There was a point in my life when I was in one most precarious relationship. It ended largely because of my own doing, but the shocker was there were things I should have noticed from the start. From the questioning of my character to the idea of who I needed to be and how a man behaved in her estimation, considerable flags were raised because never in my life had I questioned my intention or who I was as a man – until then.
I have always accepted and hoped that someone would love me for me, unconditionally. This idea of “manhood” put me in defense mode as I thought about ways to protect my identity and space. It’s hard for me to believe these sorts of relationships are rare and I am certain they take a toll on men when faced with this problem. No one should have to suffer or question who they are by the definition of someone else.
It will happen, no question. But in the long run, the goal is not to avoid people with this approach, but rather, gear up and protect yourself with the tools to move onward and upward with the rest of your life. Here’s how.
Be Confident
Some people believe confidence exudes competence. I say confidence is a reflection of competence. In other words, when you are confident, you are aware and sure of who you are. That’s all that matters. Your values, beliefs, goals, and mission in life are only intended for you. If someone does not understand, it’s okay because it’s not theirs to understand, it’s yours.
Confidence is personal. In the world we live in it is hard remain confident. In fact, a good preacher of mine alluded to confidence as a currency.
You should want to have plenty of it to get through life and weather the hard times. But there will be times when your confidence (currency) may be suffering a bit. It could be a job loss, breakup or divorce, or unrelated issue that causes you to suffer. We should be living our lives overflowing with confidence (not arrogance) because we deserve it. Never should we find ourselves suffering from insufficient funds, because that my friend is a clear red flag that we need to pivot from the current situation. Therefore, it is imperative to be resilient in your ways and keep that drive despite what you face.
Stay Consistent
Consistency is like a muscle that can only be strengthened through practice and repetition. There will be days when the good you are doing in life is a tall order to fill. These are the moments that make you better and separate you from the pack. As an active athlete, I can think of many mornings where I did not feel like rolling out of bed to hit the gym, but I did it anyway. I do it because the big picture is more important than how I feel in the moment. When you are consistent and genuinely enjoy what you are doing, over time it becomes second nature; like brushing your teeth in the morning or putting on a pair of shoes, it’s a part of your life.
Lose Control
Don’t take this out of context, what I mean by losing control is losing the need to have it. Many times, men especially, feel the need to control a situation and the outcome. But it’s taxing and not healthy. Rather, when things are not going our way, it is much better to pivot as needed or go with the flow. If something is not going your way, do not force it. Do what is best for yourself and move on. As you continue to be honest with yourself and open your heart and mind to the world, good things will come in a matter of time.
Leave Your Comfort Zone
I stand behind the saying that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Never forget that. There may be moments where you are afraid and there will be uncertainty. Trust me, that is better than the predictable and mundane. It’s important to take a leap of faith because at end of the day the worst-case scenario is rarely what it appears to be in your mind.
Continue With Purpose
Our time in this world is short and valuable. Be intentional with what you do. Whether it is working out in the morning, studying for an exam, or entering a new relationship, no one should approach anything that has the potential to change your life’s course with anything less than purpose. Our intentions relate to our effort, and effort determines the outcome of our work.
The idea of what it means to be a man is tricky and every-changing. Because we are bombarded with the appearances through media, entertainment, sports, etc. it can lead to questioning and deviating from the person we are meant to be in this world. I’m here to say we should not fret because ideas are not truth. They are merely perceptions. So, stay true to yourself and never change.
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