I had a fabulous meet-up the other day with our group of fast-forward-thinking, middle-aged, and fiercely independent girlfriends who embarked on a journey of self-discovery and reflection as we shared stories and delved deep into conversations; one particular term emerged, challenging our preconceived notions and shaking the foundation of societal gender norms.
The term is called “Karla Karlar”*. An Icelandic label traditionally associated with men who exude an air of superiority, dismissing the input of others.
Can you envision what type of people we were talking about?
Anyhow, what we realised was truly eye-opening — so, guess what?!
As we reflected on people who behave this way. We noticed these were not only men; this label was not exclusive to men.
No! On the contrary, there are countless women who, too, embodied the traits of a “Karla Karlar.”
What does that tell us? We asked ourselves.
Are these ‘Karla Karlar’ women we knew not womanly enough? Did we treat them differently than the ‘Karla Karlar’ men?
I loved these observations. Quite truthfully, we noticed we gave women who behaved as ‘Karla Karlar’ much more space and acceptance than the men who acted this way.
We kept exploring more of these traits that officially belong to either gender, but it’s not one gender property.
Through our conversations and shared experiences, we observed three other standard gender labels that no longer belong exclusively to one gender but — unconsciously, we place them on one gender.
Once thought to define and label traits as masculinity or femininity, these labels have transcended their traditional boundaries, revealing the limitations we impose when we use these old labels to categorise and confine individuals.
Let’s have a look at our observations.
“The Nurtuer”
First, there is the “Nurturer” Historically attributed to women; we discovered that both men and women among us naturally were inclined to care for others and provide comfort and support in profound ways. This nurturing spirit knows no gender boundaries, reminding us that compassion and empathy are inherent qualities within all of us.
“The Fearless Trailblazer”
Next, we encountered the “Fearless Trailblazer.” Long associated with men, we all knew and felt we were at times ‘Fearless Trailblazers’, many of us who fearlessly forged our paths, breaking barriers and redefining what it means to lead.
They exemplified the courage to challenge the status quo and the determination to pave the way for a more inclusive future, proving that it makes no sense to place strength and ambition on all the men out there and be surprised when women show up with those traits.
“The Empathic Listener”
Lastly, we explored and experienced the power of the “Empathic Listener.”
Traits that we noticed we automatically attributed to women; however, when we talked about people in our network, we discovered just as many men who were equally attuned to the emotions and needs of others.
These empathic listeners created safe spaces for vulnerability and understanding, proving that the capacity for compassion and connection is not confined to a specific gender.
These personal observations deeply impacted us. We realised that many of these stereotypes are being broken as we speak.
Thank God more men dare to show vulnerability and train themselves to be better listeners. One skill set that a great leader has to have is the ability to listen and listen to the things that are both said and not said.
Leadership skills and mindset is dear to my heart and mind.
It’s a skill set that is learned! And isn’t that just fantastic news?
Think about this: Regardless if you are a man, a woman or non-binary — You can be “The Empathic Listener”, “The Fearless Trailblazer”, or “The Nurtuer”!
It has nothing to do with something boxed in as feminine or masculine traits.
It’s just traits!
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This post was previously published on Runa Magnusdottir’s blog.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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