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She arrived on Mother’s Day.
When I saw her, there was nothing more beautiful or captivating than my daughter. She was perfect.
My wife and I nicknamed her “Bean”.
As she grew, Bean always seemed to have an excessive amount of energy. One night, while she was in her crib, she stood up and said the word “out” (as in getting her out of the crib), for about an hour and a half straight. My wife and I tried to count how many times she said the word,
only to give up since we were exhausted and fell asleep.
In pre-school, she enjoyed books and art, but couldn’t sit still. One day, she was moving up and down so much in her chair at the kitchen table that she fell and broke her arm.
More accidents occurred, but I just thought she was an active kid. Perhaps too active.
The years went by, and my wife suspected that something was amiss, but we reneged on getting her assessed for ADD for fear of her being labeled.
Yet, we started to notice the emotional ups and downs associated with incidents that did not correlate to the circumstances she was experiencing. Sustained attention was challenging, except when she was focusing on art. When it came to family movie night, she’d wiggle, squirm, sit upside down on the couch or stand up. In the movie theatre, she would move so much, I would get distracted.
I kept refusing to believe that there was an issue of concern. My wife would give me the “eye” when Bean did something that was socially awkward (i.e. interrupting people during a conversation, accidentally knocking things over).
She seemed to have all the earmarks of ADD, yet, we skirted around the issue.
We talked about changing her diet.
We talked about getting her more exercise.
We talked about getting her counseling.
But we didn’t talk about medicating her.
I was worried that if she was diagnosed with ADD and placed on medication, it would hurt her physically and psychologically.
My heart hurt for Bean. I would raise my voice and get upset over various things she would do, that seemed beyond her control (i.e. forgetting things or constantly moving around). I worried that without help, we might negatively impact her psychologically and emotionally.
My “perfect” daughter was struggling. I had to swallow my pride and the concerns associated with her being diagnosed with ADD and made a medical appointment.
The odd thing was, Bean did well in school. She excelled in the language arts and drawing. In fact, she won an award for her drawing skills. I thought ADD meant that academically, she would be failing, but that wasn’t the situation.
She’s also extremely creative.
One Halloween, at age 7, her mom and I asked what she wanted to dress up as. We thought she would say a fairy, a princess or some other girlie costume.
No, she wanted to be Frieda Khola.
The kids at school had no clue who she was, while the adults marveled at her striking resemblance to the artist. We entered her into a city-wide costume contest, which she won.
As the day of the appointment neared, I decided to explain to her the reason for the doctor’s visit.
I empathized with how hard it must be for her to always sit still and concentrate. I also apologized for losing my temper with her and told her that her brain worked differently than other people’s brains, to which she gave me the “Duh, didn’t you know?” look.
I went on to share with her all the famous people who seemed to have ADD and that there was nothing wrong with her, she just had a different way of processing information.
During the appointment, the pediatrician reviewed some questionnaires that both her teacher and I had completed. Ultimately, the doctor found that Bean had the markers of ADD and prescribed medication to help calm her.
This is not what I wanted, but at this time, I don’t know what else to do. Helping my daughter through the negative impacts caused by living with ADD is my main concern. The biases people have of those living with ADD is a challenge that we will face together.
In my eyes, Bean’s diagnosis only enhances her special qualities and doesn’t require her to be perfect, just herself. Ultimately, I love and accept Bean for who she is, ADD and all.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock