do you have a racial preference no
00:02
you’re the best kind of gay it’s
00:05
impulsive it’s fun glad this isn’t a
00:07
family program we’re gonna check out
00:08
some dick pics see the BIOS they like
00:12
likes only Latinos only Asians only it’s
00:14
like why only these are fucking fun I’m
00:16
a responder and I’m a pair of legs with
00:18
a head there is prejudice versus
00:25
preferences hey guys it’s your queer
00:33
agenda cheerleader a race Wanda and
00:35
you’re watching what the flip and today
00:38
we’re going to cover a racial
00:39
preferences and dating apps with these
00:41
two so my name is Alan I am black that’s
00:44
what I identify as but I’m actually
00:45
mixed with a whole bunch of different
00:48
races by identifying mostly as black and
00:51
I’m proud to say that I’m also proud to
00:53
say that I identify as a gay male as
00:54
well
00:55
my name is cannon Spackman and I’m a
00:57
white gay man in Los Angeles you know in
01:01
talking I’ve had people be like oh I
01:02
love black guys and things like that and
01:05
I’ve never really gone on to ask them
01:07
why in the back of my mind I’ve always
01:10
wanted to just because I think it’s kind
01:11
of like a weird thing to say just like I
01:13
love the specific kind of people I
01:15
remember a long time ago and regret
01:17
never first came out and I have a friend
01:18
who’s not white who’s on Grindr and he
01:20
was telling me about his experience and
01:21
how he felt really invisible and it was
01:23
very eye-opening because it was not my
01:26
experience like not to to gloat right
01:28
obviously I’d never really thought about
01:29
it before how people’s preferences or
01:33
whatever you want to call it affect how
01:34
people are treated and then kind of have
01:36
conversations with those people and then
01:38
have conversations on the flip side with
01:40
my white friends who think that it’s
01:42
just a preference so my take on racial
01:46
preferences and dating apps is I don’t
01:47
have any racial preferences I definitely
01:49
have a type I love thick eyebrows but
01:52
when it comes to other people I think I
01:54
have gotten some pushback when it when
01:56
they find out that I am black I love the
01:58
coat you can’t be black you don’t look
02:00
black I’m like I look very black but the
02:02
push back kind of says that they have a
02:04
preference that’s not black because
02:06
otherwise you just accept that I just
02:08
said I was black I’m used to it but it’s
02:10
very off
02:11
cuz you’re like where are you fighting
02:13
this so hard like I had a guy just like
02:15
like no you’re not black like stop
02:16
saying you’re black I’d like to take you
02:18
out and unlike you and you can only take
02:21
me out if I like to announce my
02:23
blackness I’m like this is a mess like
02:25
no I’m black and your block so have you
02:29
ever experienced racism on dating app
02:30
you clearly put your photo on the dating
02:33
app you’re a clearly african-american
02:35
like I am and then when you speak to
02:37
someone it solidify the moment of yes I
02:39
am a black male they completely cut you
02:42
off I don’t know if it’s racism I don’t
02:44
over that so why they wait they are
02:45
white yes are they let you know no
02:48
they’re not are they Asian no so it’s
02:50
only white men it’s only white man gasps
02:52
are there any red flags for you guys
02:55
where you know you think it’s about to
02:56
get Rachel I personally haven’t had
02:59
anybody come to me and say anything
03:01
racist like that I’ve just had people be
03:04
like you know I’m really into black guys
03:05
and not in the back of my mind is like
03:07
mm-hmm really why tell me why I just
03:10
think that’s kind of something really
03:11
weird to say it’s not like I go around
03:12
saying I love white people no it’s just
03:16
I think it’s just something it’s why why
03:18
why say that I’m like I love dogs
03:21
instead of cats yeah that’s a pressure
03:23
yes we love a color of dogs specifically
03:27
you’re kind of a dog races okay how
03:30
about you can tend to get racial stuff
03:32
going on sometimes I’ll say that
03:34
typically whenever I get a message from
03:36
someone who’s not white with something
03:38
of a context of oh you’re my type that’s
03:41
usually a red flag bit there or we’re
03:42
dating me because I’m white how does
03:45
that make you feel so if we’re being
03:47
totally honest it’s it’s it’s both
03:49
off-putting and flattering
03:50
