Let’s start with the last part of the title, which is why you should learn how to hurt someone.
It’s simple, and I will keep it short. You learn this for the same reason you learn martial arts: to protect yourself from people who can physically threaten you (in this case, emotionally threaten you).
You don’t go out there kicking people’s butts. No, you just make yourself capable of defending yourself if someone decides they want to kick yours.
That being said, you need to understand a basic idea. In human interactions and relationships, some hurt is unintentional and inevitable.
What does that mean? It means you will end up hurting and annoying people even if you don’t intend to, especially the ones close to you.
This doesn’t justify being a jerk. What I am trying to communicate here is that we may sometimes act in these hurtful ways unintentionally. We don’t mean to hurt people, but we act in immature, selfish ways for various reasons.
Becoming aware of that and working on yourself will make you a healthier, more pleasant person.
On the other hand, there are some people (a tiny minority in my estimation) who will do these things on purpose. They do want to hurt you. They are evil.
You should learn about these hurtful ways for the 3 reasons I mentioned above. I will summarize them below:
- Become less of a jerk yourself by paying attention to how you can hurt others.
- Recognize hurtful behavior for what it is, even if it was done by people who don’t mean it. Then, learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, which is easier once you recognize such behaviors in yourself (previous point).
- Recognize that there is a tiny minority who can do incalculable damage to others by indulging in these behaviors intentionally. Then, learn how to protect yourself.
Let’s get started.
#1 Punish them when they do something good
It makes sense to punish someone for doing something bad or for their mistakes. Although it is not the best thing to do to your loved ones all the time, it makes sense.
People aren’t surprised when a punishment happens because of their bad behavior. They may even expect it.
Even if the punishment isn’t reasonable or proportional to their mistakes, they can at least understand why they are being punished.
When people do something good and get punished because of it, it hurts them deeply.
First, they don’t know why they were punished. Second, they don’t deserve to be punished. Third, it makes them question reality itself.
How would you feel if you achieved your KPI %100 and your boss decided to deduct from your next month’s salary?
You don’t know why that happened. You don’t see why you deserve it. And you even might start questioning the idea that doing well in life means getting rewarded.
Another example would be giving your friends the cold shoulder when they do something good for you. A worse example would be treating them passive-aggressively after doing something good for you instead of appreciating it and thanking them.
In all of these scenarios, the person subjected to such behavior will likely leave or stop being their best self around you. In this way, you are hurting yourself as well. You are encouraging people to hide their best selves from you.
But anyways, this is an effective way to hurt someone. Depending on how emotionally stable the other person is, it can make them question themselves or just slightly annoy and disappoint them.
#2 Make them question their sanity
This is a classic movement. Confuse your victim. Act in unhealthy ways, and then convince them it’s all in their heads. Tell them they are making things up and being dramatic.
Give them all the affection in the world today. And tomorrow, be cold, distant, and aloof.
When they confront you with something wrong you did (and you know you did), make sure you question their perspective instead of owning your mistake. Create a confusing reality around them. Then, convince them that their perspective is messed up.
They won’t know if they should believe what you say or believe their eyes. Such confusion can make one question their own sanity.
Some call this gaslighting. And it is. But your end goal is to confuse them. Gaslighting is only one strategy to achieve that.
The more they question their sanity (and reality), the more you will get away with things you shouldn’t get away with. And the more they question reality, the more they will get attached to you to make sense of what is happening.
The more naive and obedient they are, the longer the manipulation can continue. So, you’re better off picking up such people as targets.
#3 Attach them emotionally and then abandon them
Take the previous idea to the next level. After you make sure they are now emotionally attached to you, you can get your cake and eat it too!
How? Get what you want from them as quickly as possible and leave them hurt.
Give them enough reasons to lure them in, especially in the beginning. Be as charming, understanding, patient, and attractive as you possibly can. Pretend if you have to. Go out of your way if necessary.
