How do we support and empower women while also reaching out to and engaging men?
—
My journey with this question began when I accepted the Women’s Studies 160 teaching assistantship the summer of 2010. The program was addressing the shift in title to the ‘Women’s and Gender Studies Program’. I had witnessed men in my graduate Women’s Studies classes drop out like an epidemic, and was curious how the program would become more inclusive.
“Most of my male students were ‘reluctant learners’- the engineer who needed to pick up writing skills, or the athlete who needed one credit to stay on the team.”
|
I became aware of the class in 2006, when I sought advice and resources from the Women’s Center about my harassment case. The director told me about the one-credit workshop she had designed. This seven-session, half-semester class was social justice intervention in a male-centric university privileging athletes, scientists, and engineers, while programs like the Women’s Center struggled to remain viable. Fed up with the lip-service given to anti-discrimination practices related to my case, a co-ed interdisciplinary course that opened discussion on gender justice appealed to me.
I taught five classes over four semesters. To provide balance, I chose to co-teach with a male instructor. My female students included psychology or human development majors, some victims themselves. Most of my male students were ‘reluctant learners’- the engineer who needed to pick up writing skills, or the athlete who needed one credit to stay on the team.
Our weekly conversations included topics such as upstander/bystander behavior, gendered language, and the five faces of oppression. As a teaching artist, I added excerpts about Judy Chicago’s feminist art. As a social scientist, I added current affairs articles. As a survivor, I preached prevention, protection, prosecution.
I clearly reached many students. Some would start the course sitting in the back row, but, following the week I shared my survivor narrative, moved to the front row. Others were able to confess in their papers to being stalked, molested, or raped.
The major challenge I encountered was the male students who complained, “You don’t know a thing about men.” They felt stigmatized, particularly regarding their male privilege, even though I emphasized that this seminar was not about male-bashing. Those resisting included a body builder from St. Louis, who I could have flunked for hostility; two men from the Carolinas who listened to Rush Limbaugh; and a Kenyan runner who showed a celebration of female circumcision as his cultural artifact.
My co-instructor reassured me their anger was misdirected; resistance was their defense. So, when the WS 160 group leader secured funding to support four delegates to attend the Second World Conference on Women’s Shelters, I prioritized learning male-friendly strategies.
“The real turning point came when I supplemented the curriculum with materials offering multiple perspectives on men’s experiences.”
|
The conference provided exposure to international educators and leaders, concerned about how to engage men’s motivations, empathy, and values to reduce violence against women worldwide. Sessions included the U.S. Violence Against Women Act, the Rwanda Polyclinic of Hope Model, and the use of feminist popular education to redefine peace in Brazil. Afterwards, I shared with my class several examples of male involvement in the movement. In their own sphere of influence anti-sexist, pro-feminist initiatives could involve activities like pink ribbon campaigns or slut walks. One of my hecklers admitted that while consciousness about gay rights and transgender issues has increased, the male-female relationship continues to perplex. He might be willing to try on high heels for the cause.
The real turning point came when I supplemented the curriculum with materials offering multiple perspectives on men’s experiences. I found a research article titled Caring, Romantic American Boys. I reached back to a popular recording from my childhood titled Free to Be You and Me with vignettes about a boy playing with dolls, and a famous football player with a female name. I added Jimmy Santiago Baca’s ‘Crying Poem’ about cultural norms and men’s emotions. I included a YouTube clip about Zach Wahls, an adopted son of lesbian parents. We talked about male rape and the Penn State Case. When one of my dissenters suggested, “This class should be required for every student,” I felt like I’d hit a homerun.
I tell my students, “I have been helped as much by men as by women, I have been hurt as much by women as by men.” I believe in sharing my feminist journey as advocacy, but I’ve learned that a holistic gender justice education needs to engage men as part of the solution to ending discrimination and violence. We need spaces of empowerment for both genders. This isolated, underfunded, undervalued Gender Justice course is one such opportunity.
Like The Good Men Project on Facebook
–Photo: University of Central Arkansas/Flickr
Hello:
Since someone requested it, I am in the process of organizing a resource list to post relevant to the class I described in my essay – I welcome suggestions for resources as well – Jackson Katz is a great example.
What would alienate me is not necessarily the actual content of the course, and not the fact that it’s about women or gender. For me, it’s the “conversion” or “raising consciousness” approach that I detect going on here. There seems to be an assumption that as a male I come in with some sort of false consciousness or deep denial and that the purpose of the course is to get me to become more aware, more conscious, more in tune with reality. Even worse, the goal seems to be to get me to feel a certain way, or at least… Read more »
Not interested. At all. You’re going to have to meet men’s issues and the MRM half way before I ever help the Fems again. What are you offering us?