simultaneously because like who doesn’t
03:52
like to eat you’re hot right everyone
03:53
likes that everybody likes attention but
03:55
at the same time it sucks being reduced
03:58
to just the color of your skin oh you
04:01
poor white person I know right for me I
04:03
will say that I’ve had the opposite
04:05
where I see somebody that I’m attracted
04:06
to you know let me try and message this
04:08
person but I just don’t
04:09
they don’t message me back and I’m not
04:10
necessarily saying that’s because of my
04:12
race but I think that has a lot to do
04:14
with it so
04:15
I mean that’s racist for one but it’s
04:17
also I mean it’s very hurtful you know
04:19
it makes us think like at least when I
04:21
was younger you know growing up like oh
04:22
maybe I’m not beautiful maybe I’m not
04:24
worthy enough you know to be talking to
04:26
these people I think it’s kind of wrong
04:27
it is wrong
04:29
white boys preferring you why do you
04:30
think that is I don’t know it’s a little
04:32
bit like a fetishization thing and it’s
04:34
like oh you’re Hispanic you must be
04:36
spicy and fun I’m like I’m just me I
04:38
don’t know do white people hate spicy
04:40
things when they’re eating them yeah
04:42
when they’re fucking them I guess no I
04:43
don’t know do you have a sect of guys do
04:45
you think is attracted to you
04:46
there is a very select group that’s more
04:50
attracted to me than anyone else what is
04:52
that group look like older white male
04:54
yes I already know that same group wants
04:58
me when do we stop calling it a
05:02
preference and start calling it
05:04
fetishism like what’s the breaking point
05:06
give it to me I assume maybe it becomes
05:08
a fetish when you’re not even looking to
05:10
really connect with that person for who
05:12
they are you’re just looking for what
05:14
they are yeah that makes sense but you
05:16
know since it’s dating apps like let’s
05:18
let’s talk about this some people are
05:20
just looking to get off and there’s
05:21
nothing wrong with that sex positivity
05:23
hey but is there something wrong with
05:25
the fact that they’re only looking for a
05:27
certain thing to get them off or should
05:28
they be sexually exploring as well since
05:30
we’re being so sex positive mm-hmm so
05:32
it’s a good question I think to go back
05:34
to the fetishes in question it has a lot
05:35
to do with dehumanizing people yeah that
05:38
line where you start to dehumanize a
05:39
person and they become a sex object for
05:42
you I think that is that is literally
05:44
the definition of fetishism is that
05:46
wrong or is that right to fetishize
05:48
someone based on their race I think the
05:50
question of consent comes into play
05:51
right like yeah everyone’s getting to
05:53
what’s happening yes cool do it right at
05:56
that moment where you’re deceiving
05:57
another person and they’re not
05:58
consenting to whatever behavior you’re
06:00
you’re propping up or you’re trying to
06:01
like slide under the rug I think you
06:03
have a morally dubious situation going
06:06
yeah yeah I actually agree agree yeah I
06:09
completely agree that was a really good
06:10
way to focus yeah because I’ve
06:11
absolutely been fetishized by a guy and
06:13
I did not give a shit
06:16
you look like Jason Momoa and you slide
06:19
in my BM and you’re like I like trans
06:21
girls I’m like I like you I’m not
06:25
looking for a fucking connection do you
06:26
experience any fetishes ISM I do I do
06:28
get those messages like BBC like isolate
06:30
this they straight asked me that like
06:32
you know BBC stands for big black cock I
06:34
mean I think everyone knows that I mean
06:35
what everyone knows that what we’re
06:36
saying it for the white people watching
06:38
or a heterosexual yes a big black cock
06:40
you know I mean I have my occasions
06:42
where you know I do like to show my cock
06:44
but I don’t think it’s big black I think
06:46
it’s like ABC you know like average
06:48
black cock Lucy’s honest shit you need
06:51
to find you an honest man okay what’s
06:54
your sign I’m a Taurus yeah can he cook
06:57
all right guys so we’re at the point in
06:59
the show where we exchange grinder
07:02
profiles and you get to look at them and
07:04
we get to judge all right let’s do hay
07:07
cannon first thing I see especially for
07:10
a selfie in a mirror is yay for a clean
07:13
mirror thank you yeah clean a room clean
07:17
a fucking room five nine he’s not lying
07:20
I don’t forty five pounds also not lying
