5 Mistakes That Ruin Your First Dates

Can we all agree that first dates are awkward?

First dates are like a box full of surprises. You never know what you’ll get: a weirdo or the love of your life.

You go out to have dinner with a person you’ve never met before. To make it worse, it’s someone you find attractive (otherwise, don’t even go). You want to impress the person without looking desperate.

What’s worse is the pressure. Let’s say it’s your true love (except nobody knows it yet). You only have one shot at making it work. What if you say something stupid and they never talk to you again?

You don’t want to risk that, right?

Well, don’t worry. I found a way to make your first dates more successful (and less awkward).

Here are the mistakes people make on first dates and what to do instead:

1. You don’t ask questions.

Talking too much is a huge mistake on dates.

You may think this advice is about “being mysterious” or “don’t share everything about yourself.” But it’s not that complicated: humans are terrible at multitasking. So when you talk, you don’t listen.

You go on a first date to meet the other person.

You want to find out if your date is a good match for you. So you learn about their hobbies, interests, and personality. Ultimately, you want to see if you could (potentially) start a relationship with the other person.

The first mistake is to don’t listen because then you never truly meet your date.

What you can do:

Think about what you want from that date.

People forget that the point is to learn about the other person. They get too carried away with the idea of “finding true love” or “I want to impress them because I want a second date.”

Well, you won’t find true love if you never meet other people. And you only want a second date if your partner is a good match for you.

First dates are the place to meet people. Here’s how:

• Ask questions. When you ask questions, you put the other person in the center of the conversation. This way, you ensure you have a balance between talking and listening.
• Listen actively. Listening is not just paying attention to the other person. It’s also about making questions, showing interest, and eye contact.
• Show interest. People can tell if you’re interested in them. So put effort into truly meeting the other person.

2. You’re not creative.

First dates became standardized. Everyone does pretty much the same: go to a restaurant and interview the other person. If things go well, you move on to a bar for a cocktail. If not, call it a night.

When everyone does the same, it gets boring. We’ve established that the point of a first date is to know the other person. So you wasted an opportunity to show your personality.

The type of date you plan speaks volumes about you. Use this to your advantage.

There’s nothing wrong with the traditional date. But that’s the quickest way to be forgotten (especially if your partner goes on many dates).

What you can do:

Do you want to be remarkable? Use your creativity to break expectations.

Think of your personality. What places do you normally go to? What’s your favorite bar? Do you like to go to museums? Go to a place where you can show who you are. Share your favorite places with your date.

You don’t have to go to a weird place. Let’s say you want to stay traditional and go to a restaurant. Choose a restaurant that means something to you. This way, you already have something to talk about.

What matters is that it shows your personality.

3. You don’t talk beforehand.

Let me get this out of the way: it’s uncomfortable to meet new people. You don’t know what the other person likes, and it’s tricky to find a topic to talk about. What if they have nothing to do with you?

When you talk for the first time in person, the date is truly a box of surprises. The solution is simple: talk beforehand.

You don’t have to talk for the first time in person: you can text.

When you text, you can tell if there’s a connection or not. But first dates are about conversation. If you can’t keep a conversation over text, it will be even worse in person.

What you can do:

This one is quite straightforward: text. It’s not that you should talk to the person every day. But text enough to see how the conversation goes.

Especially if you’re an introvert, texting will make you more comfortable to meet your date.

Texting will make the first date less awkward because when you have a connection with the person, the conversation goes on smoothly.

4. You take it too seriously.

First dates have immense potential: you can meet the love of your life. There’s a lot of pressure, and it can get overwhelming.

You end up trying to be perfect. You choose the best place, wear your best clothes, and come up with the best conversation. You want to impress your date (what if he’s the one?).

Except the best dates happen naturally.

Yes, there’s a lot at stake. But you can’t control love. If you take it too seriously, your date will feel it (and it ruins your chances).

What you can do:

You can’t control love (although I wish you could). What you can do is to have fun. Meeting people should be nice. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Don’t think of the potential of the date. Think of what’s happening there now. Enjoy the place, your partner, and yourself. When you focus on having fun, your date will follow your lead and do the same. In the end, everyone has a good time.

In case you don’t have a good time, feel free to leave. First dates shouldn’t be an obligation.

5. You try too hard.

Imagine you go on a first date with your lifelong crush. It’s the person you’ve always dreamed about, and you finally got your chance. Obviously, you do everything you can to impress them.

You might want to be careful with that excitement to please your date.

There’s a fine line between impressing them and trying too hard. Although your intentions are good, you might come off as desperate.

This is not “playing hard to get.” But when you’re willing to do everything for your date, they might take you for granted. In the end, you get so nervous you forget to show who you are.

What you can do:

Your true love will fall in love with who you are. If you have to change your personality or go out of your way to please your date, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, it’s a cliché, but it became cliché for a reason.

Instead of trying to impress your date, focus on showing who you are.

Don’t forget that relationships are a two-way street. It’s not only about pleasing the other person: you have to find out if you’re interested as well.

First dates don’t have to be terrible. What makes them awkward is that people forget the point of dating and want to skip a few steps. But relationships are a long process, and dating is just the beginning. Take things slowly, show your personality, and get to know the other person.

When you avoid these mistakes, your dating life will skyrocket. You’ll enjoy the process, which eventually leads to finding the one.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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