Can You Still Cheat in an Open Relationship?

If you are in an open relationship, you would think that it negates the possibility of cheating, but in actuality it doesn’t.

Open relationships are built on honesty and communication, and cheating is really about lying more than anything else.

So, it is still possible to cheat in an open relationship.

This can be less clear-cut than cheating in a monogamous relationship, though. If you are monogamous, being with another person is cheating.

But where does cheating start? Does it start with flirting? With a date? A kiss? Or is cheating just sex?

Some people even think that there is such a thing as emotional cheating, where you are thinking of cheating and are talking to someone with just the desire to cheat. Even if nothing ever happens.

Sharing feelings can be seen as cheating.

So, if there is this slippery slope in monogamous relationships, then it becomes more clear how you would be able to cheat in an open relationship.

Breaking ‘rules’

If you break a rule in the relationship, that can be seen as cheating.

Many couples in open relationships have rules about what can or can’t be done with new partners. This can be specific sex acts, the amount of time spent with a new partner, use of condoms and more.

If one of these rules is broken, then whatever happened would constitute cheating on the part of that partner.

Even if the rule was “no texting other partners on Thursdays.” If you texted on a Thursday without explicitly talking to your partner about it first, then you would be cheating.

Rules can always change as relationships evolve, so it’s important that all partners are aware of expectations at all times. This can keep someone from overstepping boundaries, and causing a problem down the line.

If you feel like the rules that you and your partner have set aren’t working, it may be time to revisit them. However, this conversation should be had prior to doing something that would be breaking a rule. Even if it is a rule that you no longer agree with.

Cheating is about lying

Honesty is the foundation of relationships, especially open relationships. The more people and their feelings are involved, the more important it is to be honest and have good communication.

Years ago, one of my partners and I had a rule that we would tell the other if we hooked up with someone else as soon as possible afterward. This was to avoid confusion and make sure we were on the same page.

There was one time my partner broke this rule by not telling me that they had slept with someone else until two weeks afterward, when we were supposed to see that person again.

So to me, that was a big boundary violation. It wouldn’t have been hard for them to tell me that something had happened. Especially since it was rekindling a relationship with a former playmate, and someone I liked.

If I had known, I would have been fine about it. I just felt stupid being kept out of the loop.

There are other, worse, ways that people lie in relationships. I would say the worst I have seen is one person saying that they were in an open relationship when they actually weren’t. They were actually cheating the whole time.

How do you know?

If you are potentially going to be dating someone who says they’re in an open relationship, you may want to verify this. You could ask to meet or speak to the other partner to be sure that both people are on the same page. That way, there won’t be any trouble later on.

Other than explicitly asking, there is no real way to know what someone else’s relationship is like. Most couples in open relationships are good communicators, and would be happy to speak with you.

The only exception to this would be a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” relationship. Which to me, is a red flag in itself. This says that one person is allowed to date others outside the primary relationship, but they don’t talk about it.

So, in this case, possibly the partner would have a recording on their phone (or something similar) from their partner saying they are allowed to date. That way new potential partners would know that it was ok.

Communication between partners

If you are dating someone who is in an open relationship, ultimately it is up to them to communicate with their partner. However, if you think that they aren’t for any reason, that can be a red flag.

When people are dishonest in one relationship, it is likely that they will be dishonest in their other relationships as well, and it doesn’t bode well for you as a new partner.

If you are getting into an open relationship for the first time, this is when communication is more important than ever. You are navigating a whole new territory, and it is important to be aware of both yours and your partner’s feelings as they are evolving.

Sometimes it can be easy to get caught up in the intense energy of a new relationship, and we stop communicating as well as we should. However, this shouldn’t be an excuse to forget about your partner or their feelings.

Communication is key in every relationship, and open relationships are no different.

Even if you over-communicate, that is better than leaving things out. That way, everyone can be on the same page all the time. You don’t want your partner to be hurt or left out.

It is easy sometimes for things to bleed over into the realm of cheating if people aren’t being honest. So, it is important to set an expectation of clear and open communication at all times.

Honesty might seem boring, but it is the basis of trust, which allows relationships to function smoothly. That makes honesty actually one of the most sexy things about your relationship.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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You might also like these from The Good Men Project:

.. In Modern Relationships, We Cheat Every Single Day

Compliments Men Would Love to Hear More Often

.10 Things Good Men Should Never Do in a Relationship

It’s Not Just Sex That He is Longing For. It’s This

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