Seriously, when did it become OK to treat men like Pavlov’s dogs?
Ladies, do you want more sex with your guy? Are you constantly wondering why you don’t get down and dirty more often than once a month? Well it’s your lucky day, because here are some tips on the best ways to have sex more often with your husband:
- Make sure the house is clean. Coming home to a messy house is annoying and will not put him in the mood.
- Step up the household chores. He’s been busy at work all day long so do your best to make sure the dishes are done, the floors mopped and the counters cleaned.
- Take the kids out by yourself. Give him some time to relax and recharge his batteries without screaming kids in his ear.
- Get in shape. You don’t need to be a supermodel, but we’d like it if you were at a healthy weight. We’re concerned about your health and want you to be around for a long time.
First of all the aforementioned tips are sarcasm and definitely not to be taken seriously. Because we all know if anyone actually came out with an absurd list like this aimed at you ladies, there would uprisings and upheavals by women everywhere. And deservedly so.
Which makes me wonder why it’s perfectly acceptable—and all too common—that “advice” such as this is spewed to men at the drop of a hat.
Some articles say men can get more sex by being more of a handyman around the house, jumping on a treadmill and taking the kids out so mom can relax. Others stress that if guys clean the kitchen their chances of some action increase exponentially. This article expounds on the need for guys to do more domestically to get sex, and—just for good measure—“assumes that you are a typical guy who’s slacking a bit in the family and home department.” And finally, there’s the suggestion that men can get to the promised land by throwing money around and hiring a maid to help their wives clean.
When the hell did this become acceptable??
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Tom Matlack wrote a column a few days ago called “Is Sex Dead?” in which his married friends talk about how difficult it is to get any sexual intimacy from their wives. They basically say having sex is so rare it’s like a space shuttle launch, in that all the conditions have to be absolutely perfect. While that’s somewhat inevitable, especially with kids, it’s also pretty sad.
Look, all men should strive to be the best person they can be. They should help around the house, co-parent their children and work hard to provide for their families both in the office and at home as the case may be. And quite frankly, I think the majority of men do this already.
But my argument is that none of this—the housework, taking care of the kids, etc.—should be connected to sex. And sex certainly shouldn’t be based on a reward system!
Seriously, when did it become OK to treat men like Pavlov’s dogs? Sexual intimacy is about love, attraction and lust. It should not be dependent on the old adage “what have you done for me lately.” Yet while it’s become perfectly common and acceptable for wives to demand these things from husbands in order to get sex, if men ever tried this with women feminists all over the world would have a collective fit.
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By all accounts I’m an involved dad. I work full-time with a long commute, but I pull my weight. I do the dishes, clean up the house, take the trash out and generally share in all household/parenting duties.
I am also desperately in love with my wife. I lust after her. Constantly. If I come home from work and the house looks like a tornado hit, it has absolutely no bearing on my desire to have sex with her. None whatsoever. I want to have sex with her because she’s the love of my life and I’m insanely attracted to her. And vice-versa.
Now I’m fully aware that sex—especially after children—is a tall task. There’s sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, stay-at-home parenting…it’s truly an exhausting endeavor. Mentally and physically. But I contend we should be having sex because we want to. Because we want one another and desire to keep our marriages fresh and solid. It should not be dependent on one of the parties doing the proper amount of dishes or breaking out the stopwatch to track the amount of time spent cleaning.
Hell, why don’t we just move to a points system? The dishes plus mopping the floor gets you a handjob. Wiping down the counters and watching the kid while she gets a manicure earns you some oral. Before long it’ll take shingling the roof, repairing the furnace and building an addition on the house just to get laid.
Sex should be its own reward, so stop treating men like we’re dogs waiting for a treat.
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Photo credit: iStock
Sex has no reward, its just a waste of time. Theres so much effort with so little return. The last sex we had was 30 years ago and life couldn’t be better. No arguing and whinning. As they say if ya don’t use it you lose it. And I’m proud to say we have lost it. As far as how my wife feels I really don’t know, because I don’t plan to ask her. I’m better off going down stairs where I eat and sleep and leave her to what ever she is doing.
Paul, I’m happy for you that you’ve found your calling as a monk.
There are more of us Monks and Nuns out here than you would like to believe McGee. The whole gender-slamming sex demands wore me out and I gave up on sexual intimacy years ago. I am so much happier without the demands (theirs or mine) that come with sex, that I wish I had quit participating in the madness much, much earlier. It was a waste of my emotions, energy and precious time. I plan to be a Monk/Nun for the remainder of my life, thank you very much!
