Work. Work. Work.
And when you’ve worked as much as you think you can, do more.
This belief has been drilled into generations of men, notably Gen X’ers and the generations that preceded us.
Work is what makes a man a man.
And the harder you work, the more you grind, the more your man score goes up.
I worked at a supermarket deli one summer when I was 17 or 18.
It was, minus the massive sandwiches I’d make for myself, the worst job I’ve ever had.
One hungover morning I was not giving the meat slicer the respect it deserved as I was cutting roast beef for a customer.
I’ll spare all the details, but what happened next wasn’t pretty.
The nurse told me I’d completely lost my fingerprint and more.
I left the emergency room with a complex and massive bandage wrapped around my hand and forearm.
Since I couldn’t go back to work, I went home.
My father was surprised as I walked in the door, as evidenced by the first words out of his mouth,
“Why aren’t you at work?”
I lifted my complex and massive bandage in the air as my answer; I didn’t think words were required.
His answer illustrates my point, and I don’t blame him for it.
It’s what he learned from his dad and what my grandfather learned from his dad.
He looked at me plainly and said,
“How the hell are you going to work?”
I’m not sure he ever asked if I was ok, and perhaps in his mind, I wasn’t, but for a much different reason:
I was paid hourly, and if I was not at work, I was not getting paid.
Hence, I’m not ok.
I know I’m not alone in this, which is why I’m sharing what I’m sharing.
How many can relate?
How many would like to be free from this belief?
How many bust their ass at a job that provides no meaning but can’t unwind their identity from their paycheck?
Our self-worth is worth more than our net worth.
When our identity is inextricably interwoven with our jobs and ability to produce and out-grind everyone else, we set ourselves on a path that will never bring us to the destination we desire.
Along this path lies the degradation of our self-worth.
We’re outsourcing our identity to an external while simultaneously turning our backs on our intrinsic desire to create meaning in our lives.
The disparity is soul-tearing.
And often, what men do is:
- Work more, work harder.
- Consume anything outside themselves to fill the inner void. Cars, watches, memberships, status and prestige, booze, pills, porn, affairs, etc.
Working more is not the answer.
Chasing externals to fill the inner void is not the answer.
The answer is in two parts:
Breaking free from the self-imposed prison cell of believing we are our careers and that our self-worth is in direct proportion with how hard we work
Understanding we’re the architects of our lives, and if work isn’t providing us with the meaning we crave, it’s up to us to create it.
It’s time to unwind the belief that we are our jobs and our self-worth is correlated to our grind.
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