couldn’t have any more children…and, in all actuality, they would be denying life to those future children by carrying a fetus that was going to die.

      • okay, this was just too stupid to let pass unchallenged.with faith and prayer your child might survive? the DOCTORS, youve heard of them i assume, they wear white coats and have many many more years of schooling than you. informed him that their child had no kidneys or bladder and had a 0% chance of survival. on top of having her legs fused together. do you honestly believe that if you ask really really hard god will cause the baby to magically grow a liver and kidneys from thin air? Why dont you get educated and form your own opinions that arent based about a 2000 year old book written by a bunch of half educated savages.

        • Thank you shade!
          Im absolutely prolife but if Im told by someone who is trained specifically to know these things for sure that my child has a zero percent chance, I would absolutely do whatever is best for my wife and future children.
          And Joe Mackey, faith and prayer can do absolutely nothing for that child other than maybe give the parents hope that will only be shot down later. Faith and prayer doesn’t save lives, it doesn’t end suffering, and it most certainly doesn’t cure disease. If it did there would be no reason to have doctors. So you can keep praying and having your faith, Ill go ahead and just listen to what my doctors have to say.

          • I disagree. I’ve seen people healed despite what doctors suggest or say. However, I understand that everyone views things differently.
            I’m sorry for your loss, Aaron, and I hope those yelling at you and your wife realize the negative impact of their actions. My best wishes and prayers go out to you and your family! It must’ve been so difficult.

      • Joe Mackey: Did you really think this through prior to posting? Your words read as though you were rushed. Please think of this for a moment:

        If it was YOUR wife…. or YOUR mother…. or even YOUR daughter who was carrying a baby with Sirenomelia, her legs fused together, no bladder, no kidneys, and a 100% mortality rate….would you think the same way? How about if the doomed pregnancy poses a high health risk to your loved one carrying the baby? Would you think the same way?

        Would you just turn to faith and prayer, and let nature run its’ course? (or “causre” as you typed…. a typo so pornographically obvious, even to a 4th grader, yet you did not correct…. lends further evidence to the theory that you didn’t think much about your post, prior to posting your comment here.) That “let nature run its’ course” argument is BS. You wouldn’t apply it to any other form of medicine or health care treatment…. ie: You have chest pains??? Nah, don’t go to the hospital and get the latest and greatest treatments… don’t take an aspirin….just let nature run its’ course….

        As a man of faith and prayer myself, a Catholic Christian who is pro-life, I break rank on abortion when it comes to certain situations where the baby faces 100% mortality, and abortion becomes a means of saving life (the mother’s), or eliminating any health risk to the mother posed by the dying or dead baby. Moreover, I take issue with those who misuse their religion and beliefs as a means to inflict harm (mental and/or physical) upon others, as do the women outside the clinic who yelled at Mrs. Gouveia as she entered, without having any clue as to why she is there.

        Again, if it were someone you love, would you feel the same way?

    • Suzanne Dome says:

      I am a Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed at age 7, and am now close to 30. Granted I practice birth control methods, as the pill is actually healthier for me, but should none of those efforts prevent pregnancy, I would certainly abort. My body is too messed up to have a baby, and too messed up to create a healthy one.
      And why should someone like me bring into this world a being that cannot live without life support when there are so many teenagers and young children in foster homes waiting for someone to love them? That isn’t giving children a chance at ife–that is giving them a chance at hell.
      Not that I beleive in Hell–I am pagan.
      I am not planning on having children. For my friends who want kids, I am grateful someone like you told those hate-mongering women what cowards they are.. I have always supported pro choice. I do not believe in taking away an individual’s free will, and as that fetus isn’t concious, it cannot have a free will, therefore the MOM IS IN CHARGE OF HER BODY!
      I have been told off by the same kinds of so-called Christians in college and other environments for my feelings on the matter. Cheers to you and your wife for sticking to what was right.
      “May Doubt shatter the old authorities and reason triumph over faith.”–EV Daniken

  2. I second the wow. I bet your wife and who knows how many other women who had to make that really wrenching choice that day appreciate your taking on those protesters – but even more, doing it in a thoughtful and peaceable way rather than lashing out in anger and pain. I’m so sorry for that pain, for you and your wife, as well. I can only imagine the depth of that grief and say that I wish it wasn’t part of anyone’s story.

  3. Natasha Barton says:

    I am a Christian and a new mother. Was moved to tears by this story. Don’t have all the answers to this one. Sorry.

  4. Good stuff man. I applaud.

  5. Much respect, well done.

  6. I often wonder why some people are so blinded by their faith that they forget God is suppose to be kind and forgiving. I’m sorry you and your wife had to go through that. This is a great story and thank you for sharing. I wish your family the best in life.

    • “thecofeequeen”
      that is exactly why I look twice and do not believe because others tell me to.
      Blinded by faith, well put. It makes my heart hurt when people do not attempt to atleast care and judge.

      I do not know what or how I feel, but speaking solely for me, because it is the only view I know, I understand why we as christians are sometimes hated.

      Do us all a favor fellow christians, and listen some time others. We need to speak the truth in love, seek to dwell in the shadow of the most high, but not be vipers.

      Just my 2 cents.

    • Because “god” is a made-up being and Twoo Beweevers project whatever they like onto their imaginary friend.

  7. wow. I was honored to read this and to see the video. Thank you so much.

  8. This article was a real eyeopener. My opinion on the pro-choice/life debate is nowhere near the protester’s, yet I had never imagined putting myself in the shoes of those they criticize. My heart goes out to you and your family for making such a crucial, as well as painful, decision. Hopefully you enlightened them with your objection to their otherwise ignorant actions.

    • Melanie Barile says:

      I myself am very pro-life, although I would never stand on a street corner and berate people I don’t know for their choice. Your article just brought me to tears and was very thought provoking for me. I am so sorry for your loss and pray that I am never faced with such a decision. Bravo to you and your family for your courage and grace. My warmest thoughts and hopes that time may slightly dull your pain go out to you.

      • Melanie, do you realize that if you agree with this family and understand their reasoning behind this heartbreaking decision and agree that this was the right thing to do rather than birth a still-born that you are PRO CHOICE? It’s a contradiction to state you’re “very pro-life”, when you support and feel for this family for the heartbreaking episode.
        Can you, Melanie, honestly say that you wouldn’t have made the same decision?
        Think about it.

        • It is unfortunate that no one told Mr. Gouveia about perinatal hospice, which is an excellent and life-affirming alternative for mothers and their babies. After reading his story, I found it ironic that he and his wife were going to name their baby “Alexandra,” because “Alexandra’s House” is a fabulous perinatal hospice located in Kansas City. Alexandra’s House offers free housing, medical care and many other services to families dealing with such devastating prenatal diagnoses. Please visit their website: http://alexandrashouse.org/

          • Life affirming? The baby wouldn’t have survived. Zero chance, that’s what the doctors said. Perhaps you wouldn’t have the bravery to make such a tragically necessary decision, and would prefer to delude yourself into believing there’s any point whatsoever in carrying to term a fetus which cannot survive, but the Gouveias do possess that bravery. How dare you criticize their decision in any way whatsoever.

          • This baby had no kidneys and would have suffocated upon birth due to resulting underveloped lungs. That’s unneccessary suffering, and cruel to the baby and to the parents, who will have to watch their newborn choke to death. While I agree that in some cases perinatal hospice might be a good option in cases of babies who will live for days or even months, it wouldn’t be reasonable in this case.

          • Fuck off, Jeanne.

          • GraciesDaddy says:

            Jeanne: Are you Sharron Angle’s twin? You would force a woman to carry to term her rapist father’s baby? Aren’t you aware that’s what diluted YOUR gene pool?

          • No Bladder. No kidneys. The baby had a zero chance of survival. Don’t be stupid on purpose, please. Read the article.

          • That is not irony. It is coincidence. I really wish that more people would learn the difference.

        • You shouldn’t attack Melanie for her comments. Saying this was a good decision doesn’t necessarily mean she turned her back on her beliefs. She’s pro-life, but sadly this fetus wouldn’t have had a life. It was necessary to just end it now. It is like putting the final bullet in a person on a battlefield when there is no hope for survival and you want to end their suffering as soon as possible. That wouldn’t make the person a murderer or anything. She even praised them for their courage and grace, and yet you’re going to question whether they’d make the same decision?

          Really, I think your post just completely went against the point of this article. Pro-life people shouldn’t force people to be pro-life and pro-choice people shouldn’t force people to be pro-choice.

          • Nick, the point M was making was that if you don’t want to force your ideology on anyone else, you are, by definition, pro-choice. You can’t be pro-life if you think it’s okay for people to make up their own minds about abortion.

          • That would be fine and dandy if pro-life meant just that – But lets face it, the people on both sides of this debate are in favour of life. Women who have abortions and those who campaign to make abortions available are not anti-life.
            In the current parlance ‘pro-life’ means the opposite side of the debate to pro-choice. Anti-choice would be my favoured term. People call themselves ‘Pro-life’ when they believe abortion should be illegal or severely restricted. If ‘pro-life’ people did not force their views on others there would be no debate – someone who is pro-choice is by definition never going to try to force a woman to get an abortion.

        • Not forcing your opinions on others is just common decency, not the difference between pro life and pro choice. You can disagree with one or the other on principle and still appreciate gray areas and the differences between situations.

          • On the other hand, Julia, either you believe that abortion is killing a person, or you don’t. You can’t really “not judge” someone you believe to be essentially a murderer, because murder is never okay. Being pro-life means that you think that abortion is wrong in the same way that murder is wrong, and should therefore be illegal for everyone in most cases. In that sense, the pro-life position itself contains an intrinsic, implied judgment.

            It reminds me of nothing quite so much as religious people who honestly believe their non-Christian friends will end up in hell for eternity, yet would never dream of discussing that fact for fear of sounding “judgmental”. Well, sorry, but your belief itself is judgmental. Ignoring these kinds of truths in one’s everyday life requires putting up with some cognitive dissonance.

        • M-

          Just because someone is pro-life doesn’t mean that they deny any good cause for abortion. I am very pro-life. I don’t know what my wife and I would choose to do if we were put in this kind of scenario. We believe very strongly that God can heal, not that He always does… but He can. So it would be a difficult decision that we’d have to pray for wisdom about.

          But I would not automatically rule out an abortive procedure, when there is so little chance of the baby surviving – barring divine intervention. So being pro-life doesn’t mean no abortion under any circumstances. It means that we want the baby to be given every reasonable chance to live.

          If a woman just wasn’t ready to have a baby, I cannot in good conscience affirm that as a legitimate decision. Put the baby up for adoption if you’re not ready. But let the baby live. If you were raped, I would sympathize with you and do everything I could to help you recover from such a horrible experience. But don’t make the baby pay for that horrible man’s crime. Put it up for adoption if you want. But give it a chance to live.

          In this case, the baby wouldn’t have a chance to live either way – and that changes everything. I am terribly sorry for this man’s loss and his wife’s loss, and I don’t condemn them for a moment. They did what they thought was best for the mom AND the baby – and that’s all that really matters.

  9. North of 49 says:

    I had a similar confrontation when going for a D&C and had one lady beg me not to abort my baby.

    That’s when I let them have it. It was none of their business why I was having the D&C even if I was pregnant (which I wasn’t at the time) and it was MY body and MY choice, not theirs. I went on to tell them that I was most assuredly NOT pregnant and if I didn’t have this surgery, I would never get pregnant again.

    The two of them started to stutter and step back. Then I hit them with the real bomb. I nearly died a few years earlier because some stupid ass decided I shouldn’t have an abortion. A week later, I had a placental abruption anyway and lost the fetus and nearly my own life with the amount of blood loss I had. If I had had the abortion, my life would never have been in danger.

    Telling me, a woman, what I can do with the contents, or lack thereof, of my womb is ludicrous. The only person who has any input might be my doctor or the sire of the fetus or even my parents. No one else has the right to force any choice on a woman, not even the government.

    No abortion services means more women will be dying from back alley abortionists. You gotta think for a minute – what’s more important: a productive member of society, or a thing not even born. The moment a fetus has more rights than the woman carrying it is the moment that women become slaves to that fetus. It is already happening with the forced treatment of pregnant women.

    I know this sounds like a incoherent rant, but it is true.

    • “The moment a fetus has more rights than the woman carrying it is the moment that women become slaves to that fetus.”

      May I just say, I find this to be an amazingly strong arguing point in favor of pro-choice, and you worded it brilliantly. You are a woman, with your own identity, your own life, and your own rights. And while almost every mother in the world would be willing to give up anything for her child, it shouldn’t be assumed that carrying a child automatically turns you into nothing more than a support system for this new life.

      And Aaron, my heart goes out to you and your family. I truly hope that your wife recovers 100% and that you try for another child, because I think you’re great father material.

      • Michelle D says:

        I agree 100%! I love the quote pulled out of your write up and it couldn’t further from the truth!!!

      • So being a mother is equivalent to being a slave? Do parents have moral obligations to their own offspring? If not, then why is it wrong for a woman to drown her children that are “enslaving” her? The bottom line is, either the fetus is a human being or not. If it is not a human being, then have all the abortions you want. If it is a human being, then the fetus has rights just like a born child has rights. Are they an inconvenience to the mother? Of course. But that is a dysfunctional view of what it is to be a mother. There was a time when the ability to carry a child and be a mother was consider good and noble. Now, according your view, it is the same as slavery.

        • A child, after it is born, can live without a mother, as long as it is cared for by an adult. A fetus cannot survive outside of the womb. But I guess in your small world it’s all the same, all black and white.

        • Being a parent and being pregnant are two very different things. You cannot give your fetus up for adoption at 6 weeks when you find our you’re pregnant and decide pregnancy isn’t an option for you – it will not survive outside of your specific body. On the other hand you can give your two months old up for adoption if you decide parenting isn’t an option for you. It’s an obvious difference.

          Carrying a child to term is good and noble only if you have an option. If it’s something you’re forced to do, then it requires no good or noble character anymore than filing taxes every April 15th.

        • Ray Mitchell says:

          Don, that is not what she said at all. You are being deliberately obtuse.

          What was said was that “The moment a fetus has more rights than the woman carrying it is the moment that women become slaves to that fetus.”

          That is a true statement. If you don’t believe me, then get pregnant yourself and see how well you handle not having any rights over your own body.

        • Outstanding Quote and so true.

        • Don, I’m sorry if you find it confusing that women are different individuals with different ideas about how to live our lives..

        • Don explains a very valid point, and I don’t think he is trying to be obtuse. “Being a parent and being pregnant are two very different things.” That may be the case ONLY if you believe that becoming a Parent only happens when a child leaves the womb, versus when the child in conceived. “A fetus cannot survive outside of the womb.”…that is true, but neither can a baby survive on its own. It’s not a viable argument.

          Think of it this way…if you TRULY BELIEVED that a child is created at conception, then you would be fighting for the life of a child.

          To put it in perspective, if an abortion clinic was a clinic for mothers of 0-2 month old kids to go and kill their children, would not pretty much everyone on this board be across the street screaming in outrage? Even for a child who would die or was suffering?

          So the argument is really about, if an unborn child is a child, or not. This has always been the argument. Some people believe that others are misled by thinking that a child only becomes a child at some unclear point during a late term of the pregnancy, or after the child leaves the womb. Others believe some are misled thinking that a fetus younger than some point is a child.

          In this case, the child’s outlook was terminal from a doctors point of view, but at that term, the child still had time to develop, and doctor’s are not always right. I could not in this case have decided not to give my child every chance.

          I feel for the father and mother in this article and their situation, but I also sympathize with the protesters, as I know how they feel watching people enter the facility.

          • Sympathize with the protesters? Really? Give me a freaking break! They are being intrusive and darn near verbally abusive to these women…
            I don’t think that anyone who kicks someone when they are down, not knowing the situation and circumstances, deserves any sympathy.

          • “A fetus cannot survive outside of the womb.”…that is true, but neither can a baby survive on its own. It’s not a viable argument.”

            A baby can survive if ANY able person cares for it. A fetus can only survive if the mother it is growing inside of survives. A baby outside the womb cannot threaten the life of its mother, but a fetus inside the womb can easily do so if complications arise in the pregnancy. Those are the differences, so your objection is not viable. By the way, several other commenters already made this point above.

            In my opinion, when it comes down to a situation in which the mother’s life is endangered by the pregnancy, an adult woman with a fully developed personality, goals to pursue, and interpersonal relationships, has more of a right to continue her life than a fetus with little or no consciousness.

            “Doctors are not always right” is a ludicrous argument for ignoring their advice. It is equally true that doctors are almost always right. Who else should you be listening to? Of course nobody’s infallible, but you can’t just ignore a diagnosis like that, unless you don’t place any value on common sense.

        • If the child is (intentionally or otherwise) killing the mother, then yes. It should be dealt with to the full extent.

          North of 49’s point was that she could have DIED because of the fetus. If your child was holding a knife to your guts and there was nothing you could do to stop it but take that child’s life, I implore you to say that you would let that child take your life instead of doing everything in your power to sustain your own life.

          This is just another situation that someone takes a portion of what someone else says and tries to twist it to where the opposing party is “wrong.” Your mind is warped and you should seek help.

    • Janet Conners says:

      Dear, North of 49…I found nothing incoherent or even rantish (if that is a word). I am saddened to hear about your experience, but am inspired by your courage. Your words are beautiful and your message is so important…I hope many young women and girls, and really anyone who is at risk from bullying or oppression has an opportunity to read your words….Tanks you.

    • Not incoherent at all! Truth is what it is.

  10. Bold, smart, and touching, Aaron. Thanks for allowing us to share your pain and making something of it.

  11. This reminded me of Juno. Thank you for being a stand up guy. Your wife is very lucky.

  12. What do protesters think is the reason why women have terminations? Do they think it’s ;laziness, selfishness, thoughtlessness? I’ve never met a woman who’s been through this who didn’t suffer emotionally as a result. They don’t do it for fun.

    • Sadly, I *have* encountered one young woman who did not suffer emotionally. In fact, I overheard her as I walked to my dorm room lamenting that she missed a party because she had to go have her third abortion.

      That said though, Aaron, I am terribly sorry for you loss and the difficult, but right, decision. Thank you for sharing this with us. Your courage and integrity is inspiring.

      • So an abortion is only okay if a women suffers some sort of emotional turmoil because of it? As long as a woman is making that decision of her own volition it is always the right decision. The ability to recognize when you’re not ready to be a mother and to act accordingly and to exercise your right to choose apologetically, with absolute certainty is something that should be applauded, not accosted. In the situation you described above, Megan, I see no difference between you and the anti-choice bullies in the video. Having “overheard” this conversation you’re butting into another person’s business on a matter that is very personal and you’re passing a judgment based on a fragment of information with no context, which was exactly what they were doing to Aaron and his wife. Yes, having three abortions is not ideal. I’m sure the young woman you were eavesdropping on would agree with you. I’m going to venture that you may also agree that having three abortions is preferred to carrying three unplanned, unwanted pregnancies to term resulting in three children that she knew she could not care for. Ultimately though, it’s none of your business. Furthermore, EVERYONE, regardless of your beliefs on this issue, would rather go to a party than have an abortion. Parties are just more fun, agreed? The only sad part about your anecdote is your glaring hypocrisy.

        • In this day and age it’s hard to imagine a girl having three abortions instead of using some reliable method of birth control. Of course not having sex is the self-respecting choice for someone who knows she’s not ready to have a baby. We’re not slaves to our physical impulses, or we shouldn’t be.

          I’m sure I’ll be called judgmental by someone reading my comment. But it’s not judgmental to advise a young woman to cherish her sexuality and practice some self-restraint. I wish I had done so when I was younger.

          I don’t think abortion is an acceptable method of birth control (if you’re not ready to raise a child, there are lots of infertile couples who’d love to adopt an infant), but I’d never bully anyone who was making use of abortion services, because I’ve been there myself, and know I wouldn’t have gained anything from being bullied, except additional suffering. And also because I’m aware of cases like Aaron’s and his wife’s. I realize that abortion is often medically necessary.

          I hope and pray that someday our culture learns to respect and honor human sexuality, so that abortion is indeed rare, not birth control for the careless, as well as being safe and legal.

          • Suggesting that people who aren’t ready for children should remain abstinent is irrational. Many people in that situation are even married. Some, like myself, choose to be childfree, meaning I’ve decided to never have children. Are you seriously suggesting that my husband and I (married almost 12 years) should NEVER have sex? Think about how ridiculous that is.

            It is easy to say that those who wish to never have children should just get sterilized, but it’s remarkable how difficult that actually is to accomplish. My husband and I were denied the option for 11 years simply because doctors are convinced they know us better than we know ourselves. I’m sick and tired of society putting us in impossible situations.

          • Why should she learn to control herself when the men she is having intercourse with are just as much a part of it as her. Why is the responsibility left only on her shoulders from your point of view?

            If men could get pregnant they’d be handing out abortions free on street corners.

          • “if you’re not ready to raise a child, there are lots of infertile couples who’d love to adopt an infant”

            Actually, that’s NOT true – you neglected to include some very important parts. The whole “adoption is a better option” argument against abortion implies that there’s some great shortage of adoptable babies.Yes, there are plenty of infertile couples who’d love to adopt….a perfectly healthy white infant. And at the very same time, there are millions of older, minority, and special-needs children who wait endlessly in institutions and foster care, year after year, for adoptive homes. And it will never happen for so many of them.

          • I’m getting a little sick of people saying “Oh there’s plenty of parents wanting to adopt!” Yeah, HEALTHY BABIES. Look at all the older kids or kids with health problems that age out of the system and become homeless at age 18. There’s a huge demand for healthy babies but older kids and kids with health problems get shafted. Maybe instead of telling women to not abort you could tell those potential adoptees to stop being so effing shallow and give an older kid a home. You pro-lifers really know nothing about the state of the foster care system at all.

          • Does anyone else think the “abortion should not be birth control” argument is a meaningless catchphrase? When exactly does it transition from abortion to birth control? It’s an extremely expensive, painful, and emotionally difficult form of birth control. I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to say “oh, I don’t need the pill, I’d rather just have lots and lots of abortions.”

            If someone has had multiple abortions I wouldn’t assume it’s b/c they were scatterbrained; not only are there contraceptive failures, but there are also people who didn’t have sex by choice, and people who wanted to have children but couldn’t.

          • What a load of sex-hating drivel. Abortion *IS* a form of birth control, the last-resort form. And you don’t have to save it for yer huuzzzbinnnn (yeah, like we all *want* to get married) in order to “cherish” your sexuality.

          • Danisty, i would love nothing more than to reach through the internet and smack you, you may be unaware of this, but we humans, as mamals have sexual intercourse for ONE reason. to procreate, or create life. not “cuz it feels good!” or “cuz its fun!” while both are side effects of the act thats not its purpose, so yes,if you are sure you NEVER want children, the only sure way is to stop having sexual intercourse, and honestly after reading that little rant of yours, i wish youd do us a favor and take that to heart.

      • If she said that, then she most likely made the right choice. She obviously was not cut out to be one at that time, any children she may have would probably have suffered.

        It’s like when people complain about people that sit on the couch and get drunk and don’t do anything. My thinking is that perhaps that’s the best thing for the rest of us. If they did do things, they just might be things that hurt others. Leaving them sitting on the couch getting drunk and complaining may be the best thing for all.

        • You make a very good point, and one that I think people often miss. I hear pro-lifers saying that the fetus could mature to cure cancer, or bring about world peace, or other such things (which I find funny, since it conflicts with the doomsday world view many hard-line pro-lifers also carry). They neglect to consider that the fetus could also mature into a mass-murderer, criminal mastermind, or other unsavoury.

          And perhaps I’m making a huge intellectual jump when I say that a child that is born unwanted is likely to be a child who faces fewer advantages in life. And while those who have fewer advantages CAN succeed, it’s a lot harder, and the alternate routes are much much easier to slip into.

          Pro-lifers should endeavor to remember that they’ve lost the right to complain about the following: “welfare queens”, criminals, heavy substance abusers, and the like. Each of those was once a fetus carried to term. Heck, “welfare queens” continually carry fetuses to term, with a percieved drain on the social system for every new baby! For that matter, pro-lifers automatically lose their right to complain about any living human on this planet. We’re all here because someone carried us to term. In some cases, it might have been more humane for some of us to have not been born.

          • THANK YOU. IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS SACRED, THANK YOU.

            I wonder if Jeffrey Dahmer’s life was precious. If someone had told you that a baby would grow up to be a mass rapist and serial killer who dismembers his victims and stores them in pieces in his home, would you be pro-choice then?

          • True point, but no one knows how a baby will grow up until it happens; mass rapists and serial killers are fairly rare (as are world leaders and brilliant scientists). Most people grow up closer to the average, and this line of reasoning doesn’t favor “pro-choice” or “pro-life” arguments.

      • Sue Alexander says:

        Just wondering if you want someone who isn ‘t emotionally hurting by having an abortion to be a parent, really? I mean if you are concerned that there is someone who doesn’t care about the abortion as an argument against abortion, then consider what you are saying. You are saying that it is okay to have parents out there who don’t give a damn about their kids. Really? Do you really mean that? Really?

        My condolences to the family involved in this situation. Know that there are many, many of us who admire you, your actions and recognize that you did a brave and important thing when confronting these unthinking people.

      • There’s nothing “sad” about that. Sounds like you think that the dirty, dirty sluts who have abortions and don’t regret them should be punished. Also, go check out imnotsorry.net — LOTS of women have had abortions and never regretted them.

      • Megan.

        Sadly there are cases like that. I knew a girl who has had about 8 abortions. She has a 2 year old, I wonder if he will even know how many brothers and sisters he almost had?

        People who have abortions because they don’t know how to use a condom piss me off. An abortion shouldn’t be a decision that is made easily. It is a child. Ever heard anyone who is about to be a parent say ‘I’m having a fetus!’ ?

    • I did not suffer emotionally from having an abortion. Best decision I ever made.

      • joe lannen says:

        Splendid,

        This proves that minds do not always think alike.

      • Nor should you! Unless you want to cry every time you have periods as well. Cause you know, there’s a significant amound of inseminated eggs coming out with period blood. Some people like to call these “children”, since they were, indeed, conseminated.

        Right.

  13. I’m a Christian and generally anti-abortion myself, but there is a time and a place for everything, I suppose. Either way I cannot abide people who stand around with signs and vitriol in the name of my God. They only spread hate and defile His name as they do it.

    Good on you.

    • A time and a place for being pro forced birth? I’d love to hear you elaborate on that. You claim to be an anti-choice Christian, but when confronted with actual facts and the stories of actual people, you seem to abandon your supposed principles in a hurry. You’ve obviously never taken the tiniest moment to consider why people have abortions and how that impacts them. Instead you’ve swallowed the propaganda of your religious leaders and mindlessly supported the hatemongers who screech in front of clinics.

      You can pretend to be sympathetic here all you want – you’re still one of the sheep that enables this hate by mindlessly supporting the radicals.

      • I think the OP meant a time and a place for expressing one’s opinions, e.g. in a reasoned debate between two consenting adults.

        Your post is just as baselessly judgmental and vitriolic as the haters that stand outside abortion clinics. Healer, heal thyself.

        • VisforVanity says:

          How so? If Pemm truly believes that abortion is murder, then why is there a time and place for that murder because of harm to someone else? It’s like people who are stringently anti-choice, except in that case of rape. What exactly makes the fetus with a rapist for a father more deserving not to be born than one without it?
          Of course, I am pro-choice, and I think the majority of people would rightly shudder at the thought of forcing a woman to have her rapists baby. But it shows the complete logic fail behind their protestations.
          I agree that Mister T was vitriolic yes, but baselessly judgmental? No. That he was not.

          • A person can be personally against abortion, but not feel compelled to force that decsion upon others. It’s all about choice, right? So Pemm has every right to CHOOSE whether or not to believe abortion is okay, but he/she can also CHOOSE that that is a personal decision he/she cannot make for another individual. I concur with Hamish that Pemm was likely saying there is a time and a place for sharing ones opinions.

            Pemm cannot “abide” people like these Christians outside the clinic who he/she feels give his God a bad name. And Pemm is right. People like these abortion protesters DO reflect poorly on Christ, his teachings, and those who choose to believe in him. Let’s not jump on people who are just as bothered as the rest of us by these vile protesters just because someone like Pemm has made a CHOICE to not believe in abortion and a CHOICE to be Christian.

            To Mister T, I am far from Christian and about as pro-choice as they come. But I don’t verbally attack people who disagree with me. How do you know that Pemm, being against abortion on a personal level, is a “sheep” and mindless supports “the hatemongers who screech in front of clinics.” Do you personally know which church Pemm worships at? Or what charities Pemm supports? No?

            Well consider this:
            Many of these abortion protesters, like the ones featured in the video, make awful generalizations about people. And now, you’re doing the same. Cut it out.

        • LOL no. Nobody owes respect to people who opine that they should have a say over what other people, especially women, do with their own bodies.

    • It’s not anti-abortion, it’s pro-forced birth, it’s pro-having the state force women to have another person feeding on them for 9 months.

  14. Man, sorry to go all groupie but I really have to say this: I love you, man!
    My boyfriend saw this too and we’re 1000000000% with you, you are seriously an example of how a man (well, a human being*) should think, act, and react.
    You’re the man.
    :)

  15. this is wonderful. you are a good person.

