If you can pick the early signs of break up, you can save a dying relationship.
A breakup doesn’t happen in a day. It is a process that starts long before you hear the words from him.
I had already given up on my previous relationship a month before the day I told my ex that we can’t continue anymore.
It started as a thought. A thought that kept rolling like a snowball. The longer it rolled, the more momentum it gathered to power my tongue to let out those words to my partner.
It is difficult to articulate “it is over” to your partner. Even in an unhealthy relationship, it is one of the most difficult words to voice.
Humans are creatures of habit. We tend to stay with what we are used to – be it a person, formula, or trade.
Change is one of the most difficult things for humans, except for a change of thoughts. But when it comes to actions, we are very lazy to change from the familiar.
A breakup starts with a thought. The thought provokes signs. And if he continues in that thought uninhibited, it becomes powerful enough to call it a quit.
The earlier you recognize those signs, the better the prognosis of the relationship.
You don’t need to see him flirting with another girl.
At that stage, it is already too late.
Here are three early signs of breakup:
1. You’re Working So Hard to Keep the Relationship Alive.
The good thing about this is that men can’t hide their love. If it there, you will feel it, it not you won’t.
She was the first girlfriend I called my Forever. And I meant it. I loved her so much and she knew it.
But as soon as I started nursing a breakup, she couldn’t feel the love any longer.
She did most of the calling and texting. Sometimes I choose to not pick her calls. At other times, I do. But not really interested in the conversation and so hurry her up so I can continue with what I was doing before she called.
“Baby, what is going on? I am working so hard and it is killing me?”
I denied everything was alright. But deep down, nothing was alright. It was now one heart with two bodies’ affair.
I was physically in a relationship with her, but my heart was separating from hers.
Lesson 1:
A relationship is like a table. It needs for legs to balance.
The four legs represent the two physical partner and their two hearts committed to making the relationship work.
The burden is equally shared when the four component parts are complete.
It takes two hearts and two bodies to successfully manage a relationship.
When any of the parts are missing, it becomes an emotional burden for the other heart that is trying to sustain the relationship.
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2. He is Neutral About Your Mess.
We discipline the person we love.
Men are naturally jealous. They don’t want to share their partner with any other guy. It is either you are for them or you are for someone else.
Guys frown at any trespasser or actions that suggest there is any.
A friend of mine felt her boyfriend no longer loves her. I didn’t believe it. I told her a trick to play. When she narrated his reaction, I was convinced:
She told him that she was traveling to see a male friend that they both knew asked her out in the past and that she was to return the next day.
” Alright, no problems.” And dash — asking no further questions.
And he said it with zero emotion which was unlike the very protective boyfriend he has been over the years.
Lesson 2:
If a man loves you, he will be protective, especially with guys outside his trusted friends.
When he no longer cares, it is a good sign that his heart is no longer with you in the relationship.
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3. He Doesn’t Have Time For You.
Quality time is an integral indicator of love.
When someone loves you, he makes time for you. And also he enjoys the time he spends together with you.
Spending quality not only facilitates understanding your partner, it an emotional investment that reinforces bonds in the relationship.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t, every minute seems a burden and quite inconvenient.
If a guy no longer loves you, he will look for ways to avoid you.
He will make excuses about projects he has to do and can’t afford to spend more than 10 minutes with you.
He avoids deep discussions about the relationship. And it annoys him when you insist.
Lesson 3:
What you love, you make out time for. What you don’t love, you avoid.
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What To Do, In a Nut Shell
Every relationship has issues.
Having issues in your relationship is not unusual. The ability to manage those issues is fundamental to the health and wellbeing of the relationship as well as the partners.
Every relationship solution begins with a dialogue.
- Ask for a timeout.
- Admit there is an issue in the relationship and that is not helping either of you.
- Own the fault and ask the big question with all humility:
- “I feel I am doing something wrong that is affecting this relationship, but the problem is, I don’t know what it is. Can you help me?”
And then hear him out without interruption and without defending yourself. Allow him to bare his mind.
The result
1.It won’t work out:
If his mind is made up either to date someone else or he doesn’t want to have a relationship for whatever reason, allow him. Break up in peace.
It is healthier for both of you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
2. It could work out:
This is when there was something you were doing that he didn’t like and couldn’t confront you with until now. Chances are you will reclaim his heart if you admit to not repeat that behavior in the future.
You have saved a relationship with excellent potential to thrive from a shipwreck. And this is worth the effort.
Conclusion.
Every relationship has issues.
But the ability to manage those issues is the difference between a failed relationship and a thriving one.
It is not enough to allow a relationship to fail because there are signs of a breakup.
Signs of breakup only inform you that an issue has been left too long without unattended to.
So when you notice them, you now know what to do about them.
Cheers to better relationship life.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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