Is a Bad Apology
Better Than
No Apology At All?
We’ve reached the point where social media now allows people to immediately respond to the more egregious bullshit said or done by our famous (or even not so famous) figures. As a result we’ve seen a large influx in truly terrible apologies for bad behaviour and thoughtless mistakes and each one is more infuriating than the last. Having been wronged, we know we’re due a sincere admission of guilt and offer of repentance, so when it doesn’t come it feels like we’ve been hurt and abused all over again.
In a perfect world, every malefactor would possess the self-awareness and humility to recognize their crime/error and be humble enough to express genuine sorrow and appreciation for the distress that they caused. But we don’t live in a perfect world and very often these folks are incapable of understanding why their actions proved so hurtful and as a result we get the dreaded, “I’m sorry that you’re all angry at me” apology that causes our collective blood to boil.
Of course, it would be awesome if everyone could use their mistakes to gain the enlightenment that previously eluded them, but in most cases that isn’t going to happen–especially in the handful of days over which these scandals usually erupt.
That’s why we often find ourselves in the position of having to either accept a dreaded non-apology apology or no apology at all. Both are terrible options–likely to only make things worse–but they’re usually all we’ve got.
Which one do you prefer?
Would you rather someone make an insincere admission of regret or say nothing at all?
True story:
No.
Someone needs to apologize for using Ani DiFranco’s album cover without giving attribution.
http://www.amazon.com/Dilate-Ani-Difranco/dp/B0000058MS/ref=sr_1_6?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1388460617&sr=1-6&keywords=ani+difranco
no apology is way better than a bad apology. but recognition of the situation is essential
If a person genuinely believes that they screwed up or did something wrong, then a sincere apology can be given, and that’s that. That’s not really what we’re talking about here. I wonder, is it ever appropriate to say something like “I don’t really think I did anything that bad, and I think you’re all mental for taking offense at it, but I regret that my actions caused you to be upset. I certainly didn’t want that to happen.” It’s probably more honest than a truly insincere apology, but that honesty underscores a genuine disagreement – the person who’s being… Read more »
Why do we get offended at the things other people do and say? When I step back emotionally from given situations it makes it a lot easier to allow other people to make mistakes, to be human and to frankly disagree with my opinions. We all make different choices in life, empower yourself. Give others the freedom to make a fool of themselves, realize this is no reflection on you. How we respond is the reflection of our character.
If someone does something that really frustrates me and apologizes just to ‘shut me up/make me happy’ without really understanding what they’ve done, it becomes a double frustration. I lose respect that way.
I’m tired of holding other people to higher standards than to which I hold myself. If I am attacked by a group of people, my first instinct is hardly to empathize immediately with their concerns, flagellate myself publicly, decry my every mistake, and then sincerely apologize with no expectation of being forgiven. I am not a martyr. And neither is anyone else. Instead of us blowing up at every single person who utters something offensive if they don’t react perfectly to what is generally not constructive criticism anyway, why don’t we give them some time to internalize the arguments against… Read more »
I have much less sympathy for celebrities and companies who make non-apologies. Smacks of PR and other manipulation. They have teams of smart people behind them, and they need to do better. In individuals, well, I don’t like it, but I understand that people are deeply flawed, and don’t always have access to wisdom or common sense. Does this excuse them…I’m not sure. For me it’s a case by case thing, I guess. I’ve been on both sides.
I don’t accept unsincere apologies. Apologies, just like respect, favors, and contracts, can be accepted or rejected when offered.