Set aside your preconceptions of golf – no matter what they are – for three minutes. And when I say three, I mean three, because I’m fastidious about numbers.
Designed for sociability at a distance, exercise, exposure to the outdoors, and engagement beyond dread and fear of Covid19, golf rescued 2020 for me. I paid a single fee — $1,200 – for unlimited rounds, walking and toting my 30-40 pound bag at a facility with two courses, one track is 6.5 miles, the other 8.2 miles of rolling hills.
Number of rounds played: 84
Rounds played alone: 4
Time outdoors: 420 hours
Distance walked: 622 miles
Number of full swings: 3,696 (core and flexibility)
Balls lost: 170 (cost: $0.00, see *Note)
Fist, Elbow, Toe or Putter-to-Putter bumps: 672
Profane Utterances: 504
Clubs thrown: 0
Bags kicked: 0
Average score: Unknown
Nutrition:
Granola bars: 19
Turkey Reuben sandwiches: 34
Cheeseburgers: 42
Beers: 143
Tequila shots: 54
Bananas: 2
Ibuprofen: on-course: 712, off-course 6,042 (or so it seemed)
Post-round Epsom Salt Baths: 14, with Martini, straight up, olive n twist: 14
Total weight loss: 15 pounds – diet outlined above
*Note: Prior to the course opening, during the 2-month shutdown period, I walked the courses 2-3 times per week with my most frequent playing partner, during which we picked up, searched, and eventually harvested errant balls. This game-within-a-game appealed to our scavenger nature and gave our walks a sense of quest. Since we are accustomed to hitting wild shots, we knew where to look.
Distance walked: 122 miles
Briar patches encountered: 27
Minor injuries: 51
Profane utterances: 43
Bandaids used: 12
Blood loss: < .25 ounces
Final take: 322 playable balls (@ 50 cents per, $161 savings)
2020 Net yield: 152
The psychic yield, however, is inestimable, because it is difficult to say how I would have handled the pandemic without these activities. Nonetheless, here’s my best guess.
Increase in alcohol consumption: 27% ($210)
Increase in cannabinoid consumption: 135% ($710)
Psychotherapy sessions: 28 ($5,600)
Retail therapy: 1 used sports car ($15,000)
Legal fees for petty crimes (reckless driving, vandalism, public urination, indecent exposure, etc.): ($10,000)
In the end, the pandemic has been a frightening inconvenience, but it could have been far, far, worse.
Financial liability: ($31,520)
Actual expenses (membership fee, additional painkillers): $1,523
Golf Attributed Net Savings: ($29,997)
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This post is republished on Medium.
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