Does Size Matter?

The most obvious thing to measure is rarely the best test of success.

As Hugo Schwyzer reported last week in his “Top 5 Myths About the Penis,” size matters—or it doesn’t, depending on whom you ask. In a series of surprisingly frank but frequently uncomfortable conversations, I decided to ask everyone I know. Is there a golden window? Is “inadequate” size a deal breaker? Is excessive size a must-have or even a pleasant surprise?

This is a men’s magazine, so let me tap into some dude stereotypes and use a sports analogy to illustrate why the most obvious thing to measure isn’t always the best metric of success. Oakland A’s manager Billy Beane competed with financially well-endowed (ahem) clubs with his decidedly below-average budget. His unbelievably effective strategy hinged on dodging budget-based recruiting wars and going after the unlikely guys with the winningest stats. While others chased after ballplayers who looked the way players were supposed to look, Beane picked guys with stumpy legs, beer guts, and knuckle-dusting underhanded pitches. He picked guys who backed their play with statistical results, aesthetics be damned.

We, your sexual partners, are Billy Beane. We want results, in the form of great sex and lots of orgasms. How we get those results matters a lot less than the fact that we get them, and frequently. While some folks may waste time pursuing the jumbo junk, most people prefer a partner committed to their good time, no matter how it happens. Read the real comments below to see what your would-be, could-be, might-have-been partners have to say:


Kristen B. (34, Illinois): When I was younger, I probably thought that equipment mattered; I don’t particularly any more. I have a definite preference for just-your-average guy and not the genital equivalent of a monster truck. A huge penis might look good in a pair of boxer briefs, but you kind of want him to keep it there. I have encountered men with large penises who thought big dicks stand in for any kind of technique, which they don’t. And guys of all sizes vary dramatically in how communicative they are about sex, which to me is what “ability” is really about.

Meridith H. (29, Massachusetts): I’ve slept with three people: one was not confident about his size, one was not confident about his shape (he was bent), and one was confident. For what it’s worth, Mr. Confidence was only a so-so lover, Mr. Shape was an awkward lover, and Mr. Size screwed good enough for screams and marriage vows.

Holly C. (22, Washington): So far I have been satisfied with a variety of sizes in my sexual relationships; I’d say general physical attractiveness, hygiene, and personality are things I find more relevant to a partner. It’s a lot less awkward to tell people how and where you like to be touched than to get them to start showering, shaving, or being polite to your mother.

It’s a lot less awkward to tell people how and where you like to be touched than to get them to start showering, shaving, or being polite to your mother.

Matty C. (34, Illinois.): A guy with a regular or big dick is going to hit your prostate whether he’s trying to or not, so a big one is generally considered a guaranteed good time for Mr. Bean. However, big dicks pose a whole host of new problems. It’s going all hot and heavy, and then you have to take the six minutes getting used to him where everything slows down. Erotically, but still. There’s a lot of “Eeeeep! Ouch. Slower, asshole. OK … no, wait … ouch. Just start over. Get on your back.” I’m still committed to having sex, but my big-dicked partner is probably getting bored by the time I can accommodate him. (For more of Matty C.’s thoughts on penis size, check out his profile on Rosie Says).

Melissa W. (39, Michigan): For me, it depends on if they guy likes rough sex or not. It is not pleasurable when it hurts, obviously. As long as they know how to use their fingers we are all good!

Madelyn F. (22, Illinois.): How good a boy (man?) was in bed has had nothing to do with how big his penis was. It’s never been about size. If rolling around before intercourse isn’t awesome, there’s nothing about the size of his penis that will correct that.

Julia L. (26, Colorado.): On one hand, there is such thing as too big: I was sleeping with a guy with a “donkey dick” who didn’t really know how to use it. It hurt like the first time every time. There was a super nice guy with a tiny penis and he seemed to have no idea how small it was or how to use it. He should learn how to work with what he’s got. I tried to get over it and focus on all of the aspects I really liked about him; however, every time I started thinking about or talking to him, all I heard in my head was “Tiny penis, tiny penis …” That said, I think there is a window of acceptable penis size where, as long as a dude knows what he’s doing, girls will be pleased.

Kirsten M. (23, Michigan): Having sex with a larger-penised man does feel different from with a smaller penis, but it won’t affect whether I orgasm or not. The most enjoyable sex I’ve had has been with penises six inches or smaller. Overall, the smaller men I’ve been with have put in more time for my enjoyment, whether it’s through manual stimulation, oral, or “regular” sex. What makes a difference for me is whether my partner is patient and attentive to my needs and desires.

Sydney B. (23, Illinois.): If you’re a little smaller but you know how to use it, I consider this a trade up (so would a lot of girls I know). Part of how you use it is confidence. Act like you know what you are doing, be willing to try new things, take direction. It’s been my limited experience that the smaller guys are more interested in whether I’m having a good time and I’d prefer that any day.

