How much does it hurt to step on a lego? It hurts like a b*tch, right? But I found something that hurts you even more: Emotional immaturity.
Let me explain. Immaturity happens in a subtle way. Unlike with legos, you can’t say precisely where it hurts. Immature people can’t build genuine relationships, don’t have the mindset to pursue their goals, and don’t achieve what they want.
It takes courage to admit you’re immature. But it takes even more courage to accept a life with this limitation.
Here’s the trick: You won’t know you’re immature. Ask 1,000 people if they’re mature, and you’ll hear “yes” 1,000 times. When you’re stuck in these patterns, you can’t see what’s wrong. That’s why it’s so difficult to change these patterns.
These habits will help you see if you have immature behaviors:
1. You never ask for help.
Immature people never ask for help. It’s not because they don’t want to. It’s because they don’t know how. Yet, there’s one dangerous consequence to this mindset (even if it’s unconscious).
Immature people believe they can handle anything — and that’s arrogant.
When you think you don’t need help, you believe you’re smarter, stronger, or better than others. You only see what’s in front of you: “I’ll fix the problem.” And doing things by yourself might even work for a while. But there’s one small problem:
You can’t handle everything. That’s humanely impossible.
So not asking for help makes you immature for two reasons:
- You overrate your abilities.
- You burn out quickly.
When you ask for help, you make your life easier because you can look for people with complementary skills. This way, you can perform a better job. Nobody is overwhelmed.
You put your ego aside to have a smoother process and a better result. That’s emotional intelligence.
2. You blame others.
Here’s one harsh truth: You’re responsible for your life. That includes your successes, your failures, and any result you have. Unless someone holds a gun on your head, you’re responsible for your decisions.
Yet, emotionally immature people love to blame others.
When things go wrong, they’ll blame their parents, the government, the crisis, the pandemic, and their bosses. Here’s why: Responsibility is a burden. The easy way out is to blame others.
The blame game makes you immature because you never take responsibility.
When you blame others, you admit you’re powerless. So you keep making the same mistakes. Mature people know that responsibility is the only way to grow. They can analyze what went wrong and do better next time. But you can only do this if you take the blame.
It’s harsh to take responsibility for your actions. But it’s even harsher to never grow up.
3. You don’t know how to listen.
Communication is a two-way street. You might think this is obvious, but most people forget this basic rule.
Most people don’t listen. They wait to respond.
When you have this mindset, you treat communication like a one-way street. You’re so busy thinking of what you want to say that you forget to listen to what others have to say. You never get the full picture because you miss half of the conversation.
And then you wonder why you can’t make genuine connections.
This mindset makes you emotionally immature because you prioritize your needs and ignore others (even if you don’t do it intentionally). That behavior is well-accepted in children. They’re still learning. But not in mature people.
Mature people don’t feel this anxiety to speak.
They understand communication takes two people, and they can put their needs aside temporarily. They’re open to changing their minds when faced with opposing perspectives.
It takes emotional intelligence to understand other perspectives.
When you talk to others, don’t simply wait for your turn to speak. Enjoy speaking to others.
4. You never apologize.
Emotionally immature people developed one dangerous habit: They never apologize.
This habit sounds harmless at first. How can you hurt others with something you don’t do? But what makes it dangerous isn’t the (lack of) action; it’s the implications.
People only apologize when they believe they’re wrong. So, if you never apologize, it implies you believe you’re always right.
Except that’s not true.
Emotionally immature people are too immersed in their perspectives. They act like they’re the protagonists of the movie: Even when they’re wrong, they don’t apologize because they had good reason to act this way.
But what does it take to admit you’re wrong? It takes accepting a different perspective, analyzing your own behavior, and learning an impartial view.
These skills take tremendous emotional intelligence.
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Emotional intelligence affects you in ways you can’t imagine: Your career, routine behaviors, and relationships. Yet, these behaviors aren’t conscious. Nobody chooses to be emotionally immature.
That’s why it’s so important to watch these signs.
Once you identify these behaviors in yourself, you can move on to the next step: change. Write down what triggers these behaviors, make specific plans to change, and be patient with your process.
It takes time, effort, and commitment to change. It might not be an easy process, but it’s worth it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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