PS- But I also dislike the constant “dumb daddy”, “lazy husband” bashing that goes on. Seems like unless the dad/husband does 90% of anything, he doesn’t get nuch credit for it.
It’s not so much chores get paid for with sex (at least for me). If we’re both working 40+ hours a week, and one person comes home, takes it easy, sits down, watches tv, has a beer, etc…. and the other person is doing dinner, kids, homework, housework, bed time, etc… by him or herself, then that person is probably going to be a) worn out and b) pretty resentful and not much in the mood for anything the first person has in mind. If you’re not putting in the work involved in having a good relationship, odds are, you’re… Read more »
YES TL! That’s what I was trying to say but didn’t know how. I’m a queer lady so I don’t go out with a lot of boys, but I still find that if I’m feeling like my work life isn’t respected or my special friend’s house is a mess, I’m not as interested. I’m not withholding—it just sucks the life out of me. That said, it’s not so much about the “what” as the “how.” Assuming that men are desperate for sex and don’t clean until they hear it can help them get some is…only going to perpetuate a culture… Read more »
IF you’re working 40 hours a week, too, then, yes, what you’re saying makes sense. However, studies do not show that women do more unpaid work. They show that women don’t count outdoor work (mowing, getting the car fixed, painting, and indoor work like hanging things) as work at home when they consider this “inequality.” However, it’s a twisted and sick culture in which couples think they need 80 hours of income a week to survive. It isn’t necessary. It’s materialistic. Sex is a more important bond than a second car. Granted, you need a minimum of income to survive… Read more »
Studies do show that women do more unpaid work. Generally women do 2 hours of housework while men do 1 hour of housework. Most women do the majority of the housework/childcare which are daily activities. While most men do seasonal outdoor work- mowing (weekly perhaps), getting the car fixed (studies have shown most couples pay another person to do this. or is calling the mechanic up and picking it up only done by the man?), painting (studies have shown most couples pay other person, and indoor work like hanging things (hanging things? really…really…) Indoor plumbing, electric work used to be… Read more »
Aaron, Great post…I also notice with great annoyance a constant humiliation of masculinity in TV commercials. One example that strikes me is the Subaru commercial where the couple are wandering around a rocky hiking trail in the west trying to find their car which is behind a rock. The man wanders looking left and right while his girlfriend/wife rolls her eyes and shoots him “you’re an idiot” glares. No one questions this humiliation or asks the obvious question – she was in the car with him! Men are made the butt of jokes in staggering levels on TV and no… Read more »
“A better way to put it would be that women who feel like they do everything for their men, eg, raise the kids; do all the housework; make all the doctors appointments; attend all the school functions; get to know all of the kids friends parents etc etc, are less likely to want to have sex because there is a fundamental imbalance in the relationship” I think its the reverse problem. Men are insufficiently dominant. Women want a MAN to take sex not to ask for it. He leads, they follow. Men have become TOO feminist. They have allowed women… Read more »
Bravo, assman. What you’re saying works because women like sex. Refusing sex is a test of a man’s manhood. Jeni’s ex failed, and now she’s a sexy kitty with any man she likes who can fulfill her libido. To fail the test is to kill your relationships. For a man to dominate sexually is to insist that her love will survive and thrive.
Let’s say a husband has a higher sex drive than his wife does. Let’s say there are times when he wants sex but she doesn’t, but there are no times that she wants sex and he doesn’t.
Another way of looking at it is that she is getting all the sex she wants and he is not. That is a form of inequality within a marriage. Maybe it’s supposed to be a perfectly acceptable form of inequality, but it’s up to the husband to decide for himself if that’s acceptable to him.
so… I’ve read the type of articles you’re referencing.
You’re interpretation of them is that sex is a reward
I think the idea behind them is simply “If you’re wife is less exhausted she’ll be more likely to have sex.”
I think the media (shockingly) has been misinterpreting the whole housework and sex thing to the detriment of both men and women. A better way to put it would be that women who feel like they do everything for their men, eg, raise the kids; do all the housework; make all the doctors appointments; attend all the school functions; get to know all of the kids friends parents etc etc, are less likely to want to have sex because there is a fundamental imbalance in the relationship. A man who expected me to do all of the “female” work? I… Read more »
Clare,
Then go out and get a part time job, split the work schedule with your husband, split the other responsibilities equally, and practice sexual egalitarianism. I actually really like that solution. But expecting a man to do the “man’s” work and then resenting him expecting you do do the 4-5 MAX hours a day of “woman’s work” is not equality. It’s gynocentric misandry.