  16. You, dear sir, are an absolute legend.

  17. Steph Chocko says:

    I’m sorry for your and your wife’s loss, and I would like to thank you so much for standing up on your wife’s behalf and on the behalf of women everywhere. You are truly inspirational.

  18. People like you are slowly restoring my faith in humanity.
    Thank you for standing up to those hypocrites!

  19. I am very moved. Thank you for defending your wife and people everyone who need to make this intensely personal choice. Maybe you planted a seed of realization in those protesters’ heads.

  20. wow really opened my eyes. My mom was always pro life drilled it into my head that it was wrong to have an abortion but there are many reasons behind it, not just the typical teenager or person that doens’t want to have a baby, but serious health risks in carrying a baby full term if the mother is at risk, or in your case that your baby had serious genetic defects and would not survive anywayss,
    Congrats in confronting those people, they obviously did not have any knowledge behind what was going on or why you were doing it, shame on them

    • I’m sorry, but even a perfectly PERfect pregnancy is a risky pregnancy. Do you have ANY idea how high infant/mother mortality is even in this day and age?? (Nevermind in previous days and ages.)

      It should not matter a whit WHY I want to end a pregnancy. It shouldn’t matter if I am a slut, a promiscuous cheater, an unmarried or a married woman, poor, rich or middle class, or if I am doing it because I and/or my partner effed up my birth control method. Or even if I failed to use one. Or if I am raped, or the pregnancy threatens my life or it’s a product of incest.

      You Should. Not. Dictate. What I can do with my own body. Period end of story. If you are pro life, fine – don’t abort your own fetus (assuming you are a woman, given your nickname I assume that). Don’t tell ME what to believe about souls or “when life begins” – hell, a dog has more consciousness than a fetus at many stages of development but I don’t see you making a movement out of stopping the euthanasia of puppies or old sick dogs.

      By the by, if God hates abortion so much, then he should stop performing them naturally on such a large percentage of pregnancies often before the woman even knows she was pregnant. Sheesh.

      • Lynne,
        How is danni’s remarkably honest confession, 1) that her mother’s teaching was flawed; 2) that she, herself, is willing to listen to others, even when their points of view threaten her previously formed opinions; 3) that, as a result of new information, she has changed her opinion on a topic that most people hold very rigid positions on; and 4) has opened her mind and heart to being more compassionate and less judgmental of people who are different than herself, offensive in any way? She agrees with you more now than she did before. But, evidently, her opinion has not changed enough toward your own to be acceptable to you. Is that a reason to, basically, tell her to go f*** herself? Perhaps you also have something to learn about treating your fellow human beings with understanding and civility.

        • +1 Amy

        • Isaac Newton says:

          Anyone with words in all capital letters and the word “Sheesh” in their argument does not deserve a real response. These matters can be, and are discussed calmly and intelligently, and some people just aren’t capable of it, and therefore not worth your breath.

        • I got the impression that only the first part was addressed to Danni. Perhaps you should try to comprehend what you read.

          I mean, you ARE speaking about understanding and civility, couldn’t help to have it yourself.

          As for this article, great job man, you’re amazing. I have always been pro-choice and against abortion protesters, and while I don’t LIKE abortion(who actually likes abortion? Nobody, unlike what idiotic Christians like to believe) I think women should have rights in this country, and this world. It’s disturbing to have people going against women with abortions ‘in the name of god’ who has said many different things, such as, as the woman said HERSELF: Love thy brother(or sister) HOW is yelling/screaming at/insulting people loving thy brother, hypocritical bitch. I hope this video convinced people to not just let this happen, it’s unacceptable.

          • EDIT: Sorry, ignore the first part, I missed the nickname thing, but the rest of my statement still stands, and by insulting Lynne, you’re being a hypocrite.

        • Yawn. “Civility.” I’ll take blunt truth, thanks.

      • You sound like a brat

      • You sound like a brat, Lynne.

      • Barbara Saunders says:

        There is, in fact, a movement to stop the killing of puppies and old dogs. I am pro-choice on abortion and adamantly supportive of the no-kill movement. In my mind, the first is about the sovereignty of each individual woman over her own body. The second is about compassion for living creatures that need help from people who choose to give it.

      • Lynne, I would suggest actually taking the time to read and comprehend danni’s post. You may be surprised once you actually understand what was written.

        • Jarms, I would suggest actually taking the time to read and comprehend Lynne’s post. You may be surprised once you actually understand what was written.

          Unless you only see the things addressed to Danni, and the rest of the post, and the content is a black screen.

    • Danni, just a quick note since you do seem to be interested in exploring more of the facts of the matter instead of the biased information you received from your mother–there really is no “typical” abortion, but the vast majority of women who have abortions already have at least one other child. They may be teenager, but they’re generally fully aware of the challenges of parenthood, and aren’t making this decision lightly. What you’re talking about is a “stereotypical” abortion, the specter of which is used to demonize those of us who are pro-choice and anti-forced birth. You can read more actual numbers (by respected, objective researchers at the Guttmacher Institute, instead of religious organizations with an agenda to push) here: http://www.guttmacher.org/presentations/abort_slides.pdf

    • Why I chose to have an aborting is between me, my husband, and my doctor. I do not have to justify my decision to anyone, except myself. I do not need the Pro Life Seal of Approval to terminate a pregnancy. It is my body, my choice, and ultimately, my decision.

      Who gets to decide what a valid reason is? And what if it turns subjective? What if it favors a certain type of person over another?

      Why should any woman, ever, have to explain her reasoning for terminating a pregnancy? Do you force them to justify why they take allergy medication, or why they get a PAP smear?

      My abortin was the perfect storm of bad luck. Failed BC pill, failed back up method. I was on multiple medications for chronic pain, medications that would have severely deformed the fetus. I was responsible, I took my pill on time every day, we used a back up method ‘just in case’ and somehow, I got pregnant.

      Trying to carry to term would have KILLED me. And if by some stroke of cosmic luck I survived, the fetus would not, not without severe mental or physical issues.

      Do I regret it? No. What’s to regret about keeping myself alive and saving a fetus from unbearable, unknowable, unconscionable suffering?

      Do pro-lifers/anti-choicers even THINK about these situations?

  21. I’m so sorry for you and your wife, that sounds like a terrible ordeal, but you handled it with great aplomb. No one should have to go through something like that, and you were well within your rights telling those women what you thought. Good for you. This is, really, the power of journalism: controversy and intelligence. As a journalism major, and as a young woman, I admire you and your wife for your strength and your willingness to confront wrongdoing. Thank you both, and I wish you the best of luck.

    As an aside, this was posted on Tumblr, and has been reblogged hundreds of times, so it’s definitely getting out there. Hopefully more people see this and understand the repercussions of senseless discrimination and ignorance.

  22. I’m sorry for your and your wife’s loss and that this happened to you.
    I’m sick and tired of these anti abortion protesters who sit on their high horse and feel that they have the right to judge other people. They don’t. They have no idea how hard the decision is for these women to abort their baby.
    So thank you for confronting them. You’re a good person.

    • Not only do they sit on their high horse, they bomb, threaten and kill people. It’s not nearly so mild as sitting on their high horse. If that were all they did at least it would be consistent.

      As it is, they support killing to enforce their beliefs.

      • I am pro-life and I don’t bomb, threaten or kill people. I try to help women and girls who want their babies to have and care for them.

        • MST – I think it is honorable that you help women and girls who choose to keep their babies care for them. but let’s be honest, most pro-lifers don’t care about the baby once it is born. Thier only mission is to ensure the woman keeps the baby full term and then from there they dont’ care what happens.

          I don’t believe that all pro-lifers are bombers or even religious nuts – they just have a different point of view on a abortion. But many do not even want to consider situations like Aaron’s as reality. They say that the # of abortions done for health reasons is small or unimportant. I’ve heard all the arguments and all I can say is mind your own business unless someone asks you for help.

          • Jessica: “let’s be honest, most pro-lifers don’t care about the baby once it is born.”

            Did you think that by saying “let’s be honest” before that famously false pro-choice propaganda, it would justify your saying it?

            Yeah, pro-lifers don’t care about the baby. That’s why millions are donated to pregnancy care centers, adoption centers are founded, funded and make readily available to mothers in need and families looking to adopt, and why “bring your child here with no questions asked” centers are founded and financially maintained.

            Where do you get off spewing such ignorance?

            By the way, even if what you said was true–which apparently it is not–what is worse? Caring about a baby until he or she is born or never caring about him or her in the first place? The pro-life movement cares about the baby all the way through, unborn and post-birth.

        • You still vote against my bodily autonomy, and you probably lie to pregnant women at your “crisis pregnancy center” about their options.

  23. I have to drive by these type of idiots on a regular basis. I wish I had your courage. I want to stop every time I drive by and confront these sheep, but never do. Maybe someday. Best of luck to you and your wife.

  24. A great reminder that we should all assume positive intent. You never know what somebody is dealing with or going through. Thanks for posting and for filming the confrontation.

  25. Amen brother! good on you, very insperational stuff

  26. Bravo, Bravo. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. I can’t tell you how impressed I am with your courage and honesty in confronting these bullies, especially in a time of personal distress. Thank you.

  27. I don’t doubt that you and your wife had a very hard decision. But you wimped out. That child was living and didn’t deserve to die regardless of your religious beliefs, regardless of your lack of heroic virtue in caring for those who needed it most. If a thug attacked your wife and the baby miscarried due to the attack, you would have had every right to prosecute him for attacking both your wife and your unborn. It’s a double standard that you refuse to acknowledge. And you should have looked beyond the faults of local protestors to see that you and your wife compromised your values and deprived your unborn the right to exist. I find this whole charade deplorably lacking and see you as someone who is not manly enough to shoulder heroic responsibilities.

    • Hey Nick. Shut the fuck up.

    • Jennifer in TX says:

      I’m sorry, which part of “zero chance for survival” isn’t working out for you, you narrow-minded, judgmental jerk?

    • Nick: What’s it like being as stupid as you? I don’t mean “stupid” as an insult, but as a definition (marked by a lack of intelligence or care). Are you aware of your lack of intelligence and inability to read and comprehend? I’ll suggest that you look up “The Dunning–Kruger effect” and also what “zero chance of survival” means.

    • Shove your religious fanaticism up where the sun dont shine, jerk.

      • And where did I interject the nonsequitor of personal religious beliefs? That’s right–I didn’t.

        • Leigh Williams says:

          We assumed it, Nick, because generally someone as judgmental, nasty, and generally stupid as you are needs the crutch of some fundamentalist religion to enhance his natural idiocy. So sorry if you’re just an jerk without even a religious figleaf to cover your dickishness. The baby was dying, perhaps even already dead, and had zero chance for survival. What part of that tragedy was too hard for you to understand?

          • “We assumed it, Nick, because generally someone as judgmental, nasty, and generally stupid as you are needs the crutch of some fundamentalist religion to enhance his natural idiocy”

            Using that logic, may I assume that you are a member of a “fundamentalist religion”?

        • Yeah, but you’re still an asshole, Nick.

    • You sir, are a moron in the first degree, and you are doing exactly what you accuse your hypothetical thug of trying to do: depriving someone of control of their own body. It’s a double standard that you refuse to acknowledge. If you were capable of even basic reading comprehension, you would understand that this child had congenital birth defects making its survival impossible. Instead, you want the parents to go through the dangerous process of childbirth (birth is no=ever risk-free for wither the fetus or the mother) only to go through the pain of burying a body that never entered the world alive in the first place. I find your whole charade deplorably lacking and see you as someone who is not manly enough to form you own opinions as opposed to hiding behind barbaric, hateful, 2,000 year old dogma.

      • Umm… If you think abortion is risk free you are seriously in need of a reality check.

        • Abortion has risks, but childbirth has more. And carrying a baby that might die in utero has risks to the mother’s life as well. But I really don’t think you would listen to facts, so I’m not sure what the point of talking to you is.

          • Abortion has less risks? You are woefully unaware of the poor practitioners in this industry, the “nurses” without a license, the lack of standards, not to mention the potential damage to a woman’s uterus, and the psychological damage upon those mothers with “buyer’s remorse”, unable to turn back the clock. A caesarean section would likely have been the route taken for a woman in a similar situation, who would then be taken to a newborn icu, where both medical miracles have happened, although not in all or majority of cases. Bottom line, their hopelessness forced them to make a decision on behalf of their own without giving medical science a chance.

          • a once scared girl says:

            This is meant for the post below you but a reply button is not showing up.

            A c-section!? Do you have any clue what happens during a c-section?! They cut through a bunch of muscle, they temporarily remove organs. You’re telling me that it’s better and easier than an abortion?! Do you realize what the recovery from a caesarean is like?!

            Abortion does have fewer risks. Stop getting your facts from the Catholic Church. And the psychological damage of delivering a stillborn baby seems like it would be pretty horrific to me. Probably more damaging than having a procedure that is far less invasive and makes it so you never have to see the horribly deformed fetus.

          • Nick: most of the “psychological damage” comes from being harassed by anti-abortion protesters. In countries where there isn’t as much stigma, women don’t have nearly as many psychological problems.

          • Nick, are you aware of the amount of risk doctors take to perform unnecessary maneuvers during birth? Poor practice happens outside the realm of abortion services. You have swallowed the kool-aid, haven’t you?

            As a former secretary who dealt with medical records and statistics for the state, I can tell you without a doubt that birth is more dangerous than abortion on significant average. I’ll also tell you that girls and women inside certain well-represented, fundamentalist religions are the people with the most frequent use of abortion services- ironically.

        • childbirth is not risk free, idiot. More women die in childbirth (esp in third-world countries) than abortion. In fact, if you truly care about the truth, you will do some research and find that childbirth is actually quite fraught with risk for the mother. So does that mean that NO ONE should get pregnant?

    • I guess reading comprehension isn’t something they taught at your school. ZERO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL, the doctors said.

      • Zero chance of survival? Not an excuse. Why not drop a bomb on Ethiopia, won’t you. A doctor should be given the opportunity to be proved wrong, and a wife should live her days without the agonizing guilt that comes w the territory.

        Do you want a spine? I feel your pain, but you screwed up royally, and have the nerve to say it was a good thing. There are phenomenal resources at all stages of life, at your disposal. And you willfully ignored them and chickened out. Not cool.

        • Jennifer in TX says:

          Um, Nick? Have YOU tried living without kidneys or a bladder? Are you EVEN paying attention to what you’re saying???

          No, of course you aren’t. Heaven forbid you should actually produce a statement bearing even a passing semblance to logic…

          • Medical breakthroughs happen every week. This author didn’t give medical technology a chance. And even if it wasn’t ready, the guilt of “what if” will now forever haunt his wife, and he failed to protect her in this regard.

          • When Nick says “he failed to protect (his wife)” what he means is “he failed to force her to give birth to a baby with zero chance of survival.” His wife’s needs, wants or desires don’t ever enter into the picture- typical of an anti-choicer, he assumes that women need to be forced into doing the “right” thing.

          • Sorry, Nick. You’re simply wrong. Wrong on the *facts*. Abortion is medically less dangerous than either a c-section or a birth.

            As for medical miracles, you’re a nitwit. Miracles of that order don’t occur. No one’s even talking about miraculously creating a functioning renal system and bladder that can be transplanted into a newborn. You’re talking about stuff that is–at best–pure science fiction. If it’s ever possible, it won’t happen in a week, or month, or a year. Science and technology doesn’t happen miraculously, it happens slowly, over real time, through great effort. Not “OH WOW, LOOK!”

            ZERO chance of survival is something a doctor will almost never say; they’re human, and they hate to tell people there’s *no hope*. Even with cancer patients in end state, there’s often a tiny ray of hope still held out. This couple was told “ZERO chance” of survival. So they dealt with that terrible news, and the deep grief involved with it, and acted in a manner designed to minimize the suffering involved.

            And you want to piss on them in their grief.

            That’s despicable. Reprehensible. Loathsome. Cowardly.

            And those women out front were adding to the misery and suffering of these people, and others like them. In the name of God. Disgusting. Shameful.

        • I don’t know for sure, but I would expect if we were on the cusp of artificial bladders and kidneys for infants, the DOCTOR WOULD HAVE KNOWN. You Nick, are not a man.

        • pro-choice says:

          Their baby would have been a guaranteed stillborn. What magic do you believe in that would have made that statement false?

        • Jennifer (also from Texas) says:

          They see you trollin…they hatin…

          Nick, even you don’t believe what you’re saying. Give it a rest already.

        • Nick is a troll.

        • Hey idiot, did you not read where the baby was missing organs? So it should be born and kept on life support from minute one? How fucking stupid are you?

          • You really shouldn’t call yourself names 😉

          • Going by the inanity of her posts and that unicorn icon, Lucy is probably a 16-year-old pro-liar fundie xtian who thinks she’s somehow being brave by leaving weak-tea insults for the “pro-aborts.”

          • “Going by the inanity of her posts and that unicorn icon, Lucy is probably a 16-year-old pro-liar fundie xtian who thinks she’s somehow being brave by leaving weak-tea insults for the “pro-aborts.””

            Let’s see:
            -inanity of posts: a matter of opinion, but I disagree. So, no. Your posts on the other hand…(0/1)
            -unicorn icon: I’ll give you half a point. It’s actually a flying unicorn icon. Big difference, you know. (0.5/2)
            -16 year-old: Nope (0.5/3)
            -pro-liar: Is that another name for pro-abort? If so, nope. (0.5/4)
            -Fundie xtian: I assume you mean Fundamentalist Christian. It’s really not THAT difficult to spell, so you should really learn how. Anyway, nope- I’m agnostic. (0.5/5)
            -“who thinks she’s somehow being brave by leaving weak-tea insults for the “pro-aborts.””: Nope. It has nothing to do with “being brave”. I just like to speak my mind. (0.5/6) And so far, I’m not the one leaving insults here. Just deflecting them back to their rightful owners (0.5/7) :)

            Final score: 0.5 / 7. Better luck next time.

        • Ah… but we have the ability to feed and provide medical care in Ethiopia, Nick. For a baby with significant defects- that is not the case.

        • nrthwstrn88 says:

          ##
          Nick,
          You seem to be very knowledgeable in regards to the practice of medicine. If you ever read this again, please swing by Chicago Memorial and ask the lovely lady at the desk (her name is Samantha) to direct you to the oncology department. I’m there 60-70 hours a week so I’m sure I will be there whenever you arrive.

          Anyways, I would love for you to educate my staff and I about all these weekly breakthroughs [and then maybe you can go to the trauma ward and lecture parents with children on life support or try to discredit my colleagues and I!]

          ***At the very least, show me how you manage to type so well when your head is so clearly up your ass. (I have a colleague that could help you with that by the way)

    • You are condoning bringing a child without a bladder or kidneys into this world? That child had no chance for life, bringing it into this world would have been the equivalent of torture — for both the baby and for the mother.
      But oh, I guess you know better than the licensed doctors who gave the diagnoses. And I guess you know better than the woman who was actually pregnant with the child — the woman who would have had to endure the pain and suffering of labor only to bring a dead baby into this world. Do us all a favour and keep your mouth shut in situations like this, you have no right to lecture this family, and your argument has absolutely no basis besides that of religion.

      • I give medical science a little slack here, especially w the breakthroughs in adult stem cells. But, assuming the worst, you make the erroneous judgment that the mother snuffing the life out of her baby would somehow be less painful than carrying full term and living w the consequences.

        • I have no problem with someone who honestly objects, even if I disagree, but this kind of trolling is about as low as it gets.

          Are you so full of hate that you want to play around in someone else’s pain? Just for fun?

          I feel sorry for you.

          • What do you object to? That I am no drive-by objector? That I am a fan of this site so much that I found the article running extremely contrary to the principles of this site? That I back up my statements and defend my positions? I even acknowledged the pain he’s going through. Can it be that some here cannot accept criticism on contentious hot potatoes?

        • Alexandra says:

          So you’re pro-life and also pro-stem cells? I find that a little odd, since stem cells often are taken from aborted fetuses. As for adult stem cells, isn’t a cell a living being, anyway? Because what a fetus is, is a bunch of cells. Following that logic:

          fetus = living
          cells = fetus
          (adult) cells = living

          So if taking cells from a fetus is bad, then it is just as bad to take cells from an adult. Stem cells are stem cells, no matter what.

          Okay, say that the child survives on some sort of support for the limited amount of time that that is possible (although the doctor said that this is an impossibility, which logic also should tell you if you know anything about vital organs). Do you really think that science would come up with a cure to save the baby’s life within those hours, maybe that week? You don’t give medical science slack, you use it as a tool to strengthen your opinion. Unfortunately, you’re using a screw driver as a hammer.

          How can it be less painful to give birth (in itself a painful process, and more tiresome as the fetus is basically a inanimate object) to a dead child, seeing your dead child and knowing that, however much you feel you love it and however beautiful you think it is, it will never live? The strain of seeing one’s child dead is a terrible terrible thing, and it would most certainly make the fact that the child never would have lived harder to deal with. Mothers who don’t feel a thing for their child during pregnancy can become completely enamoured with it once given birth to. When this man says that his wife was completely heartbroken, imagine what it would feel like for her to see it out of the womb. No-one claims that abortions are easy, but sometimes they are less straining and emotionally draining than giving birth.

          • Adult stem cells (which I clearly stated and you just as clearly ignored) have no moral dilemma associated with them. And unlike embryonic stem cells (the type you described), they have a history of actually working. Not a single cure from embryonic , no matter how many endorsements from the late great Christopher Reeve or Michael J Fox. Not one.

          • Mothers deserve better than abortion. They deserve to know that they tried with all their might to save their own unborn child, and not live with the regret of giving up to the point of killing their own. It’s painful to see your dead baby, but it’s far worse if the mother intentionally ripped the baby to shreds, and the father didn’t have the stomach to witness the tiny limbs firsthand ( Why be offended by this last statement? It is what it is, regardless of one’s religious and moral affiliation). Man up and accept responsibility.

        • Congratulations to Nick, winner of the coveted (?) Worst Person On The Internet award. You had some strong competitors, Nick, but you’ve handily defeated them all through a combination of rank stupidity, a grotesque lack of compassion, and an inability to communicate in ways that don’t encourage a desire to punch you in the face.

          Aaron, this was a difficult read and I have nothing but the utmost sympathy for you, your wife, and Alexandra. May you find some measure of comfort in your fellow human beings (except, apparently, Nick)

          • I wasn’t going to say this, but I was one of those babies born that had a 20% chance of survival. I wasn’t going to make it. Four out of five similar traumatic births would have ended in death. My parents (one of whom is not affiliated with any faith whatsoever), stuck it out. Now I know there’s a difference between 20% and zero. But there was a time when the chances of my survival would have been zero. So I look upon your victory against the “bullies” and side w them. You. Don’t. Know. Period.

          • Yes there is a difference betwen 20% and 0%. But NO KIDNEYS OR BLADDER is not a 0.0001% chance of survival – it’s 0%. Waiting for some instant scientific breakthough that we are nowhere near is, well, a dregree of faith in miracles that most of us don’t have. Waiting until full term makes the risks to the mother (and her future fertility) higher, and waiting for the fetus to develop its nervous system fully guarantees it greater future suffering. It’s entirely reasonable and compassionate to abort.

          • There is a huge difference between 20% and 0%. I also very much doubt that Nick was born without kidneys or a bladder.

            A heart, though….

        • You’re no seriously suggesting that stem cells are the cure for all this are you? Speaking as a biomedical engineering graduate student who’s trying to develop soft tissue with adult stem cells, I can confidently say that the scientific community is struggling enough as it is to develop simple, nonvascularized tissues. We’re nowhere near the level of developing full-fledged, perfectly functional organs…

        • Leigh Williams says:

          When you are faced with this situation, Nick, you can do whatever you feel is right. But as the mother of four children, and a woman who went through three difficult pregnancies, let me tell you . . . if you imagine that you’ll be “protecting” your wife by forcing her to carry a dead fetus around in her womb, you’re going to find yourself short one wife very quickly. Unless, of course, you find a woman whose masochism matches your sadism.

        • Nick – why don’t you take your veal, hateful, stupid self and just go away. You have NOTHING to add to this discussion. Talk about complete and utter lack of compassion!

          • Why don’t you take your own advice?

            “You have NOTHING to add to this discussion.”

            Neither do you, apparently

            “Talk about complete and utter lack of compassion!”

            An excellent description of abortion.

          • “Why don’t you take your own advice?”
            Unlike Nick, manneck wasn’t veal, hateful or stupid, would be pretty stupid to take advice that doesn’t apply to him

            “An excellent description of abortion.”
            No, just an excellent of the anti-choice crowd in the discussion. Grow a heart and a brain.

          • Lucy just might be more of a troll than Nick. It’s just that Nick is more elaborate while all Lucy is doing is chiming in and name-calling like a little schoolgirl.

          • “manneck wasn’t veal, hateful or stupid, ”

            Have to disagree with you there.

            “would be pretty stupid to take advice that doesn’t apply to him”

            It would be pretty stupid not to take advice that does.

            “Grow a heart and a brain”

            That is precisely what you need to do.

            “chiming in and name-calling like a little schoolgirl.”

            In other words, the exact same thing you’re doing. And pretty much all of the other pro-aborts here.

        • And you arrogantly project yourself into the minds of others… and presume that YOU know better than they do what they feel.

          “… you make the erroneous judgment that the mother snuffing the life out of her baby would somehow be less painful than carrying full term and living w the consequences.”

          Must be nice to be godlike.

        • Alright, Nick. Let’s use your medical science to impregnate you, ensure that the foetus has sirenomelia, and you can carry that baby to term and deliver said baby.
          Then, you can enter into this discussion with your anecdotal evidence, gleaned from your personal experience.

          You cannot, however, say that the choice this family made was not the best choice for this family.
          Ever.

    • It never fails – the most zealously fervent anti-choice, anti-freedom, anti-woman, anti-rights shouters are those that CANNOT GET PREGNANT.

      • Guilty by association. Why not rail against the author, who also cannot get pregnant? Silly.

        • Meh..troll…

        • pro-choice says:

          Aaron,
          I think what you did for your wife is beautiful. Though it sickens me to think that level of ignorance and hatred exists right in my own backyard (I live about 20 minutes from Brookline), seeing what you did for your wife renewed in me a level of hope knowing that there are people out there who understand the complexity of these decisions and the need to stand up to those who would, as you pointed out, make someone’s worst day ever that much lower. Thank you for having the courage to show the world the dark side of pro-life activism. You two are very brave, and I wish you many happy years together.

        • Nick,
          the nurses without licenses, the lack of standards, and the poor practitioners would *ALL* improve if abortion was not looked on with such criticism.

          Personally, I’m *extremely* pro-life. I cannot imagine any situation in which I would want to have an abortion. However, there are three things that I think are of the utmost importance in this case.

          1st, This man’s wife and this man are not me and my husband. Even the written account here (which brought me to tears for her suffering. Aaron, if you are reading this, my heart, prayers, love, and all the best karma go out to you and your family. I wish your wife a speedy recovery, and my heart breaks for the grief I know you must have observed) cannot give you a full account of the time, energy, and concern that went into their research.

          2nd, Christ told us that the judging of others was not our job. Matthew tells us to judge not, lest we be judged. 1st Corinthians tells us to judge nothing before its appointed time. And even if we were to judge, Christ treated sinners with respect, and sorrow. He suffered with them, and for us. Are we to repay that with meanness to his other children? Because I know surely that yelling and shouting at these women is only going to make them feel worse, and is not going to help them see your point of view. When you’re contentious, all you receive for your efforts are contention.

          3rd A more effective way to spread the pro-life message would be to actually work with women that are pregnant and considering abortion. Show their situation sympathy, because no woman should ever have to go through *anything* that would ever make her want an abortion. And if she is considering one, I guarantee you that she is in immense emotional pain and she needs your support; your condemnation makes things worse. Not better. Christ’s way was love, support, friendship, shared sorrow, shared joy; who are we to gainsay that?

          And in the end, this country was founded with the ideals of freedom. That means you shouldn’t get to pick for them – no matter how pro-life you may or may not be.

          • This might come across as rude, and if it does, I apologize, as I certainly don’t intend it to.

            You say you are “extremely pro-life,” because you would never get an abortion, but then go on to say that what other people do is their decision – abortion or no abortion. As a little tidbit of information, this actually makes you pro-choice. You can indeed be pro-choice without ever “wanting” (for lack of a better term), to get an abortion yourself. The terms pro-life and pro-choice, for the most part, refer to your general stance on the issue. As you feel that what each person does is their own decision, and therefore also “approve” of others getting abortions, this would actually make you pro-choice.

            I hate to sound like I’m arguing, but I would just like to state the facts and make you and others a little bit more aware of the situation. I hope this makes sense and I hope it doesn’t sound disrespectful.

          • Nicky (not to be confused with Nick) says:

            Cai, I will argue with you that you are pro-choice. I know it is not a title a lot of people like but you are because you agree that a woman has a choice despite what you believe. Pro-life and pro-choice are political movements. If you’d allow abortions to occur but recommend education, counseling, or wouldn’t have one yourself you are pro-choice. Pro-life means you want the government to tell women that they cannot terminate a pregnancy with maybe some exceptions that the whole population has a say in. Which, in my opinion, is messed up. I don’t want the police questioning me if I have a miscarriage or for women to turn to back alleys again. Welcome to the Pro-Choice family!

