Getting strung up is annoying. Dating should be fun even if you have long-term expectations on your mind.
I think it’s manipulative when women give a guy all the green lights — flirting and showing them off to friends and family but will not have sex with the guy.
My girlfriends and I had a long chat about withholding sex over the weekend. I’m all in for casual sex. I can sleep with a guy on the first date and I do not plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently, some of my friends think it’s a cheap move and the guys won’t value me. They think men see a woman as a loose chic when she sleeps with them on the first date. So they string along the guy for a while just to prove they are not cheap.
Funny enough most guys I date do not grade me as cheap. Most of them don’t even get a second chance with me let alone second sex.
For me sex is therapy. If want it, I go get it and I have no sentiments attached to it, especially if I hardly know you. Although with the new abortion law, that is about to change. Well, that’s a topic for another day.
When my teenage daughter asked me how long she should date a guy before having sex with him? I was taken back.
My daughter is 18. I have always told her to wait until she’s twenty-one before having an intimate relationship.
The reason is that I want her to focus on her studies more and be prepared for the consequences that come with having her priorities divided.
Relationships are quite challenging. For teenagers, it’s easy to lose sight of your main goals when you are entangled with someone.
But to answer her question, I returned it with another question. I figured a direct response will be coming from my own experience.
I want her to choose her part so I asked her, “how would you feel if you got pregnant to a guy you barely know and he denies the pregnancy?”
My daughter got furious immediately. She started cursing and threatening what she will do to the guy.
I didn’t need to say anything further after watching her reaction. I told her to imagine how angry she is just at the idea let alone having to face the reality when it happens.
My daughter is too young. She has no job, no degree, and has always been dependent on me. Her reaction to unwanted pregnancy is expected.
But for a middle-aged woman, her reaction will be different. If I got pregnant from some random one-night stand, I will not panic. If I like the guy, I might keep it and it won’t be a burden.
Sex comes with consequences and women are conscious of the level of risk they can handle with sex, which is understandable.
How do guys feel about withholding sex?
There is a stereotype that men only want sex or children or both from women. And some women use sex as a way to manipulate a man into a relationship.
I have low regard for people who manipulate other people to get something from them. If a woman is denying a man sex because she wants him to step up and propose, then that can backfire.
Because if someone is forced to make a decision about marriage before they are ready, it usually leads to regrets and such a relationship doesn’t last.
People date for so many reasons and we all have our expectations in relationships. Your expectations may not correspond with that of your partner and that is something you should discuss very early in the relationship, then observe if their actions are in line with their expectations of you.
Instead of asking how long you should wait before sex, ask yourself “are you ready for the consequences that come with sex?”
For someone who isn’t emotionally attached to sex, they may not bother about the consequences and expectations in casual relationships.
But for a conservative person, sex is always tied to a goal. You may want to spend some time getting to know them in person and be sure you are ready to deal with STIs and STDs, pregnancy, and rejection before giving into sex.
Sex can complicate your feeling. The chemical combustion that takes place during sex can make you feel like you are falling in love with someone you are not attracted to.
However, most guys feel like they are being manipulated when the women like them but do not sleep with them.
A playboy will take it as a challenge and wait patiently for the sex if he knows you’ll do anything for him.
A guy who genuinely cares for you may be willing to wait an eternity for sex, but if you’re not showing how committed you are to the relationship, he will lose interest.
So it doesn’t matter if you wait a day or a year before having sex with someone. What matters is your commitment to yourself. How much are willing to tolerate and how prepared are you to face rejection and other consequences.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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