Play games on them. Manipulate them and keep them chasing their tails around you. Love-bomb them. Make them feel like they have always wanted to feel, but not because you care about them. Do it because you want to get them emotionally attached to you.
After they feel safe enough to get emotionally attached to you, it’s time to leave. You are now a source of safety, comfort, and intimacy for them. Destroy that for them. You’re fake, so reveal your truth and make them realize they are abandoned.
A few things in life hurt as much as making someone attached to you emotionally and then abandoning them.
#4 Make them think it’s their fault you abandoned them
Go the extra mile! Make them feel they are not good enough (and it is why you left them).
Ignore the fact that your behavior was straining the relationship/friendship/partnership. Gaslight them into believing it was their fault things got bad.
Don’t give them closure. In fact, just ghost them. Stop talking to them on the spot. Forever!
This can automatically make most people question themselves further and assume they did something wrong or are not good enough.
Or you can give them closure. You can outline a strong argument for why it is their fault and back it up by questioning their perspective. Regardless of whether they will buy it or not, refuse to listen to them and get defensive. Make everything they say look as stupid and unreasonable as possible.
Even if they deep down know it’s not their fault, they will still get hurt by your refusal to be accountable.
#5 Exploit their vulnerabilities
This is similar to point #3. It differs a bit, however.
Our vulnerabilities are precious to us, and we don’t show them to anyone (nor should we). We reveal our most vulnerable sides to those who deserve to see them — those who have earned our trust.
We show our vulnerabilities to them because we trust they will honor and respect them. If they don’t, we are left feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and maybe even traumatized.
How would you feel if you told someone about something in your past that deeply affected you, and they acted like you said nothing or even laughed at it? Exactly.
Make them trust you enough to tell you about such vulnerabilities. Do whatever it takes to gain their trust. Get them to open up. And once they open up, wait until they share something vulnerable and difficult with you. Listen to it but don’t honor it or respect it. Become unresponsive. Act like they are just being dramatic. Belittle their pain. Make them feel like it’s not a big deal.
A few things hurt like being vulnerable and shamed for it. Maybe nothing hurts more than that.
#6 Express your anger like this
Anger and aggression are strong emotions. We have to express them in one way or another regardless of how nice we think we are. There are harmful ways through which we can express anger, and there are healthy ways. In this article, obviously, we are focusing on the hurtful ways.
So, here’s what you need to do. This is a great way to hurt someone with whom you have some shared trust and closeness. It can work for strangers, too, but it works better with those closest to you.
In all relationships, shit happens. When shit happens, we have to repair them. Any repair attempt includes two components: offering the repair and accepting the repair. As a caveat, we’re not talking about big issues like betrayal or such things.
At any point this person makes a mistake and annoys you, you need to express your anger in a subtle (yet destructive) way. When they apologize and seem genuinely sorry for what they did, don’t accept their apology and make them feel even more guilty for hurting you.
They are already aware of what they did, are expressing their remorse, and are taking responsibility for their actions. They are genuinely interested in repairing the relationship and are trying to do so. They are trying to repair it.
Reject their repair attempts and make them feel more guilty. Not only will this hurt them and damage your relationship but it will also satisfy you on some level and lessen your anger.
#7 Rob them of the most precious resource
Time is the most precious thing we have as humans. When you waste someone’s time, especially for long periods, you are robbing parts of their lives they can never get back.
Imagine taking a month or a year out of someone’s life! That is one of the reasons we punish criminals by putting them in jail.
You can do a mini version of that. Waste their time. As simple as that. There are many ways to waste someone’s time, and there are different areas in life where you can do that.
Getting them into jail would be an obvious one, but, damn, that’s too evil if they are innocent. Wasting their time on a fruitless pursuit is another good example, whether it is a half-assed relationship, pursuing an unattainable goal, a dead-end profession, or whatever fits the definition of wasting time.
So, stop allowing people to waste your time (and stop wasting it yourself).
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I hope this was helpful
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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after reading this, i feel like a sigma ready to take on all the skibidi toilets and the women who disrespect me