I visited a friend the other day, and she seemed quite upset. The girl’s parents and other family members keep pressuring her about getting married. Even if they don’t straightforwardly demand she settles down, their questions are only directed at her relationship status.
My friend comes from a somewhat conservative background with old-fashioned — or narrow-minded if you ask me — views. She tries not to pay too much attention to such behaviour, but once in a while, it annoys and brings her down. Talking to her reminded me of how important it is to ask the right questions, as well as to focus on what actually matters in life.
If you have a family member whose life Interests you, here are five questions you should consider asking them instead of inquiring if they got a ring on their finger yet.
“Are You Doing Okay?”
This very basic question, which can be interpreted as simple politeness, has a deeper meaning. You’re not asking if the person got the job of their dreams, nor are you inquiring about some other accomplishment. By simply asking if they are doing fine, you are showing support and interest. It goes a long way.
You also have the option of expanding on this question, depending on the answer. If the other party wishes to share their life experiences and talk about what’s happening to them, it can turn into a meaningful conversation. In the event of them not wanting to share anything intimate, they will reply with something simple and polite. Regardless of the response, you’re not trying to push your way through their emotions, and you’re giving them a chance to decide what they are comfortable sharing.
By simply asking if they are doing fine, you are showing support and interest. It goes a long way.
“Are You Happy?”
In case they are not, such a question might upset them, which is why you should be cautious and trade carefully. If you know that something negative happened in a person’s life, you should absolutely not ask about their happiness level.
But the idea is, instead of asking someone if they are rich, successful or married, consider asking them something that matters. Being happy is crucial. We may have all the money in the world, all the friendships in the world, a bunch of medals and trophies — yet, be completely and utterly miserable. Life doesn’t have a meaning without happiness, which is why it should be a priority.
When you ask someone whether they are happy, you indicate prioritizing happiness over many pretentious achievements. We all know that having a great job and a career doesn’t constitute happiness, nor does having a marriage license. Putting your family member’s happiness on the pedestal deserves a lot of respect and appreciation from them.
Life doesn’t have a meaning without happiness, which is why it should be a priority.
“Are You Doing Well, Health-Wise?”
Again, exercise caution when inquiring about someone’s health. There are a proper place and time to ask this question, and you should consider the person’s past experiences. Had they suffered a medical scared recently, you’re better off avoiding this question.
It’s accustomed to asking your friend or relative about their health — carefully and politely. It should take priority over numerous other questions, including marriage, career, hobbies, and so on.
Be that relative and friend, who asks the right questions. You will stand out.
“Did You Find a New Passion?”
Speaking about hobbies — you should mention them. Your family member may have explored a new passion project, and there is a good chance they would gladly tell you about it. Describing their new hobby can be enjoyable for them.
This question is interconnected with the one about happiness. While we all work on life accomplishments, our free time is much more valuable. Posing a question about new hobbies can allow the person to share their excitement and happiness with you.
Mental health is as important as physical health — the same applies to an emotional one.
“Are You Doing Well Emotionally and Mentally?”
Mental health is as important as physical health — the same applies to an emotional one. Acknowledging that importance is key to showing you care about someone. If their mental state isn’t great, their physical health will suffer as well.
It’s also critical to account for their past. If something traumatic happened to your family recently, you absolutely should not inquire about their mental state. In case you know they are not doing well emotionally, asking this question would be cruel. But otherwise, as long as you are careful and following the etiquette, showing how educated you are about the importance of mental health won’t stay unnoticed.
Family and friends are the most important things we have in life. No one wants to feel alienated while dealing with family. Some questions are extremely important, while others are not.
Marriage doesn’t reflect one’s level of happiness, nor does a career, money, and many other things. Asking truly meaningful questions is an art of its own. Once you mastered that art, you will show that you truly care about the person.
Be that relative and friend, who asks the right questions. You will stand out.
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Previously published on medium
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