It was very strange. The last time we met was at our friend’s wedding a few months ago.
He didn’t even look at me, so I didn’t dare to speak.
Two days ago, something unexpected happened.
Message has arrived. He found my stuff while I was cleaning the house. I thought you did. I was surprised first and then we chatted like two old acquaintances who knew each other very well.
From his relationship, from my relationship..
He just asked me if I was happy. Asking this question made me both happy and saddened for no reason.
There was a time when my heart beat for him from the first time I saw him. He was the prince in the fairy tale.
How far we were from each other, maybe from ourselves..
When we loved it so much, now we were with others. This was the only inevitable truth.
He said in the middle of the conversation he wasn’t sure if it was good or bad for us to chat. I said confidently that it had to be like this and it happened. Because in front of me was the man with whom I built the best memories of my life. I couldn’t be sad..
Maybe it was too late to be sad.. It used to seem like we complemented each other, I could see what he was thinking from his look.
Now we found each other making sentences that had to describe ourselves.
When the talk was over, there was an indescribable excitement and a strange happiness. Is it hope? No..
Ours was a love story where it was too late to be sad, dream or hopeful.
So deep..
So endless.
I realized that I was numb while talking to him. It was weird. He never knew, but for years, whenever we talked, whenever I saw him, I would get excited like the first time I saw him, even my stomach would hurt. It didn’t happen this time..,
This was not a renunciation. On the contrary, it was not accepted.
Maybe it was the moment when I accepted that he was happy with someone else. I couldn’t say it to his face. Maybe I still had feelings for him, but… It had been a long time and we had changed a lot.
Two people who once spoke the same language became estranged from each other.
When I heard your voice, the happiness inside me was something else. It touched like a voice that filled the voids in me.
At that moment, I wanted nothing else, neither to see him, nor to hug him.
You taught me to settle because…
While his voice was feeding my soul, there was a place that hurt inside. It was like a wound that was too deep for me to describe, too small to cry.
I don’t know if we will talk again or not..
All I know is that a person falls in love with someone once. He just loves what he gets into his life afterward.
Love belongs to one person.
It may not have a happy ending, or it may create two different happy endings and separate you from it.
But it is beautiful until the last second.
I do not regret until the last moment, the days I spent with him, the tears I shed..
I learned a lot, for example, how endless and fascinating it is to love.
Even the fact that we are now in different lives, with different people, is thanks to what he taught me.
Because I learned to love and to be loved from him.
Oh, and don’t forget.. If there is someone you really love, live every day with them as if it’s your last, because one day you wake up and he’s already gone.
Hug to everyone who tastes love,
DL
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Fabian Geest on Unsplash