Why don’t you come and help out at work? Write some of the man’s reports. Make his sales calls for him. Compose his emails. Let’s make it equal and see if that’s what you really want.
Hmmmm…how do I preface this? I guess I’ll start by saying that, in my current relationship, I don’t barter for sex. Although I do find it hot and sweet when my boyfriend does the dishes, makes the bed, cleans the car, etc. I don’t expect him to do those things in order to get sex. I don’t expect him to do that at all. In fact, the main reason why I keep him around is for the sex, not the housekeeping. If he stopped putting out, I’d probably remain his friend and would still care about him but there would… Read more »
Jeni: Unfortunately you might be right. Maybe this is just a gender difference and that’s that. But your suggestion of merely knowing what buttons to push is a bit simplistic. With some married couples (especially those with kids) you can’t even get yourself in a situation where you can reach a button, nevermind push it! So the notion that added foreplay of all kinds will do the trick fails to take into account that many times you can’t even get to the stage where said foreplay can even be initiated. But I find it telling that you chalk it up… Read more »
From my female perspective, when a woman starts treating sex like a commodity in a relationship there’s trouble. You have both checked out emotionally. She wants the housework done because she sees that as an indication that you are invested in the relationship/family because, from an emotional perspective, the two of you are not connected. How do you rebuild that connection? Well, in my book, it ain’t through foreplay or courting your wife. You engage in deep, radically honest intimacy. Start a conversation with her where you are really honest about what you like and dislike about being in relationship… Read more »
Lots of men do accept that lots of women don’t see sex as its own justification. That, more than simply ‘needing it all the time’ goes a long way towards explaining the enduring popularity of the sex industry. Many women simply don’t have a button. Men know this. I think deep down you do. That explains your adviso that many men will simply have to tell the woman in their lives that they will take unilateral action.
Well, my answer to you is far more complex and long-winded than I have the time to explain in this moment. But I will leave you with the following: I think pretty much all women have buttons but many women do not take responsibility for their own sexuality. They expect men to push all their buttons for them rather than accessing those buttons themselves for their own pleasure. No, I’m not just talking about masturbating. As far as I can tell, most women spend very little time exploring their own sexuality and seeing what makes it tick. They use sexuality… Read more »
I like your thinking Jeni.
I note that many men follow your advice above. They just don’t want to get divorced so they do it behind their wives back (i.e. getting their sexual needs met).
It takes real balls to say that final option. And yet, I think the course you’ve set out above is the ethical honest one to take. I hope I remember this advice when I’m married. Good stuff!
Jeni, to an extent, you’re right about unilaterial action, directness, etc. Except that the courts can and will punish a man mercilessly for leaving his neglectful wife. If a man works 10 hours a day, he is showing his affection. Women fair to recognize this today because they’ve been fed a diet that tells them a man working is patriarchy not love and that love means men also doing the work women are supposed to do if women are not working. If a man works 10 hours a day to support a family and a wife who’s going to live… Read more »
1. Perhaps women fail to recognize working 10 hours a day = him showing his affection since most marriages have both partners working. Or perhaps women fail to recognize working 10 hours a day = him showing his affection since it is not in a way they desire. Would most men accept & recognize their wives choosing how his needs are met? Most men probably wouldn’t accept their wives stating me buying porn for you to masturbate with is me fulfilling your sexual needs so I don’t have to and I won’t have sex with you. Most men probably wouldn’t… Read more »
While I think it’s true that in general a woman’s sex drive is more complicated than a man’s, that is really just a place to begin. Saying “we’re just more complicated” is not all that constructive by itself. By itself, it’s a bit of a cop-out, actually. In fact, relying too much on that kind of argument sets a dangerous precedent, one I’m sure most wives would not want to hear from their husbands. For example, you could just as easily make the same argument about male monogamy. I think it’s common for a husband to find fidelity more complicated… Read more »
Anonymous Male, I understand what you are saying…and I believe I tried to give examples of what I think would work (other than housework) to push those buttons for women. To be perfectly honest, I believe women are generally too much in their heads about sex. It diminishes their pleasure and reduces their sex drive. That said the early years of motherhood take a huge toll on a woman’s energy levels. If having sex with her husband costs more than what it is worth, there’s no reason for a woman to do it. During early motherhood, the opportunity costs of… Read more »
I admire your philosophy. I wish more people approached relationships that way. I think your approach is very honest, and honestly I wish I felt the courage to make that happen.
