Have you ever dated a spoiled person who wanted to have everything their way? Or someone who demanded your attention 100% of the time and acted out when you couldn’t give it to them?
What about a person who needed suffering and pain in order to feel good about themselves?
Admittedly, everyone has some difficult traits and weaknesses when it comes to their personality, but there are certain types of people that make extremely difficult partners.
That’s exactly what this article is about — personality types that are not dating material, and thus make dating and love much more complicated and difficult than they should be.
Without further ado, here’s a description of each type as well as how you can spot them.
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#1. The Spoiled Brat
Where do I even start with spoiled brats?
Having been overly spoiled by their parents/primal caregivers and with zero sense of discipline and good manners, they think the world revolves around them.
Being by their side is insanely difficult, as they are rarely satisfied, can’t take no for an answer, always want to have their own way, never make any compromises, and usually lack empathy.
Spoiled brats are essentially self-serving and have always their best interest in mind, even if satisfying their needs means that they’ll hurt people along the way — including their partners.
Not really dating material, am I right?
How to spot a spoiled brat:
- They expect praise for everything they do.
- They demand special treatment.
- They are sore losers.
- They refuse to make any compromises.
- They are used to having everything their way.
“Love without sacrifice is like theft.”
― Nassim Nicholas Taleb
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#2. The Attention-Seeker
Being an introverted person by nature, I do my best to avoid loud, constant talkers who crave to be the center of attention — I simply can’t vibe with them.
But even the most extroverted, friendly person will get tired of dealing with an attention-seeker at some point.
They usually act otherwise, but deep down, attention seekers are insecure and crave constant attention and validation as remedies for their low self-esteem. Dating them is pretty complicated and emotionally exhausting because:
- They act out when they’re not the center of attention.
- If you don’t meet their need for constant attention and admiration, they quickly look for it somewhere else, inviting jealousy and various other problems into your relationship.
- They judge you by superficial criteria.
- They aren’t genuinely interested in your stories, feelings, or struggles — all they care about is themselves.
How to spot an attention seeker:
- When it comes to evaluating a person’s worth, they take into consideration superficial and vain things, like how expensive their clothes/car/house is or how many important connections they have.
- You can’t properly celebrate your big days and wins — they always find a way to make the day all about them.
- Τhey keep interrupting or talking over you when you have a conversation.
- No matter how much attention they get, it’s never enough.
“People with an unbridled thirst for attention are usually very empty and trying to fill themselves at the expense of others.”
― Amelia Rose
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#3. The Obsessive Controller
Another personality type that makes an extremely different partner and thus, is far from dating material, is the obsessive controller.
We all know that controlling behavior stands in the way of a healthy, and balanced relationship. However, when it comes to obsessive controllers, things are much, much worse.
An obsessive controller dictates how you should live, talk, and feel. They assert dominance by manipulating your feelings and tricking you into making decisions that fit their own agenda.
They use manipulative and abusive tactics like gaslighting, humiliation, and threats in order to break your confidence and often go to extreme lengths to check up on you (like stealing your social media passwords to see who you’re talking to or following you when you go out).
How to spot an obsessive controller:
- They demand to know what you’re doing at all times.
- They try to isolate you from your friends and family.
- They get easily jealous and often accuse you of cheating or lying to them.
- They get angry when you make decisions or choices they don’t agree with.
- They have an opinion about everything you do in your life — from your hobbies and finances to what you wear and what you eat.
“Control and manipulation are not love; the outcome is a life of imprisonment ultimately leading to deep-rooted feelings of resentment.”
― Ken Poirot
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#4. The Energy Vampire
Imagine being with someone who always leaves you exhausted and overwhelmed; someone who, often intentionally, causes you distress and makes you feel miserable.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how life by the side of an energy vampire looks like.
These people are extremely pessimistic and permanently unhappy. Their life is full of misery, negativity, and tales of woe.
Because they usually have a shaky feeling of self-worth and low self-esteem, they often make negative and undermining comments to the people around them — even to their family and romantic partners — in order to make themselves feel better.
How to spot an energy vampire:
- They always make you feel tense and overwhelmed when you’re around them.
- They have something negative to say or sth to complain about every time you meet.
- They always focus on a problem and never on finding a solution.
- They are often moody and distant.
- Their comments negatively affect your self-esteem.
“People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.”
― Hans F. Hasen
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#5. The Martyr
Similar to the energy vampire type, the martyr is someone who’s basically in love with their suffering.
Unlike energy vampires, these people don’t make any diminishing comments toward others nor do they aim to hurt, overwhelm, or lower other people’s confidence to make themselves feel better.
They’re only focused on themselves and their own problems and struggles, often seeking suffering to elicit sympathy from others — something that’s detrimental to their relationships.
They also always sacrifice their needs in order to please others, a behavior pattern that fills them with feelings of bitterness and resentment, which in turn leads to misunderstandings, tension, and drama within their relationships.
How to spot a martyr:
- They often seem melancholic, lost in their own thoughts.
- They serve others at their own expense.
- They’re always looking for comfort and a shoulder to lean on.
- They seek out painful circumstances and get themselves involved in difficult situations.
- They often share their struggles with other people to gain their support.
“Let us all be brave enough to die the death of a martyr, but let no one lust for martyrdom.” — Mahatma Gandhi
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To Sum It Up…
If you asked multiple people what makes someone dating material, you’d probably get many different answers.
Although everyone looks for different personality traits in a potential partner, there are some personality types that are associated with heartbreak and trouble, and elicit all kinds of negative feelings for the people close to them.
To sum it up, the five personality types that are not dating material, are:
- Spoiled Brats — They are arrogant, used to have everything their way, demand special treatment, and refuse to make any compromises.
- Attention-Seekers— They have low self-esteem issues and seek constant attention and validation.
- Obsessive Controllers — They are paranoid, dictate how you should live your life, and use manipulative tactics to control you.
- Energy Vampires — Pessimistic and permanently unhappy, their life is full of misery and negativity — and make sure that yours is as well.
- Martyrs— In love with their own suffering, they need pain and struggles to make themselves feel complete and gain the sympathy and love of others.
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Previously Published on medium
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