I have a friend of a friend of a friend… who is deep into a relationship with a married man.
She’s been dating the married man for years. From what I understand it’s at least over a decade.
He doesn’t have children and is set on never leaving his wife. He has confirmed this with her. He will never leave his wife.
Why is she still with him?
He takes his wife on extended long holidays around the world. Drapes her in designer clothing and luxury beauty products.
I’ve heard she also has quite the shoe collection.
My friend of a friend of a friend… let’s call her Carrie, is smitten with him. Even though he fully supports his wife financially.
What makes Carrie want to stay with him?
Carrie was very attractive when she first met… let’s call him Ben. Now she’s older, and her phone is not ringing off the hook with new potential mates.
However, she stands true to the man she loves. He stands strong in his marriage.
I can’t tell you why she’s still with him, but I can tell you what to expect should one ever decide to date someone married.
10 Must-Have Prerequisites
- Love spending holidays alone – let’s face it, no lie in the world will have him in her arms on Christmas Eve. It would never happen. With kids… without kids… he’s home on every holiday. You can set your calendar to it. After all, spending New Year’s Eve without his wife would raise major suspicions.
- Love solo travel – he’s never taking her to Paris, Rome, or Lisbon. In fact, she probably won’t even get a weekend getaway with him. But she will be watching him go on vacations with his wife. But hey… it’s a good chance to catch up on her reading.
- Low self-esteem – Carrie will always be a secret. Forever and always. I think low self-esteem is the number one quality required to be in a relationship with a married someone. He will never feel comfortable in a restaurant with her. He will be constantly checking over his shoulder.
- Financially independent forever – most people plan their retirement with their partner in mind. The couple has a plan, they have savings and life insurance and all kinds of financial binds. If one gets sick, they probably have a plan to cover that. Carrie’s future, well… I’m not sure what her plans are, but she’s on her own financially. And if she gets sick? She’s still on her own. Some people are wonderfully independent which is great. But this is a prerequisite if we’re in a relationship with the unavailable.
- Love alone time – I’m sure Carrie must watch a lot of Netflix on her own. She would never have her partner next to her to discuss the movie. She’s probably used to laughing out loud alone during the funny parts.
- Dining alone – definitely not funny, one must enjoy dining alone. The idea of trying out new restaurants with your partner is a pipe dream never to happen. I guess we can always order take-out for one.
- Sleeping solo – if Carrie stays with her married man then she must accept that sleeping alone every night for years and years is inevitable. However, I’m sure she has gotten used to it after 10 years or so. The warmth of snuggling is reserved for his wife.
- Able to handle life’s problems alone – just like sleeping alone, one would have to be able to conquer life’s problems alone. The married partner may be able to offer consoling over the phone from time to time, but they’re still going to bed alone with their stresses and worries.
- Likes going to events solo – staff Christmas parties, birthday events, and weddings will all be without their partner. That’s a given. That plus-1 invitation will never be a romantic loved one.
- Knows their place – one must be okay with being second best in anything and everything. The wife will naturally always come first. He’s committed to her. She is his first responsibility, she always will be.
- Bonus quality – must never want to introduce him to their family and vice versa. He would rather poke sharp objects into his eye than meet her family. Worse even, the shame he would feel running into his family with her.
Perhaps Carrie is content with her life how it is. Maybe she’s found a happy groove and is okay with all the prerequisites required.
I just hope at some point she realizes that second best is not what is best for her.
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This post was previously published on Read or Die!
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