Wow. Thanks.
BTW, you wouldn’t happen to go under the handle Evil Evil Kitten on a different board would you? You sound so similar to her. A free woman who takes responsibility for her life. I love it!
To hear more of Evil Evil Kitten see here: http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/
I would admire your philosophy if you hadn’t left your husband because, in your words, you wanted “solitude.” When you were with him, apparently, solitude was important in your relationship, not sex. Liking to screw is great. I like it too. Not liking to screw your husband, though, leaving him, and then “finding yourself” sexually is a cultural cliche. How much $$ are you getting?
Thanks for the link to my article but it’s not fair to selectively quote my introduction. It misrepresents the tone of my article .
The full quote is:
Note: This essay assumes that your wife or partner actually wants to have a sex life and has an otherwise healthy libido. It also assumes that you are a typical guy who’s slacking a bit in the family and home department. For deep sexual or marital problems these techniques probably won’t achieve the desired results, but they will make you a better father.
Great article, and comment thread.
a real genuine and good discussion
I think Aaron’s pointing to several unspoken assumptions about sex, marriage, and how men and women see them differently. Just recently someone suggested to me that if I wanted my wife to be in the mood for sex more often, I should do more housework. This is someone who has never heard my wife make any complaint like that, just assumed that because I’m a husband I’m probably slacking off somehow. In fact I do more around the house than I did earlier in our marriage. I’d be curious to see any studies that test any correlation between how much… Read more »
Anonymous Male, I would guess that there’s probably an inverse correlation between how much housework a man does and the amount of sex he gets. (Just as there probably is between how much a man lets a woman pick his clothes, how much TV he watches with her, and all kinds of other unmanly behaviors). If a guy works 8 hours a day and commutes two more, he shouldn’t be doing housework at the end of the day unless his wife is doing the same kind of work and commute. If the house isn’t clean, she’s wasting her day. It… Read more »
“Sure, that happens, but is that really the most common scenario?” It probably is the most common scenario considering in most marriages the women works and still does the majority of the housework. So it’s not that he was less helpful it was that help probably was never there in the first place so by doing more he’s actually making housework/childcare equal. As for the less romantic bit there’s a reason why romance & coutrting has the honeymoon phase most men do not keep that phase up. It’s just a thing that happens. Men aren’t expected to keep up the… Read more »
Since when do men consider sex treats to be doled out? Since women were given a choice in marriage, and other relationships. Sad.
Another day and another misandist on the Good Men Project. Nah, women have been using sex to control men for a very long time and even when marital rape wasn’t recognized by law, it was still just a small minority of men that raped, as it is today.
Jake, Men have been using marriage and other social norms to control women for just as long. It has only been in the last 100 years or so that it became unacceptable for men to be non-monogamous so the female tactic of withholding sex was pretty ineffective for a good portion of that time. Besides, women can only control men using sex if the men allow it. We all know that attractive, young women who are willing to have sex are a dime a dozen. If a particular woman is trying to control you using sex go find yourself another… Read more »
Nah, it’s really about sex. Men see through those dime-store sentiments women have the unmitigated gall to characterize as emotions.
We don’t have to play that game, Jeni, but if we’re married we’re unlikely to want an emotional entanglement when all we really want is sex. Since so many women on here see sex as transactional, it’s become really clear to me that prostitution is illegal in order to give women control over men. If prostitution were legal and regulated, as it should be everywhere, marital relationships might actually be equalized again, with men and women sharing equal responsibility (maternity on the one hand, chivalry on the man’s side) and men getting a release from the virginal Cult of Motherhood… Read more »
Prrositution is legal in certain areas.
Go to those areas then instead of promoting paranoia of “, it’s become really clear to me that prostitution is illegal in order to give women control over men.” rather than it being a hard to manage business to ensure the workers are std-free, healthy, of the age of consent, and not being mistreated.
“even when marital rape wasn’t recognized by law, it was still just a small minority of men that raped, as it is today.”
Interesting that you personally known the amount of men who raped present and past.
It’s always interesting to see how many men excuse/minimize and claim only a minority of men do horrible things.
Men have a good & bad history. Just like women. It’s bs to try and minimize/excuse the bad.
wow, you deleted all the previous comments on this post?
I didn’t delete anything Amberbug. I see 50 comments. Maybe it’s a problem on your end.
