Mike Reynolds isn’t buying into recent arguments that allege that it’s unseemly to use the word “date” to describe the time he spends with his daughters.
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There was an article written recently that told me I should stop dating my daughters because saying I date my daughters means I might want to be romantically linked to them.
Date, after all, most commonly means “courting, pursuing a relationship with someone you’re romantically or potentially sexually interested in.”
Well, shit, if that’s what people commonly think of the word, I’d better give into that notion and come up with a non-sexual term for the time I spend with my daughters.
OR, I could continue to not care what the traditional sense of a word is because what the common use of a word is often horribly wrong. Like when people say marriage is “traditionally between a man and a woman,” or “women traditionally stay home and raise the children.”
Is going on romantic outings with your children wrong? Holy shit, yes. Horribly wrong. But so is defaulting to the assumption that a 35-year-old man on what he has openly called a “date with his four-year-old daughter” is looking to get romantically and maybe even sexually involved with his child.
Being a parent is hard enough without semantics leading people to wonder if they’re doing something wrong. Building a relationship where my daughters feel they can talk to me about anything at any time is far more important to me than someone perversely thinking that when I announce I’m going on a dad and daughter date, I’m looking to engage with them on a romantic level.
I don’t date my girls, I go on dates with them. It’s all about an interpretation of a word, in know that, but attaching your personal interpretation to generalized statements is dangerous. There’s another widely held definition of the word date: the fruit of a date palm.
Now, when referring to my dad and daughter dates, I wouldn’t expect anyone to think I’d be taking them on the fruit of a date palm. Why? Because I’ve applied common sense.
That’s all I ask: apply common sense when you hear a dad, or a mom, suggest they’re going on a date with their child. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dad with his girls, a dad with his boys, a mom with girls, a mom with boys, or any combination of any parent and any child. Do you think they’re doing if to build a stronger bond between themselves and their child or do you think they’re building a romantic relationship?
If it’s the former, tell them to have a great time. If it’s the latter, call the police.
No, dads, I don’t see any reason why you should stop going on dates with your daughter. I think the power we place on words is too great already. Dates are fun. They bring smiles, they bring laughter. If you’re raising kids with open lines of communication, they might also bring tears from talks of disappointments.
Go on dates with them when they’re four, when they’re 14, 34, and when they’re 74 and they’re the ones picking you up at your door.
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Originally appeared on PuzzlingPosts.com
Mike, I think your daughters are fortunate you know the value of taking them on dates. My father only took me on a date once, when I was 16. I felt very special. He took me out to a nice dinner, followed by a Harry Belafonte concert. He treated me like a lady, and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Later, when anyone treated me in a way not fitting my father’s loving kindness and respect, I simply said, “Goodbye.” I strongly encourage any protective, loving, noble father to do the same, or even more “dates” as you are doing. The intention… Read more »
I kind of see the “I’m going out on a date with my daughter” simliar to the “I’m babysitting my kids!” No, you don’t “babysit” your kids. You are their parent. You are responsible for their well being. Other people “babysit” your kid. I think the word “date” apllies here too. You don’t “date” your kid. You spend quality time with them because you love them.
Oh and Lynn brings up a good point. Do men apply this word to going out and spending time with their sons? Maybe some of the guys can answer that?
With my son, it is/was “guys night out.”
As a father with daughters in their 20s (married and have children no less), I heartily agree with dates with your daughters. We had “Daddy Date Nights” throughout their childhood. I believe I am enjoying the benefits of that time as we still go on “dates” and we are still very close. Whenever I visit we always still go out to dinner or ice cream of something like that. I get to listen to them and we get to talk about life. I even have on the schedule to take each of them on a trip to a destination of… Read more »
I’m with you James. I have only one daughter and my relationship with her mirrors yours.
Damn, I really feel sorry for you people that are so uptight about the use of the word, “date.” Your lives must be miserable if something so insignificant as a dad calling time spent with his daughter a “date” gets you upset. Kudos to these men for being there for their kids and being great fathers. I hope the rest of you eventually find some joy in your lives.
and I ask you to apply common sense when you see and hear (or fail to) all the dates that dads are taking their sons on. If the word had no other meaning than the “common sense” meaning you give it, then it would be used for any parent spending time with any child. It seems pretty common sense to see that only fathers use this term only with their daughters, but you want to say it doesn’t mean anything. If it didn’t mean anything it would be widely applied. It is not though. Common sense says that applying words… Read more »
This is not an issue I ever thought about but I think it might be a little weird for a teenage girl who spent her childhood going on “dates” with dad to start going on romantic/sexual “dates” with guys. I am just imagining how I might have felt about it. If “date” has a romantic or sexual connotation, it might create some confusing or even creepy feelings at puberty when thinking about one’s relationship with one’s father. I guess it is really a semantic question about what “date” means. Maybe the word no longer has the same connotations in which… Read more »