          • hi, Cai

            You are actually pro choice. As your idea around abortion shows that you believe women and their partners have a choice in the matter due to their situation. You also believe that your choice is to not abort.

            Pro choice people do not want to have abortions, infact i believe it would be rare to find anyone who would actually want this. it is there situation that dictates what people feel needs to be done.

            I didnt realise other people had already said similar things to this but its could that we could clear this up.

          • Cari – Thank you for instantly improving my opinion of Christians.

          • well put

        • At least the author, regardless of sex, has actually had to decide whether or not to make the decision. I doubt Nick has, because what woman would want such an asshole in her life.

    • I know what you’re trying to do, Nick, but you’re going about it all wrong. You’re telling someone he is wrong for making a decision, when you yourself have no idea what it is like to make the same decision.

      You have made it apparent in your statements that you have a great deal of knowledge about consequence, but no idea about responsibility in this matter.

      I’m sure you could say over and over again that you would make the decision to keep the baby, despite every professional’s opinion on the matter, that you would do whatever you could for a baby with severe disabilities should it even survive the zero (0) percent chance of life it was given, and even say that all the while, you would not complain – because it has a right to life.

      But that would be a lie. All of it. Because you don’t and CAN’T know how you would respond until you actually dealt with it.

      That said, Nick, the next time you think it best to confront someone with consequence and a shaking finger, consider your own frame of reference on the matter and how much experience you have with it. Then consider how well informed your judgment is, given you have no idea what this person has been through. Finally, consider how you would feel if someone came to you and said what you did.

      No amount of factoids and personal belief will change the real fact of the matter that you are without experience here, making what you’ve said entirely inappropriate.

      I won’t call you names, because I don’t think it’s your fault. You are simply ignorant and blinded by your own self-righteousness. You don’t have my anger; you have my pity. And that is all you are worth.

    • Nick,

      You’re f*cking stupid. Did you not read any of the part where the fetus had ZERO chance of surviving? Did it not register in your mind that the poor mother (who really wanted her child) would have had to go through labor to give birth to a stillborn? When you can be pregnant, you can decide what to do with what’s in your uterus. Otherwise, f*ck off.

      Jade

    • The unborn child in this case lacked organs necessary for survival. It would’ve died if it had been born, or miscarried at a later, more dangerous stage of pregnancy.

      There are medical reasons for some abortions, and no one should be berated and harangued who has to resort to one in such a case.

      And since protesters can’t know what a woman’s reason is for seeking an abortion, they should leave all such women alone.

      If you care so much about human life, give your time and treasure to helping women get medical care, find trustworthy adoption services, or obtain a good education so they can find well-paid jobs to support their children and receive nurturing child-care services while they go to school or work.

      Seeing life in all black and white is a very dangerous condition.

    • The child had zero chance for life outside the uterus, and would have died in agony. Any deity that would force a woman to endure six months of pregnancy KNOWING that her child was doomed is a malign thug.

      And anyone who would tell a woman in that situation that she MUST carry to term is a malign thug, too.

    • Apparently some chuckleheads don’t understand what no kidneys and no bladder means for a fetus.

      The lack of a renal system means certain and swift death. This fetus had NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL. None. It was going to die, inevitably, abortion or no.

      You’re a moron.

    • Wow, the doctor said no chance of survival, but Nick thinks they should bring the baby into the world to suffer anyway. Piss off fuckface.

    • Thackerie says:

      I was going to accuse Nick of having a reading comprehension problem, but with him being so snide and harsh in stating his anti-choice opinion, I suspect he actually suffers from a much broader comprehension deficit.

    • Come back and voice your opinions on abortion and a woman’s right to choose when you carry a dying child to full-term, Nick.

    • LOL. Say wut? Trollolololololololol

    • Nick, it had zero chance to survive. The only thing they “deprived” it of was the suffering of it choking to death and dying once it was born, and the pain of having to watch it happen. It was a brave thing to do, much better than deluding yourself into thinking that kind of unnecessary suffering has any point.

    • Let’s hope that you never, ever have to make the decision that this man and his wife have to make. Take your self-righteous religious nonsense and shove it up your ass, you moron.

    • Nick,
      You’re kind of an asshole. Wait, not kind of, you ARE an asshole.
      They DID NOT wimp out. I would have done the same. There is NO WAY I could sit there and watch my child die after birth, no way. That would kill me more then having an abortion.
      You probably have NO IDEA how hard it is to make a choice like that.

    • Are you seriously that stupid? The baby had no kidneys and no bladder. It would NOT have survived.
      I can’t believe how ridiculous you are. You and all the other people who think that all pregnancies are 100% guaranteed to be successful. This child would’ve only had about a day to live, at most. Putting a child through that just so you can satisfy your pride as an anti-abortionist, it’s selfish. You should be ashamed of yourself. Be more considerate of others situations. Life is not black and white.

    • a cunt owner says:

      no, nick is not a cunt. I personally HAVE a cunt and find it to be quite a wonderful thing, beautiful and invigorating. Nick is none of those things. Nick is just simply a LOSER. A loser that will NEVER know what it’s like to be pregnant, scared, alone, broke, abandoned, fearful, lost, hopeless, terrified.
      But at least, not without CHOICE.
      Nick, I truly, deeply feel sorry for any woman that ends up stuck with you.

    • Amongst the obviously pro-choice gathering a post like this garners, props to you, Nick, for standing up for what is right.

  28. Jennifer in TX says:

    I am so incredibly sorry for the loss you and your wife suffered, and my heart aches that you were forced to make such a difficult decision.

    That you found the strength to confront these wretched individuals, and were able to do so calmly and eloquently, despite your own personal pain, says far more to me about love of life and humanity than any of the vitriol these “Christian” protestors spout. What you did was truly inspirational, and I thank you for it.

  29. I am sorry for what you’ve gone through. I can’t imagine what it must be like. I hate that there are people like the women you encountered. While I’m not entirely pro-choice, nobody has the right to harass someone else over their choices. The kind of blanket judgement these people make is sickening. You are right to call them hypocrites. I wish the best for you and your family.

  30. thanks for speaking out to the stupidity of so much of the ‘protest movement’ these days. the sign bearers want to have it both ways, that they are right and everyone else is wrong, but don’t call me on my own hypocrisy. may others find strength in your example.

  31. Great story and good on you for confronting those hypocrites.

    These protesters drive me mad. What’s the worst is how they stand around outside places like Planned Parenthood, harassing everyone who goes inside. As if abortion is the only thing that happens at Planned Parenthood! How ignorant can you get? When I was a struggling, low-income office drone after college (we were in a recession then, too), the only way I could afford regular GYN exams, pap smears, and a birth control prescription was by visiting Planned Parenthood. And THANK GOD for Planned Parenthood!

    PP (and other community health centers) provide countless services to the community, most aimed at REDUCING the number of abortions, and providing education and health care to people who really need it, and can’t afford it.

    Sorry to go off on a rant. But you know exactly how it feels, don’t you? Bravo to you again, sir.

  32. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing it with us – I know it had to have been hard.

    I am a Christian. And I believe that, like with any other technology that we have, abortion is not inherently evil. Some people sometimes use it in ways that are sinful. Some people use it in ways that glorify God, like when they save a woman’s life that would have been lost just 60 years ago.

    Those women out there were assuming that everybody who walked into that clinic was sinning in doing so. They were wrong about your wife and probably many others – but here’s the more important point: IT DOESN’T MATTER because they themselves were wrong to stand out on a street corner judging others. The Bible is very, very clear that we, as humans, are all sinners; that no sin is greater than any other; and that we are not to attempt to set ourselves up as a judge of others’ actions. Rather, we have been given a single commandment that is supposed to govern all our actions towards each other: love your neighbor as yourself. (It is also pretty clear about the separation of Church and State – render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s – but that’s for another pro-choice post.)

  33. Hi Aaron, my wife and I had a baby, our second child, last week. I can hear him crying in the other room now and, after nine months of anticipation, it is just a beautiful sound. I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now. Thank you for sharing your story. You no doubt have a long road ahead, as you and your family recover and heal from this unfortunate experience. I hope you continue to write about it and share your thoughts and feelings as you pull through it.

  34. I’m so very sorry you and your wife lost your child. I do know what it’s like, because I lost a daughter at 17 1/2 weeks. Thankfully, my OB and as able to meet us at the hospital the next day, and I didn’t have to face such horrible, selfish people.

    I wish I could think that a tiny bit of what you said to them would sink in, but we both know it won’t. They don’t care who they hurt, because they gain such self-gratification by standing there on the corner yelling at strangers.

    I’m still glad you did it, though.

  35. Veronica F says:

    Mr. Gouveia:

    Many, many thanks for sharing your story – you, sir, deserve major kudos for defending your wife – and women in general – against these shameful and hypocritial people.

  36. You, Sir, are one righteous father. Respect for speaking up to these nitwits.

  37. Dean in the UK says:

    Aaron your actions are something to admire, these really are the type of people who need a taste of their own medicine. It makes you wonder who was looking after her children whilst she stood on the street upsetting people already going through a hard time. Hats off to you.

  38. Bravo to you, sir.

  39. Thank you for sharing this, your insights and experiences are an inspiration to us all. I wish you and your wife the best.

  40. So sad to hear this story. I’ve been frustrated with this type of behavior from religious groups for a while. I actually wrote a song about it called “Don’t Tell Me About Your Jesus” You can listen to it here: http://aaronandandrew.bandcamp.com/track/dont-tell-me-about-your-jesus

    Again, I’m saddened by this story and I hope your wife if recovering well.

  41. A Girl who knows the feeling says:

    I”m so sorry you and your wife had to go through that. Thank you sharing. It’s truly weird how i just stumbled upon this article because just last week, i had to make the same tough choice only i was 7 weeks instead of 16. I’m not married but I’ve been with the same guy for 2 years. I never wanted to think about having an abortion because I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but I’m still in college with not that great of a job so taking care of a child wasn’t feasible. I got so much crap from my family who are the “Christians” you encountered. One of my relatives looked me straight in the eyes and said, “God thinks abortion is murder. Are you willing to live with the face that you murdered your child?” Yeah. it was horrible. I didn’t have to do the surgery but i did have to do the pill. it wasn’t easy. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I’m only 23. Anyways, i just felt the need to share that with you. You and your wife are in my thoughts. You guys are very strong people to make that choice and i praise you for that. Thank you again for sharing your story.

    • *hugs*

    • ShiningLight says:

      To the Girl who knows the feeling & Aaron
      Many {{{hugs}}}. from here for people who have had to make this tough decision..

      I would particularly like to address the situation with the relative of “the Girl”. That person has absolutely no right to tell you what God thinks. 12 yrs ago, my Sister In Law, who I cared deeply about, had the nerve to call me a “Murderer!” 5″ from my face. This after I had gone through 5 miscarriages, but had just said I thought each family, each woman had the right to chose, and had a right to a safe procedure.

      To this day, it is a wound that festers – but only because I have not told her off, out of love for her brother.

      But I have also not had anything to do with her and will not until she apologizes. Another thing, although I held such beliefs, I kept them to myself. After this experience with the SIL, I went to DC for the March for Woman’s Lives. After having such a taste of the unreasonable vitriol & hate, I realized people needed to stand up to these bullies.

      And Aaron, having worked in a hospital I can tell you that such situations as yours happen all too frequently – I think you made the right, very painful decision. Thank you both for your tales – I hope they change some minds. Be well.

  42. I’m generally pro-life. That’s not going to change, but that stated – your and your wife’s situation isn’t the type of situation I object to. This was a completely medically legitimate, but very saddening reason to have an abortion operation.

    My only real objection to the practice is when it’s used as a form of birth control. Although this conflicts with my concerns of overpopulation, I figure if you’re going to have a healthy child, one should put it up for adoption if it is unwanted. Otherwise, one should simply abstain if one is not ready for the consequences of sexual relations.

    But this reason? Entirely legitimate, entirely heartbreaking, and extremely sad that ineffective protesters had to worsen an already bad situation.

    • But the problem is that a protester cannot tell the reason a woman is going in for a procedure, and they are launching a blanket attack on all people who go into the clinic. It’d be much more effective if they approached the right audience.

      This father could not change his circumstances or the fact that his wife was undergoing the procedure unwillingly, no matter how much these protesters shamed, harassed and yelled at him.

    • It is entirely impossible to understand the situation someone is in at that time. Especially from a male’s perspective. Our male privilege and history of oppression itself gets in the way of understanding and allowing the rights of womyn to their own bodies.

      I find it very difficult to believe that someone would have an abortion without good reason, I think it would be incredibly rare that anyone would use it as a method of birth control, I dont know where that idea comes from. Perhaps in the past before contraception it may make sense for a person to have several abortions. I cant imagine anyone really planning to have such a procedure. Still it is the same idea. Noone can comprehend what the situation is for another person and therefore has no grounds to judge. Our faith shouldnt be in this all powerful being that dictates rules and makes us feel like we have no control of or rights to our own bodies, it should be faith in the fact that women having the idea of abortion are not maliciously attempting to commit murder, obviously this blanket idea doesnt make sense.

      As someone said earlier “when a fetus’s rights come before that of the womyn’s rights, that is when the womyn is enslaved by the fetus”.

      Not only do pro life protesters have no idea what its like to be in someone elses position, the routine confrontation is done in such a wrong way. It is built on assumption and no logical reasoning. Working with persons in these positions and attempting to understand why they need to abort would be a much better way to go about letting people know you think that it would be good if people got a chance at life. I dont think anyone is actually disputing that, there are just far too many variables to cover it with just a stubborn view point.

      Thank you aaron for sharing your story. You’ve done a simple but great thing. I think it would be very productive to ask these church groups to get together and have a meeting with a group of people who have gone through abortions or are having to make this choice and express their stories as difficult as that may be. I understand ofcourse that many people would find this extremely hard but it may be very productive if done in the right way.

      • There are women who have unprotected sex voluntarily, and have abortions if they get pregnant.

        Usually they’re young and uneducated, and I suspect they’re also liable to be emotionally troubled to one degree or another, using sex or submitting to it because of poor self-respect.

        I’d rather help young women like that come to respect themselves, physically and spiritually, rather than subject them to further abuse by telling them they’re murdering their own children.

    • It is birth control. I don’t get it: so one abortion is somewhat ok, but two or more? What should the outcome be? What is it to all of you anti choicers?

    • I’m really glad that, for now, I don’t have to run my decisions about MY body past some smug self-righteous penis owner like you.

    • “My only real objection to the practice is when it’s used as a form of birth control.”

      If one more person says this I might explode with rage.

      Are you listening? You sure? Good. Here goes: ABORTION IS BIRTH CONTROL.

      If you want to get into semantics with me (which you probably don’t want to because I have quite a way with words), abortion is the only true form of birth control. Think on it, everyone. Condoms, pills, IUCDs all prevent pregnancy. What prevents a birth once you’re already pregnant? ABORTION!!!

      Take that, stupids.

  43. Your wife is very lucky. There was no one to yell at protesters for me when I went through this. I wish there were more people like you in the world willing to confront these people and make them open their closed little minds, or at the very least shut up! Thank you for sharing this, and I wish you and your wife the best.

  44. I agree with you that it would be nice in a perfect world for them not to be harass people on the worst day of their lives. However, because of free speech it makes it impossible for this to be accomplished. If they actually “got their wish” and the legal choice was removed then it would mean that they would no longer know where to protest because they wouldn’t know where these procedures were being performed anymore. We must make sure that the safe choice is available to all women and unfortunately that will mean that these parasites will be there too.

  45. Good for you for standing up to these bullies, and calling out their hypocrisy! Your story and video brought me to tears. I hope it inspires others, too.

  46. Thank you so much for standing up against such hateful actions. Your actions and words have touched so many people.

  47. Kudos for being a good person and having the courage to do this. You inspire me and my likes (too angry, yet too lazy to do stuff) to take simple yet effective steps like these to stand up and speak out.

  48. I’m sorry for you and your family but I’m moved by your courage. What an example you set and if I had a husband do what you did I would be grateful and proud.

  49. My husband and I also had to make the choice you and yoru wife made. Our daughter Erin, also our second child, had triploidy, another diagnosis “incompatible with life”. Luckily our procedure took place in an unmarked office in a discreet building — there were no protesters to make the already awful day even worse. Thank you for standing up for all of us who had to make that hard choice.

  50. The world needs more people like you. If my (future) sons turn out half as courageous, righteous and upstanding as you, I will be a proud mother. You are a good man, a great father, and a hero to, if not women everywhere, at least every woman that had to enter the clinic later that day. If there is a Heaven, you will have not only a wall, but a whole darn /house/ of gold bricks, with your unborn child inside. If anyone was doing God’s work in that video, it was you.

    My deepest condolences on the loss of Alexandra.

  51. CloseToHome says:

    This hits close to home. My wife and I are the proud parents of a 2-year-old girl, and would love to have another child, except for the fear of going through the same things you guys did.

    I cannot tell you how your experience weighs on my mind (and my wife’s). How we would feel, what we would do… What if this, what if that?

    Our first attempt at a child resulted in miscarriage. Our second attempt (ultimately) turned out ok, but that was after 10-months of obsessing over heartbeat checks, ultrasounds, amnio, blood tests, and all sorts of other things that practically broke my wife mentally and spiritually.

    She wanted a baby so bad she endured, but where you describe your wife convulsing… Man, I kept playing that scene over and over in head that whole time… It chills me to the bone. She still can’t talk about it.

    To read your post and to see your video – I just can so easily put myself in your place. What happened to you could have easily happened to us. I just cannot believe how spectacularly ignorant some of these protesters are.

    That you said over and over how this was the “worst day of your life” – I’m sure it never occurred to them how that could be true. Or worse, it does occur to them but they consider your feelings “collateral damage” in a wider confrontation – simply put, they don’t care. Either way, I take a surprising amount of pleasure in your confrontation.

    I am very sorry for your experience.

  52. Elizabeth says:

    You, sir, are a good man indeed. Thank you for standing up for those who can’t, and pushing those damn bullies back where they belong.

    • “You, sir, are a good man indeed. Thank you for standing up for those who can’t”

      There is no way any reasonable person could miss the irony in this, right? LOL…standing up to those evil sign holders, while his defenseless, innocent fetus is being slaughtered inside an abortion clinic. One might even say- oh I dont know- Alexandra could not stand up for herself. But yeah, the people with the signs standing up for Alexandras right to not be kill like an animal…THOSE are the bullies.

      • Another deranged pro-liar who apparently thinks it’d have been better for the wife to give birth to an infant that would suffer and die within a day or two. Because it would have been GAAWWWWRRRD’S WIIIILLLLL.

        • Work on your reading comprehension skills. I am not a Christian, nor any kind of theist, so it has nothing to do with the will of a god. It has everything with murdering your own offspring because you are not comfortable that she will not live long. Every person of this earth is dying, so why it is ok to kill someone because of that fact?

          • Ava, it’s not only that Alexandra will not live long, but the short time of her life will be filled with pain and suffering. I would not want that for any child of mine — for her to live for less than a few days, and be in pain the entire time.

          • If I knew someone’s whose whole life was mere pain and suffering in the worst possible way and the only thing they had to look forward to was death, then yes it would definitely be ok to help them end their life or kill them if they cannot do it for themselves.

            I also have no objection to killing CELLS that have NO BRAIN and NO LIFE, rather than wait months for those cells to transform into a tiny human being who would suffer tremendously the few moments it might live. How could you NOT want to abort your “child” in the author’s situation, have you no mercy? Is your sense of morals or ethics really surpassing compassion to do what is right not for you, but for the child?

            Not to mention the part where doctors said it would be still born, so your comment about not being comfortable with your child not living long is out of context here. This cluster of cells would never have even become a living baby.

            How can you be against abortion and NOT believe in god? That’s like the only reason I can think of for someone to oppose abortion. You know, cause people do all sorts of crazy things because of god. Not that I’m saying that not believing in god makes you in any way smarter than believing. I’m just interested.

  53. Holy cow, my heart is pounding like crazy after watching that. Rock on, Angry Dad. That was AWESOME.

    I’m so sorry about your family’s tragedy. That is extremely sad and these people are awful for making a terrible day even worse.

  54. You are a good man. I think you did a great job of not letting your anger get the better of you. I would’ve been likely to resort to profanity. I admire your courage.

  55. Who’s the social retard that came up with the entire pro-life campaign? Seriously! Who was it that thought, “Hey guess… let’s go stand on the corner with pictures of an aborted fetus and harass people randomly, maybe they’ll see the light!

    How stupid do you have to be to think that will have any positive impact what-so-ever. All it does is hurt people who are already hurting. If you can’t see that, then how Christ-like are you guys really being? I mean, you want to call people out on killing by your standard, can’t we call you out on acceptance and understanding by your standard?

    Who uses abortion as birth control?

    Really, I’d like to see some numbers, because I don’t think any woman who goes through that procedure would make a habit of it unless she was mentally ill.

    I want to know, and you right wingers better have some numbers. How many women in the US have had more than one abortion per year? How many women have had more than 10 abortions over the last 10 years.

    Really, just show me one person who uses abortion as casually as condom. I challenge you.

    Don’t be shocked when you have trouble finding statistics to back up your fear.

    I suggest the NAF fact sheet. http://www.prochoice.org/about_abortion/facts/women_who.html

    • I’m currently reading When Abortion Was A Crime by Leslie J. Reagan for a Gender Studies class. Horribly interesting facts there, the last time women seemed to really use abortion as “birth control” was before there was any birth control. During those times it was common for women to have over 10 in their lifetime. But all they had was a rhythm and a prayer. Buying a box of condoms or packs of pills is generally a hell of a lot cheaper and easier than having an abortion.

      • Uhh, carried away much?

        Try asking high school girls, possibly.

        I’m only eighteen and used to go to high school smack dab in Kansas there was A LOT of people I knew that probably got abortions as a form of birth control, and if they weren’t, they were missing the rest of the school year to have their baby who are never going to have a stable father figure in their life.

        I’ve sadly even had some relatives who aborted a probably healthy child because of fear of what their parents would say or because they just could not handle having a child or another child and just have been quite promiscuous.

        I’m sorry, I know I can be a bit immature, but asking “Who uses abortion as birth control?” even if it’s rhetoric just seems ignorant if you’re implying that people DON’T because some of us out there are not part of statistics.

        • “Smack dab in the middle of Kansas”? Well, there’s your answer. It’s a state run by extreme wingnut fundies who don’t want girls/women to have any access to abortion, birth control, or sex ed, because that would get in the way of their becoming Broodmares for Jesus™.

  56. Who’s the social retard that came up with the entire pro-life campaign? Seriously! Who was it that thought, “Hey guys… let’s go stand on the corner with pictures of an aborted fetus and harass people randomly, maybe they’ll see the light!

    How stupid do you have to be to think that will have any positive impact what-so-ever. All it does is hurt people who are already hurting. If you can’t see that, then how Christ-like are you guys really being? I mean, you want to call people out on killing by your standard, can’t we call you out on acceptance and understanding by your standard?

    Who uses abortion as birth control?

    Really, I’d like to see some numbers, because I don’t think any woman who goes through that procedure would make a habit of it unless she was mentally ill.

    I want to know, and you right wingers better have some numbers. How many women in the US have had more than one abortion per year? How many women have had more than 10 abortions over the last 10 years.

    Really, just show me one person who uses abortion as casually as condom. I challenge you.

    Don’t be shocked when you have trouble finding statistics to back up your fear.

    I suggest the NAF fact sheet. http://www.prochoice.org/about_abortion/facts/women_who.html

    • Well, I’m a pro-life “social retard” and I have an Ivy League degree.

    • Um, Jason? That is what the pro-life movement has been saying for, you know, decades. We KNOW abortion is difficult, and the vast majority of women have a very rough time. You see, it makes us ladies kinda sad when our offspring dies, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for women once they relieve they themselves killed their own child. Ever heard of Silent No More?

      LOL, the pro-choice movement is so schizophrenic. Abortion is SO difficult and hurtful for women! It is the worst day of her life!! And then…… Women do NOT have any emotional difficulty after abortion! Abortion is super empowering for women. Post-Abortion Syndrome is just anti-choice propaganda!!!!!!

      Oh by the way, thanks for using the word retarded. That is very classy. Not suprising that a pro-choicer would have no respect for the disabled, though, considering over 90 percent of „retarted“ Down Syndrome fetuses are killed, which you support. Oh, I am sorry, you support the choice to rip apart fetuses because they are disabled. As if there is any moral difference. You could not even bother to offer condolences for the death of Alexandra in your post, but she was, after all, a retarted baby.

      • The word is “retarded” with two D’s, hon.

        And the only reason pro-choicers have felt the need to paint abortion as a difficult choice is because you pro-LIARS love to slut-shame women. It’s not difficult at all for many of us, and we wish that our side would stop pandering to your reactionary ideas.

        • LOL, and that is why the pro-choice movement is so evil and can never survive. Someone disrespects disabled humans, the pro-lifer stands up for these people, and gets attacked for spelling a word wrong. English is my 5th language btw.

          Really, we think pregnant women are sluts? Guess I must be a slut then because I have been pregnant. In fact, I suppose I am a HUGE slut…I have pregnant 3 times in fact! As well as a ton of other pro-lifers. Sex is awesome. Killing your offspring is evil. Not too difficult to see the difference. You Americans are NUTS. Everything to you is an attack on your precious sex life. When your government wants dead-beat dads to pay child-support, do you say they are slut-shaming men for choosing to have sex?

          What a proud country you are. You murder tons of Iraqi children, so it is not surprising you do not really care about snuffing out the lives of your offspring and claim it is no big deal. Abortion is sadly legal here in Germany, but it is considered a huge deal and way more difficult to get than in America, despite the fact we have a very small pro-life movement and not very many religious people.

          • Seriously lady, shut up.

            I had an abortion. It was the worst day of my life. I grieved for months.

            HOWEVER, it was important for me to have that abortion. It is enabling me to finish college and to build a better life so that when I’m ready for children I can support them in every way needed.
            I had the choice of letting that ‘poor unborn child’ come into this world where I wouldn’t have been able to support it or give it the time it would have needed or stopping it before it was self aware enough to hate its own life.

            I did it for my family, the one I will have in the future and the one I will be able to financially support and emotionally care for appropriately.

            So, being the ‘selfish’ person I am, I’m telling you to stop talking out of your ass.

          • Having lived in Europe and in Germany for most of my life I’d have to disagree with you on abortion being hard to get, or it being very uncommon in Germany. Perhaps you have spent your life in different circles than me (or perhaps people who have had abortions and know you would never even DARE say anything to you in fear of being slanted). What do you mean with “hard to get”?

            And how can you say there are not very many religious people in Germany, when your head of state is from the Christian party? Maybe you meant that there aren’t very many crazy protesting Christians, which is of course really awesome. Besides, taking into consideration the huge and ever-growing Muslim population, religion is probably bigger than you think!

            Oh and I’m SO impressed with English being your 5th language, oooo. You’ve probably studied it in school many more hours than some native people here, so you really should know how to spell retarded. That’s just a stab at you personally, cause I don’t like your opinions. Or the way you present them.

  57. I’m soooo sorry that you and your wife had to live through that.

    They’re just grown up bullies.

    I’m not saying they can’t protest, just go protest at places where the laws are actually created and made, not in front of the family, the mom, that is about to make one of the scariest and biggest decision of her life.

    How does that situation help anybody?

  58. Rebecca M. says:

    I can’t even imagine what sort of person would do that to you and your wife. My condolences to your family for your loss. Thank you for standing up to the protesters, and thank you for writing the article. I can only hope your experience can help educate those who continually spew so much hate and mis-information.

  59. Janet Conners says:

    Mr. Gouveia,
    Your article is very inspiring, especially given current events about children being so bullied, they commit suicide…you showed that it is possible to confront bullies and emerge victorious ( if that is possible to feel on such a terrible day). I am truly saddened to read about you and your wife’s experience. I cannot begin to imagine what it felt like…although you brought me to tears reading your description of sitting with your wife. I think what is truly amazing, no matter what YOU were feeling, and again I cannot beign to imagine…you did not make this about you.
    You inspire…

  60. Kara Wilson says:

    You’re courage inspired me and moved me to tears. I have been in the same situation entering a clinic and being hounded and harassed by people who seemingly have no idea the internal torture I had already endured and paid no attention to my sunken skin or swollen eyes or obvious physical and mental turmoil. Thank you for sticking up to these people. Just my watching your video, I feel I got something major off my chest.

  61. You sir, are one of my personal heroes. You stood up for your wife, for yourself, and for the dozens of other people those psychos had harassed throughout the day. I am so sorry for you and your wife’s loss, but I am grateful you had the balls and the intelligence to fire back at their hatred and ignorance with full force. I’m lucky enough to be engaged to a man like you, now we just need all the rest of the pro-choice men out there the stand up for reproductive freedom and maybe the anti-choicers will finally start realizing that other people’s private, medical procedures are none of their goddamn business.

  62. My mother had an abortion for a similar reason over 15 years ago now for a little girl whom they were going to call Alexandria.
    I’m so sorry for you and your wife, but she knows she’s made the right decision, for herself and the baby.

  63. This truly touches me. It is people like you like make me have faith in human-beings.
    I hope the hate stops. My love to you and your wife.

  64. I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter.
    I commend your courage, both in facing tragedy and in confronting those women.
    I hope you and your wife are able to have a healthy child soon.
    I think you will be an amazing father.

  65. Kelly Anne says:

    You. Are. My. Hero.

