TJ Trent blamed everyone else for his lack of accomplishments.
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My personal revolution began in Talil, Iraq, in August of 2008. In the midst of death, destruction, and constant conflict I had reached the bottom. My third deployment with the U.S. Army to Iraq, had only just begun and I was ready to go home. In fact, I was depressed and wondering how I was going to make it. Twelve months in Iraq battling an enemy and fighting to stay alive was challenging, especially when I was battling my own thoughts.
Every second, every minute, and every hour required me to fight to keep going. It seemed as if my career had stalled, was spinning out of control, and was about to crash and burn. When I looked in the mirror I saw someone who had missed the mark, and someone who perpetually screwed up. In my mind I could never keep it together for very long. Those thoughts, (like cancer,) metastasized, and soon I was the ultimate victim.
I was obviously a victim of incompetent leaders. As my victim mentality snowballed I withdrew and became increasingly isolated.
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It wasn’t my fault that I was doing my best. People resented me because I was highly skilled and I produced. How could I make people like me? Certainly not being promoted was not my fault. How could I make someone promote me? They were obviously selecting less qualified soldiers. I was obviously a victim of incompetent leaders. As my victim mentality snowballed I withdrew and became increasingly isolated.
Sixty days into my third tour in Iraq, I seriously wondered if I would make the whole tour. I worked almost exclusively at night and purposely avoided the people I believed were out to get me. Thoughts of shame, disgust, and defeatism were no longer the exception but the rule. Finally, a bright spot appeared on the horizon! I would be able to take mid tour leave within the next thirty days.
Thoughts of seeing my wife and dog boosted my spirits and shifted my thoughts. It was a welcome reprieve from the haunted fearful thoughts that had become my status quo. Then I received even better news! I had been selected for promotion to Sergeant on the first of September 1, 2008. Since I would be on leave in the States, my family would be able to celebrate with me.
The Transformation Begins
On leave for 18 days. My wife, La Shawn, and I were having the time of our lives. We traveled our home state of Texas sightseeing and enjoying our time together. Though it had only been a couple months since we had been together it seemed like years. I was excited about getting promoted and proud she would get to participate. The thoughts of shame, disgust, and defeatism subsided. Now I was worried about being a successful leader.
I was enjoying life, but my perspective had not changed substantially. In fact, it seemed I had swung from one extreme to the other. My upcoming promotion was proof that I was right all along. Incompetent leaders had kept me from getting promoted for so long, but no longer. This was a personal victory that (in my mind) vindicated my worth and hard work.
Then in a defining moment I was brought back to reality. In an unusual moment of transparency while on the phone with my dad I opened up about my struggles. I shared how it seemed they were out to get me and my promotion proved that I was right. He listened and allowed me to speak my mind. At the end he simply said, “Son, you need to learn about leadership. Otherwise you’re going to ruin your career and make people’s lives miserable.”
His words hit me like a punch in the gut and a roundhouse kick to the head! I felt disoriented as a thousand thoughts flashed through my head. Eventually, I gathered some words together and asked for his advice. He told me I needed to dedicate some time to studying leadership, great leaders, and finding a mentor. His words were the catalyst that I needed to change my life.
The Transformation Continues
Since that day I have dedicated myself to challenging my thoughts and discarding self-limiting beliefs. I began studying great leaders and investing in leadership courses. With the help of several mentors I began the slow but steady process of growth that would fuel my future success. One by one I replaced thoughts of defeat, failure, and victimization with thoughts of self-confidence, learning, and growth. I began building meaningful relationships with my peers and leaders, relationships that had previously alluded me.
Since that day I have dedicated myself to challenging my thoughts and discarding self-limiting beliefs.
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Thanks to my revolution I have enjoyed some major successes in life. I have served 13 years in the U.S. Army, earned a couple of degrees, and I am a sought after subject matter expert. Most importantly, I have been able to help people to launch their own personal revolutions and change their lives.
By developing my self-awareness I was able to reveal my enormous potential and begin making it work to my advantage. With time and dedication you can also revolutionize your thoughts and reveal YOUR enormous potential as well.
When will your revolution begin?
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Photo: Flickr/flyheatherfly
TJ, great storyof waking up and seeing everything from a new vantage point. Thank you for your years of service to our country.
Alan,
You’re welcome! Thank you for taking the time to comment.
TJ
“It seemed as if my career had stalled…was spinning out of control…” Thank you for writing so honestly…I had never figured this out with someone who was close to me…I was so concentrated on my own academic stress and goals that I did not realize that he had secret goals of his own…he always played the victim…even though he was the head of his section, he always resented others who had higher professional status and insulted their intelligence and pointed out their ignorance in private…I never figured out why he was so hostile about that until much later…he really wanted… Read more »
Leia,
You’re welcome! I am so glad that my article resonated with you. All change starts by looking within!
Have a Great Day,
TJ