Why Everyone Should Get Divorced Before Marriage

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About Alyssa Royse

Alyssa is freelance writer, speaker and sex-educator living in Seattle with her husband and their 3 daughters. She is the former host of Sexxx Talk Radio on The Progressive Radio Network and is the co-founder of NotSoSecret.com, a site dedicated to empowered women's sexuality. She can also be found on her eponymous blog, where she pontificates about food, family, politics and the Seattle rain. Yes, she would love to speak at your event, host a workshop or write something for you. Just ask.


  1. Another Husband says:

    This is my wife and I right now. I’m still madly in love, she’s not. Married over 17 years, but she’s been out of love for a few years. She does love me, but not “in love.” Relationship is repaired for the most part and actually really good, even she admits, but she doesn’t have romantic feelings…no chemistry–although the sex is still good, but I suspect she participates more often than she would like, for me. We both believe we are staying together for the kids, and I’m not sure if it can last much longer. I want more out of life, I want to share the love I have in my heart instead of just giving… yet I feel selfish. I feel like my kids will suffer for my selfishness if I end it, because they are otherwise happy and their lives are stable.

    • Alyssa Royse says:

      Another way to look at that, Another Husband, is that you are teaching your children that the deserve happiness and fulfillment, because they do. And that relationships can change without having to be hateful and involve great loss. I think that both of those things – fear of being unhappy and fear of loss – drive a lot of our “clinging” behavior and drive the basic fear of change. But leading by example, that integrity and joy matter, that hard things can be positive and compassionate, is a great lesson for the kids. Far better than “suffer silently so that others won’t be disappointed in you.” Our divorce was actually really good for our daughter.

  2. Kinda like a prenuptial agreement on steroids, eh? And not something drawn up by the lawyers…but like, actually written up and agreed to by everyone. Makes sense to me.


  1. […] I have had to learn that “I will love you forever” is not the same as “I will be married to you forever.” I have had to learn to take care of myself so that I have the energy to care for others. I […]

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