Boys will be boys. This is a statement most of us have heard throughout our lives to describe the antics of male humans. From the moment we are born, boys seem determined to grab every ounce of available attention from everyone around them.
As children we often are the louder of the two sexes, often raising our voice in a boisterous attempt to command the attention of every person in the room and assert our dominance. As we progress through life this behavior may mellow somewhat in its assertiveness, but it never completely dissipates.
However, just because boys tend to be louder and more aggressive than females, this is not justification for a male dominated world in which females are subjects. So, how do we change a perception that has been around for several millennia without completely altering what it means to be male?
Understanding Masculinity
The first step to raising a generation of young men who are the ideal of what it means to be manly is to understand what masculinity looks like in action. To some people, the idea of being masculine is taboo. It holds a stigma of male authority, abuse and privilege.
However, that is not really masculinity at all. To be masculine does not equal bring loud, violent, angry, and overbearing towards women or towards other men. We often hear of the “alpha” male being physically stronger than others. They are often looked at as exemplary models of the male human. In reality, an alpha male is not defined by his physique, but rather by his character and moral fortitude.
Being masculine does not have to carry a stigma, and in fact it should be a well respected quality in a man. If we would raise a generation of young men who are masculine, we must strive to teach them the true qualities of masculinity.
These qualities include honesty, courage, mercy, and a love for peace. In teaching our young men how to deal honestly and fairly in all things from a young age, we instill the desire for justice in them. If they are truthful at an early age, they will maintain that quality well into adulthood.
Courage is another key quality our young men are desperately in need of in today’s society. Not the foolhardy type of courage depicted in Hollywood’s action movies, but the kind that is built into their very being. We need men who will stand up for what is right and refuse to allow injustice to have any place in their lives. For these young men will be those who will grow up to defend the helpless and speak up for those people who cannot speak for themselves.
Mercy and kindness are two characteristics that are almost extinct in modern society. As parents we should make sure we focus our children from an early age on learning how to be kind to others around them. Instilling these two qualities in young men will teach them to naturally have a love for peace.
Like Arrows
An old proverb from the ancient Hebrew civilization says “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; So are children of the youth.” An arrow is an interesting comparison in this statement. It is useful only if it is properly aimed in the direction it is intended to go. When it is not properly aimed it becomes an out of control projectile that is dangerous to anything in its path.
Children are much the same. A young man who is not pointed in the proper direction in life at a young age will, in many cases, wind up being a danger to himself or others. If we want to raise masculine young men who are productive members of society, we must aim them in the right direction. We spend those early years drawing them back against the pressures of life and pointing them in the right direction so that when that pressure is applied they hit the mark we set for them.
Changing The Narrative
When we hear the statement “boys will be boys,” we almost immediately think of young men in trouble for doing something they probably shouldn’t do. While hearing that statement regarding a boy at a young age could lead to amused chuckles; all too often it is also used to excuse unacceptable behavior by young men.
We should never excuse bad behavior as being typically male. There is no excuse for mistreating someone else, no matter what the circumstances. Instead of teaching our sons that boys will be boys, we should be teaching them that men will be men.
We should be showing them that a man will always stand up for the weak. A man doesn’t go out of his way to enter a conflict, but rather will work to create peace. We should teach the respect of all people, regardless of beliefs, lifestyle, or personal choices.
Personal Interaction Is Key
If we really want to make a difference in how the world around us perceives masculinity, we must invest ourselves in the task of raising young men with character. This goes beyond simply telling them they should act in a certain way or speak in a given manner. We must lead by example. We must teach our young men how to be good fathers by being good fathers. We show them how to be good workers by our own example of dedication.
My father spent a lot of time with me as a young boy. He would often take me to the barbershop to get our hair cut together, as well as to a local military base to spend time with the soldiers whom he had an outreach to. He was always kind and polite to everyone we would meet. His demeanor made him many close friends over the years, some of whom he has been friends with for more than 40 years.
He once told me “son, it takes a long time to make old friends.” I understand now what he meant by that and why he was always kind and polite to those around him. His purposeful choices to be friendly and masculine earned him the respect of everyone he met.
Now, as a 40 year old father, I strive to teach my children the same lessons he taught me. In return, I have seen my children grow to be respectful young people who find it easy to make friends with anyone.
If the world were full of people like my dad, it would be a different place. Together, we can work to make it better.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
Masculinity is the soul of men and boys. I strongly believe that masculinity cannot be changed. It is impossible. What can be done is to provide good education. We have to avoid to indoctrinate boys. The more society try to change masculinity with nazi and marxist indoctrination the more boys will distance society and became more aggressive. You cannot change masculinity because it is forged into DNA.