Aaron W. Voyles investigates the use of complaints versus commitments in talking about issues with college men.
—
When we talk about college men, we often talk with a language based in complaints. We talk through the deficit. Instead of talking about positives and positive masculinity, we talk about the problems with men.
I am guilty of this in my own work. Upon reflection, I am more likely to talk about the complaints how men are doing when challenged. People often ask me why I focus on men or if I need to be focusing on men. I can be quick to bring up the statistics that say that men are not doing well in college and that men are a negative impact on college.
This is the language of complaints. This is the language of “I wish it weren’t this way.” Though deficits can be a powerful way to talk about things (just think of the federal deficit and the idea of running out of money), it also can be a challenging way to talk about things.
◊♦◊
Deficits present challenges because they are overwhelming and overly negative. Not only do I imagine most men dislike hearing that they are performing poorly academically, not involved in college in a meaningful way, and causing trouble, I also sense the overwhelming sense of it. How do we combat so many negative trends that seem to consume the whole of college discussion these days?
I also imagine my own reaction to this deficit. As a college male, I was not performing poorly academically. I was not involved in repeated conduct issues. The deficit created by our complaints about men, then, doesn’t inspire me as an ally. I am sure others may feel the same way.
Recently, however, I went back to the work of Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey (2009) and their thoughts on organizational change. Like me, Kegan and Lahey have found that complaints are not useful to leaders. They do not inspire change and they do encourage the hearts of followers.
Their work asks that we move to discussing what we are committed to, and when working with men, particularly college men, it is important to move from the language of complaints to the language of commitment. Instead of saying what the problems with college men are, we can focus as individuals on what we are hoping to progress with.
By committing to specific values on college campuses, we can inspire others to join our discussion and move from a deficit to an aspiration. Complaints focus on blame, which is rarely effective for social justice, instead of positivity and goals. To lead change for our collegiate men, we must focus on what our commitments are and how to reach them.
◊♦◊
I am committed to the value of every student, regardless of gender, having a safe and supportive college environment. By safe, I refer to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual safety and wellness.
I am committed to having every student, regardless of gender, having an impactful and engaging college career that sets goals for their future.
I am committed to the value of education, to every student, regardless of gender, being free to succeed academically and being given the tools to do so academically. I am committed to offering these tools without condition that a student perform a specific service to the university other than to be a good student and good citizen.
The language of commitment is key to understanding why we do the work that we do and where we want to go, but it is far from the only language that we should use when we engage in creating positive change. We must also look to the languages of responsibility and competing commitments. We must also examine our assumptions.
In the coming articles, I will continue to look at how my work with college men can be influenced by these languages. Together, the combination of these ways to examine our work can move us past complaints and into action. To what values are you committed?
Kegan, R. & Lahey, L. L. (2009). Immunity to change: How to overcome it and unlock the potential in yourself and your organization. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Press.
Ditching the Dunce Cap is a weekly Friday column from Aaron W. Voyles on the University of Texas-Austin. He welcomes your comments. This column is not affiliated with the university.
—Photo Gabe Austin/Flickr
—Edits by Nancy Lien
Also in Ditching the Dunce Cap:
I Can’t Write About Football
To Ditch the Dunce Cap
Can You Manage the College Male?
“Have at it, Boys” and College Men
The Challenge of Male Mentorship
Becoming a Beard Mentor
College Made Me Think I Hated Beer
An Ode to My College Roommate
Vomit. Sorry.
Examining the Axe Effect
When Will You Grab Your Saw?
Do You Know the Mega-Dump?
If the Shoe Fits, Cheat