Today’s my anniversary.
Yup. And I was in CVS looking for a card. Cause that’s what we do. My husband and I exchange stupid cards every year.
“Growing closer EVERY DAY. More in LOVE in every way.”
Ugh, no.
That’s not going to work.
“I want you to know,
especially today,
that I’ll always be there for you.
I’ll always believe in us.”
I’m not sure about that one, as I put it back on the display. Let’s see what else there is.
“It feels good in life to travel through life
with my best friend
a man I admire, respect, and love
more than anyone else in the world.
I know good things are ahead of us
because God is with us…”
NOPE. I have a straight sling shot to HELL. I am not buying any religous card that is 1000000000% ironic. I seriously can’t add enough zeros.
“You never quite know
what a year will bring
from unexpected challenges
to unexpected blessings.
But the wonderful thing
about being married is
you always know
that, come what may,
you can count on each other
for support, for understanding,
and for unconditional love.”
Awww. That one made me sigh. Too bad it doesn’t apply in my case. LOL. Understanding? HA! I don’t think so.
Unconditional? Eh, maybe? Unconditional lite is more accurate. “Don’t piss me off or disagree with me, and maybe I’ll love you forever.”
“Our wedding day seems like only yesterday,
because our love feels brand new to me now
as it did then.
And you are everything to me now
as you were back then.
It’s like we’re always just beginning
and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
My eyes are rolling back so hard. You have got to be kidding me. I can’t look at any more cards — I just need to pick the least offensive one. My brain is going to explode.
“Two hearts become one…
Two lives somehow blend…
Through all of life’s struggles,
Two people
Stay partners
and friends.”
I can feel bile rise.
Who stays friends? WHO? Because I’d like to know. I think we are partners, yes. Pretty decent roommates. But friends — not so much.
“It’s been some time
since our wedding day.
And through all the highs and lows
unforgettable moments and memories
we’ve shared along the way —
I’ve grown to love you more
than I ever thought possible.”
Well, the time part is true. Everything else is a lie. The irony.
“This is a little love note…
to remind you
how much I need you
how much I appreciate you
and how very, very much I love you.”
And we have a winner! A simple message with a clean graphic of a heart. It’s perfect! I don’t have to barf giving it! I could have skipped the “very very” part but, oh well. It will have to do.
What is wrong with Hallmark? Can’t we have some reality based sentiments like, “Another anniversary? I’m sick of you…but I’m still here.”
Next year I’m going with a blank card. It will have, “Happy Anniversary” on the inside.
Bingo. We’re done.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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