The first mistake is the objective.
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Saturday is three days away, but you and your buddies have already decided that you will be going clubbing this weekend. Fast forward a few days, and you have slipped on your favourite pair of jeans and that awesome shirt that stretches around your biceps.
Going out with one objective – “picking up girls in clubs.”
Does the following story sound familiar?
If you know this story, then you also know its outcome. Utter failure and disappointment.
The physical manifestation of this is easy to spot. Find the groups of guys standing on the fringes of the dance floor with one elbow locked at a 90 degree angle and clasping a drink in front of their chest.
In fact, it is so common I managed to find this horrible stock photo, portraying the phenomenon, with no effort at all.
We call it the “Peanut Gallery.” Guys standing around, desperate to talk to a girl but terrified at the thought of rejection.
Why You Failed
The reason your night failed is because you set the expectation.
You expected to go out, speak to women, and manage to entice one enough to “score” her or her number. Do you are actually want to be the “player” type, or are you really looking for something more serious?
Whatever your intention, by actively setting an objective in your mind for your night out, you have put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Now, every action you take is measured against that objective.
- “One more drink for liquid courage.”
- “Just five more minutes, then I will go speak to her.”
- “I cant go now she is with her friends.”
- “What if I get rejected?”
Sound familiar?
These thoughts all stuck in your head because you fear your actions will be judged against your “objective”.
Reframing the issue
Are you ready for the most amazing, crazy trick that is going to help you not only to have more fun, but also make you more attractive?
The secret is…Have fun!
Crazy, right?
Forget about “scoring.” In fact, drop that word out of your vocabulary altogether.
Instead, go out and have fun. Walk in to the club with a smile. Greet people. Interact with everyone. Yes, even the ones that you can gain nothing from. Yes, even guys. You never know who you might meet.
When you interact with everyone with an honest friendly intention, you aren’t a threat because you are interacting with everyone. You become the guy people like, and not the guy staring from behind a glass of brandy and coke.
Organically, through all your mingling, you will probably end up in the circle of the person who has been in the corner of your eye all night. One of your newly acquired friends might even introduce you.
See how much better this is going already?
By letting go of the outcome, you will have fun irrespective of whether you “get a number” or not. You will go home having thoroughly enjoyed the night. The best part is you will have succeeded in a way better than your previous “objective.”
You will be honestly interacting with people! That is not a “score,” that is a WIN!
Originally posted on Better Man Blue Print in a slightly different form.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Well, noisy clubs aren’t good places to meet people, so your advice is plausible to that extent. I’ve always found, though, that just having a good time without expectations rarely, if ever, results in just ‘accidentally’ meeting someone, though.
It’s far from being an accident. What happens is people want to meet you. It changes the dynamic. On one occasion there were two groups of guys who I didn’t come in with and didn’t know bought me a drink and there was a woman about 10 years younger than me who hit on me. One of the things I remember from that night was her commenting you know everyone. I only knew the 7 guys I walked in with and it was the first time I was at the bar, but to her (granted she just turned 21), it… Read more »
You still have to have to make sure you’re somewhere you can interact with(single) people.
Similar to advice I give and it works. Go in with the objective toi have fun. Ultimately, a good time is what you’re looking for anyway. People who are having fun are the people others want to be around anyway. Depending on how boisterous your crew is, you may not need to interact with many people outside your crew and the group or individuals are sometimes approached. I’d also look at places were there are things to do outside interaction like places where the are game rooms. Got to a place near a theater showing a movie you wanted to… Read more »