  66. I commend you for staying so calm in this situation. I can’t say I would have reacted the same way. I wish you and your family all the happiness in the world. You and your wife have been so brave.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  67. Aaron,
    Your story moved me to tears, the way you described your wife’s grief broke my heart. Your courage in the face of such pain is truly amazing.
    The outpouring of support across the internet for your story and actions gives me renewed faith in the goodness of people. Thank you.

  68. You are an incredible, strong, and courageous man. No one should have to endure that kind of despicable nonsense. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  69. You are SO AWESOME. The world needs more men like you. Your wife is a lucky woman. My heart goes out to you and to her!

  70. I know it’s been said many times before in these comments, but you did a tremendous thing. I wish you the best of luck for your wife’s next pregnancy. You two sound like excellent parents, and I hope you have the opportunity to raise another child.

    I spent few months working near a PP Clinic and without fail, every Saturday morning, I witnessed a man chase women down the sidewalk, shouting at them to read literature he was forcing in their faces. He literally shouted at these girls as they walked down the street. I wanted to curse him out on multiple occasions and let him know that most of the women he was following were probably just getting treated for routine gynecological problems (I went there for check-ups myself) and ask him how he dared prey on young girls in what would likely be their darkest hour.

    In any case, you did good work. I hope everything works out for you!

  71. Thank you for putting into words, what so many women cannot. I just wish every woman making such a choice had a companion like you to advocate, when she clearly cannot.

  72. I’m sorry for your family’s loss but more sorry you had to deal with those bullies. Good for you for sticking up for yourself (and your wife!)

  73. Good man for sticking up for your wife form people who like to have an uneducated opinion about a topic that is VERY complex in nature. I’m sure they’ll reconsider and hope to their god they never have to make a move like that..

  74. VisforVanity says:

    I want to thank you not only for what you’ve done to make other women feel safer going into the clinic, and those like me watching the video who know there are others out there willing to stand up to these bigots, but also I think for showing those who may not have good role models for being a man, or who haven’t known good men like you that you are out there.

  75. I’m so sorry you and your wife had to suffer through such a wrenching ordeal. I hope your next pregnancy(ies) has a happy ending. Thank you for sharing your story. You get my vote for Husband of the Year.

  76. This is a good story.

    I am a Christian and I don’t personally believe in abortion; meaning I wouldn’t have one if it was my child. This is my personal “pro-life” opinion. (don’t be turned off and stop reading, I’m not done….)

    I also believe that it is none of my business what other people choose to do. Abortion should be each persons choice and option and no one should impede or rebuke them. I don’t think it should be taken lightly because it is a heavy burden to bear and I’ve seen many people psychologically scarred because of their choice. But, I still feel that this decision and those scars are their choice to bear and no one else’s. Thus, politically, I’m “pro-choice”.

    Your story hits me hard. I’m not sure what I would do given the information you we’re given; it would be a hard choice. I respect your decision and I’m sorry you we’re so horribly confronted by people parading in the name of Christ.

    • I added this to another comment up above, but I will also add it down here…

      This might come across as rude, and if it does, I apologize, as I certainly don’t intend it to.

      You say you are “extremely pro-life,” because you would never get an abortion, but then go on to say that what other people do is their decision – abortion or no abortion. As a little tidbit of information, this actually makes you pro-choice. You can indeed be pro-choice without ever “wanting” (for lack of a better term), to get an abortion yourself. The terms pro-life and pro-choice, for the most part, refer to your general stance on the issue. As you feel that what each person does is their own decision, and therefore also “approve” of others getting abortions, this would actually make you pro-choice.

      I hate to sound like I’m arguing, but I would just like to state the facts and make you and others a little bit more aware of the situation. I hope this makes sense and I hope it doesn’t sound disrespectful.

      • Ignore this message! I appear to have missed your “Thus, politically, I’m “pro-choice”.” statement. My apologies once agai.n

    • Hi Peter

      Because pro life and pro choice are political standpoints, whether or not you believe you will ever let your child be aborted, when you believe that it is not for others to judge someones situation and control their choices, that makes you pro choice. I think you have somewhat acknowledged this though.

  77. I’m so sorry that you and your wife had to deal with those ignorant, judgmental, heartless morons on that day. Good for you — I honestly hope more people do this.

  78. Boy….

    If all men were like you…

    I can only hope and pray that those stupid women went home and felt shame for what they did to you and your wife.

    I can only hope that you’ve been able to conceive another child and this one is viable.

    I can only imagine the kind of father you are to your child/children and husband to your wife.

    You did an amazing thing kind sir. It’s a shame that it was during this heartbreaking time that you were forced to do so.

    On behalf of all women everywhere who don’t have you as their voice, Thank you.

    CS

  79. I am 17 years old and have been attending Catholic school since I was 6. My high school is very pro-life. I am an independent-minded person, but I’m still not completely sure on my place in this issue. I have been raised Catholic, I believe there is something more out there. I also believe that everyone should have the right to marry, no matter what their gender-preference. So I consider myself a spiritual person who attends a Catholic church, at least at this point in my life. When if comes to pro-life/pro-choice, I tend to fall in the middle of the road. This is a very difficult decision. I believe that women should have the right to their own bodies and if there is a legitimate medical reason for aborting the child, they should be allowed to do so. As it is now, however, where being an irresponsible teenager is considered a medical reason, I believe the legality of abortion needs some revision. While women should not be considered a slave to the child that has begun to grow in their body, that child is a human being, and all human beings are equal, no matter how small they are. I think everyone has the right to be born. It scares me to imagine what the babies who may have been born perfectly healthy but who never got the chance to could have brought to this world. An aborted child could have been the one to cure cancer, to be the next president, to create beautiful music, to write a book that changes the world. When a woman conceives a child, unless she is raped or there is a legitimate medical issue, I believe that that woman has the responsibility to share her body with that child until the child is born.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story, Aaron, and allowing me to think about my place in this issue.

    • Everything that I wanted to say, Michele has said. I will quote what she wrote, with which I agree: “When if comes to pro-life/pro-choice, I tend to fall in the middle of the road. This is a very difficult decision. I believe that women should have the right to their own bodies and if there is a legitimate medical reason for aborting the child, they should be allowed to do so. As it is now, however, where being an irresponsible teenager is considered a medical reason, I believe the legality of abortion needs some revision. While women should not be considered a slave to the child that has begun to grow in their body, that child is a human being, and all human beings are equal, no matter how small they are. I think everyone has the right to be born. It scares me to imagine what the babies who may have been born perfectly healthy but who never got the chance to could have brought to this world. An aborted child could have been the one to cure cancer, to be the next president, to create beautiful music, to write a book that changes the world. When a woman conceives a child, unless she is raped or there is a legitimate medical issue, I believe that that woman has the responsibility to share her body with that child until the child is born.” Sir, I applaud you for what you did. I’m glad there are still sane people in this world, and husbands that stand by their wive’s side.

    • Your story speaks volumes to me – I too attended Catholic school from kindergarten to 12th grade, and there were always these questions being thrown around. Eventually I reconciled the issue, and I came to the conclusion that pro-choice is where I wanted to be, no matter what. Not just because of people like Aaron – sadly, there are too few of them – but because of the hatred and hypocrisy of the folks on the other side of the fence. Also, lots of college biology classes, but those aren’t super-relevant or terribly interesting to people who aren’t really nerdy :)

      When I was 17 and a senior in high school, my religion class decided to protest at Planned Parenthood, just like these fools. At the time, I was tutoring a 15 year old girl from Mexico who had had to have an abortion because her parents would have thrown her out in the cold otherwise, where she could have become a drug addict, a prostitute, or simply murdered. Thinking of the self-righteous, rich white Catholic schoolkids taunting my friend makes me sick to my stomach to this very day, years later.

      That day, I stayed home and cried. I still regret that I did not have the courage to do anything besides sending the school a nasty letter. And that’s the day I made my decision: no matter what I felt was right for me, I could never, ever know what was right for anyone else.

      Good luck on your journey…sometimes it takes a few hard knocks, but you’ll figure it out. :)

      • This story outlines such a good overall picture of the situation we find ourselves in. Thank you.

        The ideas that white colonial/catholic groups have had when dealing with many different issues seems to be that they know what is best without trying to understand what its like for anyone else. When british colonised many countries, and missionaries set up in third world countries, that same ideal remains. That they are more intelligent and know better than anyone else, disregarding the facts and the individual situations themselves.

        I applaud you Michelle for standing up to your environment, if only internally. I grew up in similar but not so intense circumstances. I realise that people dont seek to have an abortion, it would be a traumatic experience. The church’s ideas seem to show people as evil if they dont want to be a part of their group. I have faith that this is untrue. We all understand what feels right or wrong and it is a difficult decision to decide what to do. Difficult enough already without someone who has no idea dictating what we have to do and making us feel horrible.

        Thanks for your posts

      • Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just wanted to let you know that it was very inspiring and touching.

        My parents went through a similar scenario when I was younger. My mother terminated with a pill, but I remember being in the car on the way to the clinic (I was only 9 and still a little too young to understand). I remember still the people there harassing us, and the complete shame and humiliation that I felt for both my parents and myself. I felt like a terrible, horrible person – and I felt every word that they called and accused. I cried for weeks.

        I was raised with Church and attending a Catholic school, so I felt overwhelmed by the moral pressures surrounding what (I now understand) my parents had to do – it was a difficult decision, but it was the right thing to do. I questioned my faith for awhile, but I am still Christian. I believe still in the love of the Lord and Jesus. I am sorry that you were so hurt by these thoughtless “Christians”, who unfortunately are so blinded by hate that they fail to see how much they hurt others.

        I was fortunate to have my parents through the ordeal, who helped me to still keep faith in the goodness of people, and to move past the judgment, hatred and cruelty of those protesters. I’m glad your wife had your support, and I hope that other women who go through the same ordeal find love and support through their difficult time.

        I’d just like to add my voice to the others in sending your family love and well-wishes after such a terrible day. Thank you again for sharing.

        I’m also glad to see all the kind messages of other people. Thank you all.

    • I believe that that woman has the responsibility to share her body with that child until the child is born.
      Share her body? Like roommates? Only this one can ruin your life? You’re 17. Let us know how you feel when you have to “share your body “with an unwanted fetus.
      You people won’t be happy until women are shoving coat hangers into their wombs. Like Gerri Santoro.
      http://www.lifeandlibertyforwomen.org/about_gerri.html

      • I’m surprised someone didn’t come along and wag a finger at you for being so MEEEAAAN to the widdle junior fetus-hugger.

    • No, I don’t have any responsibility to let a fetus leech off me. It might be human. It’s not a person.

      You’re not as “independent-minded” as you think you are.

  80. When I heard you repeat the “lowest common denominator” at the end, I instantly recognized that feeling of intense emotional climax. That point where you are in such a rage that you are almost in tears. You begin to buckle under the anguish of your loss and power of your anger. This was a good time to walk away.

    It is revolting to see women humiliated and shamed publicly for having an abortion, being judged without any foreknowledge of the circumstances. In my opinion any circumstances preceding an abortion should be a private matter and not subject to the discrimination of the public.

    Like someone who just cut you off and won’t look at you to convey an apology or even acknowledge their error, the woman on the right takes a step into the road and adjusts her sign trying to ignore the truth, like a child putting their fingers in their ears going “LA LA LA LA”.

    If we did study on the hypothesis that women who have had abortions are at higher risk for suicide, we would have to consider the undue judgment placed on them by these ignorant stonecasters as a variable.

    I am not sure its a good idea to open the first amendment can of worms on a thread that should really stay on topic, but I think it’s a big part of the story because it comes up in discussion with the two parties, when the 911 call is threatened. I must say that here seems to be a good example of when censorship is a good idea.

    When I think about the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and its creed that “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights” It pains me to think of how the same laws that allow you to confront these buffoons protect their right to protest. It’s easy to see why many of such cases are left to the highest courts to decide. Your right to free speech should allow for you to speak freely and publicly about your ideas so far as they do not infringe on the rights of others. But drawing that line is difficult in many cases. Here’s one where the victim is obvious.

    It seems clear to me that your wife’s dignity and self-worth was violated by these mindless signwaving textbook hypocrites. And I hate to make it sound like what you did was pointless (because I don’t think it was) but those blind dogmatists were probably lost causes. I bet you felt a little better venting that frustration and I KNOW your wife appreciated you standing up for her. I bet it probably helped her heal emotionally from such a traumatic event. I’m proud of you too. To be witness to such a disgrace, sickens me and makes me ashamed to be a member of such a fickle and troubled species.

    My will is restored by your display of character and grace.

  81. We need more people like you.

  82. a once scared girl says:

    I had an abortion once. I’m pretty certain that I would have killed myself if I had been forced to have that baby.

    I’m now a mother to another child, a beautiful son whom I love like crazy. Even if I hadn’t killed myself I probably wouldn’t have been the mother that I am now to that child, which would have been unfair to him or her. And I can guarantee that I would not have the son I have now. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

    Although your situation was far different, good for you for standing up to them. I was just a scared little girl, I tried to ignore them but their words still stung.

    On a interesting side note, when abortion was illegal a suicidal mother was sometimes seen as a legal reason to abort a fetus.

    • I was just going to say the same thing. If abortion hadn’t been available to me at the time I was date raped and needed one, I’m pretty certain I would have killed myself as well. I was already under a psychiatrists care for other issues and becoming pregnant as a result of rape nearly put me over the edge. I had my abortion at 6 weeks and felt a sense of relief and renewal afterward. God saw fit after my abortion to give me the gift of two beautiful children. I really don’t feel that those children would be alive today if not for my heart-wrenching decision all those years ago.

  83. You sir are the bravest man I’ve ever seen when confronting these idiots. Bless you sir and I hope you and your wife get another chance at raising a beautiful daughter.

  84. Well done. These people need to understand that they are hurting others.

  85. Aaron, I’m gonna go right to the top: GOD BLESS you for stepping up as you did. My wife and I had a similar decision to make, but we were spared the idiocy you encountered.
    In all honesty, I hope this sparks a trend of people addressing this mindless repetition of largely hollow rhetoric at people at their worst time.
    As for commenter “Nick” above, I can only say this: I can be a pretty vindictive SOB, but I’d never wish what we or Aaron and his wife went through on ANYONE, even someone like you to learn what a clueless ass you are.

  86. I can only hope that the man I marry, and the men my little sisters choose to spend their lives with will be this awesome.

  87. Tempest Starr says:

    Dear Aaron and your wife.

    First may I offer my condolances. I hope you are both recovering from this awful ordeal and are finding strength and love in each other.

    Secondly, thank you. From a woman who has terminated 2 pregnancies an pro-choice women the world over, thank you. You have done women a great service with your strength and bravery.

    You were so articulate and composed, I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for you. You are a beautiful and honorable man standing up for your wife that way. Many, many blessings to you.

    Namaste
    T.S

  88. What you’ve done is brave, honourable and just. One day I hope to marry a man just like you. I just had to leave a comment to say that what you did that day is supportive of women (and men) everywhere. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  89. Aaron, you’ve inspired me to volunteer. Thanks for helping to make the world a better place and reaffirm a pretty good chunk of my faith in humanity. If there was a Dad of the Year contest, I think you’d win by a landslide.

  90. You did well to not call them evil. Because that’s what they are.
    You also did well in not calling them stupid (as such), because that’s what their simple one dimensional view of the world demonstrates.

  91. I have fortunately never been in a situation like your wife and I am sorry for your loss. But she is lucky to have a husband like you.

    The world needs more people like you.

    Thank you.

  92. That felt SO DAMN GOOD Aaron. I am so sorry for your loss. I you’ve channeled your grief and pain into a highly apporpiate outlet here. They enrage me on any day and I haven’t had your sad experience. I think you showed excellent restraint given the circumstances. Thank you for this. it is so needed.

  93. I am a Christian and even though I am I will proudly say that if it was my baby I would have made the same choice it even more cruel to let the baby try to survive, if she had decided to keep the baby the pain would have been worse because the second the baby was born it would be in utter turmoil and pain and would die slowly, this way before pain like that can be felt you are releasing it, which in my mind is a little thing called mercy. there are some abortions I do not agree with but I will not get into that here, but abortions that NEED to happen in cases like this or cases where the mothers life is in mortal danger I not only accept but agree with and believe that they should be done. not all Christan are like the mentioned above, even I as a Christian will say people like that make our religion look bad and make me sick.

  94. domestic goddess says:

    So sorry for your loss. A very close relative had a very wanted pregnancy and the fetus had a similar condition (no bladder, no kidneys) which was picked up on an ultra sound in the last trimester. They chose termination. Thankfully, she didn’t have to walk a gauntlet but was able to go to a big teaching hospital that provides this service. It was really tough on them and I’m just thankful that they had our support and didn’t have a to face mean stupid people. I’m sorry your wife had to go through this and have these idiots yell at her. But you were brilliant. Thanks for doing that. It must have been very difficult to keep so civil when you talked to them.

  95. Thank you for posting this, and talking about it. The day my partner and I picked up the ashes from the termination, I was driving and out of the corner of my eye I saw the horrific antiabortion signs. I tried to distract her from them, but it was too late. Losing a child like this is hell. Being harassed for it is even worse.

    When the pregnant woman’s life is threatened by a fetus that will not survive, all rhetoric goes out the window and only a very fundamental protectiveness is left. Anyone who has not been in this position and feels the right to judge can shut the fuck up. Really.

    • If it’s just a “blob” or whatever, why is abortion “hell?”

      • Did I say my terminally ill son was a blob? I don’t think I did. This decision, and experience is hell. The fetus had a perforated heart, intestines that were non functional and a genetic disorder. If he had survived to term, he would have been straight into open heart surgery and had no intestines. At 19 weeks my partner was vomiting for four hours a day. I knew the right decision immediately, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love them both in making it.

        I assume you believe in a God, and I hope your God spares you the experience of having to make this decision.

  96. watching that video made me feel sick to my stomach–not because of what you did, but because of what the protesters were doing, that prompted to do what you did.

    you, sir, are a WONDERFUL man for standing up for your wife and for every other woman that has ever had to consider an abortion.

    I am personally (as in, myself and only myself) pro-life, but generally pro-choice. I don’t like the idea of abortion, I hope I never have to have one (I’d never get one except for reasons like why your wife got one), but I think I–and other women out there–deserve to CHOOSE whether to have one or not.

    I sincerely hope and pray that you and your wife heal and recover as quickly as possible from all of this. NO ONE should ever have to suffer from something like this.

  97. I am so very sorry for the loss of Alexandra. And I hope that those ladies out front start thinking of ways to compassionately support women considering abortion, instead of harassing people without consideration for their experience.

  98. Priscilla says:

    Aaron, thank you for standing up to those bullies. Bless your heart. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope you can conceive again very soon.

  99. Like all the other hundreds of comments said, this was wonderfully written. I’m touched. I wish that I had the courage that you had when confronting those really awful women.

    I hope that your wife recovers well.

  100. Thank you, Aaron, for defending your wife in her time of crisis. Thank you for challenging the simplistic notions of those who bully women outside of clinics. Thank you for making your story public and exposing the lack of compassion and reality that these bullies demonstrate so clearly. Unfortunately this happens in cities all over the country every day. Your wife is right-it shouldn’t matter why a pregnant woman chooses abortion, she does not deserve to be screamed at and shamed by people who don’t know her.

    The shame that many women feel after abortion is not because of the abortion. It is because of these deliberate acts of shaming imposed on women by strangers, by religious leaders, by media messages, and even by “friends”. If these hateful messages would stop, women could feel strong and proud in the decisions they make, even when those decisions are difficult.

    Those who claim they scream at pregnant women because they are Christian are distorting the scripture in despicable ways.

    You are a good man. And your wife is a good woman. And together you made a good decision. Wishing you all good things.

  101. Priscilla says:

    You made my day!

  102. We need a united mesage against the right wing anti choice nutjobs, aka the American Taliban.

    Something like:

    “In America abortion is LEGAL! If you don’t like it get the law changed, otherwise STFU! ”
    .

  103. The world needs more men like you. Anti-choice protesters are the scum of the earth and you showed more restraint than I could even imagine. Thank you for your bravery.

  104. So sorry for your loss and that those awful people got on your case. I hope that you opened their minds a little.

  105. You sir, are a champion, and I applaud you. The world would be a better place if more people had the courage to stand up to these ignorant fools who menace folk with their own religious beliefs.

  106. sammyscout says:

    Awesome, Aron – We need more like you

    Myself : Permanently banned from Huffingtonpost for voicing my opinion regarding social issues. I guess you have to be a dittohead on one side of the two to be accepted.

  107. Yermomma Bin Laden says:

    Hey man, I was a survived abortion, I donated my twin brother to stem cells, I heard they used him as a sandwich instead.

  108. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you and your family. The world needs more men like you.

  109. You sir are my new hero. This needs to be done more often and I think after this show of force it will. I am however sorry for your loss.

  110. Aaron, I admire you for taking it to those anti-choice idiots and making them face the results of their rants and rhetoric.

    Several years ago, I was a volunteer patient escort at a clinic. We saw the ridiculous, even psychotic, behavior the anti-choice gang engaged in. Preaching escalated into yelling. Yelling escalated to trying to get into patients’ vehicles as they pulled into the parking lot. Attempting to get into vehicles escalated into following patients after they left. The capstone was a bus load of people brought in from Wichita to invade the clinic and try to destroy it. In the process, one of the security guards was forced against the front door by more than a dozen attackers, and two of the vertebrae in his back were broken.

    Dr. Tiller’s recent assassination, amongst other events, shows there really isn’t any act that is beyond these zealots. And every one of the attackers and killers started out as a harasser just like the two women you confronted.

  111. In 1987, I found out I was pregnant, at 22 years old. When I told the father, he did everything possible to avoid me. I summoned up the courage to tell my mother. She was wonderfully supportive, no matter what choice I made. I agonized over what to do, but in the end, I made the choice that was right for my situation and me. Would I ever presume to tell another woman that she must make the same choice I did or that anyone could possibly have the right to tell any human what he or she must do with his or her body? This even goes for men, because it’s not just pregnancy, but any medical condition. Does anyone have the right to tell someone that they must be kept on life support if they were brain-dead?
    My choice, when I had to make it, was an open adoption, on my terms. I even personally picked out her parents. Could anyone else be expected to do what I did? No, I don’t think that they should be asked to do so. I was very careful with my decision, and weighed all of the pros and cons, all of the different aspects of each choice, and made the right decision for me. My parents raised me to be compassionate towards others, and in my way, I was helping a family that wanted to be parents have their dreams come true.
    Unfortunately, not every family has such a happy ending; and had I been faced with the situation that Aaron and his wife faced, I can honestly say that I would have made the same choice that they did. It would have been heart-wrenching, as it undoubtedly was for them, but I believe it was the right decision for them and for their daughter.
    I have seen overly heroic medical decisions made on the behalf of someone who can’t speak for themselves, with no better quality of life for the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent. They had a more days where their heart beat, their lungs forced to inhale & exhale, but there was no quality of life. Choosing to let a person die who has no quality of life is the most honorable, and wise decision. Choosing instead to “spare no expense” for them to live a few more months when there is no quality of life, only quantity of days on this planet is selfish and small-minded.

  112. Well done! Thank you so much for speaking out.

    These people and their associates are killers, that bomb and attack people that run clinics. They have no shame, they have no compassion, they only want to control and punish women. They refuse to listen to reason – they seem to think that abortions won’t happen if they are illegal.

    They also refuse to help change the conditions that lead to the necessity of abortions.

  113. As a person who has gone through a similar set of circumstances, I must truly tell you that I respect what you did and how you id it. With all my heart I lament the loss you and your wife faced. When I was in your position and a protester was verbally assaulting my fiance, I told him “if you continue to bother us I will cave your skull in.” I regret those words so much. I wish I had the courage and gumption that you did to tear that apart at the root, rather than just resort to petty and foolish threats.

    You’re a good man. Not only was I moved to tears when I red this, but it is also a great help in the healing process. Thank you again.

  114. Lost Gamer says:

    Many days there is a mob of protesters outside the Planned Parenthood in my town, and every time I see them I think to myself; “One day I’m going to go put up signs supporting the other side of this argument.” and never do… Your actions have inspired me to finally stand up for my beliefs. As I was reading your story and following comments I was getting my own signs ready for the next time I see them. So I can go offer my support and acceptance to those who may be there on the most difficult day of their life.

    Thank you for giving me the courage to do some thing good in my life and my sincerest condolences to you and your family, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling.

  115. Well done Aaron.

  116. Well done, Aaron. And you are right these people are not used to being confronted and they prey on the weak. I bet the two women got a fright when they saw you and your camera! Hope you don’t mind, but I put your article in my website.

    http://churchandstate.org.uk/2010/10/confronting-life/

  117. itdoesnt matter says:

    quit talking to and start shooting these people… there is nothing left to discuss

  118. My condolences on your loss.

    I’m so sorry you and your wife had to go through that on what must already have been one of the hardest days of your lives. But I’m proud that you stood up for yourself and for her. Thank you on behalf of the next women who had to walk into that clinic.

  119. Bravo sir bravo. Remember all it takes for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing. Bravo.

  120. If I were dying and had a child, I’d be proud if you’d take and raise him or her in my stead. You seem like a thoughtful and caring young man.

    Sign me – old enough to be your father.

  121. You are awesome.

    Much respect from an Australian fan.

  122. BookElfLeeds says:

    You are an utter utter legend of a man, and your wife is incredibly lucky to have you love her. Loads of respect and love from the UK xx

  123. Partners In Crime says:

    My condolences to you & your wife on your loss.

    Wishing you all the best for the future.

  124. Well fucking done mate.
    I really apreciate your words and what you said to these women. You had every right to talk to them as you did, your actions wil,l & obviously already has, inspired people to speak their mind.
    these women holding their stupid boards do not look at every angle of the situation, every person does something for a reason & it is usually for the good of those involved. (such as you decision on that day) who is it for anyone else but yourself to judge you.
    God bless man, & i mean that i the best possible way
    I wish you and your wife the best of health
    sam xx

  125. This story broke my heart. NO ONE – no matter what circumstances brought them to that place – should have to go through that. It’s horrible.

    Thank you for crossing over and talking to these protesters. They were probably back the next day and the next day and look at their conversation with you as a casualty. Their cowardice showed when one of them said she didn’t want to be filmed. I hope more people come out and PEACEFULLY confront these people like you did. You were brave for doing this on such a horrible day.

    Thank you for sharing, and my thoughts go out to you and your family during recovery.

  126. sucks dude, having a mermaid baby would have been cool.

  127. I am very sorry you had to go through this, but thank God you stood up for yourselves.

    Pro-life activists need to be aware of more cases like this, where it isn’t really a case of weighing options. A termination is, in fact, the only choice.

    I do think it’s a bit heinous to condemn all religious people, however, as many of the commenters here seem to have done. Open contempt (which the other side is obviously guilty of, as the video proves yet again) only prevents meaningful dialogue, which prevents constructive change. To make these people change, we need to invoke their compassion, which they must have, no matter how deeply they’ve suppressed it.

    • “Pro-life activists need to be aware of more cases like this, where it isn’t really a case of weighing options. A termination is, in fact, the only choice.”

      Not true; some women would choose to carry to term, the idea being that if life in the womb is the only life their baby will have, then that is what they will provide. Personally, I don’t think that carrying to term in such situations is the most humane option, but I fully support a woman’s right to do so/attempt to do so, if that is what she chooses. Women and their families deserve support and understanding, because there is no good outcome whatever they choose in such situations.

      “Pro-life” proponents do know of these types of situations, but something like 40% of them still believe that abortion should never be allowed. Not to save a woman’s life. Not to administer mercy to a fetus. They even believe that school-aged children should be forced to carry to term.

      http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/03/06/this-what-religious-objection-abortion-looks-like

      http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/reader-diaries/2010/07/15/ordainingwoman-equals-rapingchild

      http://www.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx

      http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2010/05/17/roundup-saving-mothers-life-gets-excommunicated

      I’m long past the point of believing that forced-gestation proponents are well-meaning, though misguided individuals who just love babies and want what’s best for them. They are deluded zealots who want only to increase the amount of suffering in the world, especially for women.

      Good on you, Mr. Gouveia, for confronting those misogynist wastes of oxygen in such a restrained and eloquent manner. I only hope that you knocked some compassion into their hateful little minds. I wish more people were like you.

    • What Ruth said. They don’t have any compassion. They don’t need to be convinced; they need to be politically marginalized.

  128. Am now crying. Oh damn.

    Thank you SO much, Aaron. Just, thank you.

  129. To Aaron and his wife, I am so very terribly sorry for your loss. I am even sorrier you had to deal with those idiots. Your act was nothing short of spectacular. Your wife is very fortunate to have such a loving and caring husband. I wish you both the best .

  130. 2 wrongs make a right, I guess.

    You angrily confronting those women makes you a hero?

    I feel for your great loss, and would never want to be put in that position, and am not sure what I’d do, but one thing I would not do is attempt to gain notoriety.

    You did have a choice. And you made it.

    Those women choose to protest what they feel is a great wrong in society.

    Deal with it. Don’t project your pain and suffering on those who are exercising their rights as US citizens, whether you agree with them or not.

    • If you consider what Mr Gouveia did in this video to be representative of an angry confontation then you certainly have led a very sheltered life.