Our lives are so busy that there is no chance to make time for the relationship. Everyone is in it for themselves and they do not look at it from the perspective of their partner. Sex is a benefit for both partners and should be enjoyed equally. A man should do his part as a teammate in the marriage and so should the woman. When this score keeping crosses over into sex, it has gone too far. I would never allow myself to be held captive nor would I want my partner to feel like she has to have sex… Read more »
I think sometimes it boils down to the fact that women aren’t attracted to their husbands anymore and/or the sex has gotten stale. Since they feel like it’s a chore they’re obligated to do, they can easily equate it with all the things they are doing around the house that seem unappreciated. Depressing, yes. True, sometimes.
Bingo. When my husband is giving me the kind of sex that *I* want, I couldn’t give a rat’s a** if the house is clean. When it’s a lazy all-penis fest, it becomes a chore. After a few days of this I’ll usually complain. Last week we he gave me amazing cunnilingus and I was so happy and ready to pass out. He rolled over and said, “Do you want sex?” to which I replied, “That WAS sex.” which sums it up pretty well. The only thing I want to trade for sex is more sex, but the kind I… Read more »
Diana: You bring up some valid points. Both genders should try to make their significant others happy. Agreed. But I think doing the dishes is expected. It’s not “extra” work and it’s not done to help you out. We do it because it’s our responsibility. It should have nothing to do with sex, yet obviously it does because you said when he does the dishes it triggers something in your brain and you start to think how turned on you are. It’s all well and good to say “accept the fact that men and women think differently.” But let’s be… Read more »
I see what you are saying. But first. In my example, the dishes are *my* responsibility. So when my guy does them, he IS doing extra work to help me out. It’s not that I’ve tied sex to work. It’s that his expression of love (doing something for me I did not want to do) made me want to express myself to him physically. The dishes were merely an example of MANY things that a guy could do to express his love. But if a guy never expresses his love, in any form, I’m not going to want sex. That’s… Read more »
Point taken about the dishes. The fact that that’s traditionally your job and he’s doing it changes things slightly, I agree. But I still have a problem with saying “I’d be more in the mood if you did X” and calling it a compromise. If a woman said that to me I’d take it as “If you do X you might get sex.” More of a bribe or incentive than a true desire to make love. Also, let’s say a man tells his wife, “Honey, I’d be more apt to be in the mood if you could just vacuum the… Read more »
But if the woman is not feeling like having sexytimes for whatever reason, you are saying she should just lay back and think of England like they did in the Victorian era? Do you want to have sex with your wife if she is not feeling anything and just doing it to please you? A lot of men get aroused very easily. They can go from zero to 100 miles an hour in 1 second. Women often have more emotion tied up in their sexual feelings. So, if they feel ignored or unloved, they won’t feel sexual. So if all… Read more »
Jill: Well said. The compromise part truly enters into the equation at the juncture you described. You’re right in that men get aroused easily and can have sex no matter what’s going on. Is this a generalization? Yes, but I find it’s very true in a lot of cases. Meanwhile some women can’t separate external goings on from the desire to have sex like men can, so she doesn’t want to. This is where compromise is needed. Sometimes the guy has to rein things in and focus on the foreplay or whatever it is she needs to get revved up.… Read more »
Hi Daddy Files, I actually agree with you that sometimes it’s important for one partner (often though not always it’s the woman) who is less interested in sex to make an effort to get in the mood. Sometimes my boyfriend is suddenly in the mood and I’m not. I could say, “no I’m tired” but if we start making out a little on the couch, I suddenly feel turned on. Also, there have been times where we’ve had sex even though I wasn’t feeling totally passionate for whatever reason, but I still enjoyed it. Actually, my sex drive is generally… Read more »
Jill, it’s easy to say women need to feel close in order to feel sexual. It becomes complicated when one considers the large and often unreasonable range of expected behaviors that supposedly behoove the necessary feelings. Never mind reasonable expectations of men doing their fair share of domesticity and pedagogy. I did all the housework and cooking when I was married. My ex-wife, however, felt “ignored and unloved” by my refusal to do free work for her graphic design business and, predictably, she uttered these weasel words when she witheld sex. And I don’t mean refusing to post a parcel… Read more »
You could have titled this article “Why don’t women act exactly like men?” Author… you are going to be waiting a long time for an entire gender to suddenly change. It sounds clichéd, but it’s clichéd for a reason—it’s true. Women think differently from men about sex. Men “just want sex.” Sometimes women “just want sex,” but you know what really gets me hot? When my boyfriend is just plain nice to me. For instance, he does a full sink of (my) dishes so I don’t have to. Or gives me a backrub after a hard day. Not “I did… Read more »
You’re an “acts of service” type, and he’s a “touching/physical” type… he helps you out to show you that you’re desired and valued and that he wants you to feel that way, and you show him with physical intimacy that he’s desired and valued and that you want him to feel that way. Cool that the both of you know that about each other =D
… some people never do figure each others needs out like that…
That said… I’m also calling “blanket statement” and “stereotype” on you: I know a LOT of women, myself included, who are very touch-oriented like your boyfriend. Fastest way to get my attention and put me in the best possible mood that I could be in is to give me a hug, totally unsolicited.
