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When I started an exploration of MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and posted an article about my early impressions of the philosophy, I had a monolithic view of the movement. I saw it as a single massive block of men all believing the same thing: that women are the root of all male problems, and Western civilization has become “gynocentric” and therefore actively hostile toward men.
While I disagree with much of MGTOW philosophy (especially the ideas that smack of conspiracy theory), it was a mistake on my part to see it as an unvaried whole. No human movement is monolithic, because each person brings a different perspective to the table.
Like any human being, I am vulnerable to logical fallacies when I get emotional. In this case, I had a knee-jerk negative reaction to men making videos and writing posts that disparage women and blame females for male woes. But I shouldn’t have let myself come to a similarly faulty conclusion and believe that all MGTOW are misogynists. My exploration has brought me into contact with men with highly varied viewpoints.
A Message to All the Civil MGTOW
I want to be clear: I am apologizing to the men who came to MGTOW seeking fellowship and help from their fellow men after having hurtful life experiences. I still think there are more positive and constructive ways to live, but I understand the desperation for brotherhood that men can sometimes feel. I’ve been there.
We should all try to avoid wrongly equating individual people with a dogma as a whole, and avoid pigeonholing people into narrow stereotypes even when they don’t give us the same courtesy. Therefore, I apologize to all the reasonable MGTOW for lumping them together with MGTOW trolls.
I understand there are men who legitimately don’t want to have long-term relationships with women. I have no quarrel with that attitude. Human beings have evolved enough biologically and socially to allow for people who don’t want to get married or have kids. And it’s not right for our society to make people feel “wrong” for choosing not to marry or procreate.
If you’re a man who has discovered that long-term relationships or marriage are not for you, and I’ve offended you with anything I’ve written, I am sorry. I’ve talked to some level-headed, civil, and relatable men who have proven to me there is no monstrous, single-minded MGTOW cult.
There is nuance to be found in the philosophy, and there is real pain to be found in my fellow men. These are the men I’m concerned about, and with whom I want to talk. They are the men you can see in The Red Pill. I had the chance to watch this documentary after several MGTOWs recommended it, and it vastly increased my empathy toward those who might find solace in the MGTOW movement.
Still, I’m concerned when I see men getting cynical about love, saying it’s “just a chemical reaction,” or worse, a “lie” perpetrated to victimize unsuspecting men. To these men, I say it’s better to live and let live. Go your own way, if that’s what works for you personally. But when you start trying to “spread the good word” and convert men to a negative worldview based on pseudoscience and anti-female conspiracy theories, that’s when the red flags go up. Why can’t it be enough to say relationships aren’t for you?
The faulty logic of the connection between “evil” women and male problems stems from bad life experiences, as well as latent misogynistic “truisms” that are still, unfortunately, lingering in the Western male consciousness. Most men have been exposed to a lifetime of macho banter about how women are “moody,” “nagging,” or even “crazy.” It’s an unwritten maxim perpetuated unthinkingly across male relationships, passing from father to son, friend to friend.
If you’ve had some bad experiences in life, just remember to avoid the logical fallacy of conflating your experiences with the rest of reality. We all want to matter somehow. We all want our lives to have meaning. But don’t pursue meaning through conflating your bad female interactions with the experiences of every other man on the planet. Just because you’ve had problems with women doesn’t mean “all women are bad.”
Once again, to those MGTOWs willing to talk to a man who disagrees with you, I thank you.
A Message to All the MGTOW Trolls
Now, who doesn’t get an apology? The men who are the vitriolic and vapid minority who have gone all-in with intolerance and misogyny.
The trolls of the MGTOW philosophy have unfortunately chosen the cowardly path of the scapegoater and the paranoia of the conspiracy theorist. They pander a twisted mythology, a bitter gang mentality based on a hateful outlook of other people.
These men may also have arrived in the hands of MGTOW because of bad experiences. It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for them. I pity the trolls. I’m sad for them. I want to help them out of the darkness of other-blaming, but I can only lead them to the water of tolerance. I can’t force them to drink.
Human beings only change their minds in their own time. All we can do is provide a better example of strong, confident, and tolerant manhood and see if they eventually awaken from the haze of “red pill rage.”
Until then, if you want to see toxic male behavior in action, look no further than these corny videos made to attack me. Geez, some “macho tough guys” sure have thin skins, if they need to take time out of their lives to produce such drivel. But then again, there’s the old saying: if you’re not pissing off the trolls, you’re doing things wrong.
Here’s my message to the trolls: I hope someday you stop manipulating hurt and bitter men to gain fame and profit from their vulnerability. Like I said, I pity trolls, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be your punching bag. Being empathetic doesn’t mean I have to suffer your abuse. The bile you spew is not going to deter me from seeking to help men find a positive and tolerant path to true male strength.
For those mired in hate, I hope the best for you. I hope you can find your way back to a more tolerant and, ultimately, human outlook. I’m sorry you were hurt so bad at some point that you felt it necessary to become monstrous. I hope someday you stop attacking people in your blind and insecure anger.
I’ll be here if you ever come out of your hateful haze and want to talk about a better way to be a man. Hey, I don’t even want an apology. I’m giving you infinitely more grace and human respect than you’ve shown to me. That’s part of what it means to be a real man, not to mention a Heroic Man.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
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I get it, Women are God’s Gift to Men, perfect in every way. Right. Women are NEVER Ugly, Crazy, Fat or Stupid.
I totally get your message.
The only reason the toby comment above was approved was to use it as a prime example of a rhetorical tactic used by reactionaries. Such mediocre, straw man tactics are explained in depth in the following video entitled Never Play Defense by the excellent Innuendo Studios: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmVkJvieaOA I highly recommend everyone watch that video before you respond to comments like the above. The commenter wants me to try to explain how he’s wrong, so he can start a cycle of argument where I’m always explaining, to correct his obviously simplistic straw man statements. Every time I would try to clarify… Read more »
Would you be so kind and explain how exactly would you win with toby in a logical debate? After all you avoided doing that in the first place, despite writing a paragraph of text under his comment. I am just curious.
Any advice in dealing with such extremists like him? You know: people who don’t agree. People who dare going their own way.
I’ll try and explain the proselytizing since you asked so politely. Imagine the men in MGTOW starting families without renouncing their beliefs. not a realistic thing to imagine, but bear with me. Got that image in mind? Now imagine their daughters. Imagine their mental state when they move out on their own. Disturbing image isn’t it? Even though the less radical MGTOW types would try to raise their daughters to be good women and avoid the bad behaviors women are more prone but not predetermined to, their children would miss that nuance. They would grow up with some degree of… Read more »