We hold onto yesterday in fear of what tomorrow may bring. What if everything you always dreamed of was waiting for you tomorrow?
As time passes after a breakup, and wounds begin to heal, it is easy to forget why you left your ex in the first place. Subtle memories come back to you, but not enough to convince you that you made the right decision. Things like how she always left her makeup all over the counter, or how she spent too much money every time she went to Nordstrom. Or, how she always criticized you for having that extra slice of pizza.
What you choose to forget is how she always gave you a hard time when you went out with the guys. Or, how she did not get along with your best friend, or how she always had to prove her point. The sting does not feel so strong anymore, and you begin to convince yourself that maybe she is worth another chance.
If you are having any thoughts about going back to your ex, we have ten reasons why it is never a good idea.
1. You broke up for a reason.
You are an adult. You did not come to the conclusion of ending a significant relationship with someone you care about out of nowhere. And if she is the one who ended it, neither did she. There were bigger issues for you two to finally cut the cord. Those issues do not disappear after a breakup. Don’t sacrifice the things you want from a partner for someone who is just going to disappoint you again.
2. This has more to do with you than her.
If you are even considering getting back together with your ex, the first thing you should do is ask yourself, “Why?” Not, why did we break up? But, why would I allow myself to repeat an unhealthy relationship? Two people can be great, and not be great together. If there were major issues in your relationship, or if you just did not vibe well together, you are still going to have the same problems.
3. Time does not change things.
It is easy to get caught up in the passing of time. Most relationships that continue to repeat the cycle (breakup, get back together, break up again). They do so because time allows them to forget about the things that went wrong and hold on to the things that went right. The problem with falling victim to time is that you will realize shortly after getting back together that you are still the same people with the same issues. And now all you have is time wasted.
4. You will end up back where you started.
Honestly, ask yourself: how many people do you know who have broken up, gotten back together and now have thriving long term relationships? Now, ask yourself how many people you know who got back together with an ex and broke up again? The odds are against you. Have you heard the saying, “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity”?
5. Wasted time.
You only have one life to live. It is up to you how you spend it. But, take a look back at your life and think about all the decisions you have made that you wish you could go back and change to make up for lost time. Do not let this be one of those decisions. You have goals and dreams; those can only be accomplished when you are taking steps forward.
6. The sex is the same.
News flash! Same person. You will get back together, and the honeymoon stage will last for 2.5 seconds before you both realize even the bedroom looks the same. If it was not working for you before, it’s not going to work for you now. Sex is the one thing you share with your significant other that you do not share with anyone else in your life. Make it a priority on your list.
You have to realize that you are holding onto companionship, not happiness. It takes time to learn to be happy on your own (and that is just about when you meet your perfect match) but the result is totally worth it.
8. You already made it through.
Hello, see that person in the mirror? Single! You are still breathing; your life is not over. You are already past the finish line, why turn around and have to do it all over again? The only person who loses when you go back to your ex is you. You lose time, opportunities, and open doors; all to end up back where you started.
9. You were not good enough once.
Remember when she put you down in front of her friends? Or when she criticized you for having another beer? How about when she told you that you should probably spend more time in the gym? If she treats her friends better than she treated you, she does not value you for your worth. Don’t go thinking that if you drank less beer or lost some weight that things would change. She is still the same person.
10. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Take this as an opportunity to get out and start living for you. Use this time to better yourself, and get in touch with your needs and desires. There are plenty of women out there waiting to make the most of your time, but you are not going to find them back in bed with your ex. If you are worried that all hope is lost, get online to date and go out to social events. You will find the greener grass.
We hold onto yesterday in fear of what tomorrow may bring. What if everything you always dreamed of was waiting for you tomorrow? How many tomorrows would you let pass you by?
Photo: Flickr/ Garry Wilmore