07:22
white I am not lying
07:24
so Kenan what’s your experience been on
07:26
dating that’s generally pretty good I
07:28
feel like at least from what I’ve
07:29
learned Grindr is designed to cater to
07:31
people like me like I’m white says AB
07:34
male yeah I don’t eat carbs so generally
07:39
my experience has been pretty good
07:41
people are generally pretty nice to me
07:42
so overall no complaints that probably
07:46
sounds really shitty that just sounds
07:48
really white there you go very wise
07:50
about way all right so let’s check
07:54
Allen’s press
07:55
so initially really liking that he has a
07:59
vote sign in the background you’re
08:01
displaying something about you in your
08:03
profile that you are politically minded
08:04
that’s pretty cool because a lot of
08:06
profiles might include are very bad
08:08
everything like that so he’s into
08:10
education please be nice cool and keep
08:12
it real no pic equals no chat which I
08:14
hate that you have to say that on Grindr
08:16
but you are so right because I just
08:18
message you Hey and the nothing in the
08:20
profile no picture and the nothing yeah
08:23
fucking stop doing that yeah know who
08:25
you are
08:27
you want to know if we’re talking to now
08:28
on top of that they always have demands
08:30
they’re like you can host right I’m like
08:37
it’s like a ghost hitting on me who’s
08:43
haunting okay the other thing I want to
08:46
talk about is these emojis that is
08:48
cancer yes what are these flags so that
08:51
is France in Japan yes so and have my
08:54
nationalities up there and dating apps
08:56
is just I feel like I’ve come across so
08:59
many times not getting the opportunity
09:01
to talk or connect with somebody because
09:03
they just assume I’m one thing or
09:05
another so it’s just like you know so
09:07
you know because you’re black they
09:08
assume that maybe you’re dougie yeah
09:10
we’re like a homo or that’s what they
09:13
call them in Miami and so it’s kind of
09:14
like a good talking point to just people
09:18
who me like hey what did what do these
09:19
represent why are they on there okay
09:21
yeah like or someone’s like I’ve been to
09:23
Belize I recognize that flag I feel like
09:24
I recognize none of that it doesn’t
09:26
happen all the time but not something to
09:28
attend every time I get on there I get
09:29
at least one message just like BBC I’m
09:31
like all right come on do you have a
09:32
racial preference yeah Brown so like
09:34
some melanin in some in some capacity no
09:37
I’m from DC is summer I’m accustomed to
09:39
seeing like dark people and so that’s
09:41
just typical accustomed to seeing and
09:42
what and enjoying it and enjoy yep is
09:47
there a gray area with racial
09:49
preferences when someone doesn’t want to
09:51
date let’s say a black guy does not date
09:54
white guys you know is that okay or are
09:58
we splitting hairs here just because I
10:00
do like that I can say certain things to
10:01
black people that white people will not
10:02
understand I don’t know that’s it is
10:05
kind of a gray area I think everybody
10:06
should get something or somebody at
10:08
chance you know I agree I mean you can’t
10:10
say you don’t like something if you’ve
10:12
never experienced it before so we don’t
10:14
mean sexual preference we’re talking
10:17
about preferences
10:22
yeah I think it’s okay to like not be
10:24
attracted to somebody
10:26
I don’t wanna be not attract to somebody
10:28
because I’m black yeah you know that’s
10:29
the I think that’s where the problem is
10:31
how that she can because getting blown
10:34
up by the way
10:35
oh my so I think this is a really good
10:38
question I have a really good friend
10:40
who’s not white who almost exclusively
10:42
did it white guys for years and all of
10:44
his relationships ended horribly and now
10:47
he’s with someone who is his same race
10:49
and ethnic background and they’re
10:51
getting married next year right that so
10:54
I think there is definitely something to
10:56
be said about familiarity and
10:58
familiarity or you know when you come
11:00
from a very strong cultural background
11:03
like my third boyfriend was Chinese and
11:06
he was second generation Chinese so his
11:09
family was very traditional Chinese
11:10
there were a lot of cultural things
11:12
about trying to integrate with his
11:13
family that were pain points for our
11:16
relationship I think him going away from
11:17
