Discussions about domestic violence shouldn’t compare men and women’s pain, but rather aim to heal it.
—
As a teenager I would often hear stories of women dealing with domestic violence and say:
“Why don’t they just leave? I wouldn’t stay if it were me.”
If I was being abused by a woman—which didn’t even seem plausible in my youth—I would leave immediately, or so I thought.
In college, I experienced domestic violence for more than a year. Recently, during a speech in front of a few hundred black teenage boys, I talked openly about my past relationship, which was where so many negative thoughts about who I was originated.
One of the young men in the audience asked me the question I would’ve asked at his age if I were being lectured by a victim of domestic violence:
“Why didn’t you just leave? “You’re a man; you could’ve just walked away.”
The young audience member then suggested that maybe I wanted to stay because I didn’t take the effort to leave. I explained that in situations where domestic violence is at play, leaving is easier said than done.
I didn’t leave because, at the time, I felt controlled and worthless, didn’t know who I was, and lacked self-love, which caused my depression and massive weight gain: 170 pounds in a matter of months.
I started to believe that I was being hit, kicked, punched and slapped because my partner was just so in love with me and that was her unique way of showing it.
By opening up about the mental trauma that accompanies domestic violence, the young men had a different outlook on the topic and were able to have a more nuanced conversation, one focused more on love and healing and less on comparing men and women to determine who has it worse in abusive relationships.
As we use the month of October to bring awareness to domestic violence, I advocate on behalf of victims that we also use this time to be intentional about helping the hurt to heal, and not just using their pain to teach from.
If you’ve survived domestic violence and have been healed from it, don’t just share your story, though that’s a novel action, but seek out those who you can heal.
I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: if hurt people can hurt people, then surely healed people can heal people.
Are we bold enough as a society to speak life into dead souls?
by Richard Taylor
B.O.L.D member Richard Taylor, considered the voice of Chicago, is an activist, best-selling author, and motivational speaker. Mr. Taylor’s newest book, entitled “Between the Dream,” is available for purchase HERE.
Thanks for reading!
Support quality journalism, donate! Your contribution at any level is greatly appreciated
—
Photo: Getty Images