Erin M. (29, Michigan.): Size matters in my experience because it impacts my ability to have an orgasm. I have this special spot that I have learned only a man of a certain “stature” can reach. But, being sweet and kind and able to connect emotionally while making love does rate higher than penis size—a large penis is a bonus. I believe sex is truly an emotional activity for me. But I need the whole package and I feel blessed to have it with my husband: emotion, skill, and a nice-sized penis.

I have this special spot that I have learned only a man of a certain “stature” can reach.

Sam E. (19, Illinois): Seems to me that penis size has absolutely no bearing on a guy’s ability to satisfy me. I require clitoral stimulation to orgasm and I can get that from a guy with any size penis. Sometimes large penises actually hurt a little and ruin the mood.

Eve A. (29, Michigan): Penis size can only be important if the man has one the size of my pinky. If there is absolutely no way I can come during sex, I can’t be with him. If the guy can give great oral and the sex is just OK with a smaller penis, then he’s good in my book. Guys with a big penis think they are automatically great in bed … I HATE THAT!

Annie M. (30, Michigan): I believe the single most important factor is trust. I have only been with three guys and two of whom were very large and I never once had an orgasm from intercourse. Never. Once. It wasn’t until my husband that I ever was able to “enjoy” sex in that way.

Kim E. (23, New York): All of the guys with big dicks I’ve dated have actually been big dicks, and I hated it. The guy I’ve dated with the most average dick has been the lover most committed to my satisfaction. No one has dedicated the time that he has to going down on me or making sure I come consistently more than once every single time we have sex. I genuinely believe part of that is because he wants to prove that he’s more than “just average.”


Billy Beane found that prospects with a great on-base percentage were a worthy investment. They were worth more, in fact, than traditional metrics like RBIs and stolen bases. If you don’t happen to possess a “donkey dick” (thanks, Julia) that looks “great in a pair of boxer briefs” (ahem, Kristen), don’t sweat it. If you leave your partner satisfied and daydreaming about a repeat performance, you’re winning. However you accomplished it, perhaps some combination of mad skills and healthy communication, your partner will be singing your praises and coming (heh) back again and again.

(Photo via Sterlic)


More from Sex Week at the Good Men Project:

Hugo Schwyzer: Mythbusting Bisexual Men

Amanda Marcotte: What Women Don’t Tell You

Ed Fell: 10 Secrets to Satisfying Sex

John DeVore: Multiple Inches of Love

About Emily Heist Moss

Emily Heist Moss is a New Englander in love with Chicago, where she works at a tech start-up. She's a serious reader and a semi-pro TV buff. She writes about gender, media, and politics at her blog, Rosie Says. (Follow her: @rosiesaysblog, find Rosie Says on Facebook). 


  1. Throughout history dultery andd fornication have bren clmmon place.
    She wass told this was a natural event, that women eventually lose interest and that’s
    the way itt is. When you are able to opoen upp annd reconnect likke that, there’s no limit to howw great everything about yopur marriage
    – including the sex can be. Second, there are sensitive areas between a woman’s rectum and vagina tthat
    may create plpeasure when preessure within the rectum iis placed upon them.
    If you have cewrtain expectations likke a call orr a love letter orr special
    treatment after that then forget it.

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  4. No size does not matter I have a average size penis and my gf love everybit of it as long as u care for her needs you will be fine I won’t allow myself to get off till she gets off I do oral sex on her as much as I can not because I have too because I love too I give her multiple orgasms before I start then usually again while intercourse her needs to me are far more important to me then my own because I can have one she can have many and our relatesionship has been strong since we started dating you can have a big pick and miss everytime my girl had lots of them and find its not a big hype as the percentage of girls say it is so cheer up guys you can please your woman be confident and care for her needs you will be fine and guys with big dicks just cause you have a bigger tool don’t mean you can please a women more just cause of that

  5. The Penis Size Test:

  6. I’m a 27 year old man, and for the longest time I was embarrassed by my penis size. I, however, have been what you would call a “man whore” my entire adult life (I blame the ugly ducking syndrome: ignored my whole life growing up, was chubby, had glasses. Then slimmed down in my late teens, became an athlete, joined the Army, and couldnt tell women “no!” after years of being a joke.) Anyways, what I’m getting at fellas, is that I have been with around 90 women. My penis BARELY makes it past the 5 inch mark in length, and is a little over 5 inches in circumference….. and out of 90 women, only 1 was not satisfied with my penis and didn’t call me repeatedly for years after for more sex. Oh well, her loss (; haha. So just work with what you got, be confident about it, and you’ll be just fine, I promise.

  7. Size doesn’t always matter. There are two areas of which men and women should look at. One is a person’s body size. I believe in theory that a lot of smaller size women want a man that has an average size dick. Other women that maybe taller than usual or has a bigger body frame may like men who have bigger dicks. This is just a theory of people who have different physical body sizes and skeletal frames.

    The other area is the stage of figuring out what your partner likes. I’ve dated women who want you to do hard fast and they want you to get done in a hurry so they can focus on something on t.v. after having sex for 30 minutes to an hour at most.

