“Ladies first”, “After you Ma’am” .. these are some of the pet favorite phrases of the chivalrous man. While the modern man may scoff at having to display these chivalrous traits, we take a look if chivalry in love is relevant in modern times. We also explore how chivalry comes into play in the 21st century.
Chivalry of the Knights
In the middle ages, the knights were prescribed an informal code of conduct. This code of conduct included displaying graciousness and gentleness to women, & being fair and considerate with people in general. It entailed demonstrating heroic courage whenever the situation demanded. Chivalry as this code of conduct is better known today was not a concept for the masses, rather it was something which the knights took it upon themselves as a guide for different situations in life. The wives of those knights would remain confined to the four walls of their castles, taking care of themselves, completing household chores & waiting for their husbands to return. Those were very different times.
A Woman is her Own Knight in the 21st Century
In modern times, women more often than men complain that chivalry is dead. The role of a woman has evolved from being an obedient housewife to an equal member of the society. She has similar rights, benefits, duties and responsibilities as the opposite gender. Hence in this new changing environment, the concept of chivalry started losing its importance. At an individual level, women today are more outgoing, confident, bold and free-spirited than ever. Women today want to travel and explore new places, meet their friends as well as strangers on first dates. They support the household chores but career is her topmost priority as well. At the workplace, both men and women hustle for the same assignments, titles and privileges. In short, a woman is no longer a damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and protect her. A woman today is her own knight.
Growth of Feminism
The concept of feminism challenges the stereotype that women need to be supported or protected. However, with onset of women’s movement which focuses on individuality of women, this stereotype is no longer applicable. Some women therefore, take offence when men offer them help of any kind — relinquishing a seat in the bus, or offering to lift their bags, etc. So in such a scenario, it may not be fair to expect men to be chivalrous and treat women any different than they treat their male counterparts. We have come to a point where men have been caught in a catch 22 situation in their personal & professional lives. They often wonder, should I hold the door or should I pay the bill? Should I let her pay?
Co-existence of Feminism & Chivalry in Modern Times
Emma Watson, in an interview, once said, “I love having the door open for me, I love being taken to dinner. But I think the key is, would you mind if I open the door for you?” It can be safely deduced then that she is a proponent of the school of thought that believes chivalry and feminism can co-exist. Both the genders are equally capable and yet, it is not an excuse to treat each other with less consideration, care and respect. Both genders need to practice courtesy towards each other. It is okay to hold the door open for the lady — or the guy — besides you.
It is never a bad idea to compliment someone for their new dress or a crisp white shirt. Indeed it is a kind gesture to offer your seat to someone in need — irrespective of their gender. In a relationship, it is totally okay for the guy to pay the bill for their meal, or for the girl to pay for their movie outing, or for them to split the bills equally. The word is not chivalry; it is mutual-respect. Chivalry in love is great, but it is mutual respect by both genders that is actually the trick.
Chivalry in love in modern times
A strong relationship is not led by a man — or a woman — but by both of them. Each member in a relationship deserves to be loved, respected, pampered and showered with affection from the other one. For a relationship to flourish, one must be willing to go out of their way to make the other person feel special. And we need to do this now, more than ever. For in today’s modern lives, it’s not money or any safety or any act of chivalry that one party derives from the other in a relationship. It is love that keeps them together.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: 6557056 from Pixabay