      • Like I said, it looks like 2 wrongs make a right, huh? He is angry at them for making his wife and other women feel bad, and in turn is yelling at them making them feel bad.

        If you use the same tactics of those you are criticizing, then you are not a hero. You are a hypocrite.

        You all sit here at your keyboards condemning those who are actually out doing something for their beliefs. You want to make a difference? Stage a counter protest. Escort women to these clinics. Run for office. Make sure you vote.

        But yelling at and scaring a couple of women is not going to get you anywhere. Next time there will be more people at that clinic. Fox News will pick this up as evidence that the “left” is getting violent at abortion clinics.

        He just made fodder for more rightist activism. You can’t play their game. You’ll lose every damn time.

        • Fox News will pick this up as evidence that the “left” is getting violent at abortion clinics.
          BHAAAAA! No, getting violent is what happened to Dr.Tiller who had his face blown off in his church. Getting violent is what happened to my cousin on December 30, 1994. Alas, her friend Shannon Lowney was killed instead. It’s time to stop pandering and making nice with fanatics. The prochoice side has done all the compromising. Anyone who watches Faux News has been brain washed: we liberals could give free firearms out and it would be seen as a facist/communist/socialist plot.

        • Charlotte says:

          “Stage a counter protest. Escort women to these clinics.”

          What he did *was* a counter-protest, and he was escorting his wife to the clinic.

    • scarybandit says:

      So some people can express heartfelt opinions but not others, nice one, idiot.

    • So…the women have the right to protest, but he doesn’t have the right to speak his mind? Sorry, sweetie, but it doesn’t work that way in this country. Yes, they can say what they want say. And Aaron has the right to tell them where to shove it. Just as I have the right to tell you the same.

    • sangetencre says:

      They can protest.

      We have the right to call them on their despicable, misogynistic (hell, misanthropic, even), and hateful behavior. That’s how it works.

    • Maybe you can find a Nazi protest to support too. They have legal rights to voice their opinions just like the rest of us.

      Some of us think these women are just as dangerous as Nazis.

    • milady_winter says:

      Yeah. How dar he stand up for his wife. What a woose… right?
      You are an epic hypocrite.

    • Fritz, the protesters are there to make things difficult for women who want abortions. Without any knowledge of each individuals situation, they say yell, they say unkind things. I applaud someone standing up to them and trying to show them their assumptions are flawed. I applaud someone who may cause the protester to think a little about the pain they are causing. I applaud someone pushing back against those who would take the choice away. Why should Mr. Gouveia “deal with it” in silence, while protesters shriek?

      I can only assume it’s because some don’t want to hear contradictions to their beliefs.

    • Are you saying they have a right to harass his wife, but he doesn’t have a right to freedom of speech? What kind of double standard is that?

      They harassed his wife, he has every right to confront them.

    • Concern troll is vewwy, vewwy concerned.

  131. Prochoice says:

    Aaron Gouveia and his wife have my complete support .

  132. scarybandit says:

    The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. – Russell.

  133. Lori in Florida says:

    I loved your comment, you want to stand out here in public holding a sign but you don’t want to make a public statement(?). Well said.

    These two women, and the majority of people who are just like them, do not understand the gut wrenching process that takes place prior to showing up for this procedure. For most, it will be a memory never forgotten, and extremely painful. While they have the right to stand there and hold their massive signs exhibiting photos of aborted fetuses, we retain the right to choose, and to speak out, as well.

    My heart goes out to you and your wife. Thank you for speaking up and out against intolerance. For all of those who would silence the rest of us, who do understand and support personal choice, may they never walk in your footsteps.

    Peace.

  134. With tears in my eyes I simply wanted to say thank you. Thank you for standing up for those who are too weak to do so for themselves. Having been in a similar situation but being too broken to say/do anything about it….thank you.

  135. Why isn’t there a law prohibiting these people from being within a certain distance of these clinics? I think that is the only solution to this problem. What they are doing is pure harassment. How can that not be illegal?

    Aaron, you are a hero. Thank you for defending your wife… and inadvertently defending so many others.

    • Some cities have tried creating safe spaces around clinics, but the laws are always struck down by the courts…

  136. read about this on Daily Kos. ..

    Thanks for standing up to these women, for starting a dialogue. Yes, ladies – we have the LEGAL RGHT to a choice.

    Perhaps the one with adopted children should be home with THEM. Or perhaps the other one with the lovely picture on her sign can adopt a child born of a women she convinced not to have an abortion, but who has no way to support her. Oh, forgot, THAT would entail REAL character and courage.

    Best wishes for you and your family. My condolences on the loss of Alexandra.

  137. I cannot even begin to express my anger towards these women who call themselves worshipers of Gods. It sickens me that these religious cults will yell and scream all these horrible things but have no clue what these women are dealing with and the guilt and pain they feel. I recently had to choose whether I should get an abortion or not and I am so glad that I had the final say in what I wanted. I was blessed with not having to deal with protesters outside the clinic I went to and I am so grateful for that. These protesters are not helping the matter and what they are doing has no positive effect. Maybe a child will be saved from dying while still in the womb but it does not guarantee a safe, loving home for that child to grow up in. Adoption is an option but how many children are still out there that are looking for a home?

  138. Im so sorry for what you and your wife had to go through, Aaron. I work in a reproductive health clinic, and I watch women like your wife come in for help. The range of experiences is astounding. None of them are simple and every decision is a hard one. Thank you for standing up for your wife, for yourself and for all women. Thank you for speaking your mind and for calling those women on the hypocrisy of their actions. One in four women has an abortion at some time during their lives. I wonder which one of them will be visiting a clinic like mine. I wonder which one of them will see the staff, not as demons, but as human beings who care. And I wonder which one of them will realise that their painful, wrenching decision was the the right one for them at that time. Thank you.

  139. Thank you for sharing this. Hopefully it will encourage others to do the same.

    Another thing about these people is that they are hypocrites. I have heard several stories of known picketers/harassers going in for abortions or bringing in their daughters. These people are just soulless.

  140. sir, you behaved with much more restraint than i would have (I’d be in jail for pushing those two women into oncoming traffic). You are a true hero.

  141. Good for you. Thank you for standing up to the bullying. Sorry you had to make that decision.

  142. I think you did the right thing, whether you were heated or not and maybe it will make them think twice. People like them need to know that they are actually causing more pain and harm. I am Christian with the belief that our choices are our own and between us and our God – whoever that may be. No one has the right to berate and bully another with a choice that is not theirs. You can be against it, you can have your angst feelings but take it to a pen and paper instead of attacking someone for the choices that THEY make.

    I gave birth to a stillborn at 20 weeks. Things started going south at week 19 due to incompetent cervix.

  143. I always wonder, if the same people who spend days and days protesting abortion, if they will just spend same time taking care of children who were not aborted, but not wanted either. How many kids are in children homes? It should be not about waving the signs and be laud, but about quietly doing good work.
    Because otherwise it is about publicity and not about what really matters – your gut feeling, that you are really saving somebody’s life. Somebody who is already here, and needs help. That is more important than hypocritical publicity stunts….

  144. Randomly shouting at people whose situation you know nothing about is lame.

    Don’t believe in abortion? Then don’t have one. But if you’re not going to spend money or time raising a child once it’s born, then it’s none of your business.

  145. Wow! I am so inspired and energized after watching your video. Thank you for pushing back on these ideological bullies. I could not believe the woman who was going to call the cops on you! For what? Disagreeing with her? Questioning her beliefs? This is not a theocracy, ladies.

  146. I’m sorry for your & your wife’s loss, Aaron. She’s a lucky woman to know you have her back. The power of your convictions and your mutual commitment to your family is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story.

  147. Thank you for your bravery. I had to make the same choice 3 years ago. My daughter was diagnosed with Potters Syndrome in utero at 25 weeks, which is also fatal and is also characterized by lack of kidneys and bladder. I was able to induce stillbirth at the hospital so I was spared the gauntlet of walking into an abortion center. Every day I drive past our local center on the way into work and I am angered every morning by the protesters accosting women as they enter. I don’t think these protesters really care. If they did, they would seek out ways to help others instead of spreading hatred and harm.

  148. FYI- the pictures they hold up of “aborted fetuses” are not fetuses at all. Do the research on the pictures folks. First and foremost- they’re too big and far too developed to be aborted fetuses. In most cases, you can hardly see an aborted fetus. Second, when you do actually do the research on the sources of the pictures, you’ll find that most of those babies are burn victims and victims of being dumped or mutilated after being born. But hey- it’s one more way to terrorize and bully women.

    • Yep. That’s why I call ’em “pro-liars.” They lie. They lie that abortion causes breast cancer, they lie that it causes “post-abortion syndrome,” they lie that no baby is truly unwanted, they lie about everydamnthing.

  149. I dunno – this is all a little too convenient for a guy who’s also a blogger and a regular contributor for the Good Men Project to ‘just happen’ to have this situation come up. Um, yeah…. I’m waving the bullshit flag.

    Makes for great publicity and blog traffic, though. Nice job.

    • Charlotte says:

      This kind of situation happens to a lot of people. My cousin had to run the gauntlet of these protesters as she was going, devastated, for a D&C after her third miscarriage as she was desperately trying to have a child. Had she been a journalist or a blogger, I’m sure she would have written about it. Though these stories need to be shared, I’m kind of glad she didn’t, as she’d have to deal with commenters like you accusing her of lying after all she’d already gone through.

    • Maybe if you paid attention to the anti-choice movement, it’d have run truth bells for you, but you strike me as a guy who can’t be bothered because “that’s a woman’s issue.”

  150. I’m a Christian and while I do oppose abortion because ‘a baby will spoil the fun’ so to speak, I do understand that these things are sometimes necessary. That congenital defects do happen. People don’t bother to look deeper into the issue because it’s easy to see the cut and dry, black and white of it all. They harp about respect and dignity for human life and that it starts in the womb- but their ideology ends there, it seems. Respect should indeed start in the womb, but it should keep going and never stop- that’s where a lot of Christians fall short.

    I am a woman struggling with infertility and it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced and I cannot imagine going through what your wife went through and then to have these women pass judgement like that. Christians are told, ‘you must believe this way because that’s what the bible says.’ But no one ever questions why. God gave us our brains for a reason and it’s people like that who disgust me but worst of all, give the rest of us a bad name. Intellectual suicide at it’s finest.

    • “I’m a Christian and while I do oppose abortion because ‘a baby will spoil the fun’ so to speak…”

      Yeah, people who want a little pleasure in life should TOTALLY be punished for the next 18 years and nine months. Another example of xtian lurve and compassion.

  151. I was brought to tears by this piece. I am so sorry for your loss. That these people bury their own compassion deep, deep inside of themselves for such a selfish reason. They aren’t protesting to make a better world, they are looking to save their own souls, so that they can live forever with god in heaven. Their own souls are more important to them than the pain and anguish right in front of them which belies their self-serving bully tactics. Just remember that they are in this for themselves, that is their intent. They couldn’t care less for the women they yell at for these protestors are only worried about racking up souls saved to brown-nose God.

  152. confront the bullies says:

    I am so sorry for your loss–you know that if there is a Lord, He is on the side of ending suffering. Your baby would suffer if it had come to be born, and I believe with all my heart this means you did the right thing.

    And thank you for standing up to these people. You have to draw the line at psychological terrorism, which is what these people are doing, whether they realize it or not. Sadly, it seems like they sure don’t understand what ZERO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL means, because if they did, they would have never got in your face to begin with.

    And I love the irony of the lady who’s going to call the cops because you talked back to her. Does she think she can exercise her rights under the Constitution but you cannot?

  153. Abortion hurts women. Forcibly dilating the cervix and entering multiple surgical instruments into the uterus to cut the baby apart and scrape the inside of the uterus carries multiple risks, including an incompetent cervix and miscarriage or premature delivery of the next wanted baby.
    There’s also the increased risk of breast cancer from abortions due to increased exposure to estrogen and decreased maturation of breast cells. Of course there are the adverse psychological consequences of abortion. Gouveia and his wife may receive an emotional bump from all the pro-abort support now, but after the publicity has died away, they will be left with the cold hard fact that they killed their handicapped baby. There have been cases where babies with this type of handicap not only survived, but thrived. Abortion guarantees otherwise. Instead of our government funding abortions, I would like to see that money used to ease the burden on children with handicaps and their families. Anyone out there remember Helen Keller? She was not born ‘perfect’, but she went on the change the world.

    • Vicky,

      I can tell that you are sincere in your beliefs. I can also tell you that you are extremely incorrect in your beliefs. Beliefs do NOT equal facts. You are entitled to your own beliefs but not to your own facts. Allow me to correct your ignorant statements.

      Abortion, especially in the first trimester, is safer than carrying a pregnancy to term. Safer = fewer maternal deaths/fewer maternal complications. Today, abortion is about 10 times safer than giving birth. Statistically, abortion is safer than an injection of penicillin. The risk of death associated with pregnancy is about 10 times as high as that associated with abortion.

      All medical procedures, including abortion & including childbirth carry risks. Unless there are complications (remember 10x fewer with abortion than with childbirth), abortion has zero impact on future ability to conceive or to carry to term.

      Abortion increases risk of breast cancer? Really? What about miscarriages? Why is there never anything written on miscarriage increasing the risk of breast cancer? I’ll tell you why – because it is complete and utter bull. Over 100 of the world’s leading experts on pregnancy and breast cancer concluded that “induced abortion is not associated with an increase in breast cancer risk.”

      Anti-choice/anti-woman/forced birthers promote these falsities as if they were facts in order to frighten women and discourage them from having an abortion.

      Please, please, PLEASE point me and Aaron and Aaron and his wife’s doctor toward these miraculous “cases where babies with this type of handicap not only survived, but thrived.” Point to ONE. I’ll wait.

      Just be honest. I know it’s hard but try it; you might like it. You and all anti-choicers are opposed to legal abortion under any circumstances regardless of safety. Your real goal is to prevent women from exercising their legal right to choose abortion. Protecting women or their health has jack-all to do with it! Y’all honestly just don’t believe that women shouldn’t have to suffer or ‘face the consequences’ for daring to have sex, be autonomous, etc. etc. If you can’t make them suffer with an unwanted pregnancy or baby then you’ll damn sure make them suffer any other way you can.

      In short, let me purposely mis-quote Dan Akroyd; “Vicky, you ignorant bitch!”

      • “you ignorant bitch!”

        Hmmm…you really shouldn’t call yourself names.

        • Maybe you should learn to read.

        • You already used that third-grade insult upthread, Lucy. Isn’t it time for you to go back to mommy’s homesk00l class? Today’s lesson: the earth is only 6,000 years old, and gaawwrrrd put the fossils in the earth to test our faith!

          • “You already used that third-grade insult upthread, Lucy’

            What “insult” would that be? The only “third grade insults” (actually more like kindergarten insults) I’ve seen have come from the pro-aborts.

            “Isn’t it time for you to go back to mommy’s homesk00l class? ”

            No, you go right ahead without me. Make sure you have her work on spelling with you 😉

            “Today’s lesson: the earth is only 6,000 years old, and gaawwrrrd put the fossils in the earth to test our faith!”

            Hmmm…. I already knew many pro-aborts had severe knowledge deficits in biology. Thank you for confirming that it includes other areas of science as well. I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose. Oh, and for future reference, I’m agnostic. So keep you religion to yourself, please. I have no interest in converting 😉

        • Seriously, are you a fourth-grader? ‘He’s rubber and you’re glue, what bounces off him sticks to you.’ Is this neopets?

          I know you think you’re right, but have you read any studies on this? Where is your data, your evidence? All I’m seeing here is a limited grasp of easy-to-understand psychological concepts like ‘projection’ which, frankly, do not make you an expert on biological science. Or theology. Or abortion.

          • 1)”Seriously, are you a fourth-grader? ”

            Sorry to disappoint you,but not for quite some time. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll find somebody your own age, if you keep looking. Seriously 😉

            2)”Is this neopets?”

            Nope. If you want to know where you are, just take a look at the web address 😉

            3)”I know you think you’re right, but have you read any studies on this?Where is your data, your evidence? ”

            On what? The fact that abortion kills an innocent human being? If so, a biology textbook is the only support necessary. You should try reading one.

            4) “All I’m seeing here is a limited grasp of easy-to-understand psychological concepts like ‘projection’ ”

            Don’t feel bad. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it after awhile. I’d be happy to offer my help, if you still have difficulty.

            5) “…which, frankly, do not make you an expert on biological science.”

            No, that would be my biology degree. Which is not necessary to understand that abortion kills an innocent human being. That’s basic elementary school biology.

            6) “Or theology.”

            What on earth does theology have to do with abortion?

            7)” Or abortion”
            See #5.

    • Hellen Keller was born with kidneys and a bladder, lest we forget…

    • Monimonika says:

      Vicky,

      Hellen Keller wasn’t born blind or deaf. She was over a year old when an illness destroyed her sight and hearing. Before that, she was able to see and hear quite competently. Besides, loss of hearing and/or sight does not lead to instant death like lack of vital organs do. What was your point again?

    • All of that is BS. Pregnancy itself is statistically more dangerous than abortion is. Research somewhere other than pro-life websites.

    • It’s a cold hard truth that you can’t survive without certain organs. Some babies are even born without brains, how do you survive without a brain? Even if you do, how are you anything more than an empty shell? Isn’t it better to terminate it as an embryo than to let it develop a full nervous system and then watch it suffer and die after it’s born, bringing pain that is absolutely not needed to both parents and child?

      I’m sure you’ve seen those anti-choice shock sites but they are really not accurate at all. It’s propaganda and they mislead you by reeling you in with emotions then mislabeling or misrepresenting the images to convince you that it’s something it’s not.

    • Hom and others have already taken your anti-choice boilerplate apart, so all I’ll add, Vicky, is that you are a walking argument for *retroactive* abortion.

    • Who in hell survives without vital organs, you ignorant, short-sighted nobody?! Learn to read already. It’s stupid, mindless brainwashed zombie drones like you that make the world a hell hole.

    • Nowadays most pregnancies that are terminated before the 2nd month of pregnancy are done with medication, aka NOTHING is put inside the woman, nothing is scraped out. You simply take a pill, and start bleeding (and women are used to bleeding once a month anyway). It may hurt a bit more than normal periods, but that is all. There is no child coming out of you, you don’t have to suffer much physically and it has no impact on your future childbearing ability.

      I have nothing against you having opinions that are wholly different from mine, but when you start backing your opinions with propaganda and lies aimed to scare women, I have a problem.

  154. I’m not usually one to reply to articles on the internet, but right now I feel moved to.

    Mr Gouveia, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. My fiancee had an abortion, and while I wasn’t at the clinic with her, I now find myself having to walk past pro-life protesters every time I go downtown, with their horrible signs, some of which give the address of the abortion clinic they object to so strenuously, and most recently also with an empty crib. And every time, I want to do essentially what you did…because while I support free speech, I think what they do is harassment, and there is nothing good, or just, in what they do or how they choose to do it. However, I’ve never had the courage, due in no small part to the risk that I will lose my temper or start crying, or, indeed, both. I’m glad to see that somebody has been able to do what I haven’t, and again, I want to thank you.

  155. Eva Stalker says:

    Aaron, I just wanted to leave a message of thanks for what you did.

  156. Tanktop McGee says:

    This murderer’s mermaid baby is now swimming in the flames of hell.

  157. Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what this did to me, to see someone stand up to these bullies. Thank you thank you thanks you.

  158. Very well done Aaron, and my deepest sympathies. There need to be more men like you.

    I had a similar situation years ago. My girlfriend at the time and I were on our way into a clinic to abort a pregnancy (I won’t go into the reasons for our decision) and were accosted outside the door by a couple. The woman was holding their baby, and the man shook his rosary beads in our faces and said “Let me tell you about some alternatives” or something similar. Our decision, of course, was anything but easy and having to put up with those 2 was further injury. I guided my girlfriend around them by her shoulders, stepped up to the man, and with gritted teeth spat “GO TO HELL!” in his face. He was shocked, and just stood there silent, his mouth agape. They weren’t there when we came out.

  159. Thank you, Aaron, and all the other men who have read this story and appreciated that this is a human issue, not a woman’s issue.

    Please know that Planned Parenthood and other clinics are always in need of volunteers to escort women into clinics to protect them from overzealous protesters. Your wife was lucky to have you by her side; most women are not so fortunate in these circumstances.

  160. I am extremely happy that you have taken the chance to stand up against these women. I understand there are other circumstances that have led these women to be in the positions but no matter what the circumstances I think we all should be stood up for. I don’t have the time to read through all of the previous posts and I honestly don’t know where I am going with this, the whole subject of abortion throws me into an emotional tail spin and I find myself dizzy, crying, and outraged.

    So yes I applaud you, but would we be doing the same if it wasn’t your wife but your girlfriend? What if the baby wasn’t sick? I doubt it. Most people would still look down upon the women who go into those clinics, because we (those who didn’t have sick babies) had to make the choice. No one is sorry for our losses (it doesn’t matter if we chose that it had to be done), no one is going to stand up for us.

    So yes again, good for you man! But you were one of the extenuating circumstances, these are few and far between the ones that had to make a real choice.

    Good luck with future pregnancies.

  161. http://www.lifeandlibertyforwomen.org/abortion_pictorial.html
    Don’t forget: it’s more about punishing women for being nasty sluts, then saving children.

  162. Very well done!
    I am sorry for your loss and hope you and your wife will eventually have your second child without any more complications.

  163. Thank you. Thank you for sticking up for your wife and her/your decision. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child like that, and you have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for believing in a woman’s right to choose and trusting women to make the right choices for themselves.

    Thank you for posting this.

  164. Aaron, you and your wife had your child murdered. That makes you an accessory to homicide. I shall pray for you, because though your child’s life would have been short, it was still your child’s life and you had NO RIGHT to take it from him. He was a gift from God, and you had him killed. I will pray for your soul, because you will need it.

  165. Abortion is NEVER licit. Ever. It is murder, pure and simple. You can puff yourself up and claim otherwise, but you’re just attempting to ease your own suffering by killing another person. That is inhumane, cruel, and evil, and there is NO justification or rationalization that will make it okay.

    • Mike, you’re a Pharisee, a whitened sepulcher who wants to take the mote out of his brother’s eye while ignoring the beam in his own.

      Maybe you should go back and re-read the Bible. The only time abortion is mentioned is in Leviticus when it’s prescribed for a woman who is pregnant and caught in adultery.

      But there’s a bigger message in the Gospels: Judge not lest you are judged.

      • “Mike, you’re a Pharisee, a whitened sepulcher who wants to take the mote out of his brother’s eye while ignoring the beam in his own.”

        You seem to be projecting a bit.

        “Maybe you should go back and re-read the Bible”

        Perhaps you should take your own advice. Pay close attention to Exodus: “Thou shalt not kill”.

        “But there’s a bigger message in the Gospels: Judge not lest you are judged.”

        That applies to everybody, even you. Sorry to disappoint you.

        • Monimonika says:

          Yeah, “Thou shalt not kill.”

          Except when Almighty God tells you to go bash the heads of your enemy’s babies on rocks. Or even to go and sacrifice your beloved son (“hah! just kidding! I was just testing to see if you’d really do it” – God).

    • Allowing a woman to die because you refused her an abortion is what real murder is.

    • It’s a bit inconvenient for you isn’t it? I mean, after all. If no one murdered, then your religion wouldn’t even be around.

  166. You never considered your child, only your own feelings. #
    Carlos Herbas
    October 26th, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    It seems that this man is very frustrated and used the two ladies on the street as a way to validate his and his wife’s ‘choice’. He claims that he and his wife wanted this baby and even had a name for her, Alexandra. But I wonder if they even made arrangements for a burial for their little girl. I also wonder if they were concerned enough about their little girl to give her anesthetics for the procedure. From what I read, their little girl was only missing some organs but her brain and nervous systems seemed fine. I also have been reading a lot of the comments people have been posting and many applaud this man for confronting the two ladies and for aborting little Alexandra. It seems that no one was interested in whether or not little Alexandra was treated as a person at all. That is the saddest thing from this whole incident and the thing that most pro-lifers have to deal with. The fact that a person is not seen as a person at all. Little Alexandra might have not survive a long time on this world, but whatever time she had was not full of love and acceptance from her parents or the rest of the world. Imagine if someone tells you that your child, regardless of his age, will die soon, would you just end your child’s life on the spot? or would you enjoy every second left of his/her life despite the grief of knowing that the end is near? Unlike Jill I don’t feel sorry for these parents which seem quite selfish with their own emotions. They never considered her little girl…

    • I love how people without any knowledge of biology are commenting and saying things that are blatantly untrue. You cannot survive on you own without any kidneys or a bladder. End of story. You either totally lose the filter for the blood and all the blood drains out, or nothing can filter and you body has no way to regulate osmotic pressure or pH. Either way a fetus would be dead by the time labor occurs or shortly thereafter. The only survivors of this condition have to have at the very least malformed organs. Aaron’s child did not have this and it does not take much medical skill to know that no renal system=no life.

      Someone above mentioned medical breakthroughs. To them, I’m not sure you know how that system works. Even if a lab managed to come up with something to combat this condition and published in the next few months, it still has to go through clinical trials and FDA approval. Medicine does not happen overnight.

    • ‘missing just a few organs’

      When was the last time you studied anatomy? Or biology? Or thought using your brain, or pumped blood with your heart, or filtered blood with your kidneys, or digested food, or breathed?

      Just a few organs… You are a moron.

  167. http://alexandrashouse.org/

    Your child was still alive, with a right to live. As parents, there are no guarantees of a perfect pregnancy. Things can go wrong. But we are to bear those crosses. There were lots of options for you, besides going to the local chop shop and having them murder your child. This story does not seem to give all of the necessary details. There was NO REASON to go to an abortion clinic. None.

    • @Mike
      You are a sick deluded asshole, did you know that?

      You sit there and judge people, you don’t even know for a difficult decision that you never had to make yourself. And you dare calling these poor people murderers, you are a sick human being, please don’t ever have children you will be doing the species a favor.

      Being anti-abortion like you are, is being pro-pain, pro-suffering, pro-slow-death and anti-woman.

    • What options does a kid with no kidneys and fused legs have?

    • Mike, in reference to your post that the parents “were not considering their fetus as a person,” you are extremely unintelligent. Their fetus had no kidneys or a bladder, but still had a nervous system, meaning that it would have suffered until the moment it passed on its own. They were absolutely considering the well-being of their child with the decision they made, saving their child from any further pain and suffering.

      Why don’t you save your assertions and condemning comments, because a truly faithful and Christian person would simply pray on this matter. There is no need to assault others on their practices and beliefs. If you feel so strongly about this, then pray instead.

      As far as Aaron’s story, I applaud him for being brave enough to stand up to those also unintelligent women. It is no one’s place to tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body, and I will always strongly believe that.

    • First of all, asshole, the whole world isn’t xtian, so it’s not obliged to bear any “crosses.” Second, douchelickers like you are a HUGE reason I’m an atheist. Third, please disembowel yourself and save the world any more of your stupidity.

  168. I never thought in a million years that whether or not to keep a baby growing inside me was a choice I’d ever be confronted with…but I was. I was engaged to someone that I mistakenly thought was a wonderful man. The engagement and relationship came to a halt when I discovered that not only was he sleeping with half the women in my neighborhood but he was also consuming alcohol while taking heavy psych medications and he had stolen money from his mother’s bank account to assist him in his double life. A few weeks later when I discovered I was pregnant with his child, I was racked with indecision. To keep the baby (which the cards were already stacked heavily against due to his severe medical conditions) meant keeping that awful man in my life. To terminate meant losing a precious child but gaining freedom from a horrifying future for us both. I reluctantly chose to keep the baby. And the night I told him, he reacted as expected and was overjoyed at the prospect of being a father. He fed me the usual lies about how he’d change. However, he showed up drunk and we had a huge fight. What was broken between us could not be fixed by a child. A few hours after he had stormed out, the decision was taken out of my hands. I had a miscarriage. I’d never been so grateful for something so painful in my entire life. God saved me from having to make that dreadful decision. I have deepest empathy for those that had to make that choice on their own. Unless you know their story and have walked in their shoes, you have no right to ever judge another person on their decisions. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.

    • I sympathize, but we can most certainly judge actions, and should. We do not know intentions, and we do not judge them, and we cannot condemn, but the action of abortion, regardless of who it is, is always wrong and is always harmful. This is hard, but that is life. We live in a broken world of our own doing.

      • We were not set on this earth to judge others. ever. We are imperfect-all of us. Even those that think they are holier than thou are sadly mistaken. Therefore flawed humans also have flawed views and judgments and are therefore not fit to pass judgment on another. Some people get so wrapped up in pro-life and “thou shalt not kill” that they think quantity of life is much more important than quality of life. The world is already horribly overpopulated, we’re destroying our entire planet. Millions of Thousands of people live in severe poverty, crime and domestic violence. Many are abused and/or tortured daily bc they are different. So you would much rather see people suffer and the entire planet die than to have a potential life be removed from the world before it’s made a mark. What if the child that was aborted was gonna grow up to be the next mass murder or serial killer? Would saving one life in favor of losing thousands be justified for you? I see so many people who do not pay attention to their children. The children run a muck and end up damaging themselves and others in their increasingly desperate pleas for attention. These people should not have had children if they couldn’t/wouldn’t care for them. But they did. And in the end we all suffer bc of it. But that’s fine by you , yeah? If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

      • My answer is in His words: “Judge not, lest ye be so judged.”