    Other women want you to move more slowly with at least two hours of sex and maybe more. Some women want you to mix it up by speeding up and slowing down and mixing up the speed in which you have sex. I’m an average length of 7 inches and I have a big head on my penis. I’m also circumcised. I also have A.D.D. and my girlfriend can testify that I can go for hours without getting off and I have literally done this. She on the other hand has got off multiple times as a result. I feel that a man’s most important two tools in the bedroom is timing and endurance. My girlfriend has bleed because I’ve tried to go straight to intercourse and she wasn’t ready.

    I’ve learned to be more patient and to listen to her when she speaks to me about sex and as a result I’ve make love to her soooo!!! much better. Her only complaint now is that she doesn’t get me off the way I do her but unlike her I’m not complaining because I love her.

  8. Obviously you have never had a big penis if you think that you can’t feel all its length as it goes in. A women is most sensitive for the first two inches of her vagina but the entire length of the penis will stimulate that two inches as it slides in and out. I have never had a woman who didn’t want my entire length inside her. Somehow, she knows that she needs to have the entire length inside her for best breeding results just as the man knows that he needs to have it as deep as he can get when he comes.

    My wife could not handle my entire length when we first started making love, especially when she was on top. She was really happy when she stretched enough to comfortably handle my entire length.

    My theory is that a vagina can stretch to accommodate length or girth but not both without really relaxing. I have been told that I am a really good kisser and I usually take a long time for foreplay. When I am ready to enter a woman, she is always very wet and relaxed enough to allow easy penetration. If not, I spend some doing oral to get the job done. I have never had a woman tell me I have hurt her, even the virgin I made lovd to. On the other hand, with my (to be) wife, we made love 8 times the first night and next day. She had been told by her gynecologist that she was small. She had no trouble handling me but by the next afternoon, I had scabs on the sides of my penis and she was so sore she taught all day on Monday standing up. However, she still wanted as much as I could give her on Monday night. She told me that she had had about ten men but none had ever made her climax. She climaxed with me on my first climax and still does so 50 years later.

    This argument is stupid. If a woman is properly prepared, she will always enjoy the big penis more. That doesn’t mean she won’t get along just fine with a small penis. It’s up to the man to make the best with what he has.

    I had a woman who thought she had had over 500 lovers. She volunteered that she thought I had biggest she had ever had. She liked it but said that it really wasn’t that important unless the man had less than 3 inches and that was only because he couldn’t take enough of a stroke without falling out and that would ruin the mood when he had to stop and put it back in. What she really liked was the way I did oral on her.

  9. Average Joe says:

    I’m gonna put this issue to bed once and for all. Size matters. A lot. But it depends on what it means to “matter.” Does it mean that women will use your size as a measuring factor for whether or not she will settle down with you as a lifelong mate? Does it mean that if she does in fact choose you as a boyfriend/husband/whatever have you, she will be less apt to cheat if you are sporting a larger package? Does it mean that she will choose the bigger guy in the bar for a one night stand if she thinks he is packing more heat than you? Does it mean that if her ex-boyfriend does in fact have a bigger penis than you, she will view it as a physical sacrifice when she starts to date you, and if so, will you be able to live with that as man? It can mean a lot of things. The fact of the matter is that it probably means all of these things, and since the beginning of time, women have been using the “size matters” argument with men to get the upper hand in relationships. Think about it. If a woman is able to convince you (not necessarily with point-blank words) that you are not able to satisfy her as well as her ex-partner, then you will be more prone to compensate her in ways that make up for your apparent deficiency. Constant doting. Lavishing with gifts. Compliments. Cuddling. While it’s no secret that women want the big dick in addition to all of the lovey dovey shit, they will normally take the lovey dovey shit over the big dick if given a choice between the two. Of course the girl will normally choose the guy with the smaller package after she has gone through her experimental phase and been fucked over by the guy with the big dick, and now she will have the big dick argument to hold over the smaller guy’s head. What a clever little minx. Now, if a man with the big dick is able to dish out the lovey dovey shit as well as hit her in the spots that the average guy can’t, she will take the bigger guy 99% of the time. This is where big dicks win. If they play nice – and they will most certainly play nice for the right girl (you know what this means), they will always get the girl when pitted against their smaller-packing competitor. Women always say that guys with bigger dicks are often times assholes, but they won’t be assholes for the girl they want to settle down with. Women say this because most of the time, they have been the victim of a big-dick fuckover. It’s no secret – men like to sleep around, and the ones with larger members do it more readily because they know that when it comes time to settle down, they will be able to…even though they might have to play nice. However, there is one equalizing factor that cancels out the 99%: MONEY. Here is the hierarchy: Last place: no lovey dovey shit and small-average sized package. 2nd to last place: bigger dick but no lovey dovey shit. Third to last place: lovey dovey shit combined with small-average sized package (Note – this is only in dating…the big dick wins when it comes to sleeping around/one-night-stands). 4th to last place: big dick combined with lovey dovey shit. The overall winner: the guy with the most money. So bottom line, if you are not packing heat, here is what you have to do: 1) Determine what it is you are looking for. If you just want to screw around, you are going to have a lot of trouble and will have to find ways to compensate since you don’t have the big dick. Lying about everything is an excellent strategy. Confidence also works. Combining the two is lethal if you know what you are doing. 2) If you are past the screwing around phase, make sure you are a nice guy. Buy her things. Take her to plays. Learn about wine. Feed homeless kittens. Do all that shit. 3) Whatever you do, don’t stress about it. Even though you’re not packing Mandingo heat, you still have a dick and balls and shouldn’t worry as much as I do about something as meaningless as this.