that experience I would not think less
11:20
of him for wanting to date someone who’s
11:22
Chinese afterwards because of the issues
11:24
he had with me and the issues that his
11:25
family had with me right it really
11:27
depends I think what you brought up is a
11:28
really good point you should never cut
11:30
anyone off because of what the racial or
11:32
ethnic background is but I also don’t
11:33
think it’s necessarily bad to want to be
11:36
with people that are like you believing
11:38
that actually it’s funny because I
11:40
growing up I was mostly raised around
11:43
white people so that’s that’s what I was
11:44
familiar with that’s who I was mostly
11:46
attracted that to my fiance was was a
11:47
white man
11:48
of course growing I’ve never thought
11:50
black people were ugly or black men were
11:51
ugly but my eyes would always go to the
11:53
white guy so like and now I think it’s
11:55
just I blame the media but like now but
11:57
it’s like why now I was I thinking that
11:59
but that was because I was brought up to
12:01
like not think I was beautiful so I
12:03
wasn’t thinking they were beautiful is
12:04
that if that makes sense but now for me
12:07
like my view and it has completely
12:08
changed and it’s like it’s weird being a
12:11
black man and then not being attracted
12:12
to your own race at first and now that I
12:14
opened up to that I have had some of the
12:16
best dates you know with people of my
12:19
own race it’s a different level because
12:21
you can joke about certain things and
12:23
they get you on a on a different level
12:24
not cutting somebody off based on the
12:26
race is so important because you never
12:28
what you can experience even if it’s
12:30
your own race even if it’s yours
12:32
what are your takeaways from today what
12:34
do you think this conversation has been
12:36
realized that talking about things
12:37
sounds like wait maybe I do have racial
12:40
preferences I thought I’d let go of you
12:42
know what I mean so I thought it was I
12:43
thought it was great gross no now you’re
12:46
a gaping hole of growth she’s super open
12:48
y’all cannon um I mean I really like
12:54
just being a part of this conversation
12:56
because I think it’s so fuckin important
12:58
that we talk about these things right
13:00
because there’s so many people that in
13:02
our community that I was you that’s like
13:04
in art yeah usually it’s just swept
13:07
under the rug it’s just something that
13:08
goes on all the time at we for some
13:11
reason don’t talked about it and I mean
13:12
I think you know there’s a lot of
13:13
ignorance and they get a community like
13:15
it’s a process right you have to ask
13:16
questions you have to be willing to
13:18
listen to people that have a different
13:19
experience than you and I think a
13:21
question that was asked earlier that
13:22
really struck me was like what do you
13:23
identify as right and that’s a question
13:26
I never get asked right and that’s
13:28
something that struck me today because
13:29
it’s like I have the privilege of never
13:31
being asked to item right that’s like my
13:33
whole life right at the grocery store
13:34
excuse me like one of my eggs that’s
13:43
it’s it’s just important to be open to
13:45
having these conversations and having
13:46
these discussions and opening your mind
13:49
to learning about experiences that are
13:50
not you because even today I learned
13:51
something right I had a good experience
13:53
my takeaway is this conversation needs
13:56
to happen needs to happen in our
13:57
community and if you have
13:59
Latin Asian black friends they don’t
14:02
talk to you about race you don’t have
14:03
Latin Asian or black friends those are
14:05
people that you know
14:07
just keeping it real goddamn ha ha yeah
14:11
right babbling sorry I know honey that
14:15
to you it’s like if you have if you have
14:17
friends of color who don’t talk to you
14:19
about race issues you don’t have friends
14:21
of color you have people that you know
14:23
who talk about race issues without you
14:25
because that’s a regular thing for all
14:27
of us that’s what’s the flip guys this
14:29
is an aria Lanza please subscribe
14:31
comment like say nice things say mean
14:35
things I don’t care what you’re gonna do
14:37
jump through the screen anyway it’s been
14:39
lovely yeah thanks for coming on guy
14:40
yeah thank you for having us
14:42
alright I’ll see you later
14:46
[Music]
—
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