Okay, I admit it. Guilty as charged. I once wrote the phrase, “moms are generally better parents than dads. And that goes double for me” on the parenting website Babble. And I took endless shit for it. Rightfully so. But my lede was intended as a sucker punch, drawing moms in before I lectured them on a long list of things that moms actually don’t always get right (in my humble opinion) when it comes to raising boys. My list wasn’t intended to limit the spectrum of gender roles for parents nor kids, just push moms to think a little outside the box if they hadn’t already about what having a penis might mean in terms of how to deal with a male child.
Apparently Babble didn’t get the joke, or the memo. Since for mother’s day they published a list of ten things that moms do better than dads. No following lecture from a dad to moms about parenting, just a flat statement of fact.
Ready for this crap:
- Hugging (my hugs are legendary…think what happens when a 230 pound man takes a crying baby in his arms with a heart full of love)
- Injuries (do you know what it’s like to sleep with your toddler in the hospital on New Year’s Eve when his asthma is so bad he can’t breathe?)
- Changing Diapers (there’s this thing called the daddy lock which involved gently holding down a baby’s legs while protecting yourself from urine…)
- Preparing Health Foods (does cooking for two kids starting at ages 1 and 3 for six years solo count?)
- Keeping Kids Clean (bath time is the best ritual there is according to this dad, along with mandatory room cleaning)
- Snuggling (Please see my NYT piece: “Man I need a good cuddle” and the Gawker response calling me a pussy for saying so)
- Cooking (not sure the author can count but see #4)
- Going out and about (he seems to say dads can’t get anywhere without forgetting the diaper bag…listen after years of solo parenting my kids know its military precision when we leave the house)
- Expressing Emotion (WTF, really? I basically droop love all over my kids all day every day. They know that I know they are the best thing that ever happened to me)
- Making Sick Kids Feel Better (again, see #2. Add the thousand times my kids have vomited all over me and my command of the kids pain killer alternatives for fever)
Moms are not better. Dads are not better. There is a wide spectrum of parenting and roles, many that have nothing to do with gender. But when I read articles like this one it just makes me so mad and sad (see #9 above). So many men I know are awesome dads. That takes absolutely nothing away from moms. But to claim that we can’t feed, clothe, cuddle or care for our kids as well as moms is so insanely wrong on so many levels I think my head is about to explode.
What do you think?
About Tom Matlack
Catherine: I respect you coming on and expressing your views. But your dismissive and condescending tone leaves a lot to be desired.
First of all, I don’t think Cody should be fired or kicked off the site. He made a bad judgment call — it happens. Hopefully he’ll learn from it. Frankly I take more issue with your baffling defense of his article and indignant nature concerning the backlash.
1) Cody did NOT write a personal piece about his own experiences. The title says “10 Things Mothers Do Better Than Fathers.” Not “10 Things My Wife Does Better Than Me,” which would’ve been fine. He generalized. And not just in the title. He also had such gems as: “Since Mother’s Day is this weekend, what better way to honor mothers than listing what they do better than us fathers?”; “mothers are definitely better huggers than fathers”; “I still haven’t met another father who has been able to change a diaper with less than two wipes”; “Mothers seem to have that ability to make sure that their children receive the proper nutrition through the proper foods”; “mothers are definitely better at keeping kids cleaner than fathers” and so on.
So please don’t tell me it was about his personal experiences. Those are blanket statements about all mothers and all fathers. That is why people are upset. And having read enough articles from Babble, I know for a FACT that if a man had written something along the lines of “10 Reasons Why Men Are Better at Math” or “10 Reasons Women Aren’t as Good as Men at Sports” there would’ve been a collective epileptic fit amongst most of the Babble blogging ranks.
Then you go on to talk about how moms have it tough, even mentioning maternity leave. Are you kidding?? At least the majority of moms get some form of maternity leave. Dads — for the most part — get nothing! We have to use vacation/sick time if we even have it. If not, we go unpaid. I mean give me a break.
It would’ve been all too easy for Cody to write an ode to his wife using just his personal experiences. That would’ve allowed him to express his opinion without denigrating all other fathers. But instead, you guys clearly went for the controversy and the pageviews. And that’s fine — it’s your job. But at least have the intestinal fortitude to stand by that decision and please stop being so disingenuous with your own faux outrage to the justifiable criticism from many moms and dads to Cody’s piece.
Cody seems like a genuinely nice guy who made an error in judgment. I hope he learns from this and continues to hone his skill. But as for you, Catherine, it’s nice to know you have so little patience for constructive criticism while being able to stand blatant sexism and misinformation on your own site. Very telling.
Unfortunately for my children, their father chooses not be too involved too heavily in their lives. I could easily read the Babble post and shout “HOW TRUE IT IS!!!!” based on my personal experience. However, it would be a total lie. Because my significant other has stepped up to the plate with joy, patience, and more love than I ever would have expected. (And I expect A LOT when it comes to my kids!) He gives the ‘best’ hugs, he is the ‘best’ listener, he is the ‘funner’ adult to be around. My kids just flat out love that man, and he has proven over and over again that it is not taken for granted.
This post forces parents, or parental figures, into a competition. Loving and caring for children should never be a competition. Involved dads are a miracle to behold. Involved moms are a miracle to behold. If you ask your kids, they aren’t judging (unless they’re mad at you at the time) who does what best. They’re just living their lives, taking the love in and going on with their day. Dads, keep up the great work. Moms, keep up the great work. And work together, no matter what the circumstances, ’cause honestly, kids don’t really care where the love comes from. They just want to fell it.
I was going to hide under a sheet and make a “Leave Cody ALOOONE” video, I decided to write 500 words instead
http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/05/15/i-bbq-my-wife-does-laundry-and-other-gender-stereotypes/
This intense uproar is over the top, people. Hug it out.
I don’t know whats more offensive. Catherine’s bigotry or her rationalization of it.
Future lists to appear on Babble based on the “personal experience” of their bloggers:
10 Things Whites do better than Blacks.
10 Things Christians do better than Jews.
10 Things Straights do better than Gays.