I saw a lot of the things you saw and I don’t want to speak for Laura Sweeney, but when I read the article I got the impression of a before and after. Before she spoke with her co-instructor, before she attended the Second World Conference on Women’s Shelters, she believed that the problem was with her male students and their hostility. Then the after, she prioritized learning male-friendly strategies, introduced new course materials, etc. We talk about how when men make mistakes or have failings, it’s important to determine whether they’ve learned and grown from the experience. Unless I’m… Read more »
Imagine I taught a Criminal Justice course or a Law course. Now imagine I started the course by looking at the number of crimes perpetrated by African Americans, and I kept coming back to those stats over and over again. I shouldn’t wonder why black students in my class would feel alienated or would feel targeted. I would likely see some “reluctance” or “hostility” on their part. They would probably drop the class on the level of an epidemic. Now imagine that based on that experience I wrote for the GMP explaining why black students have such trouble accepting reality,… Read more »
steve, an excellent point, superbly outlined
“Imagine I taught a Criminal Justice course or a Law course. Now imagine I started the course by looking at the number of crimes perpetrated by African Americans, and I kept coming back to those stats over and over again.”
Good point: Putting the understandable alienation aside (and that’s a big aside), whether it’s race, gender, class, or most anything else; nothing undercuts credibility and clouds (not clarifies) understanding like the improper conflation of ‘correlation’ with ‘causation’.
Here’s where there’s an all-too-easy false dichotomy at work: “in a male-centric university privileging athletes, scientists, and engineers, while programs like the Women’s Center struggled to remain viable.” This seems to suggest that on the one side are women’s issues, represented by the Women’s Center and its budgetary problems, while on the other side are things that get more funding, such as athletes, scientists, and engineers. Presumably the article is suggesting those are “male-centric” activities. I’m not sure where my alma mater’s large numbers of female athletes, female scientists, and female engineers would fall into that analysis. They might say… Read more »
I have had feminists profs and while they were technicaly proficient,their politics got in the way.My Asian Amer history prof reluctantly admitted that some of biggest purveyors of prostitution have been women/madams.I wanted to unpack some of the feminists’ theories on prostitution that blame men exclusively for the practice.She would have nothing to do with it.For me,therein is one of the biggest problems with feminists,it’s inability to honestly critique itself.This, then, leads to hypocrisy and finally a lack of credibility.As you stated, feminism hasn’t solved its own problems managing inclusivity.So,I ask you,why listen to a group that stands in judgement… Read more »
This is exactly the sort of work we’re interested in at Project Blackbird! I’d love to see some of your course material, if you’d be willing to share it? Our focus is primarily on improving integration in STEM fields (particularly tech) and nerd culture, where women and minorities are frequently excluded to the detriment of everybody.
Hi All: Thanks for these comments, great to see reaction – just a few clarifications: 1) The class I am describing is a one-credit seven-session introductory women’s studies course – it is discussion based, which means that I as the instructor focus on facilitating rather than lecturing..on day one we establish ‘rules of engagement’ that are intended to foster a safe space for discussion for both men and women – it is emphasized from the beginning that it is up to an individual’s discretion how vocal they wish to be, but ultimately they will get out of the class what… Read more »
In her book Men On Strike, Helen Smith points out that more and more men are dropping out of college, marriage and relationships because they are repeatedly told THEY are the problem. When you can lose half of what you own and even your children, what sane man would do it? Russian Roulette would give you better odds. For the last 40 years the message intended or not is that we are all potential rapists, abusers and pedophiles who must be constantly monitored and corrected. Men Going Their Own Way, or MGTOW is one reaction to this. Why be part… Read more »
“and the use of feminist popular education to redefine peace in Brazil.”
This simply don’t work. Brazil have 54k murders a year. 51k men and 5k women dies every year. This sounds like “feminist peace”?
The brazilian feminists fights to reduce the woman killings to zero. Men killings? They kill themselves, this is their problem and they don’t deserve to be helped. But woman needs men’s help to end violence against them.
I just noticed something about the way you identified your dissenters. The major challenge I encountered was the male students who complained, “You don’t know a thing about men.” They felt stigmatized, particularly regarding their male privilege, even though I emphasized that this seminar was not about male-bashing. Those resisting included a body builder from St. Louis, who I could have flunked for hostility; two men from the Carolinas who listened to Rush Limbaugh; and a Kenyan runner who showed a celebration of female circumcision as his cultural artifact. I know that even as their instructor you have limited access… Read more »
Oof, nice catch Danny. Embarrassed I didn’t notice that myself.
Yes, I’m not sure what the university grading guidelines say about failing someone for “hostility,” but I wish I had that luxury at my school. Flunking someone for hostility could come dangerously close to an actual abuse of power. In any event, I’m not sure what his being a body builder had to do with anything. Imagine if I identified and came to a pedagogical conclusion about one of my female students based on her physical appearance — big no-no. It would have been a great learning experience all around if the Kenyan man’s contribution could have lead to a… Read more »
In any event, I’m not sure what his being a body builder had to do with anything. Imagine if I identified and came to a pedagogical conclusion about one of my female students based on her physical appearance — big no-no. That’s pretty much what I was getting at. I bet if those two men from the Carolinas who listened to Rush Limbaugh made a similar judgment about the women in the course the response would be none to kind. It would have been a great learning experience all around if the Kenyan man’s contribution could have lead to a… Read more »
And, really, a body builder might have some very keen insights about issues of body image, eating disorders, media images of the body, the real biological differences between men and women vs. the socially constructed ones, etc. It would be a shame for class discussion to alienate him from sharing some important individual perspective. Come to think of it, you’d want a guy from the wrestling team in your Women’s Studies class when you talk about eating disorders — firsthand experience.
