Dealing with betrayal is very difficult because it triggers an avalanche of emotions for both of you.
If you cheated, chances are you’re wracked with guilt and confusion, yet yearning for your spouse’s forgiveness and love.
If you were betrayed, chances are you’re struggling with feeling insecure, unloved, and unwanted. You’re probably also wondering if you can ever truly trust your spouse again.
Whichever side of the infidelity you’re on, your emotions are running rampant because you and your marriage are facing a huge challenge – how to move forward. This is one of the most painful and confusing situations you’ll ever face.
In fact, sometimes the pain is so great that you can feel isolated and lost in it. These 15 surviving infidelity quotes will help you find your way back from the fog of your confusion and pain, so you can move forward instead of remaining mired in the repercussions of the affair.
Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.
When a marriage is rocked by infidelity, both partners suffer. You’ll both feel a distinct difference between the logical facts of your situation and the emotions of it. Take the time to communicate with your spouse to start getting your heads and hearts back in alignment before making any big decisions.
Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.
Dealing with grief is normal after an affair comes to light. Feeling fearful of the gigantic emotions of grief is fairly typical. Yet, if you can remember that after acknowledging your feelings, you can choose whether to stay in them at the moment they appear or let them pass, you’ll find your way through your grief about what the infidelity means to you a bit more easily.
Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change.
Accepting and making sense of what’s happened is critical to you being able to survive infidelity. The infidelity doesn’t negate the good times you’ve had together or the love you felt and shared. It just means that things are different now.
It might mean that your love for each other can grow and change to encompass the fact that an affair occurred. Or it might mean that your love can’t.
Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
Your self-esteem takes a beating when your spouse betrays you. It’s your belief that his/her actions are a direct reflection of who you are to your spouse that causes you so much pain. However, when you can remember that their actions are their own, then you can begin to reclaim your true value.
And if you’re the one who strayed, you may have cheated because you didn’t feel important to your spouse. You may have been searching for your value in the arms of another, instead of knowing your worth and talking with your spouse about your needs for connection with him/her.
On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% … and that’s pretty good.
You have always made it through your worst days before. You can find a way to survive infidelity too by just taking it one breath at a time.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
You can conquer anything you choose to. The challenge of an affair is just another life experience that you can overcome by choosing to let healing from it bring out the best in you despite how weak, hopeless, and alone you may feel right now.
Pain is certain, suffering is optional.
There’s no denying the excruciating pain of infidelity on the betrayed spouse. Yet, for straying spouses who want to heal and maintain their marriages there’s also great pain.
However, you can choose how you will let the pain exist in your life. You can choose to let it take control and color the rest of your life in hurt. Or you can choose to experience the pain and do the work necessary to heal so the affair doesn’t haunt you for the rest of your life.
Infidelity is mentally, emotionally, and physically painful to the betrayed spouse. Be gentle with yourself as you heal.
~Dr. Karen Finn~
Because infidelity to so difficult and truly exhausting for a betrayed spouse to process, you must take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. This will include allowing yourself to grieve without wallowing, to get enough sleep, to eat healthy meals, to get enough exercise, and maybe even work with a helping professional to process the pain.
Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity is also exhausting for a straying spouse who wants to save their marriage. In addition to taking full responsibility for your choice in being unfaithful, you must also take good care of yourself because your other responsibility is to be there for your spouse.
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
No one is perfect – no matter how you viewed each other on your wedding day. Sometimes, by learning to continually accept and even forgive your spouse’s imperfections you can develop greater compassion and love.
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.
This is the essence of what putting the past behind you is all about. When you are completely healed from the infidelity, it will just be a part of your history instead of overshadowing every facet of your life.
Forget enough to get over it. Remember enough so it doesn’t happen again.
Surviving infidelity doesn’t mean that you forgive and completely forget. It means that you do forgive, and you remember how you got to the place that the betrayal happened and then work to make sure you’re never in that place again.
Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living.
You both have a part to play in the infidelity that has occurred. That may be shocking news to you if you’re the spouse who was betrayed, but it’s true.
Infidelity is an indication that there’s something wrong with the marriage. And if there’s a problem with a marriage both spouses are responsible.
The truth of this quote is that everyone makes mistakes. And you need to learn from your mistakes so you can continue living your life instead of getting stuck in feeling the grief, guilt and shame of them.
Every test in our life makes us bitter or better. Every problem come to break us or make us. The choice is ours whether we become victim or victor.
This beautiful quote is a reminder of the choice you have. The power of choice is the greatest power you possess because it will determine the outcome and quality of your life.
A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings.
When a spouse chooses to be unfaithful, they rock their marriage to the core if not break it entirely.
Whether you were unfaithful, or your spouse was, the infidelity will offer you each the opportunity to become stronger individually and maybe heal your relationship.
The best apology is changed behavior.
You might assume that this quote only applies to the straying spouse. It absolutely does apply to them, but it also applies to the betrayed.
You see, your marriage was broken and you both have a part to play in it breaking. Changed behavior is the only way each of you will truly be able to apologize to each other and to yourselves for what has happened.
These 15 surviving infidelity quotes are just a springboard for your healing and finding your way back from the fog of confusion and pain. Hopefully, you’ve found a quote or two that really speaks to you and gives you a sense of comfort, a renewed sense of determination, or simply hope that you will get through this and feel better.
Originally Published on DrKarenFinn.com
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