Don’t sneer at Doug Zeigler while he drinks beer in front of his kids – he’s teaching them responsibility!
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My little guy Eric comes up to me while I’m watching a basketball game. “What are you drinking, dad?”
“I’m having a beer, bud.”
“Can I try some?”
“It is an adult drink. So, no, you can’t have any now. You have to be 21.”
“Can I smell it?”
“Sure, take a whiff if you want.”
He takes a full on sniff like he inhaling fresh mountain air…but it’s a porter, so it’s nothing like that.
“EEEWWW! That’s gross, dad.”
“I actually love the taste of good beer.”
“Well, it smells disgusting!”
That was one of the first discussions of alcohol I’ve had with our youngest son. Watching his face scrunch up because he thought it smelled awful was delightfully funny. It was also probably the same face I made when I smelled beer for the first time, and I definitely made that face and quite possibly wretched a little bit when I had my first taste of beer in my teens. I bet it was funny watching me try to look cool after tasting that first Rolling Rock and having my body protest its flavor.
Some of you may view me having a beer around my kids as offensive or even reckless. But my wife and I don’t see it that way; it’s a chance to teach them responsibility.
Think about it. We try to teach our kids all manner of things that deal with personal responsibility: cleaning their rooms, asking permission when they want to do something, aiming when they pee in the toilet (our daughters thankfully have this down pat; our boys… well, they’re working on it). Hell, where I grew up, kids as young as 9 are going out hunting with their dads and moms, usually just to walk with them so they are shown and trained how to be responsible and respectful of guns.
So, by having a beer or a glass of wine around our kids, we can show that you can have restraint and be accountable. Now, it’s certainly not acceptable to be stumbling about like Captain Jack Sparrow after a good bout with jugs of rum. But I don’t think having a random Dead Guy Ale is a bad thing or conveys the wrong message; quite the opposite. There’s been more than a few times people have thrown derisive looks at us when were out eating with our children and I order a beer and my wife orders a glass of wine. I can almost hear their judgmental whispers: “Did you see those alcoholics over there, ordering drinks when their kids are right next them? The nerve!”
Too many times I’ve seen and heard of parents wanting to shield their kids from things adults do for entertainment by not telling them anything. Sex. Alcohol. Scary movies. The thing is, by not arming them with the proper information about these and many other adult-related activities, you can’t expect them to know how to manage those appetites and enjoy them as they are meant to be enjoyed: with responsibility.
So, save your sneers when my wife and I are with our kids and we order a drink with dinner. We’re showing our offspring responsibility, dammit!
Photo: Flickr/
I really liked/agree with this post. I actually have fond memories of growing up with parents who drank in front of me (and even went so far as to bring me to parties/block parties) and while I realize it’s a case by case scenario I believe it showed me that drinking can/should be a positive and social experience.
Hi Dough
Just remember to be extra sensitive to how your children reacts to this. Do not take for granted that they like it or are not influenced by it.
One day maybe you should ask them.
But then I am petit and a tiny bit of a alcohol influence me. Large persons can drink more.
I wish you all the best raising your kids.
Where I live many teens binge drink each weekend and that is part of our culture that I am not proud of.
Iben, I agree that teenage binge drinking is a huge problem. It’s a part of a larger pattern of (some) people thinking you can’t really have a good time unless you’re drinking, and also, I think, that the purpose of drinking is to get drunk. This is something I believe every parent should talk openly to their children about. And part of that conversation to me is about a healthier pattern of drinking alcohol. About how “doing a pubcrawl” is very different from “having a beer with the game”, about how to make the choice to do (or not to… Read more »
Lars and John, In the States there is some reservations about having alcohol in front of kids. As with other things that are adult in nature, there is this mindset of trying to shield our kids from everything instead of educating them. And forgive me America, but there is also an exceptionalism we have that we have a superior set of morals and ideas as opposed to other countries, which in my opinion is blatantly incorrect. There is also general notion that if you drink in front of your kids, you’re immediately thought to be an alcoholic. Of course this… Read more »
Doug, thanks for the reply. I guess I’ll never really understand the desire to think in absolutes or to paint things in black & white. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I know what that looks like. I know what it feels like to be a kid and have parents who are drunk, parents who can’t control their use of alcohol. And trust me, having a parent who drinks a beer with the football game or a glass of wine with dinner ain’t it. There are children who live with alcohol abuse every day; it’s a terrible thing. However,… Read more »
I’m with John here. Do people in the States really sneer at you for having a beer while your kids are around? If you like beer or wine, of course you should have it with family dinner, or while watching your favourite show. Show your kids that while alcohol is definitely an adult thing, it’s no big deal if you behave yourself. Show them that you can drink small quantities, that’s something you can enjoy the way you enjoy chocolate or a good view. Show them enjoying a glass of wine and getting pissed is not the same thing –… Read more »
Hi Dough
If it is still true that Americans drink less than any other so called developed nation,then maybe your tradition of not drinking in front of the children is a good tradition.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1357892/U-S-drinks-lowest-alcohol-developed-world-figures-reveal.html
And I wonder if you and your wife think alcohol has absolutely no effect on you?
Beer comes in alcohol strength from 4,47-11,3% where I live.
And a glass can be anything from 8-16 fluid ounces.
This is not meant as sneering,I am just curious about how you think and want facts you base you private hypotheses on child rearing on?
I never said that alcohol doesn’t have any effect on you. What I am saying that having a drink with your dinner while your kids are around; or a beer after mowing the grass, for instance, is not a bad thing. I believe in giving our kids the knowledge of what things are, and when they’re adults, hopefully they’ll have the information they need to make the decisions that are right for them. If you choose to hide them away from such things and don’t demonstrate HOW to exercise responsibility, how can they know how to be responsible in the… Read more »
Of course alcohol has an effect – that’s why it’s important to handle it responsibly if you choose to drink it. And why it’s important to talk to your kids about responsible alcohol choices. I don’t believe you’re doing either by sticking your head in the sand or by giving your children a “never drink alcohol” message that no-one will follow anyway.
People don’t drink in front of there kids? Relay? Not getting hammered in front of your kids I can understand, but not drinking at all in front of them, and looking down on those who do? Very odd. If that was a damaging most of Europe would be alcoholic.