Isn’t that tiring to always revolve your life around your relationship and get caught up in the emotions too much? I know exactly that feeling because I’ve been there too.
You can’t seem to hold a relationship together. You’ve dedicated and given everything to your partner, but things never fall through. There’s always an issue that makes the relationship break.
To which later on, they’d tell other people; how hard it was to be with you, so much drama going on, and having a stable week was never the case.
It hurts. You don’t want to be a bad memory for someone you love deeply.
But what if they are right? What if all those things your ex has said make sense? Maybe, you were the one who sabotaged the relationship? And it’s all because you get emotionally attached too soon.
Not everyone is as ready as you on day one. Some people freak out when they know their partner is way too attached at the beginning of the relationship. Eventually, this habit is what would break your heart.
To get a clear idea, here are the five reasons that make you attached too early to someone:
1. You have unresolved childhood issues.
When you find yourself constantly getting attached too early to someone you barely know, it might come from a place of abandonment in your childhood.
I know this for true because my dad died when I was ten, and since then, my mom was never present. So I always felt alone and lonely. I craved so much attention and affection, so I was emotionally sold right away when someone new that could provide it came along.
So knowing what triggers the feeling in the first place can sometimes help. Then you’ll begin to understand that you actually have the power to solve it and eventually feel more secure within yourself.
2. You bring up the future plans too soon.
I’ve seen many couples decided to get married three months after they got exclusive, and a few of them are still going strong until today. Why did I say only a few of them? Because in most cases, that doesn’t happen.
If you are one of those people who likes to bring up the topic of the plan to your new partner, then you have to make sure they are on the same page too.
I made this mistake before by talking and “discussing” it way too soon. As a result, we broke up because it got too overwhelming, and the more I brought it up, the more unpleasant our dating experience was.
You certainly don’t want to create unnecessary pressure on your partner or the relationship itself, especially when it’s still new. Your focus should be getting to know them well enough and see if you both are a perfect fit for the long run.
3. You overthink the relationship all the time.
“Put your thoughts to sleep. Do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking. “— Rumi
I wish I could tell you how many times in a day that I thought about my relationship. I was worried too much. It’s either in the past (does he still talk to his ex?) or the future (where this relationship is going?).
And I don’t know why I couldn’t figure out why I was always mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Sometimes the best way to maintain and nourish a relationship is by making the best out of what you see in the present. You don’t want to over plan, and you also don’t want to overthink what has happened in the past.
You have to let it all go because there’s only so much you can control.
4. You depend on your partner to make you happy.
“Making someone responsible for your misery also makes them responsible for your happiness. Why give that power to anyone but yourself?” – Scott Stabile
I still cringed so badly every time I remember those days when I based so much of my happiness on my partner. So I could either feel happy or sad depending on what he says/reacts.
This eventually led to many and many bad days because not only I was super sensitive, I also used to be that person who tended to take everything personally (which is a recipe for disaster).
It’s crazy how easy it is to think that we lose control of our emotions. You certainly can’t control what other people would say to you, but you always have the option to choose how you feel.
5. You don’t have anything else going on aside from the relationship.
When you aren’t working on yourself, don’t have goals, and refuse to do something to upgrade your life in general, you tend to invest in the relationship way too much. Which eventually leads you to disappointment and heartbreak because you may not get the same thing in return.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to drop off everything. Instead, you have to keep working on yourself — that’s what makes you more attractive in your partner’s eyes.
I know I didn’t have much going on in my life back then, and all I did was overthinking and “trying” to keep the relationship going. But of course, that didn’t work.
So only when I started focusing on my career and finishing my study, my love life began to change, and now it’s been stable than I could ever imagine.
So what can you do?
There are many things you can work on, but here are few practical examples you can apply right away:
- When the relationship is still new, try to avoid talking about the plans and instead, go with the flow and take full advantage of the day-to-day moments you have together.
- Know that it’s your responsibility to decide whether you want to feel happy or miserable. So being aware of your own emotion will be a good first step.
- Don’t ditch everything you do before just because you get into a relationship. You can’t revolve your life only around your partner — it has so much more than that.
- If you think you have many unresolved childhood traumas, seek help. Going to the therapist would be the best option. I did this for myself, and it has made a significant impact on my love life.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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