    Whether you have a big, small, or average penis, ASK YOUR PARTNER HOW THEY ARE FEELING! Sex should not hurt either one of you, it should be pleasurable no matter what. Be especially quick to ask this if one or both of you is a virgin–finding that pleasure is really difficult that first time/first partner, but if you do, oooooh boy, you certainly want to find it!

  11. Mine looks nothing like those I see on celluloid. Porn: The great divider. I have often not acted upon my instincts and have passed on talking to someone I am physically attracted to b/c of that hang-up. 🙁

    • The guys in porn are freaks of nature. Honestly. The first time I saw a porno movie, I was like, “What the hell is that?” You just never encounter guys like that in real life. At least I haven’t. I really don’t think I’d want to have a sex with a guy with a giant penis — normal and average sized is just fine with me.

      • Jill says – “The guys in porn are freaks of nature.”

        We aren’t freaks of nature – just rare. I had no idea I was “big” when I was young until I was in college and had a nurse who was about 4 years older than me and thought she had been with about 500 men. She told me that my 2.5″ girth by 6.5″ penis was the biggest she had ever had. By the way, I didn’t ask her, she just volunteered it after our first time. Even though she was married, she found a way to visit me at least once a week that whole school year. One time, she told me that “You always get the smile.”

        Those women above who say that a thick penis hurts simply aren’t getting enough foreplay stimulation. Thick as I am, I have never hurt a woman. I take my time – usually at least 15 minute of heavy foreplay including oral stimulation. I really enjoy the taste, smell and feel of oral and get great pleasure from making a woman climax orally. Then she never has any trouble accepting my entire tool. You have to give the woman time to get excited, wet and relaxed inside. Then she can handle any size penis.

        The first time I did the woman whom I later married, we made out for a long time. She was very wet and easily accepted me even though she had not had sex for over 4 months. It was her first ever climax. After we finished, she said, “No man has ever made me do that before.” Later she admitted that she had never cum before – that with the other men, it felt good but never a climax. She has almost never gone without a climax ever since. She also told me that, “That night, I thought you had the biggest cock in the world.”

        I have also been with several other women who have had lots of experience with many men. All except one have volunteered that I am the biggest they have ever had. She told me I was second biggest. They all want repeat performances too because of the quality of the climax they received from my big penis.

        Girls, if you aren’t wet and enjoying sex, no matter the size of your man’s penis, it is likely because you haven’t been stimulated enough. Slow him down and take more time before he enters you.

        Those who have enough experience to talk about it will tell you that a long penis is not an advantage – it hurts when you hit the end of the vagina. Thick stretches the opening to the vagina where most of the nerves are and provides the woman the pleasure she craves.

        A tip for you guys. When you are fingering your woman, use your fingers to circle around the opening to the vagina and maybe just inside a little bit. It is really a tease and get them going and ready for you.

  12. Sarah, I must also say that I’ve never met a woman who admits to looking at Playgirl . They do however, sell about 5million copies a month, so someone must be buying them(there’s also the online E-zine version, where you can watch videos of guys jerking there 10″ to a happy ending). And if you want to see what really happens at the ” male reviews”, go to the dozen or so web sites videoed inside these clubs( is one that comes to mind). The women may be getting drunk, but the’re doing a WHOLE LOT MORE than just laughing.

    • Women are liars.In fact they like to say that males are preoccupied with size (which is a lie) to cover the fact that THEY are obsessed with a dude’s size.Yep,women are obsessed with crank size and they are hypocrites who constantly talk about double standards,objectification against them,all the while engaging it themselves.Its funny also that bad sex and failure to orgasm is d!mn near always the guy’s fault-never theirs.They want equality yet refuse to share the blame when things go wrong.

    • If I look at porn it is never Playgirl. haha. I always assumed it was gay men who looked at playgirl. When I do look at porn I am usually more turned on by the woman, despite being basically straight. Being with a women might be interesting to try but I’d never be interested in having a relationship with another woman.

  13. I think you all should need to read this review:

  14. HIPPO holes require HIPPO poles.You’d better be more worried about whether you have stretchmarks,cellulite and any foul scent to your ladybits.


