This is a comment by Nistan on the post “Can’t Get Laid“.
“I lost my virginity when I was 22 years old. What I did was lose weight and learn from books. Now it didn’t take long for me to get laid once I put my mind to it. It helped that I could read people very well. As I see it the gaping holes of ignorance is mostly where our cruelty rests. Just look at medicine. The less we knew during our history. The more we shunned the sick and the ones that tried to threat them.
“I feel that we do the same thing with sex. We don’t know that much about how attraction works so: we laugh or deny peoples suffering. Either the one that couldn’t get laid was cursed by something that the person brought on it self or the person wasn’t praying hard enough or wasn’t true enough in it’s faith.
“The scary thing is that we seem to want the ignorance in thes matter. Even if that means that some will suffer. I understand why: we love the magic and the thrill of the whole unknown. But is it worth it, considering the pain it inflicts? Because frankly it seems that most are happy despite the hookup or dating scene. Not because of it.
“I think I will say something unpopular now. Maybe we need an fixed authority in this subject? maybe everybody shouldn’t be part of the discussion in what sex is? Oh we can enjoy sex. just like we enjoy modern medicine. But maybe the topic of sex should have her own doctors? Because, as an outsider it felt like most people did more harm then good. I learned from PUA material. And I am the first to say that most of that stuff is horsepiss, but at least they are trying.”
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Photo credit: Flickr / o5com
When I see a man unlucky in love I usually see a man who has prioritized everything in his life ahead of relationships (should be in the top three), or his has prioritized properly but does not confront the fear and anger in his life. Everything else is a skill that can be learned easily. Prioritizing is easy, all it takes is an afternoon to reevaluate your goals and desires. Fear and anger are harder, however. Fear is the force that immobilizes you and keeps you repeating the same mistakes over again. Anger is the force that causes you to… Read more »
“Now it didn’t take long for me to get laid once I put my mind to it. It helped that I could read people very well.”
That is so true. If you can’t read people – or don’t care about them enough to learn to fake it – I guess the game’s up. We can’t read each other’s minds, and we can’t defeat that uncertainty principle that overtakes us when we’re attracted, self-conscious, and change our behavior – often without knowing it.
I guess that when you are so used to being alone, you accept it and move on. As long as I keep my mouth shut and do not offend those who have done so well in the “dating game” and as long as I do not “hate” back, everybody is happy. It truly amazes me just how difficult we have made this.
I agree with you that we need to start a discussion about the meaning of sexuality. I’ve tried to do that on this site. We also need to be critical of the institutional forces that ensure that only very dubious forms of sexual information are published and available in bookstores. In fact efforts to research sexuality have been sabotaged again and again by political forces that try to deny funding or fund confusing and deliberately and transparently flawed studies.Sexuality is an incredibly potent political energy and that is one reason that just as our society has been driven to fundamental… Read more »
I think that our societies attitude to the whole “forever alone” crowd shows a dark streak in our culture. We imagine that they suffer but then suppose that that almost inevitable suffering is laced in with an inexplicable character flaw. We pretend that being alone is not hard but science, an intuitive grasp of human nature which we might call empathy, and the experiences that everyone has had in life completely belies that notion. Most people repress their experiences of how hard loneliness can feel so when they encounter others that trigger that memory they act out in a defensively… Read more »