In the midst of grieving, a grown son discovers his late father’s legacy.
Just over a year ago, my father passed away without warning. It was the first time I had really ever lost anyone close to me. The grief from the loss was understandably difficult.
Several of those who offered their condolences privately advised me to take solace in how my Dad’s legacy would live on in me. I nodded and thanked them for their kind words, all the while thinking—as someone who was new to the grieving process—that their words were really nothing more than some generic nicety that one’s supposed to say during moments like this. After all, I had never given any thought to what my father’s legacy was. So I really couldn’t understand this “message” so many were now trying to tell me.
In the weeks after, as everyone in the family was trying to adjust to the new “normal,” I found myself often surrounded by certain responsibilities of adult life that I remembered first encountering as a young boy. These were routine situations and activities that I saw my Dad deal with ashe went about his day, often with me in tow. These were the very same things I would run into more and more as I got older. And every single time, my Dad was never more than a phone call away if I needed his help.
But now—in what was a sobering realization for me, a part of the grieving process, I guess—it hit me that my father wasn’t here to give guidance like before. I was suddenly flying solo in many areas of my life.
It wasn’t long though before I realized that my father had actually already prepared me for these “solo” moments. The things he taught me about, whenever I was around him, have allowed me to competently deal with many of the issues I’ve faced in life. It turns out my father long ago made my life today easier in ways I was only beginning to discover and appreciate.
I learned a lot from him. And these are a few of the things I’ve been most often grateful in the past year that he took the time to teach me something about:
Being Your Own Handyman-
Despite the hardware store being one of my father’s favorite weekend hangouts, he was more of an accident-prone Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor than he was Bob Vila. Nevertheless, he knew how to do many of the simple DIY projects that can come up around a home. And because I was often there with him as he took on these projects, I gained the confidence to tackle these types of things myself. I don’t have to be dependent on a plumber, landscaper, or carpenter for most of the smaller home improvement projects one will encounter in life.
It’s Okay For Guys To Cook Dinner, Too-
Growing up, it always seemed that women traditionally handled the food related tasks in other people’s families. But that wasn’t so in our house. As my mother frequently worked off-shifts, it was my father who did an overwhelming amount of the cooking, baking, and grocery shopping. By being an active participant in these areas, he made it feel completely normal, in the eyes of a young boy, for males to take on these “traditional” female jobs. And in doing that, he probably also helped plant seeds of doubt about many of the other stereotypes that persist in society.
Prepare For The Taxman-
Every year, starting in my late teens, I’d help my Dad get ready for his appointment with the accountant that would prepare my parents’ tax returns. Since he wasn’t the most organized when it came to taxes, there was always a lot of paperwork from the past year to sort through. As we went through it all, we’d talk about what was considered income and what deductions were available for the taking. After a year or two of surviving tax season with him, I had basically learned how to do my own taxes.
It’s A Big World Out There-
In the evenings, my Dad would change the TV channel from whatever cartoon my brother and I were watching to the local news. And there, for the next hour or so, as homework was done and dinner was being made, I learned about our state, our country, and the world in a way few schools would ever teach. If there was a major news event somewhere, he made sure we understood why it was newsworthy. My father wanted us to always be aware of the issues that were shaping the world around us. He was a news junkie—and he made me into one too. And as an adult, that’s made engaging in small talk all the more easier.
All That Stuff Under The Hood-
When I started driving, I wasn’t car-savvy enough to understand all of the mechanical “under the hood” details my Dad thought a driver should know about. So he kept it simple and stressed the importance of staying on top of things like fluids, filters, and brakes. He would pop the hood and show me how to check fluid levels and tested me on where different parts of the engine were located. It was all very annoying to my teenage self, but in recent years those lessons have served me well (my car is old!).
—
It’s kind of incredible just how much of who I am today—what I know, what I’m able to do—I owe to my father and the lessons I learned during our time together. He was a fine teacher. But like nearly every other father out there, my Dad was really just an average guy. He never received formal training in any of these things.
Instead, he was a guy who picked up some valuable lessons along the way from his numerous life experiences. And it’s those lessons, I figure, that are in fact his legacy, at least a large part of it. And because he was able to pass on to me so much of what he learned in life, his legacy does live on in me. I understand that now.
Photo: Martyn Wright/Flickr