One practical way to rid our families and schools of shame.
Dr. Brené Brown says that shame is a major management strategies in both our classrooms and our homes. While many children have enough self-esteem to just get pissed off when they are publicly shamed, for many other children public shaming only adds a inner-voice that says “I’m stupid.” This why Dr. Brown has instituted a no-name-calling policy in her house—even self naming. So when she hears her son say “I’m so stupid, I can’t figure out this math homework,” she says that he can say “This is hard” or “I need help” but he can’t say he is stupid for not getting it. Its another lesson in remembering that me how we communicate with others and with ourselves has the power to build up and the power to tear down.
Um, she said “You won’t see your DAD AND I calling each other names.”
Reminds me how important it is to build my daughters up, to help them say NO, I am NOT STUPID, I just made a mistake, I didn’t deserve that. The building or undermining of resilience in our kids happens interaction by interaction and in the moments when it is easy to not notice we are doing it.
Thanks for posting this Ross.
@STRONGFathersME
“You won’t see your dad….” Funny how she singled dad out as one who would potentially call names. No mention of mom. I suppose I’m nit-picking but it simple goes to show how easily men/dads are perceived.
That being said … this is nothing new. Positive self talk has been around for a very long time.