      • You and your hateful, deluded ilk really need a reality check. When we can give every child who would have otherwise been aborted a safe, loving, and nurturing home where they have a chance at a good future, then I’ll understand the concern. In the meantime, I really could care less about the plight of insensate clusters of barely-differentiated human tissue.

  169. My wife and I received the same diagnosis. We brought our daughter to term, however, and she was with us for a short time, but it was worth more to us than any of the pain in losing her. We named her Sophie, and she was baptized prior to passing away. We love her, and she is always with us. At no time did we ever consider abortion, for she was a gift to us, and we gave her so much love in the little time she had with us. It is not easy, but it is the right thing to do. Love your children, do not hand them over to those who know only dollar signs and death.

    • Jeff, I am sorry for your loss. You and your wife made the right decision for yourselves. Aaron and his wife made the right decision for themselves. You are not them and they are not you. What is right for you is not right for them. You aren’t better people because you made a different decision.

    • That’s a pretty big assumption to make about the hearts and souls of the professionals caring for women in crisis. Most of them aren’t making the big bucks, Jeff. It isn’t about dollar signs.

    • You know who has the “dollar signs” in their eyes, you self-righteous fundie asswipe? The adoption agencies, which make money hand over fist from persuading young women to give up their infants. Abortion is a simple procedure with few risks. It’s not expensive at all, and doctors who perform it in the U.S. nowadays spend lots of money on security and malpractice insurance.

  170. By the way, someone suggesting that they carry the child to term even if it’s a still birth is heartless and cruel. Two of my former coworkers were married and very much in love. She had severe health conditions and it was unsafe for her to stop her medicines as it would surely kill them both. One day when she was 8 months pregnant, she was rushed to the hospital bc the baby stopped moving. Her placenta tore and the baby died while still inside her. Given her fragile health, they couldn’t do a c-section to remove the dead child. So instead she got to sit on the maternity floor of the hospital for 3 days listening to the sounds of all the other mothers and their babies until her body decided to eject the stillborn on it’s own. That was an experience I should hope no other human being should ever have to endure.

  171. *littlestar. says:

    I’m so happy that you did what you did. Although I agree, it probably didn’t make them change their minds forever or stop being weenies, you did make them uncomfortable, caused them a little bit of unpleasantness, maybe (hopefully) you scared them a bit and they felt they had to leave or call the police. Good for you for turning the tables.

    • If you want to change their minds, then prove to them the fetus is not a human being. I doubt they really enjoy spending their time standing in front of an abortion clinic with nasty aborted fetus pictures. You would do them a favor if you would prove to them that they are really defending the life of a blob of tissue or something else that is subhuman. But you will probably have a hard time proving they are not human because every embryology text book says they are human. And when anyone with a functioning conscience looks at the pictures of abortion, they are immediately disturbed because they can see they are looking at a dismembered human being. And if it is wrong for these people to show pictures of these dead babies, how wrong is it for the abortionist to kill the babies?

      • What about the humanity of the parents? You really think that a woman should have to give birth to a stillborn child, because its a BABY, not a fetus?? Get real. What you’re talking about just makes a bad situation worse. Sometimes abortion is the HUMANE option. And frankly, if the protesters actually cared about human beings, they would find a way to get their message across in a way that didn’t denigrate and shame the women who are facing such a terrible choice. I think these Christians are missing Christ’s actual message.

      • I’m sure they DO enjoy spending their time standing in front of an abortion clinic with nasty aborted fetus pictures, because it enables them to vent their hatred on women who chose differently than they did.

        As for “pictures of abortion,” you mean the stillbirths you liars try to pass off as first-trimester abortions?

      • So you actually KNOW what a two-month old “baby” looks like? Cause let me tell you, it looks like nothing. In fact, when you take an abortion pill and the pregnancy is terminated, it’s like normal periods except for the increased pain. There is nothing that resembles a baby coming out of your body. And since most abortions are done in the first 3 months, this is the case in most abortions as well. The pictures they hold up out there are lies.

        Someone should take pictures of what an actual aborted fetus looks like. Would take much of their scary message away.

  172. Aaron, you and your wife are my heroes. Not for the decision that you made, but that you made any decision at all. It is probably one of the most difficult, most complex, and incredibly painful decisions I can imagine ever having to make, and that you considered all of your options and then made an educated, healthy decision deserves my utmost respect.

    I cannot say what I would do even if I were in the exact situation (I find it hard to even entertain the hypothetical in my own future), and my heart goes out to your family, and everyone else who has had to make this decision, regardless of the choice.

    I wish you the best in your lives, and whatever happens, know that you and your wife are both good people.
    I can only try to be more like the two of you.

  173. I don’t think you are a hero. You picked a fight with some protesters and filmed it. Good work.

    • He didn’t pick a fight – he reacted in righteous anger to two assholes who have no heart, no compassion and no clue what he and his wife were going through and yet had the unmitigated nerve to judge them on no information.

  174. First of all my hear goes out to the Gouveia family for the loss of their baby. And I intentionally use the word baby because that is what is at the crux of this debate. Is the fetus a baby or not? If it is not a baby, then why the fuss over abortion at all? If it is a baby, then how can abortion ever be morally justified? Worded differently, if the fetus is a human child the same way a toddler is a child, then in what circumstances is it morally justified to use violence against a toddler? Even in the rare circumstance that fetus is severely disabled such as this case, how does that in any way make it right to kill that fetus? Do we permit parents to kill their toddler who is terminally ill with cancer? Of course not. In fact we often give them the most love and care. Why then does the fetus get dismembered while the toddler gets loved? This only makes sense if the fetus is not a human being. But clearly the fetus is a human being. And if it is not, then I would like to know what it is. I hesitate to disagree with Mr. Gouviea’s decision given the tragedy he is dealing with, but we have to be honest here. If abortion does indeed kill a baby, then there are 1.2 million babies in America that are tortured to death and that suffer far more than any of us on this blog. A great story related to this came out of the Dallas Morning News about a year ago. You can view it on Youtube if you search “Choosing Thomas”. A gut wrenching story but well worth watching.

  175. Patricia Fox says:

    Bravo to the author for standing up to these antichoice thugs who are not “prolife” at all. They are pro force and pro bullying and pro lying. They really do not care if they add to the pain of a family suffering a loss such as this one and they need more courage people like this writer to stand up for the truth and the right of all women to control their own bodies and their reproductive destiny.

  176. rebeccabee says:

    You’re a really wonderful man Aaron, congratulations on standing up to these people.

  177. Mr. Gouveia, God bless you and your wife for having to go through this, and thank you for sharing your experience. In your shoes, I don’t know that I would have had the capacity to be as rational as you were, I admire you.
    The alleged “pro-lifers”, and Nick and Mike, you are truly nothing more than mindless bullies, trying to assert domination over the lives of others, to cloak your hatred and ignorance in the cloth of Christianity is deeply shameful, you have completely missed, or are intently ignoring, the teachings of Christ.

  178. Toby Fernsler says:

    That’s awesome, thanks for sharing.

  179. Thank you Aaron. We had to make a painful decision to terminate a pregnancy and regardless of the reason these so called CHRISTIANS have no idea what we are going through. On the morning that I went to this clinic on Harvard St. I too had to experience even more pain and judgment from these protesters. My body is NOT a public decision. They should NOT be allowed to be that close to the building let alone able to publicly harass patients on their way in to the clinic.

    Thank you again for standing up to these bullies.

  180. For those who say that they are pro-life but wouldn’t stop someone else from having an abortion, you’re actually pro-choice. Being pro choice doesn’t mean you like abortion at all, the word is choice. You could be a person that would never have an abortion yourself, but if you feel as though women should have their own choice, then you’re pro choice. I don’t know what I would do if faced with the same situation, but I know that women should have their own choice.

  181. Thank you for speaking out and showing the world that terminating pregnancies is not a black and white issue. In many many cases it is a situation filled with unimaginable heartbreak and grief. My pregnancy was ended on June 29th, 2010 at 22 weeks gestation. My husband and I choose to end our pregnancy because our son had massive brain damage due to a genetic mutation (1/30 000 chance of occurance) and his chance of survival was slim to none. I’ve always been pro-choice in theory, but now having lived it, I am absolutely 100% pro-choice. Our choice allowed our son to escape any pain. We, as his parents, chose to take on a lifetime of grief and heartache to prevent him from any pain. And coming to this decision was the hardest, worst week of our lives. Reading your description of hell on earth, had tears streaming down my face as I remembered that moment between me and my husband. My son was so wanted and so loved, but I know we made the right decision for our family. Thank you for standing up for people like us.

  182. Sad for everyone especially the child

    • No. It’s not at all sad for the “child” who was at the point of termination not a child. It didn’t have any feelings, no brain movement, it had nothing that defines a human being. It’s hard for me to understand why someone would feel bad for someone who doesn’t exist.

      Sad for the parents. Very sad.

  183. Elizabeth Creely says:

    Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

  184. I’ve always been fascinated at how so many “pro-lifers” can spend so much time “saving lives” through protest, but after those babies are actually born into this world, what are these protesters doing to support those lives when the parents obviously can’t or won’t, whether mentally, financially, or emotionally? What is more sacred: having life, or QUALITY of life?

    I can’t count how many “pro-lifers” I’ve encountered who are simultaneously pro death penalty, not to mention AGAINST considering ANY sort of public assistance or government programs to support less fortunate children or teens. We can’t even get a majority of people in this country to support spending additional money on their OWN healthcare and education, let alone their neighbor’s.

    “Alternatives”? Really? The state of the foster/adoption system is absolutely atrocious. Where are these pro-lifers protesting to fight for the children who are stuck in a purgatory of a life filled with horrific abuse and neglect? Are these protesters lining up at adoption clinics to take these children into their homes themselves?

    It’s easy to preach bible quotes and shove your own morality down someone else’s throat, but that doesn’t effect positive change whatsoever. The real sacrifice is getting directly involved and HELPING others, which unfortunately, most people simply are not willing to do. Talking about life and nurturing life are two different animals, and it’s high time people start recognizing the difference.

  185. Oh, God.

    I am so, so sorry you went through this.

    Regardless of what I believe about abortion,
    it is not fair or right to be rude–
    which is what many protesters end up becoming,
    no matter their intentions.

    I hope and pray that you and your wife will be able to heal together, Aaron.

  186. Aaron thank you! I am glad your wife has such amazing support. I am a Christian and I am pro-choice and proud of it! So is my husband. I find it sickening how people use religion to persecute others. Aaron I feel what you did was very brave and powerful. I hope it will serve as an example to all people and that it might encourage other men to speak up. I don’t mean to be negative or generalize but I feel there are not enough men lending their voices to this issue, at least not on the pro-choice side. This is not a women’s issue, it is an issue of liberty and of humanity. To all the men out there supporting the right to choose, thank you and can we clone you?

  187. As I was afraid, too many eejits couldn’t help themselves here in the comments.

    I will try: I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. I’m so very sorry you faced the decision you did. I’m in awe of how much of a stand-up person you are. I’m very happy you and your wife found one another.

    What should have been a very private, painful experience was polluted by callous behaviour. And it shouldn’t’ve been.

  188. “Whether she kept her baby or not, it didn’t matter—what matters is that she can make the decision that’s right for her.”

    I find that to be a rather vacuous statement.

  189. brookliner says:

    I work in Brookline about a block away from where this was filmed and I just wanted to say, bravo. I’ve walked by these awful people countless times, always on the opposite side of the street, and can’t express how deeply disappointed I am to see them there. Their hateful words do nothing but harm.

    More importantly, I am so sorry for your family’s loss. While I personally cannot imagine what you’ve gone through, I do have a close friend who chose to terminate her own pregnancy. I know that several years later, though it was the right and only decision, it still breaks her heart. The choice is never easy, but having it is so important. Thank you for this–sticking up for your wife, my friend, and any other woman (and man) who has or ever will go through this. You’ve been brave for all of us.

  190. Aaron,

    Your video brought tears to my eyes because of your courage in confronting ignorant protesters. As a Buddhist, I feel it is important to hold people accountable for their actions in a non-violent way. I have run into protesters like this before, when I am campaigning for marriage equality and on other LGBT issues. Talking directly and frankly is powerful.

  191. I noticed that you had facts… and they only had opinions… which makes your point strong.
    it makes you even stronger… the fact that you were not only speaking up for your wife, but for the other women.
    your wife is a lucky woman.
    this video made me think to myself… “there are still people out there that will speak up.”
    and i can not tell you how much my faith in humanity just revived itself.

  192. Thank you for being a man of integrity and convictions. Well done!

  193. Hi Aaron, I read this just after putting my 19 month old son down for his afternoon nap.

    I cried reading your post. I can’t imagine the anguish you and your wife must have felt at losing a baby.

    I can’t imagine the anger that you must have felt confronting these ignorant bigots. I know that I could not have had your self control.

    Thank you for sharing this experience.

  194. So sorry for you and your family’s loss. Thank you so much for standing up, it takes a special type of courage to be such a strong father and husband.

    I couldn’t help but tear up when I read and watched the video. Thank you for sharing your story.

  195. I am a Christian, but I’m also a realist. My heart aches for the decision that your wife and you had to make, and I’m sure that Alexandra is with the angels. The choice that a woman makes is her own, and it should be. God gave us free will, and making choices that impact ourselves and the ones around us is part of that. There are regions that promote abortions as a method of birth control, and with that I do not agree. However, the choice to abort a pregnancy because of medical complications or because of a once in a lifetime error in judgement is something I can understand. Thank you for standing up for your family, for your beliefs, and for encouraging others to do the same.

    • exactly where are these places that promote abortions as birth control?? i haven’t heard of a time or a place when this has been true.

    • Abortions *are* a method of birth control: the last-resort method.

      How other women choose to control their reproduction is none of your business.

      • A method of “birth control” by literal definition, yes. As a form of contraception, such as condoms and “the pill”, no. People need to stop lumping contraception and birth control together. While they are similar, and one immediately secedes the other, they are not the same. That’s like saying shooting a woman in the stomach is a form of “birth control.”

        Get educated before getting angry,

  196. Hi,

    From France :) … yes the Sarkozy’s Land

    I have no word to tell how I was, when I read your Story.
    Then no more words !

    You are an example.

    All My respect.
    In france we are often kissing friends … then .. if I can … all my kisses to your family …

  197. I think what’s amazing about this is how you stood up for yourself and your family in a situation where most people feel ashamed (no matter what the reasons behind the action) and drop their head down further and hurry along. I think that even if you didn’t cause those women to leave, you hopefully got them to think, and you opened up many people’s eyes who have read this and commented and probably many more who have only read. I hope you and your family are doing well, and I know this is a time you won’t forget for a long while, but just know there are people out there who appreciate what you did, even though you weren’t doing it for us, and probably more because it wasn’t for us.

  198. Frankly sir, I’m deeply saddened and disgusted by your actions and attitudes.
    Let’s be honest here: You didn’t like the fact that someone would challenge your choice in any way, so you picked a verbal fight. Period.
    I’m not the least bit convinced that your attitude was genuine. If anything, you exercised the usual excuses that the pro-choice/pro-abortion side has exploited for decades: Life didn’t turn out precisely the way you wished, so you’ll find some vague excuse to justify your actions and try again.

    In a word, you’re selfish.

    Think I”m being heartless? It’d be nice if I had another answer available that would be somewhat more gentle. Regrettably, there isn’t.
    Sometimes Truth hurts.
    Life will be a constant pain to you and your family until you understand what and who really is Truth.

    • You John sir, are a sorry excuse for life on this planet. Good day.

    • “Life didn’t turn out precisely the way you wished”. That’s how you would characterize ” Mermaid Syndrome, it’s a rare (one in every 100,000 pregnancies) congenital deformity in which the legs are fused together. Worse than that, our baby had no bladder or kidneys. Our doctors told us there was zero chance for survival.”?

      You are a twisted person John. I hope you can find more empathy in your life sometime soon.

    • Saying the word “truth” over and over doesn’t make your opinion a fact.

      The TRUTH of the matter is, it was hardly selfish to terminate an embryo that had zero chance to survive and would have just gone through unnecessary suffering if it had been born, it would have died in agony straight from being born.

      It’s hardly selfish to stand up for your wife when she’s being attacked and put through emotional distress at losing a pregnancy that she did, in fact, want, but through very unfortunate circumstances, could not keep.

      It’s easy to call other people selfish from your privilege pedestal. I hope reality hits you in the face one day.

    • You read an article where a man describes his heart-wrenching decision, saying how awful his wife and he felt, and you decide to come here and tell him he is heartless because of this decision.

      If he is heartless, what are you?

  199. Alexandra is obviously speaking up about the way the world treated her parents. Her presence – her voice is being heard. I still don’t know why I’m here, but I know why Alexandra was. She’s speaking for women everywhere who have the right to choose without others judging their choices. Thanks for giving her that life in this piece, Aaron.

    • Are you seriously suggesting that an aborted child’s voice is speaking up on behalf of aborting more children?! Somehow, I don’t think being ripped from her mother’s womb was such a pleasant experience that she would want to spread the word and tell more women to do the same to their babies. I’m pretty sure if Alexandra had had a voice in the matter she would not have picked this fate for herself. You disgrace her name by even suggesting it.

      • Are you suggesting she would have wanted to be born only to suffer a few minutes of agony and die?

        • W: Never once did I suggest that. I’m sure her choice would have been to live a healthy, natural life, but that likely would not have been the case. No one can say with 100% certainty what would have happened had she been born…she was never given that chance. Any way you look at it, your argument is unfair because abortion causes them pain and suffering. So this was a choice to inflict it on her rather than take a chance that the doctors could be wrong. And Ruth, you should do your research. A fetus at 8 weeks gestation can sense pain. There are doctors that claim otherwise, but this has been proven.

      • The ignorance of forced-birthers never ceases to amaze me. The fetus that was Alexandra was not developed enough, did not have the neural structures necessary to have any awareness whatsoever nor to experience either pain or the condition of suffering.

  200. thank you. just… thank you. I was forced into this difficult choice when very young, and I know for a fact that the very last thing that an already traumatized girl or woman needs is protesters screaming at her and telling her she is a terrible person for making the most difficult choice of her life. and some of us don’t really have a choice. some of those so-called baby-killers are victims of rape or incest and some are losing a baby they wanted. the story is everything. these protesters aren’t trying to save babies. they’re looking for a church-approved place to put their bigotry and hatred.

  201. You deliberately killed your child, you not any good man, believe me.

  202. You are a great man! These protesters enrage me. You are absolutely right, they have NO idea of the circumstances of those that they berate. CHEERS!!!!!!

  203. Ignore the hypocritical “Christians” that commented on here. I commend you for standing up for your wife and for all the other women out there that have had to deal with the protesters outside of clinics. I think what you did is heroic and honorable. Your wife is very fortunate to have such a supportive husband. I wish there were more men like you out there.

    • Yea, really heroic, slaughering your unborn child into pieces.

      Of course this is a tragic case but there is absolutely no reason for abortion. btw: 98% of abortions are done on healthy babies.

      • Thus you’d rather bring them into the world, stillborn, uncared for, at risk?

        Yay!

        • yes, why would she be uncared for? Even if she only lived a few minutes or days, thats better than ripping her to pieces and delibratly killing her.

          • @Jasper
            “Even if she only lived a few minutes or days, thats better than ripping her to pieces and delibratly killing her.”
            Yes, letting the child be born and die in agony causing the parents even more harm is far better…

            You are a truly evil human, Jasper.

      • Yes, thanks to you war-mongering, death-penalty loving “pro-life” miscreants, Mrs. Gouveia may very well have had to have the fetus dismembered and pulled out piece by piece in a D&E (dilation and evacuation), rather than whole, since you’ve managed to get D&X (intact dilation and extraction, what you idiots call “partial birth abortion”) banned. Nice going, pro-liars. Just proves my point that you people aren’t about “saving babies” or helping people, only making them suffer.

  204. As a christian pro-life activist this story really upsets me. As christians we are most certainly called to stand up for the rights of the unborn, however, we are called to do this in a loving way that reflects Gods love for us. Murder is a sin and sin breeds brokeness, the last thing we need after feeling this brokenness is to have it thrown down our throat. Jesus never did that, and neither should christians. If everytime i sinned i had people making me feel like crap id be pretty pissed. People that feel the brokenness that comes with abortion need to be met with love and forgiveness. Condemnation is never the answer. Im truly sorry about what you and your wife went through, i understand how hard your descion was. Please dont let “christians” that only met you with hate shape your views. As a christian it is important that we stand up for what is right but always through love. Im sorry thats not the attitude you were met with

    • you sir are a TRUE christian. More should have the empathy and understanding that you do.

    • There is no “brokenness” that comes with abortion except in the minds of creepy, patronizing, and sometimes violent fetus-huggers.

      And don’t play “No True Scotsman” by putting “christian” in sneer quotes. Those protestors are on your side. Own them.

  205. Aaron, you make humans all over the world proud. I admire you so much. I know that doesn’t take any of the pain away from what you and your wife went through, and I wish it did. You are an inspiration to true, honest men and women everywhere.

    Those disgusting, hate-filled, sanctimonious, oblivious alleged-humans who can’t listen to reason are the bedrock American hypocrisy.

    All the best to you and your wife.

  206. Aaron,

    If you and your wife wanted this baby, I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to see your baby. Even if he/she was born horribly deformed, even if he/she was stillborn…weren’t you longing to see your baby’s face? To grieve properly, and have closure by seeing this baby you wanted.

    As a mum of three kids, had I been in your wife’s position, I would have wanted to see my baby – dead or alive – not avert my eyes as it’s aborted.

    • What kind of horrible question is that, Rose? Would you rather she carried it another forty weeks? Do you know that if the baby were to die in her womb she could be horribly ill from insisting on carrying a rotting corpse inside of her? She could lose the chance to have any more children period.

      Besides that, some people just can’t look. Even at fully grown children who have passed. It’s too difficult as a grieving parent. Besides he never once said they didn’t see the baby after the surgery.

      Just because you’ve popped a few out doesn’t mean you have any right to judge anyone else for the way they handled a situation that you couldn’t begin to fathom. Get off your high horse.

      • “Do you know that if the baby were to die in her womb she could be horribly ill from insisting on carrying a rotting corpse inside of her? ”

        Nobody said she had to carry a dead baby inside her. Thats another situation.

        have a heart Katie, stop advocating the murder of unborn babies.

        • “have a heart Katie”
          Right back at you. Very few anti-choice people here have shown they have one.

          “stop advocating the murder of unborn babies”
          No one here is advocating that. We are talking about abortion.

          • “Very few anti-choice people here have shown they have one.”

            You’re “anti-choice” (whatever that is)?

            ““stop advocating the murder of unborn babies”
            No one here is advocating that. We are talking about abortion.”

            You just contradicted yourself.

          • @Lucy
            Since I can’t reply to your post directly I’m replying to my own.

            “You’re “anti-choice” (whatever that is)?”
            By anti-choice I of cause mean people to are against women having a choice in what happens to their bodies. e.g. anti-abortion. I would have thought it was obvious, I forgot what kind of person I was talking to.

            “““stop advocating the murder of unborn babies”
            No one here is advocating that. We are talking about abortion.”

            You just contradicted yourself.”
            How did I contradicted myself? Abortion isn’t murder and therefor we are not talking about murder of unborn babies.

          • @Morten
            „Abortion isn’t murder and therefor we are not talking about murder of unborn babies.“

            Mr. Gouveia himself refers to Alexandra as a baby. Would you like to go ahead and correct him and tell him he is in fact not grieving the death of a child? Why is it that we all feel sad for Mr. Gouveia and his wife? Naturally, the pro-choicer will answer something like: he lost something (a potential human life) that he very much wanted, and it was very valuable to him. Bull. That is not why this is a tragedy. If a friend sobbed and grieved about losing an unfertilzed egg during her cycle, and insisted it was a valuable potential life to her, I would not feel sad, I would recommend her to a pysch ward.

            This story is sad because a baby died!

          • @ava
            “Mr. Gouveia himself refers to Alexandra as a baby. Would you like to go ahead and correct him and tell him he is in fact not grieving the death of a child?”
            He is grieving over the loss of a child-to-be, a child he and his wife wanted and that was very real to him.

            “Why is it that we all feel sad for Mr. Gouveia and his wife?”
            Because they are the ones who fell the pain.
            Losing a child is hard, maybe the worst thing that can happen to a human being. And these protesters were making it even worse than it already was, they are NOT doing good work. Nor are any of you who are condemning him and his wife for it·

            “Naturally, the pro-choicer will answer something like: he lost something (a potential human life) that he very much wanted, and it was very valuable to him.”
            At least you got something right.

            “Bull. That is not why this is a tragedy.”
            It’s a large part of it, yes. Like it or not.

            “If a friend sobbed and grieved about losing an unfertilzed egg during her cycle and insisted it was a valuable potential life to her, I would not feel sad, I would recommend her to a pysch ward. ”
            She would have a problem.
            But an “unfertilzed egg” is not the same as a 16 week fetus, which is not the same as a 12 week fetus, which isn’t the same as it was at 8 week which wasn’t the same at 4 weeks which is not the same as it was at day one.
            Is not like the egg becomes a child or a baby the moment it becomes fertilized, it takes awhile ideally 9 months doing which the cluster of cells slowly becomes a full formed baby.

            In my country (Denmark), abortion is freely allowed in the first 12 weeks, the reasoning behind this is that the embryo is mostly a cluster of cells at this point.

            At 12-24 weeks a valid medical reason is needed, and the closer to 24 weeks the better the medical reasoning needs to be.

            In the last trimester, abortion is no longer legal except in extreme cases where the woman will die if not given an abortion, but the preferred method is to induce birth and attempting to threat the child as any other prematurely born child. There are very few of these, as it should be.

            I don’t know the rules in the states, but I think ours is very reasonable.

            “This story is sad because a baby died!”
            It could have gotten far worse. They could have continued the pregnancy risking the mothers life and potentially killing both of them.
            The child would have died in any case but if she could have been born, she would die in far more pain than being aborted early in the second trimester.

          • Denmark sounds like they actually have a handle on things. I agree that sounds quite reasonable.

        • “By anti-choice I of cause mean people to are against women having a choice in what happens to their bodies.”

          And yet you condone the murder of female fetuses. It doesn’t look like they get much of a choice.
          I have a few questions for you. First, do you support right of conscience laws? Second, do you oppose taxpayer-funded abortion?

          “I would have thought it was obvious, I forgot what kind of person I was talking to.”

          Obvious BS, you mean? Don’t worry. I’m the kind of person who recognizes that right away 😉

          “How did I contradicted myself? Abortion isn’t murder and therefor we are not talking about murder of unborn babies.”

          …..You just did it again.

          • “And yet you condone the murder of female fetuses. It doesn’t look like they get much of a choice.”
            No, I don’t. Since abortion isn’t murder it would be pretty pointless and ignorant to condone it.

            “I have a few questions for you.”
            Fine, if you must…

            “First, do you support right of conscience laws?”
            I have no idea what that is, can you explain? I’m not a native-english speaker and I’ve been unable to find a definition of “conscience laws”.

            “Second, do you oppose taxpayer-funded abortion?”
            I support all universal healthcare including abortion. And if you want to know what kind of rules I think are good for abortion, look at my description of the law in Denmark above.

            “Obvious BS, you mean? Don’t worry. I’m the kind of person who recognizes that right away 😉 ”
            You are the one bullshitting here, with your “abortion is murder”.

            “…..You just did it again.”
            Nope. Abortion still isn’t murder, you claiming that I’m contradicting myself doesn’t change that.

          • “No, I don’t. Since abortion isn’t murder it would be pretty pointless and ignorant to condone it.”
            …You might want to re-phrase that.

            “I have no idea what that is, can you explain? I’m not a native-english speaker and I’ve been unable to find a definition of “conscience laws”. ”

            Here’ s a pretty good explanation:
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conscience_clause_%28medical%29
            Basically, they protect health care professionals from being forced to perform abortions, dispense birth control, etc. (ie, act against their conscience).

            “I support all universal healthcare including abortion”

            It’s interesting that so many people label the destruction of innocent human beings as health care.
            So, you have no problem with forcing people (women included) to pay for abortions through their tax dollars. So much for choice, eh?

            “You are the one bullshitting here, with your “abortion is murder”. ”

            The truth is bullshit? That seems to be a belief commonly held by pro-aborts.

            “Nope. Abortion still isn’t murder, you claiming that I’m contradicting myself doesn’t change that. ”

            Here’s what you are basically saying: “The murder of unborn children (aka abortion) is not murder”. Total contradiction.

          • Oh Lucy… You’re hilarious. For someone who claims to be smart or at least wants us to believe that, you really don’t listen to what people say. You take a little tiny bit of what’s said and you just completely ignore everything else that doesn’t fit into your frame of mind. It’s like fighting with my sister, it becomes pointless when she goes “lalalalallaalala” every time I make a valid argument. Or twists it into something I didn’t even mean and says I did mean it.

            That doesn’t stop me from fighting with her though, so here goes!

            1. Morten, who comes from a country of enlightened people with compassion and heart, is saying that IN HIS VIEW abortion is not murder. Now, even though YOU think abortion is murder, he doesn’t. Get it? So when HE says it, he isn’t contradicting HIMSELF, he is contradicting you. If he were to contradict HIMSELF, he would have to first say “abortion isn’t muder” and then say “abortion is murder”. Which he is not doing.

