Men have a long standing history with accuracy and the tools with which we’re given. Snake Bloomstrand thinks it’s time for me to step up their toilet training game.
It’s time for men to step up. The accuracy of 21st-century masculinity demands that men no longer abdicate their unique role and responsibility in the toilet training of future generations. Accuracy counts!
I’ll do my best to handle this topic delicately.
Accuracy is an elusive concept when a 3-year-old boy makes the transition from diapers to underpants. My grandson is fairly reliable when it comes to knowing when its time to pee. If he forgets it’s easy to pick up on the visual cues, (clutching his crotch and swearing he doesn’t have to pee.) He’s mastered pulling his pants and underwear down but then the confusion begins. Sit or stand? Distracted or focused? How immediate is the situation? Male coaching is critical and there is so much to learn.
Technique is a lot for a boy with a full bladder to process. I moved our potty chair into the walk-in shower.
It had to be done.
Accuracy is a skill built over years.
A Mother of 6 boys boasted she made all her boys sit until they could pee neatly into a coffee can placed in the backyard. Sitting seems natural enough to a Mom so it comes as no surprise the inevitable option “standing” often gets neglected in single Mom households. How could women fully understand the convenience and utility of the stand-up pee? The penis is a remarkable tool in capable hands. Let me dispel the myth right now. Sitting does not equal accuracy! Many a man has pulled his pants down around his ankles, seated himself comfortably, neglected “the tuck” and as a result soaked his shorts….pants…shoes in urine.
A boy must discipline himself to manually aim and visually confirm his stream hits the mark instead of arcing off in astonishing directions. No time for daydreams, keep in mind the dreaded “split stream” has humbled more than a few men. Accuracy takes laser focus and every participant must be fully prepared for the unexpected sitting or standing.
I met a man with a dream, a self-styled “Inventor.” He’d contemplated the perpetual puddle of urine found beneath most public urinals for years and sought a solution. He figured a target would greatly increase accuracy so he designed a colorful pinwheel type of apparatus, a target of sorts that could be installed as an entertaining insert in public urinals. He calls his invention “The Pinwheel Whizzer” last I spoke with him he was waiting to pitch his idea on “Shark Tank.” (Easily installed and dishwasher safe.)
One fateful day a boy might face a crowded 30-foot long urinal in a sporting arena. He may look up and down the line of men dumbstruck at the sheer spectacle. He knows this is no place for a sit-down, a stare down or uncertainty. A full bladder can grow incredibly shy in public moments like this. Any urgency suddenly vanishes for some boys faced with a communal pee and a little understanding and encouragement can mean a lot. He may look to his Father for reassurance. A wise man looks down on his son and says,
“Mind your own business and aim for the trough.”
There’s no denying the importance of male mentoring in this process, who better to understand?
Neuroscientists postulate toilet training is actually a critical phase of brain development for boys, suggesting an important part of hand-eye coordination can be attributed directly to pee skills and accuracy. Sadly most boys learn by trial and error suffering humiliation and despair over what can be easily explained. For example the “last drop.” Often interpreted as a sign of something gone wrong the last drop resists shaking or wiping, retreating out of sight until placed back in position when the droplet creeps out like a thief in the night. A wise man once explained the last drop phenomenon to me –
“Nah! Nothing’s wrong. It’s because a penis can’t inhale.”
One need only visit the public restroom in a local Big Box store to see how critical this situation has become. Accuracy is a lost art. I often puzzle over the fire hose methodology faceless strangers often prefer. Remember! The object is to aim for the bowl not hose down the walls. Men must step up and insist on accuracy.
Sure, peeing is just the beginning of what promises to be a very complicated and life-long relationship with the penis. Comprehensive toilet training with an emphasis on accuracy provides a solid foundation. The fact remains utility is an asset and accuracy will always be appreciated.
No disrespect intended, but Moms can’t teach utility and accuracy like a Dad.
It’s time men take a stand for accuracy. Teach your sons well and be conscientious out there!