    • How would being far change the size a woman is vaginally? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. They may have more fat on the outside but the inside wouldn’t change. I was chunky at one point and my vag stayed the same. If your reading skills are limited, I said earlier that I am actually smaller than average, so much so that a doctor commented on it.

  15. Dr. Joe says:

    I totally understand and agree with all of this, but it doesn’t seem that these opinions get to the heart of the issue here.

    In a relationship, women want a man who is good in bed. Of course. Even a recurring sexual partner must be “good.” Is this news? The real question that should be asked is “if you had to choose a partner for a one-night stand, would you choose a guy with a small penis, average penis, or large penis?”

    Nobody ever seems to directly address penis size and its actual virtues. If we are talking about penis size alone, without intimacy, relationship politics, etc., then big seems to be the winner. Let’s think, for a moment, about a sexually active woman who wants a one night stand. (I’m not saying this is all women, I’m not making a statement that women like one night stands–in fact, most women do not enjoy them, from what I’ve heard–I’m just saying let’s examine this for a moment.)

    Many women, at some point, have experienced one night stands. Women seem to desire them after breakups, during times of extreme stress, etc. They seem to happen for experimentation’s sake, or in an attempt to find intimacy/comfort, or just plain “because I’m horny and drunk.” In all of these scenarios, it seems a large penis fits the criteria better than an average/small. Women often seem to want to experience something different when their lives are changing, and experiencing a large penis for the first time fits the bill. I say this from a point of personal witness. I know multiple women who’ve said they “just needed a big dick,” and I’ve seen the wry smirk of a woman who states she’s just slept with a well endowed man. Again, this isn’t the norm for women, and I’m not claiming that women love one night stands, I’m just stating that large penises seem better equipped for this particular job.

    Studies have shown that men with larger penises are generally more confident and have intercourse more often, also. This seems to make sense since they have fewer anxieties when it comes to sexual endowment (not performance). When you put the two things together (woman who wants one night stand + well endowed guy at the bar/living next door/at the coffee shop, etc.), what you get seems pretty obvious.

    What I’m getting at is the high probability of a correlation between men with large penises and sexual lifestyle, or at least the perceived correlation. Many men love the idea of sleeping with multiple partners and having countless sexual adventures. Indeed, many of the typical male heroes live this fantasy in movies and books. Take James Bond, for example. Do we think James Bond has a small penis? Probably not. We imagine he’s endowed as much with courage and bravery as he is with girth and length. He sleeps with many women and seems, somehow, to be happier and more content on a daily basis than any normal man could be. Women want to be with him, even though they know it won’t be long term. A slightly more realistic example is Tucker Max. If you don’t know him, look him up. Or what about Wilt Chamberlain, or basically any professional athlete. We imagine these men have the sexual prowess of wild animals and the equipment to match. They live this particular fantasy. I’m not claiming that all men want this fantasy, just that men who have unlimited opportunity for promiscuous sex seem often to take advantage of their position. Many men want this sort of power–it’s enviable. There seems to be three ways to get this power–having lots of money, having lots of power (political, etc.), or having a large penis.

    Now, doesn’t it stand to reason that a single man with a large penis who wants to “play the field” will have a larger “field” to play in than a man with a small or average penis? I’ve been witness to various situations that suggest as much. Once, at a party, a male friend drunkenly boasted about his large penis. A curious woman asked to see it. They returned twenty minutes later, somewhat more disheveled but grinning devilishly. I’ve seen similar occurrences to lesser degrees: a man getting extra attention during a game of strip poker; an invitation for drinks after a subtle hint that a man is well endowed, and so on.

    In terms of relationships and long-term partners, size doesn’t matter. But in terms of promiscuity and the male fantasy, size does seem to matter. A man can’t be a porn star unless he’s well equipped, yes? He might not have a great long-term relationship, but he’s got that fantasy that so many men seem to covet.

    These aren’t hard and fast rules (ha), but the situation, as I understand, seems to be that having a large penis can never be a bad thing. It is more desirable, if only slightly, and opens the door for a little more experimentation (if the owner of said penis wants it). Many well endowed men are perfectly happy in their long-term relationships, just as many women would never have a one night stand. But these conclusions seem to point to the reality that large size allows for more sexual opportunity and, consequently, more opportunity to find a potential long-partner.

    If you need more proof that a large penis helps, check out Craigslist. Go to the “casual encounters” section and peruse some of the specific sections (especially “w4m” and “m4m”). Chances are it won’t take you long to find a posting that asks for someone who’s “hung” or “9in+” or who “must be big.” If this doesn’t demonstrate anything to you, keep looking–if you find a posting that specifies it wants a “small penis” or “under 5in” or anything like that, let us know. I won’t hold my breath.