It could be seen as a blanket statement… but to be fair, I did write “I” in those cases and not “all women.” 🙂 An unsolicited hug sounds wonderful too! Women are all varied and complex and our partners should take note of what we like. And vice versa.
Forgot to add, This really goes both ways. My husband went thru a period a while back where was super busy & stressed at work. His sex drive dropped like a rock bc of it. I think for a lot of us when we’re too tired/stressed/busy/etc, sex will lose out. Lessening the load will help reverse that.
PS- forgot to add, This re
@Daddy Files: Just stating the obvious. Men and women are not morally or legally bound by any contract to have or continue to have sex with their partner, even in marriage. It’s an expectation, not a rule. In fact there is no contract, just a license. That’s why (finally) marital rape has become against the law. And as others have said, what you see as withholding sex could be *not about you*! She/he could be tired, have a mental illness, have been raped or sexually abused and is still working through it, or just not want it.
Actully…some are morally bound by the committment thay have made in front of God. Accoring to past Papal opion, the union or joining of woman and man discussed in wedding vows deal with sexual congress in a marriage, and that it is this congress that truly renders it a union before God. So I guess from a moral standpoint, if you take an oath in front of God, you are obligated.
Fast forward to present day…I hope this union of woman and man can be expanded to fit the numerous queer couples in the world.
I both agree and disagree. Sex should NOT be a “reward” or compensation for accomplishing this or that. This seems obvious to me. But as a sleep-deprived mother of 2 young kids (3yrs and 7mos) I don’t think I need to tell you that my energy and free time are very scarce. It’s never a conscious “if he does X I’ll put out tonight” but there is some truth to me being more likely to have the time and energy for sex at night IF there’s not as much else that NEEDS to be done around the house or if… Read more »
So…the hippies were right the whole time? We’ll be happier if we make love and not chore? 😉
On a more personal note, what about wives who want to give us sex but have a low libido because of stress/depression? A list of things husbands can do to get her in the mood (that don’t involve putting the moves on, because that just makes her more aware of how not in the mood she is) would be a great addition to the gmp.
zjsimon: First of all, that first line made me chuckle. Second, it’s a very good point and one that hits close to home. Obviously if you’re talking about someone with a medical condition or some sort of health problem then everything kind of goes right out the window and you’re playing by a whole other set of rules. I’ve been there. Unfortunately time and space are the only solutions for certain situations, but depending on the person and the condition involved I guess there could be some helpful hints that could add to the likelihood of sex. The problem is… Read more »
Tru & Feral Girl: You said exactly what I was going to say. Plus I’ll go one more step: nobody has a right to sex, yes even in marriage. Its not in the contract. So feel lucky if you have it at all.
WHAT?!?!? You don’t think there is any expectation of sex in a marriage??? And you think I should “feel lucky” if I have it all? That’s absolutely outrageous. Unless you talked about a sexless marriage before exchanging vows, you’re dead wrong. Intimacy (and that DEFINITELY includes physical intimacy) is a part of marriage. It’s one of the ways we express our love and desire for one another. So I’d argue it ABSOLUTELY IS in the contract. That doesn’t mean either husband or wive should get sex whenever they snap their fingers. But I’ve seen what happens to other relationships when… Read more »
I don’t know about a space shuttle, but yeah baby you hit this one on the f’ing head, so to speak. I do think part of the issue is that sometimes (truly I am trying to avoid broad sweeping statements about gender so as to avoid the scores of hate comments) it seems that men experience intimacy from sex and women experience intimacy as a pre-condition of sex. Or so I am told. Not sure if mopping floors and changing diapers is intimate. But let’s all agree that sex inside of marriage is a great thing and we should all… Read more »