            2. You really know how to infuriate people without actually saying anything of importance! It’s great, yet somewhat meaningless, skill.

            3. Why are you against abortion if you’re not religious?

            • “Oh Lucy… You’re hilarious.”
              Awww…thanks! You’re sweet.

              “For someone who claims to be smart or at least wants us to believe that, you really don’t listen to what people say.”
              Hmmm…you’re sounding a little insecure there. Oh, and it’s rather difficult to listen to words displayed on a computer screen. For that, we employ a skill known as reading.

              “You take a little tiny bit of what’s said and you just completely ignore everything else that doesn’t fit into your frame of mind.”

              I’m sure it seems like that if you don’t take the time to actually read and attempt to comprehend my comments. Surely they’re not that difficult to understand 😉

              “It’s like fighting with my sister, it becomes pointless when she goes “lalalalallaalala” every time I make a valid argument.”
              She’s already arguing like a pro-abort? My sympathies.

              “1. Morten, who comes from a country of enlightened people with compassion and heart, is saying that IN HIS VIEW abortion is not murder. ”
              *insert hysterical laughter* You’re funny!

              “Now, even though YOU think abortion is murder, he doesn’t. Get it?”
              Ah, so he’s denying the truth. Yeah, I get it now!

              “So when HE says it, he isn’t contradicting HIMSELF, he is contradicting you. If he were to contradict HIMSELF, he would have to first say “abortion isn’t muder” and then say “abortion is murder”. Which he is not doing. ”
              The statement ” Abortion isn’t murder” is a contradiction. It’s not that difficult a concept.

              “2. You really know how to infuriate people without actually saying anything of importance! It’s great, yet somewhat meaningless, skill. ”
              It IS quite amusing to watch people get worked up. If I’m not saying anything of importance, then why do people keep responding? Hmmm….

              “3. Why are you against abortion if you’re not religious?”
              It may have something to do with the fact that killing innocent human beings is wrong.

  207. Aaron – I’m so sorry for your loss. I wanted to thank you for doing what so many only dream about doing. I moderate an internet support board for women who terminate pregnancies for medical reasons. In the 7 years I’ve been there, I’ve come across MANY, MANY women who had to terminate their much-wanted pregnancies in a clinic. Unfortunately, many of them also had to deal with protesters as the entered the clinics. I really wish some of these people protesting would stop for a minute and consider the circumstances that might lead a woman to go to that clinic.
    If you or your wife need support, please know there is support available. I’ve “met” a few different women over the years who terminated for sirenomelia. If you or your wife would like me to connect you with them, just let me know. And I can point you to my internet support group, as well as some other resources that might help.

    God bless!

  208. James McHale says:

    You sir are a legend, I hope I have your courage, restraint and strength if I am ever in such an awful position.

  209. So it appears my earlier comment was deleted, where I dared suspect this video was staged.

    There is no proof the videographers wife was even on the premises, much less that she had an abortion nor the one in a million medical condition described by the poster. I’m not saying it *could not* have happened, but it all seems just a bit too convenient for words.

    If you want to generate blog traffic and stand behind your beliefs, either quit making shit up or prove that you did not.

    • Cooper Fleishman says:

      Do a quick command-F for the word “convenient” and you’ll find that no one deleted your comment. We have nothing to hide.

    • JJR – Convenient? The situation seems convenient? Losing your daughter and going through a 1 in 100,000 fatal deformity is convenient? Only someone capable of extreme lies woudl think a person woujdl make this up and take it this far. Sorry – but you are one sick puppy.

  210. I’m very sorry for you and your wife’s loss. It must have been so hard for you, and I admire both of your courage and resilience.

    As for videotaping the crazies, all I have to say is you da man. It takes a real man to do what you did. Props.

  211. You’re a hero and a man of substance to have responded to your grief and anger in such a frank and non-violent way, Aaron. Thank you. I was truly sickened by the comments of those who judged you and your wife unkindly even when presented with facts – so much so that it makes me want to distance myself from Christianity even more. I’m good with God – just not with any set of beliefs that create such cruel, intentionally ignorant people.

  212. Aaron Gouveia is a stalwart gentleman. He stood up for what he believed, and we should applaud his actions. I am tired of seeing these fundamentalist religious types protesting and judging everyone who does not adhere to their beliefs. Many of these protestors have no idea about the situation, nor do they care to listen to reason; they are right and everyone else is wrong. Freedom of speech is a wonderful aspect of civil society, but we as a society need to understand and be compassionate towards our fellow man (woman). If you do not agree with abortion, do not have one. But understand that there will always be people who will seek abortion (for justifiable reasons or not) and the alternative is a rusty scalpel in a dark alley somewhere…thats safer.

  213. You are a brave and wonderful person for posting this. More often than not, people get abortions for these types of reasons. Its not something they just decide to do on a whim, but something they have no other real choice but to do. I feel for you and your wife, and i wish you the best of luck with future pregnancies.

  214. Thank you for writing this and for filming your confrontation. You had me in tears, and I’m sorry for your loss. Regrettably, I share your pain.

    As a mother who has also ‘wailed hysterically’ for a similar reason to your wife’s, I applaud you for confronting to those sanctimonious, brainwashed fools. More of us should do the same. How dare anyone – how very DARE they – pass judgement on other people whose lives they do not live and whose circumstances they do not know? These idiots should keep their misinformed opinions to themselves and thank their lucky stars they’re not in the shoes of the parents who are walking through those dreaded doors.

    My husband & I were devastated to lose a similarly malformed child with zero chance of survival, but I am 100% convinced that we did the right thing and would do the same again. I take solace in the knowledge that her chance of being a viable human being ended long before we even knew she existed, let alone agreed to any procedures.

    Bringing our child to term would have been needlessly traumatic for all concerned – especially for her. We know we made the correct decision; I firmly believe you did too.

    Hugs & kisses to you and your family. I wish you all well.

    • “How dare anyone – how very DARE they – pass judgement on other people whose lives they do not live and whose circumstances they do not know? ”

      And yet you have no problem doing the exact same thing.

      Newsflash: There are pro-life people who have been in this situation. It’s horrible and unfair. Nobody should have to experience it. But, life isn’t fair.
      And that is not an excuse for murder.

      • Nah, I guess it’s just an excuse to punish a woman for having a deformed fetus, and then punish the fetus by forcing it to suffer in agony by being born only to die a few minutes later.

        • And, apparently, this is what gawd wants…because he loves you!

        • Congratulations on completely missing the point of the pro-life movement.

          • No, hon, we understand the pro-liar movement pretty well. Your inane comments more or less validate our impressions. (Go ahead, leave another “Am not, you are!” reply.)

          • “No, hon, we understand the pro-liar movement pretty well. ”

            I’m not talking about the pro-abortion movement, sweetie(never heard to it referred to as the pro-liar movement before). I’m talking about the pro-life movement.

            “Your inane comments more or less validate our impressions.”

            *yawn* Have you ever considered investing in a thesaurus? And I don’t know how I can “validate your impressions” since I’m not even a member of the pro-abortion movement.

            “(Go ahead, leave another “Am not, you are!” reply.)”

            Hmmmm….I don’t believe I’ve left one of those yet. Maybe later. But for now, you should really stop projecting 😉

      • And how, precisely, am I doing the exact same thing? By sitting quietly at home, keeping my opinions to appropriate fora such as this one? I’m not the one slandering a grieving mother who tragically lost a much-wanted child to severe physical deformity as a ‘murderer’.

        These people cruelly harass innocent parents who have made a perfectly lawful decision simply because they think that their imaginary friend in the sky disapproves. Did you not read the part about pictures of dismembered foetuses, shoved in the faces of people who are grieving because their much-wanted child will never be able to survive? Have you any idea how monstrous such behaviour is? Imagine doing that at a child’s funeral. I admire Mr Gouveia’s restraint; if that had been me on my way to terminate my daughter, I would have gone ape.

        You’ve alluded to abortion as ‘murder’: you may wish to brush up on a few facts before throwing around such slanderous terms. ‘Murder’ is the unlawful killing of a human being. A foetus is not legally defined as a human being until it passes through the birth canal and takes its first independent breath. So the lawful termination of a foetus is not murder, despite what you might have heard from a pulpit. And I can assure you that my poor, unfortunate daughter stood absolutely no chance of taking that vital first breath. For that, she would need to be born with a head. :’-(

        • “And how, precisely, am I doing the exact same thing?”

          Here: “those sanctimonious, brainwashed fools.”

          “I’m not the one slandering a grieving mother who tragically lost a much-wanted child to severe physical deformity as a ‘murderer’.”

          Nobody is “slandering a grieving mother”. Abortion kills an innocent unborn child. That’s not a pretty truth, but it is the truth, as hard as some people may try to deny it.

          “These people cruelly harass innocent parents who have made a perfectly lawful decision simply because they think that their imaginary friend in the sky disapproves.”

          A couple of things here:
          1) How does asking somebody not to kill their child qualify as “cruel harassment”?
          2) Slavery was once lawful, too. Does that mean it was right?
          3) Not all pro-lifers are religious (for example, I’m agnostic). Only bigots feel the need to mock the religious beliefs of others

          “Did you not read the part about pictures of dismembered foetuses, shoved in the faces of people who are grieving because their much-wanted child will never be able to survive?”

          You’re upset about pictures of dismembered fetuses, but you’re not disturbed the “procedure” that causes them to be dismembered in the first place? Second, it doesn’t sound to me like those pictures were shoved into anybody’s face. Mr. Gouveia even admitted that the protesters were across the street.

          “Have you any idea how monstrous such behaviour is? Imagine doing that at a child’s funeral.”

          Trying to prevent the killing of an innocent child is monstrous, but the act of killing that child is not? Unfortunately, your comparison here just does not work. There is a world of difference between gathering to mourn the death of a child and bringing him/her to facility where he/she will be killed.

          “‘Murder’ is the unlawful killing of a human being.”

          Yes. That is why Roe v. Wade does not make any sense.

          “A foetus is not legally defined as a human being until it passes through the birth canal and takes its first independent breath.”

          Hmmm….I’d better go tell my friend (who was delivered by C-section, and so did not pass through the birth canal) that she is not legally a human being.

          “So the lawful termination of a foetus is not murder, despite what you might have heard from a pulpit.”

          *sigh* Once again, I’m agnostic. I’m pro-life because I know how to read and understand a biology textbook. Destroying an innocent human being is murder.

          “And I can assure you that my poor, unfortunate daughter stood absolutely no chance of taking that vital first breath. For that, she would need to be born with a head. :’-( ”

          I am very sorry about your daughter. Nobody should have to experience that. Unfortunately, many people do, including pro-lifers. It’s very sad that so many people feel that their only option is abortion. But, it’s NOT the only option:
          http://www.alexandrashouse.com/
          http://www.perinatalhospice.org/

          • I just don’t get it! The child is going to die with 100% certainty anyway, so what the heck does it matter if it dies through a medical procedure? Without feeling excruciating, drawn-out pain that coming into this world and living a couple of days without organs you need means?

            I think it is extremely selfish of parents to bring to full term a baby with deficiencies known to cause death in a painful horrible way. They are not doing it for the baby, they’re doing it for themselves. The fetus doesn’t feel, it doesn’t have brains, it cannot think and say “oh I wish to be born so I can feel pain for 2 days and then die, yes, that is what I want”. If it could it would probably say “kill me now without causing me any more pain than possible”.

            So to me, you are the one who is selfish.

            • Vee,
              It’s funny how so many abortion supporters whine about how “judgmental” pro-lifers supposedly are. And yet, you yourselves have no problem with passing judgment on others. Bit of a double standard , eh? Not to mention completely hypocritical.

  215. Aaron,

    I understand you were going through a painful situation. No pro-life person can deny that. However, you took that pain and anger and aimed it at these women who are standing up for what they believe in. You caught them off guard and hardly gave them a chance to speak…it is only natural for the woman to react the way she did and not want to be recorded. These days you never know where things can end up on the internet. You belittling her reaction doesn’t solve anything…you are just trying to make yourself feel better about yourself and your decision.

    The protesters are not being hostile, they simply stand up for the belief that everyone has a right to life. No, they didn’t know your personal story or any other woman’s who goes into that clinic, but not knowing the details of how or why a woman came to be there does not change the harsh reality of the situation. Abortion ends the life of the child…end of story. Even if your daughter was going to die in the long run of things (which doctors cannot say with 100% certainty…there have been many cases where doctors are wrong) then it would have happened naturally when God was ready to call her home. You chose to take it into your own hands and end her life to try to make it easier on yourself and your wife. But I ask you….what if she had survived? Even if only for a few hours? Maybe longer. She may have suffered, but do you think being aborted was painless for her? It is a terrible situation no matter how you look at it, but as a fervent pro-life believer I don’t think it is our place to decide when any human should live or die. That choice is not ours to make…regardless of the situation that brought you to that point. I pray for healing for you and your family. No one is claiming the hand you were dealt was easy, but projecting your anger onto women who were there advocating for the life of your very child does not solve the problem. You were protecting your wife…they were protecting first and foremost, your daughter, as well as you and your wife. Unfortunately, your anger blinded you from this.

    • Beautifully said.

    • Monimonika says:

      Laura,

      If those women are truly in the right in yelling at any woman going into the clinic because they are advocating for the life of any unborn child… why did they apologize to Aaron when he told them WHY his wife had to get an abortion?

      Was it because they realized that Aaron’s wife was only “guilty” of unluckily carrying a baby that God deemed unworthy of life beyond the womb, if even that? Was it because they felt remorse that all that their yelling had accomplished was just unnecessarily hurt someone who did nothing wrong?

      And Aaron was supposed to, what, let the two women just go on hurting others in the same thoughtless way without informing them of what they had just done to his innocent wife? And yes, she is innocent, at least of what the two women were initially accusing her of. That’s why the two women replied that they were “sorry” and that “is not what they meant to do”.

      If you were inadvertently hurting someone, wouldn’t you want to be told that you are doing so? Or is your desire to believe you are right all the time much more powerful than knowing more about the actual effect you have on others?

    • Chance to speak? They’ve been speaking all day in front of that clinic, “speaking” to the women they’re harassing.

      If you want everything to happen “naturally” then I suggest you never take any sort of medicine, after all who are you to stop god from “calling you home?”

      They did this because not doing it would have harmed the woman and possibly caused suffering to the child if it had made it to birth.

      If causing suffering like that is what it means to be a christian, then satan’s got a new errand boy.

    • You people really take the cake. You stand on your soapboxes, harassing, intimidating, and shaming women (at best), and waving fetus porn, bombing clinics, and shooting clinic workers (at worst), then have the nerve to claim that someone confronting you on your hateful actions, even in the non-profane though obviously impassioned manner that Aaron Gouveia did, was wrong. What, only “pro-lifers” are allowed to have an impassioned opinion in front of an abortion clinic?

      You do not get to have it both ways. If you think we should have to meekly stand by while you promote terrorism and harass women in the name of life and your imaginary sky fairy, you are sadly mistaken.

      • Wow! Where to start?!

        Monimonika – I cannot tell you exactly why those women apologized. You would have to ask them. I would imagine it was because they were sorry for his situation and didn’t want to argue with a father who was clearly grieving and angry. They are there to advocate on behalf of the child’s life. There may have not been a lot that could be changed in this particular situation, but that doesn’t justify an abortion. As to the desire to always be right? You may call it that. I call it standing firm in my belief and not making excuses to justify this action. If I claim that abortion is okay for certain circumstances, I become a hypocrite to everything I stand for.

        W – Did you seriously just compare taking medicine to having an abortion?! One is a method for easing life, the other is a method of destroying it. I do not understand your thinking. You speak of inflicting suffering on the baby. Are you fully aware of what an abortion does? Maybe you should reference some of that baby porn (as Ruth so eloquently calls it). I’m fairly sure being ripped apart involves some pain and suffering. And a fetus can sense pain at 8 weeks gestation. Look it up.

        Ruth – You seem to enjoy berating those who do not share your viewpoint. This will not help further your argument. Please do not group me with bombers, snipers, terrorists and others of the sort. I may stand firm in my beliefs, but I do not support resorting to violence. This is polar opposite of what it means to stand for life. Can you tell me how advocating on behalf of the life of an unborn child is comparable to terrorism?! Again, I do not understand your thinking. And I never said Aaron didn’t have a right to voice his opinion. I think he has every right to speak up as well. I was simply getting at that his approach (like yours) was impulsive and childish. You call me hateful, but I am far from it. I am willing to listen to reason, hear the other side, and have a civilized conversation. I do not judge you for not believing in God, the least you can do is return the favor. You mock me and yet you call me hateful? And that baby porn you refer to…is the harsh reality of the situation. I don’t like to look at it either. But how can you advocate for something you can’t stand to look at the result of? That is the epitome of hypocrisy.

        Heidi – How is it that you are concerned about the emotional well-being of the child and ignore the physical well-being (aka…her parents were on their way to kill her)? These women were trying to stop the killing of this innocent life…that is how they were trying to protect her. Your argument is not even logical. And abortion often takes an emotional toll on the parents in the long run of life. These parents obviously already had other emotional damage, but the protesters generally are trying to prevent them from making a mistake and regretting it later.

      • Ruth – your comments have been awesome throughout this thread, but that one was especially good.

        So tired of having to kowtow to these idiots’ imaginary sky daddy and pretend that their arguments have any merit. I wish we didn’t live in such a religion-poisoned country.

    • Heidi Miller says:

      If they were protecting anyone the two women would have never showed up and they would let people make this type of decision with being bullied. Protecting means A pass guaranteeing safe-conduct to travelers. Do you think they truly provided a Mentally-SAFE path for Arron and his wife? Don’t you think the baby inside Arron’s wife FELT the trauma these 2 women slashed at her since a fetus is alive and has a soul. So wouldn’t that also mean the baby was not given a safe emotional passage? So again who were the two women protecting?

      The only thing these type of protests are accomplishing is FEAR. There’s is no protecting.
      I am sure the unborn child was mentally traumatized before, but after these two women YELLED at his wife I am sure it was in distress even more.

  216. I am so sorry for what you and your wife endured. I wish I had the courage you did when I took my sister to end her pregnancy at 15 weeks. She wanted the baby more than anything, but a routine prenatal check up found that she had stage 4 cancer. It was her life or the baby’s. It was already the worst day of her life and those animals made it so much worse. Her only options were to end the pregnancy and begin heavy doses of chemo and radiation or to leave her 2year old son and 4 year old daughter motherless. Not much of a choice.
    I hope more people have the courage to peacefully speak their mind, and I wish you and your wife luck in the future.

  217. I’ve confronted these protesters before, outside of a high school. Their signs were so horrifyingly graphic I felt sick just passing by, and I’m an adult.

    I decided I would talk to them for a bit about what they were doing. About the only thing they stated clearly was that “Abortion is murder.” I asked many questions, ranging from factual to philosophical, polite to offensive, and not once did I recieve a coherent answer. Every inquiry was dodged completely (and in an extremely condescending manner).

    I have no respect for these people in general. I have yet to meet one who knows what they’re talking about or can provide a good justification for their actions.

    Not to mention I think they present a hazard to nearby drivers with such a gripping distraction. There has to be a law against that.

  218. Good for you. I had to have an abortion for medical reasons and I would’ve kept that baby. I wanted that baby too. I’m really sorry for your loss.

  219. Aaron, I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and hope that you and your wife find some comfort and peace.

    I cried when I watched that video. I am a woman who had an abortion as a teenager, and had to face the gauntlet of taunting men and women – adults, to my 18 – who screamed at me, got right up in my face and screamed at me, leaning closer and closer and pushing me down, until I ended up curled up on the sidewalk outside that clinic, in, ironically, the fetal position, while they stood over me and bullied me, screaming ‘babykiller’ at me, and telling me i was going to hell. When I was finally able to scramble thru their legs to my feet, I had the gravel and dirt of the sidewalk smeared across my face and neck, and a clinic worker had to wash it off for me while i cried. I didn’t have anyone with me, and nobody in my life who would have stood up for me the way you did for your life.

    I admire you so much for doing that. I know you did it for your wife, but in my heart, its kind of like you did it for every woman who ever walked the anti-choice gauntlet on her way to the door of a clinic. So, thank you. Truly – thank you. That 2 minute clip healed a little bit of my heart that I did not even know was still aching. Thank you.

    • Your story is horrible. I can’t believe people would do that to a child (in my eyes, 18 is still a child). I just can’t believe it.

      This is why so many people hate the States. Because of people like them. This could never happen in my country. Never. Obviously I understand that many, many Americans do not share the sentiment of these protesters, but I cannot believe they would not stand up to someone being bullied like that. I would have called the police.

      See, in my country, if people don’t agree with the legislation, they go and do their protests in front of the court house. They don’t harass people who aren’t doing anything wrong in the eyes of the law, even when they themselves think it’s morally wrong. Because the solution to their problem is not to bully women, it is to change the law.

      I wonder what good the protesters think they are doing?

  220. Jessi Woodward says:

    Thank you. We need more people willing to stand up for choice. You were brilliant and it moved me to tears. People with no empathy for others will never be able to comprehend the difficulty of this choice, regardless of circumstance, and your circumstance was powerful and visceral. Thank you, Aaron. I wish you, your wife and family well.

  221. I thought this was a burden I had to shoulder on my own, as a woman who had a termination at the age of 20. I felt that I had nobody but anonymous websites and pamphlets that advised me about how I’m meant to feel and how to not have this happen in the future and arguments for my case which seemed to have no affect. When I saw you telling those activists exactly what they do to girls like myself when they scream and taunt, I felt like I was no longer alone. Thank you.

  222. Thank you. Thank you so much.

  223. I appreciate what you did. Thank you for showing this to everyone.

  224. You are an amazing man and husband. I’ve been in your wife’s shoes – though our child’s diagnosis was a lifetime of terrible pain and constant medical procedures, not certain death. It was the most terrible decision we ever had to make but I’d do it again in a second if it would save my child from a life of torture. It lifts my heart to know that there are men out there like you.

  225. Melva Chapman says:

    Having been in the same situation, I feel for you. Wife and I were sent to the abortion clinic near Brigham & Women’s. Protesters yelling and holding signs. After the procedure, came out to chants and people yelling at us. Yelled back, confronted them, recorded it on my phone. B&W security quickly stepped in between me and protesters. Advised to put away the phone and remove the recordings due to possibly violating Mass. wiretap laws. Ugh. You may want to think about this with your video recordings.

    • The security person was dead wrong, it’s nothing to do with wiretapping laws if they are publicly saying those things. That’s like saying you can’t record someone’s speech at the park or something. If it’s a private conversation, then they have rights, but if they are talking to YOU or shouting to people in general, you have every right to film it or record it.

      The security guard just wanted to scare you.

  226. :’) great job standing up to them.

    in the end no one should force anyone to do anything. the best thing to do is leave it up to the person to choose. pro-life or pro-choice, whatever it is should still be left up to you.

  227. You are my hero!
    I cried like 5 times while reading your story
    I wish i had father like this
    Thank you so much for doing what you did
    And I’m very sorry for your loss

  228. I just wanted to say that you are a very courageous and relatively calm person. If i were in your position i would have figuratively flipped my sh*t. These people are the lowest of the low and they go out bragging that women commit suicide after they get abortions without realizing that they kill themselves because of these pro lifers making them feel like they are killers. Its despicable how these people are “christians” but doesn’t realize that the book doesnt tell them to berate and demean others.

  229. Martin Burns says:

    Congratulations on being able to confront these deluded women in a temperate manner. I’m not always able to rise above my emotions in similar situations. Here’s a side note. One of the women mentioned her adopted children. Years ago I was in a position to counsel several young, unmarried pregnant women. I really felt that abortion was not the right answer, but tried not to be judgemental. A big factor in one of them choosing abortion was that her child could possibly wind up being raised by someone like the women who confronted you and your wife. She knew of women who had turned over their babies to pro-lifers and had come to hate their choices. Of course, there are many other ways adoptions are arranged, but the girl’s circumstances, and her emotional encounters with women in front of the clinics tipped the balance in her decision to end her pregnancy.

  230. I’m really sorry you felt you needed to abort your baby. I’ve had stillborns in the past and it is a horrible thing to experience. You approached the ladies with the signs. They were there protesting…..Thank God for Free Speech ! I pray you and your wife continue to heal after this tragic death of your baby. God Forgives !

  231. Heidi Miller says:

    You moved me. I have wanted to do that for years, but have never been in a situation to do so. From a fathers point of view this was heartbreaking. I know there is freedom of speech in the country but these religious groups take it way to far. Protesting a decision that is so traumatic, to protesting our soldiers, at what point does it stop. You are so right we need to stand up to these BULLIES and fight back. My heart goes out to you and your family and the next time I pass the abortion clinic and see the signs I will stop my car and ask, “What are you trying to gain?” And like you did I will video all of it, and post a response on youtube. Maybe they will start to understand that an abortion is emotionally upsetting enough and we don’t need people trying to traumatize women and fathers anymore then they already are.

    If the risk of people committing suicide after an abortion is the only reason they are doing this then they need to read the study that they are backing. Finland was were the the statistical study was done, about 15% of all deaths in Finland are from suicide. More then any other country. Further more this study was done between 1987-1994 I think these groups need to stop using out of date information. When the new study is done about abortion and suicide how will they ask, “was the women BULLIED before going into the clinic?” Maybe all this protesting is affecting the women emotionally. That would be a major bias oversight to a studying like this. Did the bullying (Protesters, family, friends, church) cause the suicide or was it the abortion.

    • Coming from Finland, I don’t really believe those statistics are accurate in the slightest, even if they are out of date. Between -87 and -94 we had our biggest depression to date with thousands losing their businesses and becoming indebted for life (in a country of 5 million, that is a lot of people). This was one of the reasons for such a high suicide rate. I believe at that time women who went to have abortions may have actually wanted to keep their child, but felt that they were not financially stable enough to do so and didn’t see any way out of their situation except taking their own life. So I don’t believe that a significant number of women committed suicide simply because of having an abortion.

      (Our suicide rates are still high especially among men, but nowhere near 15% anymore I hope)

      I can tell you that today in Finland abortions are easy to get in the first trimester when the fetus is only a cluster of cells, and become harder after that period of time. Speaking also from personal experience I know several women who have either had an abortion or have seriously thought about it, and while it isn’t an easy decision, I have yet to see severe emotional trauma because of those decisions. Because women in Finland are generally very well educated, they know what abortion is and what it isn’t. Abortions are carried out in normal hospitals (even if they weren’t I don’t know anyone at all who would go and protest) so there is no stigma, and it is a PERSONAL matter. I believe all of these things help take out the emotional stress and shame felt by women in the States because of these protesters.

  232. You are an amazing person, and an amazing husband to your wife.

  233. Thank you. That’s all. Just, thank you.

  234. To the man Jeff who posted,

    Thank you for allowing your precious little girl to die a natural, dignified death while she was surrounded by love. You are a REAL father. The author of this article had his ill daughter euthanised like a dog. No, actually, that is giving him too much credit. We kill dogs more far more humanely in this society than we kill fetuses via abortion.

    I am so sorry for the loss of little Sophie, may she rest in peace. RIP Alexandra, as well.

    Love how the pro-choicer says: “You and your wife made the right decision for yourselves. Aaron and his wife made the right decision for themselves. You are not them and they are not you. What is right for you is not right for them. You aren’t better people because you made a different decision.”

    LOL. Thats right. Do what is best for YOU and screw the child. Jeez. This person talks like the decision to kill a human fetus or to let her live her natural life span (however short that may be), is as morally meaningless as choosing between vanilla or chocolate ice cream.

    • Perhaps it is too much to ask of the internet that we not kick a man while he is down and grieving. Instead of using this forum to moralize, and to make assumptions about people you don’t know, you could open your heart up a little to kindness?

      The oddest thing to me about the pro-life movement is how angry and judgmental and holier than thou it is. The yelling, the cruelty to women, the complete lack of human decency that seems to emanate from them whenever they see a situation that does not conform to their own beliefs. It’s very telling, isn’t it, how cruel they are to real, living people. How can anyone be ‘pro-life’ and cruel to living, suffering women at the same time?

      • How about we do not disrespect the memory of Alexandra- you know, the victim who died in this situation- by sugarcoating her killing.

        I have opened my heart to kindness. That is why I am pro-life. That is why it makes me upset when people kill innocent humans. This is NOT a complicated issue. Refraining from killing your offspring is perhaps the most basic, simple, no-brainer moral decision any human could make.

        Yes, it is true, I do not know this father. I also do not personally know the people killing children in Iraq and their entire life stories, but that is not really relevant, is it? The author of this article admits multiple times that Alexandra was a person, would you like to tell him he is wrong? Innocent people all around the world (born and pre-born) are being killed, and I am not going to sit back and say „oh gee, it is kinda sad, but I do not want to judge. It is complicated….the world is not black and white.“ People come up with all sorts of rationalizations to kill people, and it does not make me a more tolerant, kind person to pretend these excuses are OK. Please, please, please have sympthathy toward those being killed.

        Also, you do not know me or the majority of the pro-life movement. I have never screamed at a woman. We simply offer them financial and emotional help. It is an extremely simple, common-sense philosophy: Live baby good, dead baby bad. I do not care how much of a moral relativist you are, it is never good for mothers when their offspring die. And despite all the eugenic-type arguments put forth by the pro-choice movement, it is never a good thing for the fetus when she is killed before her natural life span is up. And that is why I will continue to speak out for Alexandra.

