Christian Matyi would like to take his shirt off without you psychoanalyzing him, or projecting onto him your own insecurities. Capiche?
Few things I can do are more politically charged than taking off my shirt.
You see, I belong to a visible minority. And like so many minorities, my presence can be unsettling for those who aren’t “used to my kind.” But unlike those minorities defined by more uncontrollable features (disability, skin color), I chose my minority status.
I am a bodybuilder—and not just some sporty guy with a Gold’s Gym membership who wants to show off his boyish abs. I’m a bodybuilder with a capital “B.” You know the type. I’m a big, muscular guy whose proportions are a little more exaggerated than just your average dude who hits the weights. My back is almost as wide as some doorways, and my leg girth converts “loose fit” into “slim fit.” My measurements confound the suit tailors of the world. Everything I’ve done to my shape in the past seventeen-plus years has put me in a minority class. And, frankly, I’m happy to be there.
Unfortunately, some people don’t share my contentedness. I am often bumped—literally shoulder-checked—in crowded supermarkets and laundromats by hipsters and preppy girls who exude an attitude of, “Oh, I didn’t notice your massive frame directly in front of me! Hope the irony of that doesn’t BUG you, Mr. Big-man.”
People seem to want to talk about my body. Often it’s in a derisive way, akin to when people want to mock a silly tattoo: “And what does that symbol mean to you?” they’ll ask condescendingly. “Which tribe, exactly, does that tribal tattoo represent?”
There’s an undertone of blame to their comments. How dare I make people around me self-conscious about their own form?! No one actually says that aloud, but it’s clear from the tone. I hear everything from, “Well, obviously you want people to talk to you about your body” to “I wouldn’t want to go to a beach with you because I couldn’t enjoy my day.”
Statements like these, from friends and strangers alike, are where it gets political. I try to be courteous, but engaging people about body perception only fires up more heat. It’s as if they want to work through all of their male body issues in a cutesy two-minute interaction. My body is seen as an invite for a unique brand of sound-bite, body-image therapy.
The message that often ends up coming across is a weird, chilling Orwellian dictate: The body of a bodybuilder is not his own—it’s public domain, to be used for debate on issues relating to the body. The choice to be a bodybuilder is a forfeiture of unique perception. The bodybuilder has volunteered to become a tool for pop-psychology chatter.
Many people presume that a guy wouldn’t build his muscles past the point of “fashionably normal” unless he has a massive dent in his psyche. Ironically, that’s often true, but that’s a discussion for a future column. The point is that whenever I take off my shirt—or even wear a tank top—this argument breaks out, and opinions spring forth like geysers.
It’s hard for my size not to show. Dress loose, and I look bigger. Dress tight, and I look… well, you get the idea. I am visibly a bodybuilder, and I can’t hide that. (Nor would I, even if I could.) But should I choose to show a little more muscle—maybe a sleeveless shirt, or (gasp!) no shirt on a hot day—these derisively intoned conversations break out.
When the guy in a Starbucks starts play-acting that I’m going to beat him up if he accidentally cuts me in line, it’s not really a compliment. When the woman at a cash register wants to scold me for buying cheese and ice cream—every time I buy cheese and ice cream—it gets monotonous and obnoxious. It feels belittling, not victorious, when I get teased at the beach—at the beach!—for having visible abs, as if my goal is to intentionally make others feel uncomfortable. No one likes to feel like the villain if they haven’t committed the crime, but it’s enough to make a bodybuilder want to go back to being lazy.
I’m not sure when the heroic male form became such a common enemy. But, unlike real political views, the politics of the body are open topics triggered by the “poor slobs” who dare not dress in bags. I’d always though that if I were to be credited with radicalism, it would have involved exploding buildings, fringe political ideals, and clandestine ransom videos. But, alas, the fastest way for me to upset the American norm is to show up shirtless.
—Christian Matyi
About Christian Matyi
If you feel you must go around with your shirt off all the time, could you at least pull your pants up? Or, are you trying to make sure we can all see, be amazed by and comment on the “V” heading into your groin.
You had my sympathy up to the last paragraph. The phrase “heroic male form” stopped me dead in my tracks.
Perhaps the questions you need to be asking of yourself are: What non-verbal cues might I be projecting? Is it a calm self assurance? Or cocky swagger? Do I treat all people with respect and a friendly smile? Or am I silently assessing their body mass index and wondering whether they are worthy of my attention? Am I projecting a warm personality? Or the chill of an Adonis carved from stone?
What a waste of e-ink.
You should hang with The Situation. He probably understands your douchy pain.
