It’s a silent epidemic. Men getting beat up in their marriages.
Trounced emotionally and verbally. It happens behind closed doors.
Of course, it does. It doesn’t fit the politically correct public narrative of men as perpetrators, so it stays under the lid.
Are you getting beat up in your marriage?
It’s also concealed because guys want it that way. As you know, men are trained to not expose or admit their struggles.
My marriage is falling apart. My wife is brutal on me. What guy wants to admit that?
It’s a source of shame and weakness and too damn vulnerable in a culture that values winners over losers.
So instead of talking about it, most men bury their marital challenges and go it alone.
Who do you talk to about your marital challenges?
Chances are you’re like the hundreds of men I hear from every year. You talk to no one.
Maybe you’re saying, I don’t want to burden my friends. Or, it doesn’t help much to feel like a sob story to others. So you keep your marital challenges to yourself.
In going it alone, I typically see 3 responses from a man to a verbally abusive wife.
Which strategy is yours with your wife?
One, a guy works a lot, checks out emotionally, and does his best to not deal with her, attempting to minimize her complaints.
Guy number two goes on the attack – vents, yells – and then feels shitty about it afterwards thinking, damn, I don’t want to be that jerk.
Guy number three turns to drinking, porn, affairs, anything he can do to relieve the pressure valve of his reality.
What’s your marital coping mechanism?
All three of these guys fit the umbrella behavior of polarization. They swing from one extreme to the other of aggression or escape.
Even though these strategies don’t get him the marriage he wants, all three guys are bound by powerful energies trying to get a better outcome.
Aggression is the fierce part of him that seeks to transform and even blow up his marital challenges.
Escape is the lost part of him that seeks another reality.
Both leave his wife feeling unsafe.
Unknown to him, a man can harness both the fierce part of him and the lost part to create a better marriage.
How can you act in service to your marriage?
In this video, discover the two words to empower a man to create a kind, caring, and fulfilling marriage.
Instead of aggression, I ask a man to be ferociously committed to what he ultimately seeks. To get clear on what he’s playing for in his marriage.
To access the part of him that says, I’m committed to giving it my best shot – for myself, for my kids, and hell, even for her.
And when escape calls to a man, I say turn towards her, instead of away. Access the tender part of you that is open and curious about her struggles.
I teach this man not just to create a better marriage, but to do so by being the man he wants to be.
Fierce, tender, strong, and solid, yes even in the face of her poor behavior.
Are you ready to transform yourself to create the marriage you ultimately seek?
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com and is republished on Medium.
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