Creating Ceremony
Who knows what they were arguing about.
One was taunting the other. The other retaliated.
Or was it something that one had that the other one wanted?
Whatever it was, the argument escalated into a knock-down-drag-out fight.
I typically don’t referee my son’s arguments, but for this one I had to send them to their corners. And while I don’t keep track of who’s at fault, this time it was clear they were both in the wrong for how badly their fight grew out of control.
But with young sibling fights, who’s at fault isn’t nearly as important as how it’s resolved.
After they cooled off and after the tears had dried, after they were done licking their wounds, I called them them to the kitchen table.
I gave each of them a trinket I had brought back from my recent trip to New Mexico: two small dreamcatchers I bought in Gallup at a Navajo gift shop.
I had already presented the gifts to them when I first returned, however in that moment after their fight, I repurposed the dreamcatchers into symbols of peacemaking.
I asked them to repeat and say to each other: “Brother, I am sorry for hurting you. Let’s put this behind us. I love you.”
And then, each one gave the other their dreamcatcher, along with a hug.
Did this work? Did this make peace?
Yes. It worked in a way I’ve never seen before with my sons. They were forgiving and considerate and loving.
The act of acknowledging what they did, along with giving the other something both physical and emotional set our family back on track, if just in those fleeting moments.
While emotions don’t last, the memories of how they come and go, often do. It’s in those times when we learn how to both pick up and let go of our feelings with intention that we grow into our higher, more spiritual selves.
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Photo credit: Unsplash