Robert Steven Williams doesn’t often get to do yoga with his girlfriend, but when he does, he sticks his foot in his mouth.
As a writer, musician, and freelance consultant, I have the luxury of a flex schedule. That often allows me to rearrange my daily workload around a yoga class. My girlfriend isn’t so fortunate.
Not only does she have a rigid work schedule, having two kids locks in most of her so-called free time. So it’s rare that we do a yoga class together, but when we do, I enjoy the shared energy of her next to me on the mat.
But last week I made the colossal gaff of telling her that she stretched like most guys. I knew instantly that I was in trouble even though she was still smiling.
“Are you saying I’m not as attractive because I can’t do what these women do in your classes?”
“This has nothing to do with attractiveness.”
“I wish I could do yoga as often as you do, but I have a job and two kids.”
I was trying to say that we’re coming from the same place, that even though I do a lot more yoga than she does, for many postures we face the same challenges. Clearly I could have said it better.
My observation isn’t based on a scientific study, it’s just what I’ve seen from taking over a thousand classes in various contexts. Most women do the yoga basics effortlessly, even if they’ve never practiced. But for roughly 10 percent of the female population (of which I believe my girlfriend falls into), and most men, often even the basic postures are a challenge.
That doesn’t mean the women (or men for that matter) who can do these postures easily are better or worse. It was a simple observation.
♦◊♦
“So you think I’m a guy,” she said, “that I don’t look as good as all these women who can do these postures.”
“It’s got nothing to do with looks. We’ve all got to deal with our body’s limitations. I’m just saying that it seems that women often have an easier time doing certain postures, that’s all.”
“So you’re not happy with my body?” she snickers. “Is this about my ass? Do you think my ass is too fat?”
Men and women come to the mat from a different physiological place; but even within the same sex, we’re all built differently. Yes, it’s true that some men can do splits better than championship cheerleaders, but the majority of men can’t come close to doing a split. I certainly can’t. Neither can my girlfriend, but that doesn’t make her any less a woman.
“What I meant to say is that your body flexes in a way, more like a man than a woman. That’s all.”
Those eyebrows furrowed again. “That’s all. Do I also have an Adam’s apple? Is my hairline receding? Do I have a moustache?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
She looked at me with those big brown eyes. “I thought yoga was about looking inward, that it was about you and your mat. What are you doing looking around the room comparing me to other people?”
At the end of the day, yoga is about a preparation for meditation. Many of the so-called enlightened yogis look woefully out of shape. And yet, they are yoga masters because yoga is all about the mind.
But here in the west, yoga is as much physical as it is spiritual, and in many places, it’s all about the physical. In the case of me and my girl friend, we both face similar physical challenges, but my guess is, she’ll have more success with the forward bend as her practice develops. In the meantime, the next time I notice something about her practice, I’ll keep my trap shut.
—Photo Flickr/lululemon athletica