I always felt the weakness and I suppose irony in engaging men in the gender discourse is that it starts with the assumption men believe they have inherent worth. No one will respect the space of another if they don’t believe that their space is worth respecting. If you tell men they need to respect women because X, Y, Z and tell them they aren’t deserving of the same respect because of A, B, C, you’ll lose credibility. When you spoke about male rape, you told them their bodies were worthy of respect. It’s not that difficult then to realize… Read more »
I agree there is very definitely a one way feel of things with gender issues. I have had my mind changed about feminists after meeting inclusive feminists on this site but I still come across issues in my everyday life which makes me want to go F You to it all. I am being specific here rather then general – these are things that have happened to me I came from an abusive marriage yet the only supportive people I have come across are the editors at GMP, not even my family and most women think I am just full… Read more »
I hear ya. Having experienced stalking, and moving & changing phone # to deal with it, I came to realize that people think it’s okay to blame men in situations like this, and you should keep it to yourself because a lot of people won’t believe you.
As an aside, I ran into a guy from OZ today, and he thinks northern New England is damn cold 😉 And he’s right.
“My co-instructor reassured me their anger was misdirected; resistance was their defense.” You might be dismissing their anger instead of listening and they can probably sense that. “Sessions included the U.S. Violence Against Women Act” Did you do any discussions on the duluth model aspect and how it has harmed innocent men via primary aggressor arresting policies? “The conference provided exposure to international educators and leaders, concerned about how to engage men’s motivations, empathy, and values to reduce violence against women worldwide.” (After this it’s not aimed at anyone in particular but when I say you, I mean a general… Read more »
Many men feel attacked for a damn good reason, the question you have to ask yourself is “Am I/Are we making this a safe and inclusive space for men too when we expect their help?”. I’ve seen a lot of feminists take on this question and most of the time the answer is something to the effect of, “Why do we have to be inclusive of men? Why do we have to make them feel welcome and safe? Its not our job to appeal to their feelings!!!! They should be working to make us feel welcome and safe! They shouldn’t… Read more »
“You might be dismissing their anger instead of listening and they can probably sense that.”
I was thinking the exact same thing. Orthodoxy discourages active listening.
I can appreciate this particular case occurred in a women studies class, but overall I still feel like men’s experiences etc are only engaged when the ultimate endgoal is reducing the incidence of problems affecting women. They rarely if ever seem to be treated as valid issues in and of themselves.
You see plenty of talk about “enlisting” men to help solve problems affecting women, but not so much the inverse. Things like International Men’s Day etc are met with hostility and mockery more than anything.
The reason that men’s experiences have been mostly discussed in the context of problems affecting women is that there are not enough male voices in Gender Studies and not enough men willing to bring these things up. That itself is a starting point in terms of discussing men’s experiences, that part of the problem is that male culture devalues sharing feelings and dissecting personal issues. This makes it more difficult for men to get going on troubleshoot their own gendered diadvantages or how to solve them. We women at least have had the advantage of it being “ok” to share… Read more »
@ Ericka I’m not attacking you, but I do want to clear something up. Men are raped in comparative numbers to women and women perpetrate the vast majority of the rapes of men. Men are still the majority of rapists, but I’m unsure it qualifies as the “vast majority”. I agree. Men need to speak up, but when they do, it would help if they were heard. “4 in 10 high school boys, young men report coerced sex” http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2014/03/25/4-in-10-high-school-boys-young-men-report-coerced-sex/3421395770501/?spt=sh http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf Page 24 “For three of the other forms of sexual violence, a majority of male victims reported only female perpetrators:… Read more »
I think you’ll find Ericka that a lot of men are willing to talk about their issues, but very often when they do (e.g. the MRM, International Men’s Day etc) because they’re not up to feminist code they aren’t welcomed. And it is not “male culture” that encourages male stoicism – like all gender roles, both genders are guilty of reinforcing and policing them. As for rape – women are more often the perps than the standard rhetoric suggests. Have a look at some of the articles by 1in6.org here, or at some of the sources John has mentioned. My… Read more »
The reason that men’s experiences have been mostly discussed in the context of problems affecting women is that there are not enough male voices in Gender Studies and not enough men willing to bring these things up. And why is that? Is it because men simply refuse to attempt to join in? Is it because they tried to join in and had less than pleasurable experiences? etc….? That itself is a starting point in terms of discussing men’s experiences, that part of the problem is that male culture devalues sharing feelings and dissecting personal issues. That only covers but so… Read more »