    • Please,most women are gonna seek a guy they^re attracted to,is clean & who entices/woos them well.
      A woman in most cases ain^t goona give a damn about a large penis that she can^t feel after 2 inches of pentration &does little to stimulate her primary sex organ the clitoris

  16. Lowerpers says:

    I’ve found that bigger is better, but if a small-sized man isn’t upset at my using toys we can have very good sex. I don’t like oral because 90 percent of men do it wrong and only for five minutes (with a lot of them in the past asking if I was done yet !!) They’re also not usually good at finger work. So I let them stroke my body but I do the detail work. However, the one small-sized man I had who was really small kept wanting reassurance about his penis size so, obviously, I couldn’t bring up the toy thing. I just never called him back.

    • blahhhhh says:

      the truth is you have lincoln tunnel sydrome and you are extremely overweight….anything shorter than a louisville slugger couldn’t bottom out with you….considering those fat rolls

  17. Look, I get the concept of doing the best with what you have. There’s no safe medical way to “get bigger”. All I’m saying is that all these women have to tell you ” size doesn’t matter” since only 9% of the male population measures over 7″ ( and that includes gay guys,who aren’t intrested in women). Just watch them go crazy at these “Male Review” shows or drool all over the latest issue of Playgirl. Or better yet, google “erotica for women”. I guarentee you won’t find anything “average or normal” sized there. Ladies, just tell the truth. Remember, the truth can sometimes hurt, but lies are always poisionus.

    • I personally think the truth is being told here [check out Henry V, he’s spitting some much needed insight]. Some people have always, still are and WILL ALWAYS be size queens. That’s a matter of personal preference. But just as you purport with your 9% statistic, these women may very well be the minority where “BIGGER is better” sizes are concerned.

      Additionally, NOBODY wants to buy an issue of ANYTHING or most products that is not AT LEAST aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. Hence a small cock probably won’t move issues and products off shelves as bigger ones have traditionally done. No one really wants to take in some porn where the guy has to use a strap-on or dildo [unless for fetish purposes] to complement his endowment. #i’mjustsayin’

    • I don’t know any women who drool over Playgirl. In fact, most women think it’s gross. I went to a male strip show in college with some friends and we laughed our asses off. If you’ve ever seen women watching male strippers, they are laughing and getting drunk with their friends. It’s not about getting aroused. And I’ve also read that when women watch porn, they spent most of their time watching the actor’s’ faces and the least amount of time looking at the actors’ genitals. ‘Struth.

      • Jackie Linehan says:

        I feel neither men nor women are obsessed with size .You know whose causing both sexes to question the facts about what each one really wants sexually? It’s all the media hype you see and hear. From stupid “Size Matters ” commercials to woman magazines that brew up a lot controversy and the porn industry who are definitely misleading there viewers on what’s fantasy and what’s in reality. It causes nothing but problems in relationships.

  18. Stephen says:

    Irreverent, courageous, to the point, and very useful information to all the wanna-to-be “best lover ever” young men out there. Fabulous contribution.

  19. simpson says:

    “if he knows how to use it”

    anyone care to elaborate on specific techniques that should be more common? Because I assume all men will be better if they know how to use it.

    • Henry Vandenburgh says:

      1. Generally use more oral, if the woman likes it.
      2. Don’t go right for the genitals. A 15 minute light back and body rub does wonders.
      3. Women generally like to kiss more than men do, so indulge them.
      4. It’s okay to break intercourse up with other activities, then return to it. Alternating a minute of intercourse with a minute of cunnilingus is killer. Repeat ad infinitum.
      5. Don’t change positions every few seconds. Many women hate this.
      6. The G spot may well exist. My wife denies it, but experimentation has proven her wrong. It’s often a good idea to add a finger (or more) to cunnilingus. You can gently use a thumb in the 69 position. Sixty-nine is best done on the side, with each of your heads on the other person’s inner thigh.
      7. The key to 69 (which confuses many people) is breath and movement synchronization. You do a lick; she does a lick. After a while you don’t have to think about it.
      8. I personally think going slow rocks.
      9. The real key is to send your awareness into the woman’s body. It’s like aikido. After a while, this awareness automatically guides you.
      10. For me, it’s best to supress fetishes. They’re exciting, perhaps. But they get in the way too.

      • Good advice, especially #5. I hate it when I’m close to orgasm and the guy suddenly changes positions. It throws me off completely.

        #6 — personally I don’t like having a thumb in me, it feels weird and unpleasant. Count me as one who doesn’t believe in the G spot. But everyone is different!

        #7 — I’ve given up on 69 because it is so distracting. I cant concentrate on giving or receiving. Maybe I should try again!

  20. Yeah, the only issue I’ve ever had with this is when a guy seriously had a micropenis. He gave good head, but I am the type who needs penetration, and he was uncomfortable with the idea of using a dildo on me. Too bad for him…

    Frankly, I do like my boyfriend being a little bigger than average, but it’s not a requirement.

