Should I Ask My Fiance To Choose ME or Her Job? Allana Pratt Intimacy Expert asks the tough questions…
Question: My fiancee and I have always planned a life here in Austin but she just got offered a job that feels like it is clear across the world (it is actually up in Chicago). My friends, family, and everyone is here. I didn’t agree to this but feel like I have to go because we are getting married. Do you think I have the right to make her choose – me or the job?
Answer: Sounds like it feels like your world is being turned upside down, yes? What you expected is not happening, the rug is being pulled out from under you, yes?
It’s tough to accept sometimes, yet the only thing you can count on in life is change 😉 I hear that your friends and family are hugely important to you, that you define your happiness by having regular access to them, and that the idea of having to find new friends without your family support seems daunting or downright impossible, yes?
People are wired differently… some ache for travel and adventure, others yearn for consistently, home, regularity, others still like a balance of both. No one is better than the other, it’s just one’s truth… AND that truth can change in one’s lifetime.
If it’s a deal breaker for you to stay in Austin, then I’d never ultimatum someone yet I would call off the wedding and set her free to enjoy Austin and this new job opportunity. If it’s not a deal breaker, then perhaps you could create a deal where you agree to go for no more than 3 years to support her career advancement while stretching yourself and expanding your edges by forcing yourself to make new friends and explore new adventures knowing you’d eventually be coming back to Austin. Or if you’re just miffed but your love for her far outweighs any challenge, then pull up your bootstraps and go for the adventure of life… developing the capacity to have HOME inside your heart no matter where you lay your head.
In the conversation with your finance I would also ask you to share your deepest truth with her… perhaps she really doesn’t think it’s a big deal to you that you move… and so she took the job, yet if she REALLY knew how awful it feels to your Soul, then she’d gladly look for another job in Austin for her priority isn’t the job, but her marriage to you.
This is a GREAT opportunity for you both to learn honest, vulnerable, authentic, heart open communication skills to navigate all challenges throughout your marriage, because my friend, this won’t be the only one, promise! Perhaps the best choice you could both make would be to invest in your capacity to navigate challenges by embarking on a 6 session journey with me to first decide the best course of action with this current job move situation and then handle any other conversations you may have not had yet about money, sex, etc.
I would hate for the cost of not having successful communications be calling off your marriage. You can apply for a complementary session with me for the both of you at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect Most couples aren’t clever enough to be proactive in investing in their marriage. Most of us wait to gain weight before we hit the gym. Yet some people are present, grounded and courageous enough to dive in to coaching and set their marriage up to win. Sending you huge love, compassion and excitement that this challenge might actually be the best thing to strengthen your marriage if we handle it right 😉
For some empowering reading tonight on how to speak to her about what really matters with even more chances of success, enjoy my complementary report for men found a www.GetHerToSayYes.com. Ladies please enjoy my complementary training “Vulnerability is the new Sexy” at www.AllanaPratt.com