  235. Also, it is sick you all admire this man as a father. Here is a father I admire:

    http://www.leaderpost.com/news/dies+saving+wife+unborn+baby+swerving/3487112/story.html

    That man is a hero who died for his unborn child. The author killed his unborn child.

    He could have said, „Alexandra may only live a day, she may only live a minute, she may not even live through birth. But lets love her as long as she is alive.“ But no. „Well, she is not going to live much longer anyway, so might as well whack her now.“

    • “Also, it is sick you all admire this man as a father.”
      The only sick thing here are all you pro-pain and pro-suffering people, who fail to show any sense of compassion.

      “He could have said, „Alexandra may only live a day, she may only live a minute, she may not even live through birth. But lets love her as long as she is alive.“ But no. „Well, she is not going to live much longer anyway, so might as well whack her now.“
      While ignoring the unneeded risk to the mother, the emotional suffering of giving birth to a child they knew would die and the agony in which the child would die in being born without vital organs and that’s assuming the child would die long before birth, putting the mother feather at risk.

      You are oversimplifying the problem was, it wasn’t just a case of „Well, she is not going to live much longer anyway, so might as well whack her now.“ which is an mean thing to say, so much for a loving Christian. Do you even grasp the pain these people have to go through or don’t you care about that as long as you get to advocate your belief?

      • I am not a Christian and never said I was.

        Once of the more bizarre beliefs of the pro-choice movement is that pro-lifers do not really get reality or understand that people experience pain and difficult times in their lives. Pro-lifers have experienced pregnany through rape, while living in poverty, and their babies have had horrific abnormalities and may not have lived past birth. It is just insulting to imply that we have picture perfect lives and prey on those less fortunate. Life is often brutually unfair for pro-lifers at times, as it is for all people. And yet we do not kill our children. My baby had anencephaly. The doctor told us she would not live long past birth. She did not. Trust me, it was hell. But I never, ever could have considered killing her.

        Why is it that I did not kill my kid? It is not that we as pro-lifers are amazing, moral heroes. Rather, refraining from killing your offspring is perhaps the most basic, simple, no-brainer moral decision any human could make. Do not pretend it is some mere personal preference to let your child live or die. It is not my so-called personal belief, it has nothing to do with a holier-than-thou attitude. It is WRONG to kill children, whether they are in a fetal stage, or toddler stage, or so on. When I say killing Iraqi children is wrong, no one says, „well, are YOU perfect? Stop judging other people! It is not black and white!!“ Alexandra is the victim here. She DIED. She was killed before her natural lifespan was up.

        Here are photos of dying babies or dead babies at a pro-life hospice. Do you think this was fun for the pro-life parents? Do you think it was easy? Do you really think we just do not „get“ it?

        http://www.alexandrashouse.com/photos/

        „Well, she is not going to live much longer anyway, so might as well whack her now.“ Perhaps I put it less eloquently and flowerly than the author of this article did, but that is what it comes down to. They were not comfortable with the fact their baby was ill and was not going to live long, so they killed her.

    • Henry P. Belanger says:

      That guy was Good Men Project Magazine “Man of the Day.”

      http://goodmenproject.com/2010/09/13/man-of-the-day-brian-wood/

  236. Eric Wilson says:

    Thank you. When me and my ex wife had to get an abortion due to the high amounts of radiation in her system because of a thyroid problem, we were treated the same way. It’s easy to judge people when you know nothing about the circumstances of their situation. I applaud you sir.

  237. I’m with you 100% brother. Many years ago my wife and I found ourselves in a very similar situation. The birth sac somehow developed a hole which was subsequently plugged by the developing fetus. As a result of this as the spine of the fetus grew it grew out from the hole which caused the spine to be practically doubled over. The doctors informed us that the odds of survival were very, very slim and if the baby did survive the head would be somewhere near the pelvis and that would never change. It would live it’s life virtually doubled over completely. That was no way for a human to live and we could not bring ourselves to allow the pregnancy to go to term. We made the same decision you two made and we felt just as bad as you about that decision.

    When we arrived at the clinic there were protesters there too, and they made the mistake of approaching us. I escorted my wife inside then returned to deal with these idiots. They actually ended up apologizing to me but that didn’t make me feel any better. These people have no idea how heavy the decision to have an abortion weighs on people and what we have to live with as a result of that decision. They see everything in black and white, right and wrong and the truth is they couldn’t be more wrong. We now have a 10 year old daughter and predictably she complains about being an only child and wishes for a brother or sister. I don’t know if I can ever find the strength to tell her about her other sibling and how we wish that child was here to share our life too.

  238. Lucy Macfarlane says:

    Bravo!

  239. The Gouveias contracted the mangling, dismembering, poisoning, or beheading of their baby because she wasn’t perfect. Remember that doctors are not always right in diagnosing congenital defects or whether a disability will be fatal.
    Abolition now.

    • Yes- I’m sure the ultrasound tech and doctors made a fly by night diagnosis in under five minutes and they just failed Anatomy and Physiology 101 and simply couldn’t find the baby’s kidney or bladder and didn’t know where there were supposed to be 2 legs instead of a continuous trunk. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

    • wow that’s pretty strong imagery you’ve conjured up there- at that stage the embryo resembles a planters peanut. http://www.babycenter.com/fetal-development-images-8-weeks
      How does one go about “dismembering and beheading” a peanut?

      When I had a miscarriage the baby looked like a thick bloody clot-nothing even vaguely recognizable as human. Let me ask you this? Are you a vegan? If not, you’ve probably had scrambled eggs at some point in your life. Did you ever step back horrified at the brutal “dismembering and beheading” that you were doing to that poor baby chicken? Probably not, but the chicken and every other life form on this planet are all God’s creatures. However nature has a blue print that we all have to follow whether we like it or not called “survival of the fittest”. In nature, animals often eat their young if they are diseased or unfit. Yet we as humans are supposed to prolong the agony of our offspring. Something doesn’t seem quite right there.

  240. Almost every “right-to-lifer” I’ve ever met denies that women have serious reasons for getting abortions. If they examined and addressed the reasons why women get abortions, they would be taking an enormous step toward eliminating abortion. But I guess it’s more fun to stand outside a clinic busily insulting, shaming and enraging women.

    By the time a woman is actually walking into a clinic, she has already done everything in her power to try to avoid the abortion. Abortion is the last resort.

  241. Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated acts over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual abusing those who are less powerful.
    People who scream at others with the intention of wearing them down until they get their own way are bullies. Bullying should not be tolerated.
    This man was standing up to the bullies who were abusing his wife. Anyone who has loved another would do the same. And if you wouldn’t defend the one you love, you’re just heartless and have probably never really felt love anyway.
    I could not bring myself to having an abortion. The emotional turmoil would be too much. But then again, I have never been in that situation.. I have been brought up as a Christian, but I have always, always, always been told to love everyone even if they do something you perceive as wrong. There’s so many different angles, and this is a difficult subject. I’m still unsure of where I stand..

  242. What I find most ironic in the whole “it’s murder and you’re going to hell” argument is that in every organized religion, they all have a set of rules and beliefs that basically states if you don’t believe/follow this religion then you are condemned to hell. Since we all can’t follow every religion that ever existed(that includes the multiple and quite varied branches of “Christianity”). Then by that logic, we are all going to hell regardless of what we do, say, think, act, or feel about any given topic. So what exactly is the point of arguing about what’s perceived to be right or wrong?” In the end, we all lose.

    In the end, the only comfort we can have is to make your little corner of the world as bright as possible. And to do so by loving your fellow humans, giving support, encouragement, and love, not hate.
    Hate breeds more hate and violence begets more violence. If you wanna make the world a better place, start with yourselves and stop the hate.

    • You should do some research before you make accusations against a bunch of organized religions you know nothing about. I am a devout Catholic and there is nothing in our teachings that states if you are not Catholic then you are going to hell. I grew up going to Catholic schools and pretty sure I never once learned that. That is such an ancient belief…most religions have moved past that now.

      • Your pedo-protecting leader, Ratzi the Nazi, would love to bring that doctrine back.

        • Oh, honey. You do enjoy making an ass out of yourself, don’t you? I think I hear your mommy calling you. Time to go home and take your nap.

      • don’t get me started on Catholicism, a religion where those in positions of trust routinely commit bigger sins than those they preach about, a religion where you pay money to the church for your sins to be “forgiven.” Where divorce is not allowed but molesting choir boys is. Of all the different religions that one raises my hackles more than any other.

    • You should try and avoid making blanket statements about ‘every’ or ‘all’ of anything, especially religions. Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism, just to name a few, are notorious for NOT believing in a hell of any sort–let along having active conversion methods, or believing people deserve retribution for not belonging to their faith.

      Religions have their issues, certainly, but every religion doesn’t fall fault to the same problems. By condemning everyone for others faults, you aren’t any better than the people you’re trying to insult, who say that every person who has an abortion is killing a child.

      • Even if you happen to have one of those religions that doesn’t say you’re going to hell if you don’t believe-you’re still obviously not a member of those that say you are-therein lies my point . No one can believe in every religion equally. Therefore, even if your own religion doesn’t say you’re going to hell , there are plenty that do. I.E. according to someone somewhere-we’re all going to hell.

  243. Don Young says:

    Aaron was fairly reserved. In the event it was my wife that was abused, these two would still be running from their misplaced fear that a 6′ 3″ tall & wide load would physically attack them. Wikipedia would have to add several new servers in trying to define meanings to all the new derogatory terms I would have been creating on the fly. Aaron n is probably the first father to take protesters to task for years, and have have been the only one to do so in regards to these woman. IMO the pro-choice group has dropped the ball by not being on site on the side of the patients. Ideally the patients should be able to arrive and leave without seeing any controversy, but the “pro-life” vigilantes aren’t going to let that happen, as the pro choice group retreats to give the patients space.

  244. Years ago, I had an abortion and had to go back to the clinic for a follow up appointment. A strawberry blond freckled woman was protesting that day with a couple of men. I paid no mind to it as I approached the steps to the entry-way, until she said “That’s right, kill your baby.” – It was a high pitched musical tone without any compassion or feeling behind it. Just pure passive aggressive attitude toward me, who had done nothing to her to deserve it.

    I turned around and walked up to her and looked her in the eyes and she wouldn’t look at me. Then I said, “What… say it again.” But, to no avail, I didn’t get the response I wanted so that I could retaliate the way I wanted to. I think I heard one of her men protesters tell er not to talk at that instant, because I think they recognized my ensuing rage as I was intending on hitting her at that moment.

    I wish people who protest realized what they are really doing. I wish they’d truly do their research and stop only receiving it through their church sources and get it from neutral sources. Because, they are so worked up in their way or the highway, they are shooting themselves in the foot and not accomplishing their wishes. If they are truly just people; they wouldn’t abuse strangers at their most vulnerable point in their life.

  245. I am PRO-LIFE, but again “I’M NOT PREGNANT! If I were in the situation of this couple, I would have been PRO-CHOICE. Why would anyone want to go through 9 months of pregnancy, giving birth to a baby that would be badly deformed and would only live an hour or two “IF” it was born alive?
    The trauma this couple went through was bad enough; they didn’t deserve to suffer months of torture. God Bless this couple……..and I’m sure he does.

  246. “First, these people aren’t used to being confronted.. But I chose to do just that, and you can see what happened.”
    yeah, you’re a legend in your own mind…

  247. This video shows just how sadly misguided these people are, to assume that everyone is just aborting out of convenience. That they don’t want to hear your side of the situation, and believe that their rights supersede yours is also a common theme among fundies. It’s just sad.

    My cousin also had to make that painful decision once. After she recovered she became pregnant again, and had a beautiful healthy baby girl, who smiles and laughs more than any child I’ve ever met. I hope this same blessing is bestowed on you and your wife soon.

  248. Also many of those pictures of ripped up “fetuses” are actually doctored, or staged. With all the medical privacy and biohazard disposal laws in the US, it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible for these people to actually get a hold of a real aborted fetus. Most of them don’t even really know how the abortion procedure really works.

    • Three words. The Silent Scream. Look it up.

      • HAHAHAHAHA…. yeah. About as accurate as photos of stillbirths passed off as first-trimester abortions.

        Catho-fundies are idiots.

      • I have. Along with Diary of an Unborn Baby, and Letter From Hell and that documentary where the teenage boy stated that if his sister were raped he’d want a niece or nephew. Your point is…?

  249. Jenny Smith says:

    I don’t know if what I was writing deleted or sent, but it’s gone. I was in the middle of saying, many some women commit suicide after abortions BECAUSE they were only given shame and rejection, instead of the support they desperately needed after committing an act which is usually one of desperation.

    I’m truly sorry you and your wife had to go through all of this.

  250. Aaron, you’re my new hero. You confronted them right outside the window of my office. I am the chiropractor across the street from the clinic and we see these people everyday yelling at folks having one of the worst days of their lives.

    I’m a prenatal chiropractor and they have even yelled at pregnant patients going into my clinic, as if I have a secret tunnel over there or something…

    Thank you for your eloquence, and for the inspiration. My thoughts are with you and your wife.
    Dr. Lisa

  251. This made my heart sing – well done! I do so hope you and your wife are recovering from your traumatic experience.

  252. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you know how much it means that anyone anywhere is willing to stand up to a bully.

    Best to you and your wife.

  253. I am deeply sorry for the loss you and your wife have experienced. Although I don’t know you, I am proud of you for standing up to those bullies. You are lucky to live in the US, where you have a choice.

    I live in Malta, where those bullies are the government. There are no discussions on abortion here because it is taken for granted that everybody is against its being made legal. If I, as a woman, were to find myself (god forbid) in your situation, I would have to carry that baby and go through the trauma of stillbirth. If I were raped, I would have to have my child. If I went abroad to have an abortion and I got found out, I would be thrown in jail.

    We do not even have the morning after pill here.

    So I am proud of people like you who stand up to the bullies. Perhaps one day the situation in my country will change too.

  254. Thank God for men like you.

  255. There are pro-life activists outside the Regions Emergency Room in Saint Paul, I assume that any abortion performed there would be an emergency procedure,but do not know anything about it. The sad thing is either do the protesters whom I questioned. Most often though I find them asleep on lawn chairs behind their sign,they do know someone has to be their in order to keep up the sign which has been there for over a year.

  256. Your story moved me to tears. I thought your courage and bravery were inspiring. The events that had lead your wife to need an abortion were very tragic. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone.

  257. As a woman, I can only say – Thank you. I cannot imagine the pain I would be feeling if I was in your wife’s situation, and how much worse those women could make me feel. I guess they’re like a kick in the gut when you’re already down; entirely unnecessary and spiteful to boot. I commend you for your actions and hope that you and your wife have been able to recover from what I can only imagine is extreme grief.

    I hope that if I am ever in a situation like yours and your family’s, I will be able to make a decision without being judged by people who obviously see only in black and white, and not in the spectrum of colours which is real life.

    God bless you and your family.

  258. You are awesome! Thanks so much for standing up to them and sharing this, and I’m so sorry for what you and your wife have been through.

  259. I am so thankful we do not have this kind of pro life “campaigning” in New Zealand.
    As we say in the southern hemisphere “Good On Ya Mate” for challenging their misconceptions and closed minds. Maybe one day those women or one of their loved ones will have to deal with a pregnancy that is unable to be continued (for so many different reasons this can be the case) and then will they still be Pro Life or Pro Choice?
    My condolences to you & your wife.

  260. I’m sorry for your loss. I wish people would understand that sometimes there is no other way.

    You are a wonderful man, and you and your wife deserve the best. Thank you for standing up for every family that gets harassed by these people.

  261. I think I’m just going to repeat what a lot of people have put here but you are a truly admirable person.

  262. Dear God, I am SO sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine what you have been through. I have had abortions, and I think these so called “Christians” are heinous and such a poor example of what a real Christian should be.
    God bless your family, I hope your wife is doing well. (as well as can be expected after your horror)
    Blessings,
    Rori

  263. Facts are that the vast majority of abortions are a form of birth control. In your case, like you said “1 in 100,000. Abortion for the reasons that you specify is not immoral. As birth control….very immoral and this should be obvious to anyone with common sense. This is what most pro-lifers are referring to…the fact that millions of unborn children are killed because of sexual promiscuity. Easy come, easy go mentality. That is a fact that cannot be disputed. The way I see it is, sex makes babies. If you have sex, then accept that you might end up with a child and if you do, work your ass off to support it.

    • Although the ‘easy come, easy go mentality’ is probably a bad view for people to take (IMO), I feel you’re making a generalisation. sometimes contraceptives fail (through no fault of the users, often enough) and people who aren’t in a position to care for their baby the way they’d like are left pregant. I see no problem with this.

      But ultimately, every individual case requires individual thought and reflection. No one outside that inner circle can know all the circumstances which surround the choice, be they medical, social, economical, or psychological. As such, no one outside that inner circle has a right to condemn the choices of others.

    • The fact is it’s none of your fucking business.

    • Why don’t you try actually reading this article before spouting your pro-lie rhetoric.

  264. Hi! I was wondering if I could quote your article in a pro-choice campaign I’m planning, recently at the University I attend I’ve been seeing HORRIBLE pro-life propaganda and I’d like to fight back!
    I admire your courage, thank you for writing this!

  265. Wow. You really highlighted how idiotic these people are. Terminating a baby has to be one of the hardest decisions to make and your passion in the video showed that. I’m sorry for you loss and I’m sorry to anyone else who had to deal with those woman and the many more out there that share their closed minded view. I used to live around the corner from a clinic like this and every morning when I walked past there were at least three anti-abotion protesters outside it. I wish I had the guts to stand up to them like you did.

  266. Wow, amazing article. I applaud you wholeheartedly for having the guts to give those protesters a piece of your mind. Thank you for sharing the experience with us.

  267. You’re an inspiration. I only hope that others, including myself, will be able to speak out against these disgusting bigots.

    • Do you even know what the word “bigot” means? Somehow, I doubt it.

      • Bigot (noun):
        a person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own.

        …Those two women seem like bigots from where I’m standing.

        • “a person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own.”

          Sounds like a typical pro-abort to me.

          • Please, show me someone who is pro-abortion, you unethical piece of filth. Keep the lies coming, by all means. Like the OP, you are the lowest common denominator and it’s people who spout misleading bs who do the most harm here. Get your facts straight (or any facts at all) and then come back and pronounce other people bigots.

            • “Like the OP said” was what I meant to put.

              I have the greatest respect for a man who stands up for people who need it, especially those who cannot do it for themselves.

              And no respect at all for smug bigots who are willfully ignorant of facts, and apparently immune to the suffering of good people.

  268. Jennifer Lopez says:

    You are a wonderful human being. I am very sorry for your loss and hope that you may go on to have another child. I understand how troubling and truly heart wrenching it is to have to make this type of decision, and having angry, judgmental fanatics accosting you as you are already dealing with one of the most difficult choices of your life does indeed make everything more traumatic. Thank you for standing up to these people and bringing to light the damage, rather than the good, which they are doing. Much love.

  269. God Bless you and your family, Mr. Gouveia.

  270. Good on you.
    Your love for your wife and your ability to stand up to these people Gives Me Hope.
    I hope that if you choose to have another baby that it is healthiest baby ever born.

  271. I thought protesting is only legal and allowed if it is peaceful. This man states that these hypocrites (because their religion tells them to not judge others) were yelling at his wife, which could be considered harassment. If this is so, they are actually violating the law.

  272. Spectacular. Thank you for sharing. Best wishes to you and your wife…

  273. Thanks for doing what ya did, fucking awesome

  274. yes

  275. As a born again christian however formerly staunch anti-abortionist, i completely understand your decision. It feels like it goes against everything I always believed in, but I feel your decision was done in love. And there are many situations like this where a child has no chance to live, its basically mercy. I have come to the conclusion that stories like these, make the whole child birthing topic too complex for Government to rule on.

    As far as the law goes, either way there will be losers. Mothers who want the child but lost it after being mugged will live in misery as the government will not recognise her 9 month unborn child as murdered or manslaughteedr even. Or the father who wants the child but whose wishes fall by the way side of a mother who “will do what I want with my body” . But if no abortion, there are just a tragic stories.
    Rape victims sharing joint custody.
    A human gradually becomes a human over 9 monthes its not like new years where the ball drops and its a different year. I feel its really only human about half way into pregnancy, the whole fetus stage is just that. Perhaps late term abortion should be outlawed except for cases like these, havent completly formed all my views yet, I’m still searching.

    • I agree Kyle, by the time an abortion is late term you might as well just have the kid and put it up for adoption. But you start putting down a Rubicon (point of no return) then you open a whole other can of worms.

      • no one's baby says:

        AUUUGGGH!! You so cavalierly throw around “adoption” as a solution … people like you make me SICK!!! Unless you are adopted or have lost a child to adoption, then DO NOT bring it up as a solution!! Adoption SUCKS! The pain of adoption lasts a lifetime, and I can tell you clearly, the pain of abortion DOES NOT.
        I would far rather see unwanted children aborted than adopted.

        AGAIN, if you have no first hand knowledge of adoption, then DO NOT talk about it!!!!!

        • I understand where you’re coming from, however one of my friends from high school was adopted and has been blessed enough to have a great life. She once spoke up in class about the issue, and how she was so thankful she had not been aborted. It may not always be a happy ending, but if you abort, you know for sure that it won’t be.

      • I don’t think that’s necessarily true Tex. Finland and Denmark (among others) have a law that states that during the first trimester abortions are a “free for all” if you will, but after that there has to be sufficient reasons and the later the pregnancy has gone the more valid the reason must be (i.e. danger to mother’s health).

        Although I think that if such a law was enforced in the States it would be considered a “victory” for anti-choice propaganda and could lead to abortion being banned altogether, which is not what should happen. So maybe you’re right after all and it would open a can of worms!

  276. Anonymous says:

    You are an amazing person.

    I was so moved by this article. My mother had a still born baby because she too was terrorised by these people and guilted into keeping a dead child.
    I wish more people in the world were like you.
    You give me faith in our future.

  277. You go sir. You kick the asses of the ignorant and the bigoted. Such people just anger me. Ask before you slander, please.

  278. Gary Sellars says:

    I think you’re a low-life pig with a fabricated story. Why? Because who, with the heartbreak you CLAIM to have had, goes to an abortion clinic with a video camera! Furthermore, instead of comforting your wife, you’re RAGING WITH A VIDEO CAMERA (at women who truly are heartbroken over the heartless murder of the unborn), WHILE YOUR WIFE IS DEALING WITH HER PAIN ALONE! (IF your story is true, you’re an ASS!)

    If I haven’t made it clear, I think you’re a liar and a COMPLETE PHONY!

    If I’m wrong, it won’t matter, because your heart of stone only knows anger.

    • Gary,

      Aaron is a friend of mine so I’ll spare him the trouble of talking to to you. I could say many things, talk about your enormous intellect and insight but I couldn’t possibly demonstrate your class with more eloquence than your comment already does.

      You are a real peach aren’t you.

    • Did you not read a single word, Gary?! Ugh. It was his CELL PHONE. And his wife was in SURGERY where he wasn’t allowed to be. READ BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

    • Gary, are you illiterate?
      1) You claim that he brought a video camera to the clinic. He clearly says that he filmed this on his cell phone. In case you have not been around any source of media for the past ten years, CELL PHONE CACN RECORD VIDEO. People bring their cell phones everywhere with them. He probably whipped it out to record this event to show people who insenstitive these people are, and in case things did get violent, he would have it filmed to be used in court.

      2) In how many operating rooms are you allowed in while a family member is being operated on? None? If you had been, I’d be shcocked. Once agains he clearly states that he was not allowed in the operating room with his wife.

      3) You said that the writier of this article is full of anger, which is perfectly reasonable because his wife was being harassed. However, you are also filled with anger as can be noted with your use of the words “you’re an ASS!” and “I think you’re a low-life pig”. What person who is nice, kind, and happy uses that language?

      Think and read before you make idiotic statements.

      And yes, I am angry, because you have no respect and have no reading comprehension. The latter makes me mostly sad.

    • You, my dear idiotic friend Gary, are one of the reasons I hate people in general. Try reading the article, try thinking with your own mind, and try not to make an ass out of yourself. I know it’s hard for your little sheep brain, but I’m sure if you try you can do it little buddy!
      Jack-off.

  279. If you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one. Otherwise it’s none of your business. People need to keep their noses out of other people’s business and mind their own.

    Matthew 7:5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

    John 8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

    Christians should follow their own damn advice…….

    • Well said, Aaron. I’m sorry that you and your family had to go through this. It also amazes me that so many anti-choice (because I am pro-choice does NOT mean that I am anti-life!) people spend all their time judging personal and private situations that they cannot possibly understand. I wonder if their time wouldn’t be better spent
      a) not being hypocrites or
      b) fighting against the death penalty.

      Such a shame. I’m rooting for you and I admire your courage to talk with those women, which is just like banging your head against a brick wall: painful and agonizing.

      Best of luck to you and yours, Aaron!

    • Well said Tex :)

  280. First off, I am very sorry for your loss. But secondly, hell yeah, you totally just pwned those ladies. I’m so glad that there are people like you in this world. And third, this is a beautifully written article which has the power to move many to tears.

    I’m currently taking a recent moral issues class in school and one of the topics is abortion; the majority of the class are ultra conservative Christians who attack and dominate anyone who tries to participate in class with a different opinion. I am going to refer this article and video to my professor so we can all have a look at the other side of things for once.

    You rock! Stay strong <3

  281. I am sorry for your loss. I think you should not have taken offense. You clearly know that the majority of abortions are not for special cases, like yours. The majority are due to people simply wanting to “have their cake and eat it too”; they want to go out, party, have sex, and be lascivious, and yet when the consequences come they don’t want to accept them. Those are the people that get the majority of abortions at abortion clinics. Those are the people these ladies were really talking to. Their mistake is to assume that *all* people walking into the clinic are from the majority. What’s the solution? It’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer. If we want free speech and liberty in this nation, then that means we are going to have to accept that those we disagree with will also have their free speech. Hence one will need to be prepared for walking into an abortion clinic, *expecting* to have a protester say something to you that you will not like, and still be able to walk away and not take it personal.

    • Agreed. Only about 2% of all abortions are due to medical necessity.

      • Thanks for the useful clerical data, Ronald Aylmer Fisher. I only suggest that you start citing your sources like this:
        Source: My ass

      • Okay, sure 2% of abortions are a medical necessity, even if this statistic stands true, it doesn’t make the 98% less heart wrenching. We should all start acting more humane and not condemn the people who have had to make this a choice, REGARDLESS of medical necessity or not. The physical and emotional scar stays with you for life no matter the reason behind the abortion. The women who chose the option should not be persecuted, it’s no one else s business but their own! Go help the world in some other way than belittling and degrading other people!

    • Why don’t you try that sometime. Go through a heart wrenching ordeal, have random strangers yell at you and spit at you, and shove disgusting signs in your face and then tell yourself, “it’s ok-it’s nothing personal”

    • “Have their cake and eat it too” ???? Holy Cow, what century do you live in? very, very, very few women view abortion in such a way as you suggest. NO ONE WANTS abortion, but it is at times a necessary choice. The reasons? NO ONE ELSE’S BUSINESS.
      No one’s

  282. I am SO happy just to know you’re in this world.

  283. Just curious, but if you already know that your baby doesn’t have a chance of living, what does it matter if the baby is stillborn or not? You either make the choice of putting your wife through physical and mental anguish through abortion or you’re able to give your daughter a proper burial and say goodbye the right way, without taking her to a butcher. By the way, Tiffany Yorks was born with Sirenomelia in 1988, had successful surgery to separate her legs and still survives today. Not EVERY baby diagnosed with Sirenomelia has an automatic death sentence.

    • “Not EVERY baby diagnosed with Sirenomelia has an automatic death sentence.”
      Tiffany Yorks had a bladder and kidneys. Any moron should know that those organs are necessary for survival. Alexandra didn’t have those organs. Learn to read.

    • fireflylights says:

      Melissa, have you ever delivered a stillborn baby?

      A mother delivering a stillborn is usually induced because her body isn’t naturally making the hormones telling her to go into labor. Induced labors are extremely painful, more than a natural delivery. Then the mother must push out a dead baby.

      If a fetus dies in utero, the mother is at risk of sepsis. That means she can die because of the dead fetus inside her. The safest thing to do is abort the pregnancy.

      That is horrific that you would want any woman to endure that when she could instead be put under and spared the physical and emotional anguish of delivering her dead baby. That’s much worse than the physical and emotional anguish of being mercifully unconscious while losing a wanted and loved developing fetus.

    • Melissa you should have read the article closer. Oh and my cousin’s child was aborted because of medical complications. My cousin had a memorial service for her child and she gave her child respect of a proper burial. Until you walk in the shoes of the people who have had to have an abortion, you shouldn’t throw stones, they have lost enough.

  284. Tigers wood says:

    If it had zero chance of survival then you shouldve just let your baby die the natural way. You still took a life while it was struggling to survive.

    • You’re right. It would have been much preferable to have the baby with no bladder or kidneys (and therefore underdeveloped lungs) choke to death upon birth because she is unable to breathe.

      How would you rather die? Fading slowly from consciousness until you pass away or drowning violently in a pool?