  21. Henry Vandenburgh says:

    I’m a way older guy, pretty well endowed (7″)(no idea about girth) but I can’t speak for women. I’ve had a fair amount of sex though. Here’s what I suspect:

    1. Most women like decent girth.
    2. Most women I’ve been with have said that they don’t like their cervix being hit, so too long can be bad.
    3. If a women gets proper stimulation first, her vagina lengthens and the cervix is pulled up, so “too long” is less important.
    4. Another reason that not too long is good, is that you want to be able to softly (and perhaps lightly) grind the supra-pubic area against the woman’s clitoris. Slow works well for this, and this seems to be pretty sure fire for producing orgasms from intercourse. Even if nothing has worked before. Many men think women want to be pounded hard fast (and a few do) but slow works better for most. Porno is a very bad teacher about this. And other things: most women do not want most of what you see in porn.
    5. Foreplay (including cunnilingus) is mandatory for a majority of women. Not always though.

    • Nobody Special says:

      “most women do not want most of what you see in porn.”

      The operative word there is “most.” When a man goes slooooowly I actually feel more pain and discomfort. I feel myself stretching more to accommodate him, which is generally uncomfortable. Fast, hard sex feels much better, is more likely to stimulate my clitoris, and has an added psychological bonus for me; I’m very turned on by the idea that this man wants me so much he can barely control himself. I’m usually focusing on my own pleasure; I want him to do what feels good for himself.

      • Henry Vandenburgh says:

        Rx (maybe): More foreplay. But, you’re right. I had two lovers where they wanted immediate hard and fast action. These two didn’t expect or care about foreplay very much either. The problem for me was that at fast speeds, *I* can’t feel very much.

        Another possible correlate. The two hard and fast women liked the “dog” position. Most women, in my experience, don’t (even though many men love it [not me – impersonal.]) For years, I believed that it was impossible for women to orgasm in that position without adding a hand, but the two of them could.

        Another fairly surefire treatment is to have intercourse in the “T” position (man at right angles under the woman’s legs – and on her back), and use two fingers on her clitoris. KY makes this more delicious.

        • Jameseq says:

          T position, thanks always wanted to know what that position would be called

        • I very much prefer the hard and fast, as well as from behind. Guess it all connects haha. And what the other woman said, I love the idea of a guy going wild.

    • PORN= good servant [temporarily], BAD master eventually. We need to open up lessons and discussions on sex and sexuality at an early age. Too many are being misled into the throes of “pound now, she can get hers later” mentality that is bringing only one partner satisfaction.

      Great pointers 2.

  22. GirlGlad4theGMP says:

    I’m 5’2″ with a pretty small frame, and I agree with most of the others on here who says big can be awfully painful. Yes, sex is fabulous, but not when it hurts or is of detriment to your health.

    At the end of the day there are SO many factors to good sex. To the ‘donkeys’ out there, do you really want to hear you are a terrible lover? Men, ask yourselves which title is worse: average or bad in bed. At least one is guaranteed to not get you laid again.

    I read a line once that said “…sex is much better when both people are enjoying themselves”. Amen!

    • AMEN! For the life of me, I cannot understand sex where only one partner gets to climax! Actually, I do- it’s called solo-sex :9)

    • I find the term “donkeys” disgusting and demeaning. should women with big breasts be called “cows”? let’s use some tact. men who have big penises aren’t animals, or inept lovers, and men who have smaller penises aren’t automatically insecure.

  23. Will this question ever go away? The fact is that when a woman is well lubricated and not short on estrogen, larger penises can provide that extra “batta bing!” However, the truth is that men who are gentle, creative and know how to use what they have do just fine….with just about any size penis.

    The lady above me who writes about the best sex having nothing to do with the size of the penis is almost right. There are some cases where the man is so tiny that it is not very stimulating…but it can be. He can use whatever he has to make up the deficit (i.e. fingers, lips, tongue). If a woman cares for him, she will like whatever he does.

    The worst thing that can happen to a woman is when the man has erectile problems and tries to pretend that they don’t exist. When this happens, get Viagra or whatever and try try again. Women will be understanding in most cases. What we absolutely hate is trying to talk about this subject. We can be as kind as possible and men still act like it is a personal attack. I remember offering to go to the doctor with a partner and he never spoke to me again. It was so difficult working up the courage to talk to him about this issue without his stony cold silence and staring.

    So, in conclusion, get over the size issue, please. Please stop learning about sex from porno films. Please listen to your partner and get help if you need it.

    • I hear you on the issue of not talking about issues affecting male performance. Like I said above in another response, most of this issue of size over substance surrounds masculinity and hyper-masculine values and mores that males have been socialized to accept (especially Black, Hispanic and men of other well-endowed ethnic persuasions).

      Let us learn together- somebody got to tell ’em the truth.

    • I think every single woman is different. Myself and another commenter above are just built small down there. My Gyno even commented on it. Some women love it big though, more power to ’em. Someone for everyone, right? And I get off from penetration and manual stimulation but not as easily during oral. I get off easily in general but oral is more difficult for me. And yes, I’ve definitely had plenty of guy who know what they’re doing 🙂

      and YES. The erection issue is hard (no pun intended). I dated a guy like this and he just acted like it wasn’t happening. I wanted him to go see a doctor but didn’t know how to approach the subject. I very much crave penetration so it is an issue. We broke up for other reasons but if he had actually been more open about it we probably could have fixed the bedroom issue

  24. I’m in my 40’s so I’ve had plenty of time and enough relationships to figure out what I like, and make a few generalizations.

