This is a comment by Tom B. on “Seeing a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and Son“:
Wow. As a man, it’s really, really hard to read a comment like this coming from another man.
There’s a lot I disagree with in your remarks, Valter – particularly your lack of empathy for other human beings – but the BIG thing that irks me about your comment is that stupid, oft-repeated sentiment of “Hey, I’m a guy. If you put those images in front of me, how am I supposed to be able to control myself?”
The answer to that question is – You just fucking control yourself. I have a penis too. It’s not that difficult. The notion that guys are somehow hotwired to respond to visual stimulus and that they have NO power over their physiological reaction to said stimulus… that’s a lie. Sure, if seeing a pretty woman makes you blush, that’s totally fine. That’s goddamn adorable. But if you’re saying “hey, when I see a nice rack, I can’t help myself from lingering a bit and taking in the peep show”… um, yes, you can help yourself. You’re a human being with free will. You have TOTAL control over that reaction. Ultimately, you’re CHOOSING to linger, CHOOSING to make the other person uncomfortable, and thus CHOOSING to be the biggest creep in the world.
These types of attitudes sound exactly like the kind of arguments that came up during the Steubenville rape trial. “Your honor, the girl was passed out and naked – HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE RAPED HER?” The answer is, and always will be, “You could’ve not raped her VERY, VERY EASILY.” Human beings are not insects. They don’t have hive minds or act solely on instinct. They have a conscience, free will, and a soul. A man ALWAYS has the choice. A man takes responsibility for how he behaves in human society.
So, the whole faux-playful “hey ladies, I’ll TRY to rein in my sex urges, but you gotta stop showing off the goods” attitude just needs to stop. It’s not cute. It doesn’t make you seem like Don Draper. It’s wrong, it’s intellectually and emotionally dishonest, and it makes men look like assholes. So, as a man talking to another man, cut that shit out, OK?
Photo—CarbonNYC/Flickr
What is important is that we respect ourselves and others. There is the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. There is also the platinum rule – do unto others as they would have you do unto them. I refer to these often when dealing with others. They help me maintain that respect.
“CHOOSING to linger, CHOOSING to make the other person uncomfortable, and thus CHOOSING to be the biggest creep in the world” Is he being impolite or is he being the biggest creep in the world? Whats the word creep even mean? Here is one take on it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEikGKDVsCc Do women look? Is it still creepy when they do? What if you don’t notice that someone is looking? are they still creepy? Is wanting to look and enjoy how attractive a women is creepy? We are told not to look because e are creepy. We are told to cross the street… Read more »
The issue I have is that consistently this site promotes the idea that men bear all responsibilities and women none.
“hey ladies, I’ll TRY to rein in my sex urges, but you gotta stop showing off the goods”
The only issue I had with Tom’s response is that he suggests that the person dressing, if they’re dressing for attention, bears no responsibility for drawing unwanted attention.
The presumption of free will is based upon an, as yet, unproven modern Christian religious theory.From a logical perspective,considering there are three major religions-whatever that means-with different philosophies they believe are authentic.Who’s right?Maybe none of them. Given all of that free will reads as an article of faith rather than a proven commodity. The problem with faith is it lends ironclad credibility to that which can’t be proven or disproven.This problematic. I mean,if someone is bipolar or has some other brain dysfunction, do they posess free will? Whether one stares at an attractive woman inappropriately-whatever that means- depends on one… Read more »
I agree with Valter (Walter?). Men should be creepy. Its normal, its natural, its good, its right. Hiding it or pretending not to do it is stupid and it does make me hugely uncomfortable. Plus if we are not going to look why shouldn’t women not be empathetic to us and not cover up better. Its obviously difficult not to look given the way women dress. Shouldn’t they have empathy for men and male emotions. Its seems pretty one-sided. And there is a huge unfairness here. Men are the pro-active sex. We look, we stare, we approach, we make moves.… Read more »
Megalodon:
The key to being a good troll is to not make it obvious you’re trolling, so that other people react to you in a way that brings you amusement. A bad troll will, with just one comment, simply makes people realize “Oh, he’s just an asshole”, and they walk away and ignore you.
You, Sir, have failed as a troll.
But how do you know that I am not amused?
Did Mark Greene have this particular picture stashed in his archives or did he take that picture specifically for this post?