Keith Dixon on brooding, loving, and showing up.
Keith Dixon is an editor at The New York Times and the author of two novels, Ghostfires and The Art of Losing. Crown will publish Cooking with Gracie, his memoir about cooking with and for his daughter, in June 2011. He lives in New York City with his wife, Jessica, and his daughters Gracie and Margot. Visit him at www.readkeithdixon.com.
1) Who taught you about manhood?
I grew up as the third of four boys, so I had male influences coming out my ears from day one. I’m deeply influenced by the arts, so I’ve also absorbed quite a bit of my identity from the books and films that most deeply affected me.
2) Has romantic love shaped you as a man?
Romantic love is the singularity that brings together all the ideas of manhood you’ve been learning your entire life—if you’re doing it right, romantic love requires you to be a provider, a listener, a learner, a teacher, a leader, and a follower, all at once.
3) What two words describe your dad?
Can I have three? “Going to heaven.”
4) How are you most unlike him?
He enjoys solving challenges without—hunting and fishing and hiking—while I enjoy solving challenges within—puzzles and conundrums and riddles.
5) From which of your mistakes did you learn the most?
There are so many mistakes in my past it’s difficult to single one out. But rest assured I have learned from them all.
6) What word would the women in your life use to describe you, and is it accurate?
“Brooder”—yes, that’s about as accurate a description as can be. Things get their hooks in me and I can’t let them go.
7) Who is the best dad you know, and how does he earn that distinction?
I am blessed to be surrounded by about a hundred terrific fathers—from my own dad to the many friends who amaze me with their steady commitment to their families—and every one of them earns the distinction by doing one thing: being there. It’s easy for us to forget just how special it makes a kid feel when you say to them, “Let’s go to the park, just you and me.”
8 ) Have you been more successful in public or private life?
I’ve had some luck with my public life, but those rewards are few and far between; in my private life I get rewards every day. So I’m going with my private life.
9) When was the last time you cried?
Probably when one of my kids scared the shit out of me—that’s the only thing that makes me cry, outside of a good film. A few months ago we had to hustle my daughter Margot to the emergency room because we thought she was having trouble breathing. That certainly got me.
10) What advice would you give teenage boys trying to figure out what it means to be a good man?
Teenage boys are bombarded with advice all day, every day, and to little gain. So instead of offering advice, what I’d probably try to do is demonstrate the kind of behavior I think would get them through the problems they’re dealing with.
For Bonus Points: What is the your most cherished ritual as a guy?
I love that guys all get to wear the same thing at weddings and such. There is a sublime delight in being able to pull on the black suit and show up.
Interviewed by Felix Manuel Rodriguez, Author of Dad, Me, and Muhammad Ali.