You avoid them like the plague (seriously).
This is the most ominous sign. You think about excuses to not be in the same room as them.
You start to work late even though you don’t have to. You’re unhappy. So, you might as well be unhappy and make some money at the same time.
Or, instead of going home every day, you go to the bar with your buddies. You see an attractive brunette watching the football game. Before, you would never think to approach other women. You’re not that kind of person. You already have someone. But now, you don’t know.
Even when you arrive home at the end of the night, you still hesitate. You park your car in the garage and take a deep breath. You decide to listen to a “few minutes” of music before going in. When you finally do, it takes every ounce of energy and mental fortitude that you have.
…
What you see in the mirror matters a lot more.
You might be one of those people who always care about their appearance. Or you might be someone who only combs their hair when they really need to. Either way, one of the signs of a future breakup is when your appearance magically becomes one of your top priorities.
As a man, you might become motivated to go to the gym regularly.
You say, “Pumping iron makes me feel good.”
Yeah buddy, I’m sure it does. Let those endorphins do their job. But let’s be honest. You love it when the ladies notice your hard work.
Maybe this time, you can finally get those V-cut abs you’ve always wanted. Give the ladies the “happy trail” that they giggle about.
As a woman, you spend more time shopping with your girlfriends. You hit up Sephora and try samples of the latest foundation. Then, you go buy dresses. Lots of dresses in bright colors: seductive red, happy summertime yellow, even midnight blue.
You also buy jeggings that show off your curves. You want to feel sexy. You want to feel like you matter — because you do.
…
The future looks grim.
You date to marry. That’s the ultimate goal. Seeing someone “just for fun” quickly gets old.
Mature people go on a few dates with someone and ask, “Would this person be a good parent to my future children?”
As partners, are we on the same page philosophically? If not, then you are wasting your time. The breakup might not happen right away, but it will happen eventually.
…
Your arguments become inefficient.
We all have disagreements. It’s natural. But the way we handle those disagreements will make or break a relationship. If you talk about issues calmly and respectfully without resorting to personal attacks, then the relationship has a future.
“It’s not me versus you. It’s me and you versus the problem.”
However, if you end up talking about everything wrong that your partner has done within the history of the relationship, then that’s a different story. Now, the argument has turned into something bigger.
You go off-topic.
You repeat the same things for hours on end.
Nothing gets resolved.
…
You become numb to everything.
Nothing beats the feeling that you get at the beginning of a relationship. You feel spectacular. You get a huge adrenaline rush every time you see them. You put 110% effort into every date and conversation. You just want everything to be perfect. You want every occasion to feel like a Hallmark movie.
The complete opposite is true when a breakup is about to happen. You just don’t care.
“What do you want to eat for dinner?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you want to do this weekend?”
“Whatever.”
All the energy in the relationship is gone. All the air has been sucked out. There is no excitement anymore. The relationship ended when you stopped trying.
Now, you just need to say the words to make it official.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Lena Koval on Unsplash