    1. Most men who think they are “small” are not small, they are well within the average range. However, i’ve leaned never to tell a man that he is “average.” It’s much better to say “normal.”

    2. Men who are constantly obsessing about their penis size are just as annoying as women who worry constantly about their weight. If I tell you I’m happy with your penis, please don’t keep asking!

    3. The best sex has absolutely nothing to do with the size of the penis.

    4. Huge penises can be quite uncomfortable, even painful. NOT a turn on AT ALL.

    5. I don’t even really like looking at penises; I’m not visually aroused by looking at it or admiring it’s size. (Maybe some women are, but I’m not.)

    6. The best orgasms are from oral sex

    • Samantha says:

      Wow, I’m pretty much the opposite of you, Sarah. I’m in my late 30s, have a lot of sexual experience, and do think size matters. I’ve never been in pain from a large penis, although the largest I’ve had was probably a bit over 8 inches. I love looking at cocks – big ones are a turn-on to see. And oral sex does absolutely nothing for me. Bring on the long and thick dicks!

      • Magdalena says:

        I appreciate both of these posts. In all honesty, if I could scale up the size of my partner’s penis, I would. A large penis — assuming it’s clean and generally well cared for (deal-breakers in my book) — is a tantalizing thing. Much like a pair of enormous breasts, the simple novelty of it is already fun (at least in bed). That said, NOTHING replaces being an attentive and responsive lover.
        I also find it incredibly unattractive to have to regularly address penis anxiety. (“Men who are constantly obsessing about their penis size are just as annoying as women who worry constantly about their weight. If I tell you I’m happy with your penis, please don’t keep asking!” PLEASE.) While I would never suggest that body hang ups should just be ignored, obsessing about such things in the bedroom just passes for egotism. Show me that you are interested in my pleasure instead of fishing for compliments. Constant neediness is a definite downer and learning to have great sex together does not depend on the size of your penis.

      • Just goes to show, everyone is different, which is a good thing, since it means there is someone for everyone.

    • **round of applause** I follow 2 dudes out there in Tweetin’ land that claim to have a size 10 (inch) and a foot long respectively, and I tell you when they describe their sexcapades via pics and videos, the women HARDLY EVER (if any at all) gets to climax. That to me is POINTLESS SEX- if she can’t get hers as you did yours, then you have a tool that you are not using wisely or effectively.

      I think this big-dick-philia and over-appreciation has to with a recent blog on this site about masculinity and how males are socialized to think that grabbing the crotch and feeling a door handle equates to being a man or the alpha dog and will AUTOMATICALLY satisfy a woman #NOTSO

  25. [My browser is acting up. I apologize if I accidentally sent multiple posts.]

    I’m guessing there are a lot of men who simply won’t believe women when they say that size is not a major issue. If they need more proof than anecdotes from a few women, they should check out the wide selection of dildos and vibrators on the market today. Clearly there is not a single size preference. The best-selling ones are no bigger than average, so that should tell you something. When women actually have a totally open range of choices, they rarely take home the biggest burrito.

    I think men worrying about having a small penis is comparable to women worrying about having a big butt. It’s an overblown issue that doesn’t matter as much as they think it does, but it’s very hard to convince them otherwise. No amount of reassurance seems to get rid of the misconception. They keep comparing themselves to unrepresentative samples.

    • As I stated in an earlier thread. For every woman who claims that size is not an issue, I can log onto an arbitrary woman’s forum and read about women who certainly find an issue.

    • Average Joe says:

      I don’t think the big butt comparison is quite on target. I would say that men put as much value on the size of their members as women do on how pretty their faces are. You can change the size of your butt, but you can’t change what your face looks like (absent of reconstructive surgery), just like men can’t change the size of their penises.

  26. I am an average-sized girl, a bit on the short side, but my body cavities apparently are TINY. My dentist tells me I have a small mouth, and he ought to know; some spoons are too big and hurt my lips. Earbuds are too big for my ears. And Down There is a tight fit too. Penises whose owners probably barely consider them adequate can be too much for me. I can stretch to fit, but it takes a while. I’m saying this not to induce extra anxiety but to say that you never know what you’re going to get–it’s hard to tell vagina size from shoe size or anything else–and you could just as easily be too big as too small. So there’s no point in worrying about it.

    • If what you are saying is true, then not for nothing, your pussy must drive men WILD! DAMN!

    • I am the same way Flora. I’ve literally not been able to have sex with some guys, it would not go in. They were definitely big, but not insanely so. I have the small mouth too, maybe there’s a connection? haha. I completely prefer 5-6 inches. The only deal breaker for me would be the “micro penis”. I DO get off during intercourse so it is something I would really miss.

    • you need to try to know the fact


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