@ Dave: the angel: fabulous. loved every word penned down by you
let me know where i could catch more of this
Hey Christian, great article. A lot of what your saying really hit home with me, because I’m a feminist and spend a lot of time reading feminist blogs and such. This really ugly phenomenon of other people thinking that *your* body is somehow *their* business is a problem for men and for women, and it’s great to see a man standing up against it.
I’m sorry this is something you’ve had to experience. Especially the hipsters who try to “catch” you for not having enough ~meaning~ in your tattoos! ugh. When my friend gets snidely asked, Why did you get this one?, he says that it’s to match the one on your mom’s ass.
It sucks that if, say, a person is fat, strangers might make comments in the guise of asking about his/her “health,” like a waiter recommending a “diet” meal to a fat customer – as though his/her “health” or body is any of this random person’s business. Or based on what a woman is wearing/not wearing, what her body looks like, if she has a big chest etc, people feel like they get to interrupt her day with comments. Hopefully some of those people will read this article, and the feminist ones like it, to learn that it just makes them seem like self-conscious losers.
Hmm… Thought-provoking article and fascinating array of comments. My thoughts, I confess, tend to lean towards the WTF camp on this one…
1. Yes, statistically speaking, you are a minority. But, technically, almost all of us would qualify for minority status based on some choice we make in life (veganism, Star Trek fan, etc), so I don’t think your use of the term is particularly relevant here.
2. Christian: In the spirit of “a picture is worth a thousand words”, did we really need an entire paragraph fawningly describing your physical appearance? I see the photo; it’s quite appealing (although not the cartoonish proportions and bulging veins I generally associate with a ‘bodybuilder with a capital “B.”’–I find Christian’s proportions quite attractive.
3. Yes, part of the attitude you experience is due to the fact that some of his fellow ‘minorities’ are not the nicest, kindest, most sensitive (or articulate) people on the planet.
4. That being said, it’s not entirely clear why you spend so much time working out. One assumption is “to show off”–but you don’t seem to really deny it, such as by suggesting “I want to develop a healthy mind and a healthy body” (for example).
5. I’ll have to agree with a number of posters and suggest that the notion that the only feedback you ever get on your body–anywhere–is negative is rather difficult to believe (unless your ‘on the street’ personality is less intelligent and more obnoxious than portrayed here on ‘paper’).
6. Uh, yeah, the last paragraph reeks of ego. Your “heroic male form” and not wearing a shirt is neither radical nor likely to upset the American norm.
7. Don’t presume that your ‘choice’ is unique in creating pop-psychology cannon fodder. Whether you’re a Gleek or a cat-owner, people make judgments. Live with it.
I linked to this from Towleroad and I honestly thought this was an Onion article when I first started reading it. I’m very tall and very skinny (genetics – I eat like a football player or bodybuilder to maintain my 6’4″ 175 pound frame) and I get comments about either or both of those attributes all the time. People generally don’t think before they speak, most people aren’t very smart, and most people are insecure about something or other. These are some of the most basic facts of life and I suggest you come to terms with them.
“John B says:
June 3, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Poor Christian: he works and works and works on his body and then wonders why nobody loves him for his mind.”
John, John, John…..poor, simple, narrow-minded John….lol……..
To know Christian is to love him for the beautiful mind he has, and how he uses it the exact way he should and wants to!
LIteracy and eloquence on the web .. what a novel concept. Good luck to you, Christian .. you’ve worked hard to get where you are, and don’t owe an apology to anyone.
I think the second half of the comments on this article proves the author’s point. People make assumptions about the motivation behind something even remotely extreme. And yet someone that spends over an hour every day completing Sudoku puzzles on a bus or train ride is completely acceptable. Aren’t both people engaging in an activity that is an exaggeration of what most people do on a daily basis? The difference is that one person’s “hobby” doesn’t invoke issues of insecurity, and the other does.
Christian:
Judging by your well-written post, you’re very intelligent. And judging from your picture, you’re ripped and in terrific shape. So perhaps your overall point was lost on me because all I heard in my head as I was trying to read was “Waaaahhhhh!”
Sorry man, but whining about this is just absurd! So people make stupid comments about your body. People make stupid comments all the time, about everything. If it’s not your body, it’ll be some other godforsaken thing. But guess what? It doesn’t matter!
If I looked as good as you, I wouldn’t give a shit what anyone said about my body. I would take my shirt of all the friggin time and soak in the attention. And anyone of consequence who actually bothers to take the time to talk to you will soon find out you’ve got more than dumbbells in your head, so you’ll impress on both fronts.
But to ask me to feel pity for someone who seemingly has it made in the shade? Sorry, not gonna happen.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I suddenly feel the need to get my fat ass to the gym.