Birthday Bounty

Birthdays have been coming at breakneck speed these last few years. Time flies—not necessarily because I’m having fun—but because I realize there’s so much less time left for me in the future than the past. Each year I ask myself: “How is it even possible that I’m fifty-something?”

If I want to reinvent myself—as all empty nesters must—then NOW is the time. No more postponing, no more saying “there’s always next year.” Turning middle-aged dreams into reality takes time and planning.

My latest ideas are a lot more complicated than converting my son’s childhood room into a den. For several years, I gestated a memoir, writing and rewriting the story of raising my unusual twins: “My Picture Perfect Family.” Coincidentally, the launch began on my birthday; I met with my editor, publisher, and marketing expert to brainstorm about the book’s release.

Writing my memoir was daunting enough. But then there were more unfamiliar tasks to be tackled and decisions to make. What should the cover look like? (Yes, you CAN tell a lot about a book by its cover, ESPECIALLY if you believe, as I do, that a picture is worth a thousand words.) What is my “brand?” What about a subtitle that clarifies the book’s purpose? Should there be an endorsement on the front cover? What’s the difference between a prologue and an introduction? Which copy editor is cost efficient? Which publicist has the right area of expertise?

What started as a relatively insignificant birthday turned into a brainstorming session about the ins and outs of birthing my book in proper form, and sending it out into the world with a message of hope for people raising children on the autistic spectrum. There was a lot of work to be done—some of which I was secretly dreading—but now I can say that it was actually a lot of FUN. Writing is a wonderful creative release, but it can leave you feeling isolated and alone.

On the other hand, publishing is a collaborative process, and equally creative in its own way. Oddly, I found myself enjoying the launching process more than I’d ever thought I would. Partly my excitement because I was involved in publishing my very FIRST book. Writing has always been about my relationship with the empty page; now I have a supportive and enthusiastic “team” behind me, which includes my best friend.

That year I had a bountiful birthday. Not only did I receive a lovely gift and roses from my husband Howard, but my son and his girlfriend also sent flowers. My daughter gave me a beautiful card with hearts painstakingly drawn on a pink envelope. What more could a birthday Mom want?

I want to share with you even more good news. That week there was an open house at Felicity House, a Community Center dedicated to—can you believe it—women on the autistic spectrum! Better still, my daughter, Samantha’s film, “Keep the Change” was shown. Director Rachel Israel and female lead Samantha were invited to speak and answer questions; this extraordinary film shows that two young people with disabilities can struggle for romantic and emotional connection and succeed. What could be better proof of this ability to connect than my real-life daughter Samantha and serious boyfriend of over a year?

The hopes and dreams of women on the autistic spectrum matter. Although 80% of people on the spectrum are male, that does not excuse marginalizing the 20% female minority. Sadly, 50% of the world’s population (neurotypical women) are still not treated as equal to males, so what hope do women with disabilities (a double minority) have of finding a productive and respected place in the world? Answer: Not much, and that’s why

I’m SO grateful to each individual and every event that shines a spotlight on women who—like my daughter Samantha—have already exceeded most people’s expectations. For me, that’s the best birthday gift of all.

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